• Published 9th Jan 2017
  • 702 Views, 7 Comments

Discord Vs Cartoon Physics - Stevebond1990



When Discord broke free he rendered the Laws of Science and Magic void, what if there was someone who took advantage of this

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Raising The Curtain

"Good Luck Everpony!" Discord crowed, then disappeared with a flash, waiting until the six mares had entered the soundproofed maze then flashed back.

He looked at the spot the ponies had just left and flicked his claw.

In a flash, five more Discords floated in front of him.

"You all know the plan?" he queried, feeling tugs of amusement and anticipation from the five new parts of his consciousness.

"We do, and it will be Gloriously Chaotic!" they crowed, then proceeded to deliver increasingly silly salutes and flashed off.

"I love it when a plan comes together," Discord sighed, faux wistfully, he then looked up to a window he knew lead to the Throneroom and spied a flash of multi-coloured hair.

"Oh poor Celestia," he sighed, then cackled, "you thought it was bad before? Now you've got me in Stereo!"

He whirled his paw and flicked, there was the momentary familiar vertigo when he felt himself wrenched sideways...


He'd just saluted Discord Prime and flashed away when he felt a jerk and found himself going upways and down ways, longways and shortways, inways and outways...

Thump!

And he face planted into a costume trunk.

"Costume trunk?" Discord murmured as his eyes stopped rolling on the floor and he popped them back in, then glanced around, "I'm in a theatre?" He closed the lid and plopped himself on the trunk.

Curious, noponies ever interrupted his flash travel before, he didn't even know it was possible...

"Discord!"

His head whipped round at the sound to reveal a small pony that looked much like Sparkle butt's assistant... but ponified.

"Oh thank Celestia, I've been looking all over for you," the purple and green unicorn gasped out, "There's a crisis!"

"What Crisis?" Discord wondered as memories that were his yet not filtered into his brain, he was a veteran actor turned costume supervisor and general handyman really.

A piercing Shriek left him near the rafters clutching the pony for dear life.


He shuffled back with Spike, Spakle butt's former/current/future? assistant and the MC of the theatre, one Hermit Frog.

"Nyehh! What set Rarity off this time?" Hermit asked as Rarity trotted past towards a gofer that tried to bribe her with cake.

Splut

Discord winced, Celly would mourn that cake.

"I'm not sure, I was just going over her schedule when she went quiet."

"What's wrong with the schedule?" Hermit asked.

They froze solid as Rarity trotted past, then a costume designer flew into the laundry basket on the other side of the room.

"I don't know, I hoofed it before she could get me," the colt said caught between fear and lust as he watched the white unicorn mare storm through the theatre, Discord had to admit it was a most captivating yet terrifying display.

A lot like when Celly used to chase him after he pranked her now he though about it.

"Definitely some Platinum blood there," Discord murmured, then turned to the MC who had just spoken, "I didn't catch that?"

"I said do you think she's discovered her dress size?" the dark green coated and light green maned Earth pony asked.

"Please, I've woven such a web of lies she doesn't know her dress size, her weight or even how old she is," Discord drawled.

Not to say the mare was fat, in fact she was at the upper end of average, but her figure was... plusher then most, and thus she was sensitive about her figure.

Do. Not. Call. Her. MarshMallow.

An orange Pegasus filly who was another of the gofer's slid to a stop in front of them.

"Scooter, are you alright?" Hermit asked.

"Did you find out what set Rarity off?" Spike pressed.

"Ow," the filly rolled onto her stomach to show her wings bent in a manner they weren't supposed to but thankfully not broken.

Unthinkingly Discord reached forward and popped the wings back into place, wincing at the yelps coming from the filly.

He might be Chaos incarnate but he wasn't a monster, contrary to Celly's beliefs he did have standards, he help off of permanent damage and left children alone altogether.

"Thanks," the filly gasped, blinking the tears out of her eyes, "she couldn't find her element, she won't go on stage without it"

"She's the next act!" Spike gasped.

"It's fine, we just swap Trixie for..." he trailed off as Bunsen and Beaker walked past with a light blue pony on a stretcher wearing a hat that covered her face with chocolate, icing and mushy peas leaking down the sides, "oh come On! That's two acts we just lost."

"What about Gonzo?"

A Blue furred something with a big nose was carried past with what looked like the contents of the Gentlecolts locker room sock basket jammed in his mouth.

"There goes that plan," Scooter... (She turned to glare at the audience) sorry, Scootaloo, quipped.

"Wait, Discord's been entertaining for longer than all of us right? He can step in!" Spike suggested excitedly.

Hermit looked at Discord, "I don't know, Gonzo's act isn't for the faint hearted."

"Come on, He's been doing this so long there's nothing he hasn't seen or done!" Spike countered.

Discord preened at the praise.


"I'll be having words with that colt," Discord muttered as he took another step.

Gonzo had planned to recite the twelve times tables...

On a tight rope...

Twenty hoofs above the stage...

Holding a one ton weight in his left hoof.

"There's chaos and there's stupidity," Discord murmured as he stepped further along, finally stopping in the right spot and sitting down on the rope.

He opened his mouth to address the audience and stopped, he looked up at the weight in his claw then at the wire, "how did I do that?"

A cough from Hermit brought his attention back, "Mares and Gentlecolts, I Will Now Recite The Twelve Times Table For You, While Suspended Above The Stage And Holding This One Ton Weight Over My Head!" He Announced.

"One Times Twelve Is Twelve..."

"Two Time Twelve Is Twenty Four..."

"Three Times Twelve Is Thirty Six..."

Getting harder to hold this weight, "Four Times Twelve Is Forty Eight..."

A delighted squeal and the light pounding of manicured hoofs distracts him, he glances over to see that mare has found her Blasted Element.

"Five time Twelve is Sixty Four... wait, no it isn't," he lets go of the weight and starts counting on his fingers, "Twelve, twenty four, thirty six, forty eight..."

"Errr... Discord?"

"Yes?" he looked to see Spike tap his hooves together, point at his claw and paw and then above him.

A shiver visibly went down his back, he looked down to his paw and claw and flexed them.

"If my hands are here, then what's holding up the..." he trailed as his body went cold.

His gaze inched slowly upwards until it locked on the underside of the two thousand Ib weight, sitting right above him unsupported.

"Mummy..."

CRASH!