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Lord Xaos 2469

Joined July 2011
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    Lord Xaos's Stories (2)

    • The Dark Side
      "Cupcakes" Rebuttal. Dark versions of Pinkie and Dash try to tear the Real ones' friendship apart.

      124,591 words · 6,566 views · 171 likes · 15 dislikes
    • EquestriaBound Zero
      In the early 1900s, in the United States of Amareica, Scootaloo's great grandparents were abuducted by aliens, but her great grandfather returned, alone. 80 years later, evil threatens to destroy the world. Can Scootaloo and Co.'s PSI sav
      13,584 words · 43 views · 3 likes · 1 dislikes
    249
    6,566


    Based on Sgt. Sprinkles' story "Cupcakes", Pinkie Pie has a dream that really disturbed her. She immediately checks up on her friend Rainbow Dash upon waking up. Despite Rainbow still being in one piece something is still terribly wrong...

    Random tag added due to popular request.  This is a serious story, but the journey through its chapters has proven....jarring for some readers.

    First Published
    31st Aug 2011
    Last Modified
    26th May 2012

    Comments ( 249 )

    #1 · Chapter 1 · 94w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I read through the chapters on fanfiction.net.

    This better have a happy ending, you ass. :twilightangry2:

    #2 · Chapter 1 · 94w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Why am I half-expecting Giygas or something to show up right the fuck out of nowhere?

    I dunno, I don't think anything will be too shocking for this fic...hell of a cliff hanger to leave off on, though.

    #3 · Chapter 1 · 94w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>769

    hmm....should I spoil the ending or shouldn't I?

    bah. I can't spoil shit, it goes against everything an author is supposed to stand for.  I totally shouldn't so much as spoil even the heavily foreshadowed revelation that's going to be in chapter 7-

    :applecry:

    NO!  Don't give me those eyes, Applebloom!  I have to be resolute and-

    :unsuresweetie:

    Oh, now you're ganging up on me, are you?  Well it won't work!  Everything is kept under wraps and besides its hard to imagine a terribly happy ending if Light Pinkie Pie is really dead, although for the immediate future nothing would await her but more pai-

    :fluttercry:

    *small voice* ....Pinkie's coming back to life.

    :fluttershysad:

    Yes, really.

    :pinkiehappy:

    Sigh.....you are not invincible.  Its complicated.  Just don't make a habit of this.

    :pinkiesad2:

    Yes, yes....By the way, Pinkie?

    :pinkiesmile:  "Yes?"

    Run.

    :pinkiegasp:

    #4 · Chapter 1 · 94w, 4d ago · · ·
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    :pinkiecrazy:

    Poor Pinkie Pie. Blasted internet. :flutterrage:

    #5 · Chapter 2 · 94w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>778  Giygas?  I-I don't know what you're talking about.

    *Shifts eyes*

    (Actually, the answer is: Whatever is deemed suitably awesome enough to shoe horn in without breaking the narrative's internal logic.

    Which is to say: "Who the hell knows?")

    #6 · Chapter 7 · 93w, 6d ago · · ·
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    So "Rocket to Insanity" is in here as well? Hmm...this may have reached rigamarole status.

    Anyways, pretty good. I think some of the comedy meshed better than others (the bit with the mask not so much (particularly the end line of the scene), the "Assailant" Rainbow's wanting to curl up a la Sonic Rainboom did) and I do wonder a bit where "Rocket" Rainbow came from since the obvious doesn't quite sound right.

    This story is looking towards having an almost insane number of moving parts what with all the doppelgangers and what not. Nice job so far with 'em though.

    #7 · Chapter 7 · 93w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>1046 The "obvious" place for "the assailant" to come from, namely being Dash's "Dark Side", has problems when you take the character as she is from "Rocket to Insanity".

    In a word, she's simply not that evil.  In fact, her event with Pinkie could've solved all her problems...if Pinkie had played her cards differently.  As much as I love that mare, in that story she really won a Darwin award by approaching a screaming, trembling knife-wielding maniac, when said maniac was actually trying to protect Pinkie as well as herself.

    Of course...the "Darkest Grove" isn't always a straight up "Nega-Scott" factory.

    The "assailant" was originally kind of a strange amalgam of Rocket to Insanity and...well, you'll probably be able to guess the anime.

    But. In recent days, I've decided to give "Dark Dash's" character an overhaul.  Something's going to start to happen to her.  And it will be creepy.

    #8 · Chapter 8 · 92w, 5d ago · · ·
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    ... ffffuuuu- cliffhangers.

    #9 · Chapter 8 · 92w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1493 Indeed.

    #10 · Chapter 9 · 91w, 23h ago · · ·
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    I choose to be amused by this in lieu of simply being confused.

    #11 · Chapter 9 · 91w, 20h ago · · ·
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    >>2200  Between here and the reviews at Fanfiction.net, a lot of people are reporting confusion with this story, I've noticed.  And yet, they've been anything but specific.  Except for, well, you, wonder what was Dark Dash's deal.

    While I'm not spilling everything about the plot right all in one tension-dispelling info-dump, I do worry if I've overlooked something in my approach.

    #12 · Chapter 9 · 91w, 19h ago · · ·
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    >>2208 The fear of looking stupid via the acute admission of one's ignorance. Makes the internet go around.

    I think a lot will likely be reading for the individual scenes moreso than an overarching plot. Hence, I'll enjoy the bits of interaction between Rocket Dash and Normy Pie, but skip on through the shadow council bits (I may have honestly tuned out once I saw Cthulhu in bold down the page). Quite frankly I'm not sure if Pinkie and Dash are in the same place or not...how many multiples are running around? I dunno. Feels like it could be more than the initial 2 at least. I've kinda decided to kick up my readerly feet and just enjoy the ride.

    #13 · Chapter 9 · 91w, 15h ago · · ·
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    The fact you sucessfully used "Taste the rainbow motherfucker" in one of the previous chapters without making it sound forced dispelled any doubt that you were some kinda troll who was only using this story as a way to keep unsuspecting readers off guard.  As such, I really appreciate you writing this!

    Personally I only got through about several paragraphs of the original cupcakes before I lost my nerves and exited the story, but even that brief glance at that madness of a fanfic (combined with a couple of short yet informative comments on the story) gave me enough of a picture to cause my stomach to churn a little bit.  Sure, it came back up with a few more *ahem* enlightening portions of your story, but I'm really glad I stuck through with it!

    Giving this sociopathic hedonist Pinkie Pie a sort of reverse Freddy Kruger aspect to her makes it a lot easier to put those feelings behind me.

    I guess you could say it's a bit easier to "giggle at the ghosty" whenever you know the only thing you need to get rid of them is the metaphorical light of day.  Besides, thinking about her as Freddy Kruger is actually something I could laugh at!

    I'll get an account soon just so I can review this stories later chapters properly!

    #14 · Chapter 9 · 91w, 10h ago · · ·
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    >>2223  

    The fact you sucessfully used "Taste the rainbow motherfucker" in one of the previous chapters without making it sound forced dispelled any doubt that you were some kinda troll who was only using this story as a way to keep unsuspecting readers off guard.  As such, I really appreciate you writing this!

    Thanks?  I guess?

    In other news....do yourself a favor.  Don't read "Derpy's Eye."  I HAVE read Cupcakes, and I thought I had seen everything now.

    But...well, eye violence really is a repulsive league of its own.

    Its enough to make you wonder if you should ever submit any more Dark Pinkie material until you're thoroughly disgusted with it, just to be sure its not getting "Stale."

    ...however, I'm not sure I'll quite be able to keep pushing the boundaries back further and further.

    >>2212

    The fear of looking stupid via the acute admission of one's ignorance. Makes the internet go around.

    And Violet droplet calls me a troll.

    Look, I've mostly plotted out the sequence of events ahead of time, with a few revisions that have occurred here and there.

    Oh, and the thing about Cthulhu?  ...all the names in bold are seriously the same character.  Namely the Shadow King.  

    Its like...all of them at once.  You know that comment were I was hesitant to deny Giygas appearing in the story?  THIS IS WHY.  You hit the nail on the head!  If the right name was pulled of the hat, you comment would've been: "Ah!  OMG!  Giygas!  I totally called it!"

    Additionally, everything about this scene was originally planned at the end of the story but...and you're going to love this....I moved its appearance up to this chapter....In the hopes of shedding a little more light on a little more of the plot.

    :facehoof:

    The long and short of it: technically there's only one copy.  Buuut...the forces of the Grove *might* be playing around with the continuity of the Dark side's "back story" to suit that needs.  Meaning the REAL answer is "There are as many Darkie Pies and Dark Dashes and Dark whoevers as are needed to drive the rea- er, I mean the protagonists into the very depths of madness and despair." :pinkiecrazy:

    The Shadow King in of itself is an incredible metaphyscial creature that may not actually need to exist for the story (or even its high-action potential sequel that I don't actually have any plans to write) to work.  And I might retcon It entirely.

    At first I thought up the character and was like :ajsmug:

    But now I'm feeling a little more :applejackunsure:

    I'm also thinking about finding some beta readers and possibly reworking entire sections of the story so far.  Such as possibly going more in depth with the "Crash Course" Zecora gave Rainbow Dash.

    Hell, Past Sins already major rewrites for its problems, namely with how Celestia wasn't giving Nyx a fair chance.

    http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/07/story-past-sins.html

    #15 · Chapter 9 · 91w, 5h ago · · ·
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    >>2238 When I (somewhat facetiously) referred to the "fear of looking stupid, etc.," I was actually referring to myself and the other readers for their admission of confusion, but refusing to divulge the details of said confusion.

    Oh well, I am the one who just admitted to being a lazy reader looking more for my own enjoyment rather than understanding. (and, wow, am I abusing the comment system now or what?) I should probably reread the last chapter anyways. Reading in the wee hours of the money is not exactly conducive to deep reading.

    #16 · Chapter 9 · 91w, 4h ago · · ·
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    >>2247 *morning...not money...jeebus

    #17 · Chapter 10 · 90w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>2223   "Dispelled all doubt" ..."Dispelled all doubted" ...Dispelled...

    Oh.  Ohhhh!  We have a language thing here.  (or possibly a writing error without EDIT buttons.)

    Anyway, after reading your message, I think what you were trying to say was that it "dispelled all FEARS" of being a troll.  Or something.

    I deeply appreciate you sharing your thoughts on the story.  It feeds the author in me.

    #18 · Chapter 10 · 90w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >Ch. 10

    >S'Mores

    >OH SWEET CELESTIA, NO!  NOOOOO!!!!:raritydespair:

    #19 · Chapter 10 · 90w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>2508 Yeah...I always thought it was funny why poor Pinkie Pie gets picked on for on little fanfic, when in the ACTUAL SHOW, Applejack and the others committed an actual act of pony cannibalism.

    #20 · Chapter 10 · 90w, 3h ago · · ·
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    Okay... I feel a quote from PurpleEyesWTF is in order here:

    "What the fuck just happened?"

    So, ignoring the recent joke chapter, there are two Dark-Pinkies, one Dark-Dash (The Assailant), a Light-Pinkie, and a Light-Dash? Or have I just completely lost it? I'm not sure if Dark-Dash knows what's going on or not, what happened to Sweetie Bell, or what is going on with that mask! Blarg!!!!!!!!!

    That said, despite all the confusion, I find myself liking your story. You've got a good writing style, and manage to make the situation creepy without getting too terrifying, or ridiculously gory. I guess I'll probably re-read some stuff, and try to figure out what's going on.

    #21 · Chapter 10 · 90w, 3h ago · · ·
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    >>2508 Wait, when did this happen?

    #22 · Chapter 10 · 90w, 39m ago · · ·
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    >>2794 Oh, the cannibalism from the show?

    ...first of all, I'm not sure if you are quoting me or Brony Tom, since the new format TAKES AWAY THE COMMENT NUMBERS.

    But I'm referring to the SLEEPOVER.  The Marshmallows, man!  The Marshmallows!

    Gelatin is made from grinding the bones of large farm mammals, predominantly Equines.

    As for your other comment...

    The Mask is...okay, there might be a mystery behind why Zecora has it, but its hopping is related to the Darkest Grove, and when a creature is has started their nightmares there.  I figured that was spelled out in Chapter 4.

    However, ever since Rainbow entered the Grove, it now probably is TWICE as high-strung.

    I already made a comment about how many copies there are.

    >>2238

    The long and short of it: technically there's only one copy.  Buuut...the forces of the Grove *might* be playing around with the continuity of the Dark side's "back story" to suit that needs.  Meaning the REAL answer is "There are as many Darkie Pies and Dark Dashes and Dark whoevers as are needed to drive the reade- er, I mean the protagonists into the very depths of madness and despair." :pinkiecrazy:

    #23 · Chapter 11 · 89w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>2806 Gah. You're right, that is creepy. The marshmallows in the show, I mean.

    Yeah, I went back and re-read a couple of the more confusing chapters, and I think I'm up to speed on what's going on now. Thanks.

    #24 · Chapter 11 · 89w, 6d ago · · ·
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    :moustache:

    what ho good sir

    #25 · Chapter 4 · 89w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Is the ending from Portal 2? (Chapter 4)

    When Wheatley tries to kill you.

    It sounds just like it :3

    #26 · Chapter 11 · 89w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Well, it looks like things aren't going well with Dashie.  :pinkiesad2:

    Once again a wonderful chapter!  I'm really enjoying the direction things are turning, especially with the real Pinkies introspective reality check.  I'm not sure if it's some kind of mind game that's being played by the glade or the fact that she's had too much stimuli but I hope she realizes what's going on soon.  Then again, for all intents and purposes she believes she's in an alternate world.

    Looking forward to your next chapter! :rainbowdetermined2:

    #27 · Chapter 11 · 89w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>2894 You know...its funny...

    If Rainbow seems a little...passive aggressive...wavering between courage and fear...its because I planned to write a scene where she really was supposed to just shut up and run.

    But...the character just won't cooperate!  Its like I'm some kind of railroading GM in a Dungeons and Dragons game, and Rainbow Dash is the character of some kind of insane Munchkin player who McGuivers out of every situation:

    Or worse...that my writing scenes actually resemble a Pokemon battle.

    A wild RAINBOW DASH appeared!

    Rainbow Dash through with running!

    Dark Pinkie!  I choose you!

    :pinkiesmile: "Oh come on...can't you just throw a Master Ball and call it a day?  Like you always do"

    LX:  "THE FIRST RULE OF MISSINGNO...IS YOU DO. NOT. TALK. ABOUT. MISSINGNO.  ...WHY AM I TALKING LIKE KARKAT?"

    :pinkiesmile: "Fine...."

    LX: "PINKIE, USE DRAGON ROAR!"

    :pinkiehappy: "RRRAAAAARR!"

    :rainbowdetermined2: "NO!"

    LX: "UMMM.....NO?"

    :rainbowdetermined2: "No."

    LX: "....ITS NOT VERY EFFECTIVE.  WELP, THE PLOT IS JUST SCR-"

    :pinkiecrazy: *EPIC DRAGON ROAR*

    LX: "SWEET JEZZUZ!"

    :rainbowderp:

    :pinkiesmile: *wink*

    :rainbowderp: *faint*

    :pinkiehappy:

    LX: .....these ponies are scary, man.  They R SRS BZNS

    #28 · Chapter 11 · 89w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Sorry, bro, still can't seem to get myself to read this story all that closely/seriously (and really, with joking parentheticals and metacommentary in this prose, what am I to do?), but hell, I'm here for a fun ride and, thus far, you've been delivering.

    Rainbow's (spoken) sign off line for the chapter was intriguing, Pinkie's minor freak-out was fun...so...yeah...

    It's a fun ride.

    #29 · Chapter 11 · 89w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>2907  Eh... not ALL the answers have been revealed yet.  So...if nothing else, things will come together near the end.

    There's just a lot of build up in this story, is all.  If you've ever watched Digimon Tamers, think how long it took us to finally find out what Culumon/Calumon's story was.

    I mean, we knew he had something to do with Evolution, stuff was happening involving him, but....it wasn't until very late in the season that we got actual answers.

    #30 · Chapter 11 · 89w, 5d ago · · ·
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    THIS IS INCREDIBLY SILLY. All the comments, I mean, the story not so much.

    #31 · Chapter 10 · 89w, 4d ago · · ·
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    While on another forum, somebody else cleared up that marshmallows WERE ORIGINALLY MADE FROM PLANTS

    And you know...its more likely that the ponies would take the old school AND vegetarian way out to make Marshmallows for Smores.

    Oh no....clearly my JOKE chapter needs a rewrite.

    For those who've already read chapter 9, just scroll to the very bottom, right after the "Smores" section.

    #32 · Chapter 12 · 88w, 5d ago · · ·
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    ... If you excuse me, I'm going to go and cry in a corner somewhere. :fluttercry:

    Really though, that was a rather intense chapter.  If the story up until this point hadn't prepared me for it all with a little bit of (incoming cliche) sugar, spice, and everything nice that was in the hope you imbued into the story in the previous chapters I really don't doubt I'd be at least a little bit traumatized.  Of course, if there wasn't some attempts at traumatizing this story wouldn't really do its job.  You can't make a vaccine without a bit of the virus in it.

    Still, where is Pinkie Pie when you need here?  I don't know why, but I just get the feeling that after Dash and Pinkie actually reunite there will be a point that the tables will be completely turned on the shadow realm characters.  If I'm wrong though, it's still good!  A little bit of tension never hurt an experience!  :pinkiehappy:

    On a final note, I've been looking over all the different names we've given Dark Pinkie but they don't really seem to strike that much fear or awe my way.  In the end though, my own idea for her name is a little bit silly as well.

    I was thinking... Darth Diane! :twilightsheepish:

    #33 · Chapter 12 · 88w, 5d ago · · ·
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    So... Dark Pinkie is now simultaneously channeling GLaDOS and Gamzee Makara?

    Right, we're all going to die now. Thank you Xaos, you've doomed us all.

    #34 · Chapter 2 · 88w, 5d ago · · ·
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    bad things! u make happy now... :flutterrage:

    #35 · Chapter 12 · 88w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>3430  Maybe we could just shorten it.  How does "Dark Pink" sound?

    Sweeny Pie is a popular name for her...but I'm not sure that reference wouldn't cause some damage to immersion.

    Shadowena (or Shadomena) are better than "Shaddie Pie," but leave something to be desired.  Originally I was working with a nice, functional, to the point "Shadow Pie".  But even then, it does seem like the Character from Cupcakes needs a special distinction, not least of which because I'm playing with the idea that Pinkie's shadow might be...complicated beyond just this one personality.

    But anyway, I have to say that I wasn't kidding about this chapter being hard to write.  In fact, I think I might have messed up my intended plotline.  Its nothing major, in fact its completely miniscule.  You'll look back on this comment weeks later and it will be bugging you forever trying to figure out "what was it he changed!  What was it?  Its eating my mind from the inside out! :twilightoops:"

    :pinkiesmile:  Oooh! Changing the chapter, are you?  Then, can I have your attention?

    ...Which Pinkie are you?

    :pinkiecrazy:

    ah. Fuck no, then.

    :pinkiegasp:  Oh come on!  I'm just here to tell about one little thing in the movie you forgot to add!

    ...I wouldn't say I forgot...I just took a jug full of horrible, opened it, and flipped it upside down.  Some of the fluid went into the chapter, some of it missed its mark and I had to spend hours scrubbing it out of the floor....

    :pinkiehappy:  add it.

    no.

    :pinkiehappy: aaaaaadd it.

    NO!

    :pinkiecrazy: Add it. Add it. Add it. Add it!

    Okay, okay!  ...just put the hacksaw down...please?

    :pinkiesmile: I'm happy.

    #36 · Chapter 12 · 88w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>3441 um....I could release a short Omake chapter later this week?  Possibly?

    #37 · Chapter 12 · 88w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Uh... was there a Sweet Apple Massacre (something like that) reference in there? I heard that Big Mac was going to have the CMC stay at Sweet Apple Acres and that set off my reference meter. :trixieshiftright:

    #38 · Chapter 12 · 88w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Oh!  Oooh!  Back when Rarity was talking about Sweetie Bell in Chapter 3!

    I don't know what to say but...I imagine, now that you've brought it up, that Sweetie Bell ends up having a CMC sleepover (with Apple Bloom at least) under Big Mac and Granny's smith's watch everytime Rarity goes off with the rest of the Mane six on some adventure that she doesn't expect to return home from.

    I mean, where ARE there Parents?  It would make sense if Sweetie was Rarity's daughter, but nope, Sister.

    Speaking of Rarity being Sweetie's Mother...anypony know what CR is talking about with this Cellar Business?  Is it a fanfic or...:

    http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/teamt/cr/lp/31725-lets-play-my-little-pony-story-of-the-blanks

    #39 · Chapter 12 · 88w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I think I'm going to throw up... I guess the whole rule against nothing too gory isn't enforced. Unless there is something more gory than this... oh Celestia, I'm convulsing!

    #40 · Chapter 4 · 88w, 5d ago · · ·
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    its a refrence>>2884

    #41 · Chapter 12 · 88w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>3496 sigh...well, thats why I gave that warning in chapter 1.  It might help people who have read Cupcakes, but I can't be sure what is going to happen with people who haven't, because of the references to, and elements of, Cupcakes.

    Its based off of Cupcakes....made as a foil to Cupcakes....has the villain from Cupcakes....who, BTW is an evil, gory, witch.

    Also, I figured that since Chapter 6 was at least mostly psychological torture for Pinkie Pie....and its sequence was cut short by the real Pinkie's mercifully timed "death"...That I'd give some warning about how bad the chapter was going to be with that intro sequence there....

    But then Dark Pinkie rigged the back button to explode, making escape impossible.

    Unless of course, that was some kind of complete bluff that nopony was supposed to believe because its impossible...

    :pinkiesmile: *wink*

    Oooooooooh...

    #42 · Chapter 11 · 88w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Seriously?

    A Plinkett reference? :ajbemused:

    #43 · Chapter 13 · 88w, 4d ago · · ·
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    :pinkiesad2:

    glad you made her pay for what she's done

    i just hope :unsuresweetie: is OK

    #44 · Chapter 4 · 88w, 4d ago · · ·
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    PINKIE! You need to place a portal under the conversion gell and another one on the wall. Then place one under you and drop away before she KNIFES YOU!

    #45 · Chapter 12 · 88w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Y'know there's definitely something to be said for tone. Played straight, I probably would find myself in the retching position, but played for laughs and this is actually fairly readable.

    Or I'm a heartless bastard or something. (or now that the substructure has been revealed a lot of the torture aspect loses its shock value)

    Tis getting a bit more straight forward. Not a bad thing.

    #46 · Chapter 13 · 88w, 3d ago · · ·
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    PLEASE MAKE MORE!

    Also, will you end up shipping Dash and Pinkie? Cause I was getting a good PinkieDash vibe off this story. :D

    #47 · Chapter 13 · 88w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>3578  Plinkett Pie?

    OMG! We found the nickname!

    "My first cat won big in Vegas...but then she died mysteriously.  What's this?  Oh, its one of those magic eye things.  Hey, whaddya know, a message...from Dashie!

    "I will not rest until you are convicted and executed for my murder."

    Huh.  That's disquieting.  But anyway, let me get that popcorn tub down.  Hey, what's in here, anyway?  *finds Gilda's skull*  Oh.

    GET OUT OF MY POPCORN TUB! WHO'S BEEN FUCKING WITH MY MEDICINE?

    The best part of waking uuuuup is aaaacid in your cuuuuuuupp..."

    #48 · Chapter 5 · 88w, 2d ago · · ·
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    :pinkiesick::heart:

    #49 · Chapter 13 · 88w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Can't wait to see how it all turns out. Don't keep us readers waiting too long.

    We might decide to go :pinkiecrazy: on you. Or maybe we'll go :pinkiesick::twilightangry2::rainbowkiss::trollestia::flutterrage::moustache: on you. Not that I have any idea what :pinkiesick::twilightangry2::rainbowkiss::trollestia::flutterrage::moustache: means, but I don't think I want to know. Do you?

    #50 · Chapter 13 · 88w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>3921 Well, I suppose that makes sense then. I still think you're crazy though. No offense intended, I'm insane too.

    #51 · Chapter 13 · 88w, 1d ago · · ·
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    I loved the omake, as well as the deleted scene!

    #52 · Chapter 13 · 88w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>3980  Thanks...Speaking of scenes from chapter 11...I've been thinking about rewriting that chapter.

    Its kind of....too intense for certain readers.  A certain review I got over at fanfiction.net says the sky thing got to him and he's going to be nauseous for months.  Another one has declared ceasing to read the fanfic all together.

    The thing about writing Cupcakes Pinkie is....you just do it.  You don't ask existential and psychological questions about what you would do if you were her in that situation, just what SHE would do if she were here in this situation.  You don't really think in detail about the horrible things you write to help bring her to life, you just look your work over and go:

    :eeyup:  "Eeyup.  That's evil enough."

    And by that point the ":twilightoops:OMG WHAT THE FUCK AM I LOOKING AT? :pinkiesick:" part of your brain has been thoroughly deactivated.

    So, I'm left to ponder what exactly I could change.  First I changed the bit about the Shadow King because it was too silly.  And now I'm getting complaints that its too scary.  Where do you want it, internet?  Where do you want it?

    Hmm....maybe I DO need some Beta Readers, but there's something to be said for the author's freedom to decide on his own story.

    And, in exercising that freedom, I have re-examined the story and I've come to the conclusion that....

    ...in hindsight, maybe I used a little TOO much "virus into the vaccine."  As Violet put it.

    I actually have an idea for a rewrite, and it even moves up the plot a bit so some of Chapter 12 occurs in that chapter.

    But for now...Chapter 11 has been unpublished until further notice.  Please share your thoughts.

    P.S.  Anypony else dislike fimfiction's newest format?

    I mean...where am I supposed to go for latest stories?

    Also, I'm pretty sure that :pinkiesick::twilightangry2::rainbowkiss::trollestia::moustache: is what you've all been doing thus far.  I mean, At least "Rebel against the Night"'s ginormous comment line stayed on subject.  I have no idea what to make of that "What ho, good sir? :moustache: " comment.

    #53 · Chapter 13 · 88w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>4019 Well, about the format thing, Knighty moved the latest updates thing to just below the "Manage all your stuff bar", so there's that at least. Not sure how I feel about the new format yet; the old one was pretty user-friendly, stuff was easy to find, etc. But, at the same time, I'm not going to complain about the new style until I've given it a good run-through. Who knows, may actually end up liking this better.

    As for your question about Chapter 11... well, it's your story. It should be written the way you want it to be written, not the way arbritary people on the internet think it should. They can write their own stories; this one is yours.

    That said, :pinkiesick: is how your writings made me feel a few times. But, there's plenty of :rainbowkiss: and :trollestia: in there as well, enough to make reading it very enjoyable. I won't deny that you can be quite graphic at times, but the humor you insert into the story keeps me from taking it too seriously, at least most of the time. This story is not Cupcakes, not by a long shot.

    Bottom line, write whatever you want to write; I'll be here to read it.

    Also, what does :moustache: even mean? That emoticon still confuses me...

    #54 · Chapter 14 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·
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    :rainbowlaugh: DOUBLE CHAPTER ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE SITE! What does it mean?

    Silly post complete, I read now.

    #55 · Chapter 14 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·
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    ...Goodness, this is way too exciting to read!! Keep it up! ;D

    #56 · Chapter 1 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·
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    I might have already said this on FF, but it seems out of place that cloudwalking is something that could be TAUGHT. Personally, I would go for Twilight providing her with a set of magic shoes she can put on... or maybe some strong hints that the instruction only worked because Pinkie Pie is a reality warper.

    Now that primal fear had could up with her, the shock was enormous!

    -"caught"

    easily startled pony that was verifiably frightened of her own shadow (seriously though, what's a shadow supposed to do, eat you?),

    -Good way of maintaining the tension by reminding the reader what is going on.

    #57 · Chapter 2 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Twilight Sparkle couldn't help but notice how perfect the morning was going.

    -A scene-break line before this sentence wouldn't go amiss.

    #58 · Chapter 14 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>4880

    I might have already said this on FF, but it seems out of place that cloudwalking is something that could be TAUGHT. Personally, I would go for Twilight providing her with a set of magic shoes she can put on... or maybe some strong hints that the instruction only worked because Pinkie Pie is a reality warper.

    Take it up with Dacce.  I included his ending at the start of chapter 1, the Cloud walking thing was his idea:

    https://docs.google.com/leaf?id=0Bz0uoaPEmWsHOThhODkyNjgtMjIxMi00NTRiLWExNmEtNTllMzhjZDBkYmNi&hl=en

    However, I know why he did it.  The whole idea of that alternate ending is that scene where Pinkie checks up on Dash as soon as possible, and if she had to wake up Twilight first...she might've broken down and cried there.  So Dues Ex Machina a cloud walking technique it was.

    I figure I deserve some credit for nerfing this technique's ability in a way so that I don't have to explain why all of Equestria (and even Fluttershy and her animal) doesn't live in cloud houses (think about it, if nothing else, it would open up more land for farming and such?) AND a source of delicious, delicious drama.

    Now that primal fear had could up with her, the shock was enormous!

    -"caught"

    Twilight Sparkle couldn't help but notice how perfect the morning was going.

    -A scene-break line before this sentence wouldn't go amiss.

    er...thanks.  I'm afraid this story suffers from a lack of an editor.

    easily startled pony that was verifiably frightened of her own shadow (seriously though, what's a shadow supposed to do, eat you?),

    -Good way of maintaining the tension by reminding the reader what is going on.

    MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

    #59 · Chapter 3 · 86w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Pinkie watched in silence -she never was one to scare easily- as tried to make since of what she was seeing.

    -"sense"

    The shadow then flew away from Pinkie and kept under the window the leave the house.

    -Everything in this sentence after the word "and" is grammatically garbled. Perhaps you mean "...and swept unter the window to leave the house."?

    Actually, Pinkie had no idea how that was supposed to work,

    -Wouldn't be THAT much of a stretch of her reality-warper abilities to do just that if the shadow were properly defeated...

    #60 · Chapter 6 · 86w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Like the chained Star-wars references.

    Rainboom was a bit spur of the moment for my tastes.

    #61 · Chapter 3 · 86w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>5162  "shadow then flew away from Pinkie and crept under the window to leave the house"

    fixed.  I should also mention that I use Word 2002, and its spell checker....is wonky.  It suggested "corrections" that....did things....to the English language.  Horrible, horrible things.

    For instance, take this from chapter 9:

    -This Rainbow Dash was likely the same one that had been holding her just before she “switched places” with the other Pinkie.

    It wanted to change that to: This Rainbow Dash was likely the same one that had been holding her just before HER “switched places” with the other Pinkie.  

    just before her switched places....just before her switch places.....  How? Just, just how? :derpytongue2:

    #62 · Chapter 6 · 86w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>5167  Rainboom was a bit spur of the moment for my tastes.

    She used the Force.

    #63 · Chapter 10 · 86w, 20h ago · · ·
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    ... Okay, just fuck it, I am not going to even try to put logic in anymore.

    Now what? Rape? Yeah, that will do. ROLE IN MOLESTIA BITACH!

    #64 · Chapter 14 · 86w, 19h ago · · ·
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    Tell me.... Is any of this Hell following them to the real world?

    Also, were you inspired by the Silent Hill version as well?

    #65 · Chapter 14 · 86w, 10h ago · · ·
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    >>6131  Maaaaybe.  I actually have an exposition chapter I've been meaning to write to expand on what exactly is happening.

    Also, no.  Truth be told, I was annoyed when I found out about Silent Ponyville having a Pinkie vs. Cupcakes Pinkie confrontation.  They totally stole my idea.

    I've been...distracted this last week, so the next chapter is coming a little late, but I'll get back to work soon.

    #66 · Chapter 15 · 85w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>1077

    But. In recent days, I've decided to give "Dark Dash's" character an overhaul.  Something's going to start to happen to her.  And it will be creepy.

    And then I went and overhauled her AGAIN with this little statement standing out in the open....I guess it's true what they say about the best laid plans.

    So yeah...she now has an Emo Naruto backstory.  I honestly didn't see that coming.  I had some of the other shadows start a conversation with her, wanted to talk about shadows in general and then Shadow Sparkle just kind of asked the question about Parents.

    And then I realized.  "Oh shit.  Poor Shadash..." :fluttercry:

    Now, its important to note that I have in fact written the plot skeleton out ahead of time, but I didn't write the entire STORY ahead of time (I would've already posted it all).  So, fine, nuanced details tend to emerge.  Originally just to fill out space and connect major events.

    But sometimes, they just spiral out of control and become...this.

    In other news, I ended a Chapter on a non-disatrous note.  Bet nobody thought they'd live to see the day.

    #67 · Chapter 15 · 85w, 3d ago · · ·
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    THE FIGHT IS ON!  :pinkiecrazy:

    Ohmigosh, that chapter was absolutely wonderful! I always knew that I loved PInkie Pie the best for a reason, and it's because of that wonderful mixture of randomness and insanity.  Dark Pie has a similar mixture in her, only hers has a little bit more insanity than Pinky does.  It's a really strange mixture, to be honest.  Put in too much insanity and you basically get a serial killer who likes to make the most grossly morbid jokes.  If there's too much Randomness though and just a little bit of insanity, magic happens. A different kind of magic that just lets you say 'Fuck this, I'm having fun!' whenever life finally gives you enough of a break to get back on your feet.

    At least, that's my point of view. :pinkiehappy:

    Gotta say though, I'm not sure if it's the fact I'm finally off of the pill that was making my mind all wibble wobbly, but I had a really intense bout of anger at Dark Pie during her whole <i>torture and traumatize</i> segment in the previous chapter (even if it was a lot more traumatizing then torture).  It's strange, I normally save those for people that use mind control... Ah well, moving on. :pinkiesmile:

    As a final note on my thoughts about this chapter though, I had a rather strange fantasy at the point where Shadash was spilling out her life story.  It was an image of all the other mane 6 standing without their shadows, all except for Dash.  I know she's still a monster who's planning on taking her other half over, but that segment showed me there's something redeemable within her.  A shadow and their real world self aren't one in the same, and I really hope something happens to drive that point home.

    P.S. : Why does Pinkies split personality disorder amuse me so? :rainbowlaugh:

    #68 · Chapter 15 · 85w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>6123  Actually, sorry.  No rape in the forecast.

    ....Mind Rape, maybe, but no actual clop fic.

    A lot of Mind Rape in the re-released Original Chapter 11.  A lot of things in the following chapters take the story in a completely different direction from where it was going in the original 11, and while the real Rainbow is about to suffer from the same traumatizing scene next chapter, the reasons behind it have changed.

    Also, Pinkie's immediate destiny changed.  She is officially out of control now.  Hopefully this doesn't metamorphize the story even more.

    #69 · Chapter 15 · 85w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Awww... poor widdle Shadashie...

    Gawd damn is split-personality Pinkie fun... also, commando Pinkie's awesome too.

    Random SotC is indeed random. Fun, but random.

    #70 · Chapter 12 · 85w, 3d ago · · ·
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    You know, I like this stuff. It awakens a morbid curiosity on me.

    A mixed feeling of anger, sorrow, and hate... It's strangely soothing but tensing at the same time.

    Make MOAR! I compel you!




    ....If that's okay with you, that is...:pinkiecrazy:

    #71 · Chapter 9 · 85w, 3d ago · · ·
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    You crossed so many fucking fanfics and references in one... I am truly amazed... :pinkiehappy:

    #72 · Chapter 1 · 85w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Am i the only one who noticed the song is a butchered version of "Want you Gone" from Portal 2? :derpyderp2:

    #73 · Chapter 4 · 85w, 3d ago · · ·
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    That makes 2 Portal 2 references ad one old spice reference. Im going to keep track of these as i read.

    #74 · Chapter 12 · 85w, 3d ago · · ·
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    You said your fans have "suffered enough", but you're wrong. They can never suffer enough Xaos. Never. :flutterrage:

    Only through destroying their readers souls and ruining the show for people can one attain Grimdark Enlightenment. - Gaitama Buddha

    #75 · Chapter 15 · 85w, 3d ago · · ·
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    OMG....I forgot about this GMod video.

    It's like...the plot of Cupcakes.  As a music video!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0jXvVDxB_A&feature=related

    *shudder*  She really does become "Shadamena" in this video...

    #76 · Chapter 15 · 85w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>7447  You said your fans have "suffered enough", but you're wrong. They can never suffer enough Xaos. Never. :flutterrage:

    Actually...when I was first writing Chapter 11, that's kind of why :pinkiecrazy: came in and took over the show.  It was kind of an homage to that ONE Simpson's Halloween episode where they started it with an announcer.

    "We are proud to say that tonight's broadcast is rated 'G'!"

    And then a ghoullish hand stabbed him to death.  And kept stabbing and the rating went up.

    PG...PG-13....M...NC-17...NC-24...NC-58....NC-160.....NC-3 EONS....

    She also locked the door, but seriously, that was an empty threat.

    Really, the fact that CUPCAKES PINKIE had taken over the asylum should've been the readers' first warning that this chapter was stepping it up a notch.

    #77 · Chapter 7 · 85w, 3d ago · · ·
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    :heart:  I heard about this story on youtube going through reading everything it is kind of hard to fallow, but worth read.  Since the dude didn't read the entire story on youtube it really kind of made me angry.  Either way it will be a joy to finish this up.

    #78 · Chapter 8 · 85w, 2d ago · · ·
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    :pinkiesmile:  I really think she is almost going to the trouble of putting herself in danger to save herself from being killed.

    #79 · Chapter 15 · 85w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Wow.  Over 10 comments from one chapter alone....6 of which are mine.  I really shouldn't flood the space with something else stupid...

    oh well just one more!

    Names of other Shadow ponies!

    Lyra=Shadra

    Bon-bon=Shadon-don

    Vinyl Scratch/DJ PON-3=Shadow Scratch/ DJ SHAD-0

    Octavia=Shadoctavia

    Ditzy Doo=Shadoo

    Dr. Whooves=Shadowhooves.  (What? Its that or "Dr Shooves")

    Blueblood=Shadowblood (Oh no, the most obnoxious character got 20% more grimdark)

    Trixie=Shadowtrix

    Luna=Shadna.  (Well...technically Nightmare Moon)

    Scootaloo=Shadaloo  (Oh my god....I just had a HUGE flash back to my Street Fighter days...)

    Sweetie Belle= Shadow Belle  (That's surprisingly bad ass)

    Apple Bloom= Shadow Bloom (The End is Neigh! The End is Neigh!)

    #80 · Chapter 15 · 85w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>7538 Youtube?

    Where on youtube did you hear about this story?  Wait...somebody didn't start reading it did they?

    #81 · Chapter 9 · 85w, 2d ago · · ·
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    :pinkiesmile:  I will stick with the other chapters to see if this gets more disturbing.  Anyway the nightmare was okay....now I want a pair of guts hanging around my neck.

    #82 · Chapter 15 · 85w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>7600

    Apparently :applejackunsure:

    #83 · Chapter 11 · 85w, 2d ago · · ·
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    :derpyderp1:  I want to see something pop out of nowhere and an epic battle that never ends.  This reminds me of the story that never ends.  And life is like a game.

    #84 · Chapter 12 · 85w, 2d ago · · ·
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    :rainbowlaugh:  The abuse of characters could have been more intense for my tastes nopony was blantly enough without the side notes.  While it might be helpful through falling asleep between reading chapters it is also a good idea to remember not to piss off the reader and make her think it was actually an attempt to get the point across that telling her wasn't really nessary, however my opinions are not meant to piss you off.  Believe it or not this chapter could have had more blood sheed in it.  One postive note of this entire story is that some of the side notes were almost amusing.  You have the potential to be a very munpiltive author please make all your future works disturibing because I need a good mind fuck once and while to keep my brain working.

    #85 · Chapter 13 · 85w, 2d ago · · ·
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          Despite the fact I am actually kind of hungray getting through this chapter made me laugh, but it was obivously done out of humor.  And yes I do have critical thinking skills it is just that late at night my mind gets fuzzy.  Anyway the internet is for porn.:pinkiesmile:

    #86 · Chapter 15 · 85w, 2d ago · · ·
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    :pinkiesick:  I hope your pony abuse never ends.:D

    #87 · Chapter 15 · 85w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Cool Deconstruction Fleet bro! Kindness begets Dominance! Ouch, that's damn near Ayn Rand-ish. :twilightsheepish:

    Laughter begets Cruelty. Got that right! :pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiehappy:

    Shadow Sparkle is fucking awesome. "Such beautiful hatred!" :twilightsmile:

    #88 · Chapter 10 · 83w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>6123 Oh wow.  I JUST got that you posted this on the Omake chapter.

    I'm sorry to inform you, but everything in that chapter was NOT part of the story.  Think of it as "Filler."

    Or better yet, think of it like those times in Bleach when the exciting and engaging story arc was interrupted with an episode with had nothing to do with what was going on last episode at all. (or even a full blown miniature Story Arc, I'm looking at you, Aroncar Arc.)

    #89 · Chapter 15 · 83w, 4d ago · · ·
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    So are we ever going to get to see Dash's latest nightmare? Or is it going to be something we never see that gets referenced a whole lot?

    #90 · Chapter 16 · 83w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>11581 Eventually.

    I meant to add it to this latest chapter (I JUST uploaded a new chapter, you JUST missed it man.)  But, no.

    I'll get to that nightmare next time.

    Cupcakezilla will make comeback!

    No.  No he won't.  I'm just joshing you.  It will be unbearably grimdark.

    #91 · Chapter 16 · 83w, 4d ago · · ·
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    I haven't read this yet, but I know its going to be SO AWESOME because of the Portal 2 reference.

    #92 · Chapter 16 · 83w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>11613  Yay!  A new vic-er, fan, I mean.  

    Yes, fan.

    (I'm just kidding.  Stay a while, have fun!)

    #93 · Chapter 16 · 83w, 4d ago · · ·
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    ... Yeah, I got nothing. :applejackunsure:

    Still a good chapter, and the lines between what's real (in the context of the illusion) and what's a complete lie seems to be a bit more undefined than it was in the previous chapters.  That aspect of the story has really been one of the main reasons I've been coming back for more.

    Can't wait to see what happens next!

    #94 · Chapter 16 · 83w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>11633  Yay! Violet!  I always enjoy your input!

    Anyway...We are kind of entering "second act" territory here.  The lowest point in the story.

    Well...actually, everything is building to a head.  Perhaps the second act will end when...."Horizon Zero" occurs?

    What is "Horizon Zero?"  Well...you'll know when it comes.

    In other news....

    PINKIE!  Stop dying!  I warned you about that shit at the very beginning of the comment line!

    :pinkiesad2:

    #95 · Chapter 16 · 83w, 4d ago · · ·
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    You know what's creepy? That strange spacing thing that happened where Dark Pinkie says:

    "YOU     REALLY      COULD    BE    THE    SAME    PONY!"  ?

    That was accidental.  Its all because of how fimfiction's processor works.  Whenever you have a long word that runs together, the line right above it       gets        weird     spaces.

    But...considering the situation, it looks like I did that on purpose to be dramatic.  But I didn't.

    Oh well.  In other news:

    Pinkie-filled Pinkies!  Get your Pinkie filled Pinkies here!  Leave a comment on this web zone if you want a Pinkie-filled Pinkie!   I'll send you one in the mail!

    #96 · Chapter 16 · 83w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Pinkannibal-ception...we need to cut deeper...this story is like watching inception for the first time while on an acid trip...inside of a black hole...while eating cupcakes. :pinkiecrazy:

    Seriously, this is...insane. yet...the paradoxes and reality/imagination-illusion thingy going on is so confusing that it's bound to keep everyone's attention until the end and it's all explained to them...maybe. i think I get it, but an explanation at the end or whatever would do me some good, haha. :rainbowlaugh:

    Anyway, stay insane.

    #97 · Chapter 16 · 83w, 3d ago · · ·
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    :ajbemused:I don't get it...and is this the last chapter?

    #98 · Chapter 1 · 83w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>7422

    I noticed. :rainbowkiss:

    I even proceeded to sing along. :pinkiehappy:

    #99 · Chapter 6 · 83w, 3d ago · · ·
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    "TASTE THE RAINBOW MOTHERFUCKER!"

    Spent about 5 minutes just :rainbowlaugh:

    #100 · Chapter 16 · 83w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>11685  come now.  That would just be cruel of me to do that to my readers without any closure.

    So, yes.  Stay on the watch for Chapter 15.

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