"I'm sorry but you already used up that excuse when you stole 27 cheese rolls."

Priceless.

Although there are some problems I have with this story; you changed the view from third-person at the beginning to second person not long after. Also, your grammar could be better; I understand your trouble with it as english grammar is a pain in the ass, so I suggest typing everything out in word so the little green lines can guide you to good grammar.

Other than that, I'd like to see where this goes. owo

If the writing improves then I'd be happy to see more.

>>736901736901

Second that.

I like this man, keep it up.

Yeh, looks like a good story, plenty of opportunities for cat jokes, chances for fluttershy humor and many other shenanigans. Like BlackMuffin said just clean the grammar a little bit and things should be fine.

Well i have no one to proof read so if someone wants to help me with that it would help a lot

There should be more crossovers between Skyrim and these fan-fics.

When will the next part be published?

>>737113737113 Glad to be of service

>>737116737116 i dont know. I didnt really expect people to actually read this but ill try to get the next part in by this week

>>737159737159 Sweet. Oh and i would be quite happy to proof-read this for you.

I love to see more

Even through I agree with some grammar issues, it doesn't really bother me that much and I can easily survive with them.

>>737197737197 Thank you. Ill message you once im done with the next chapter

>>737257737257 Thank you, and good job on your first fan-fic.

>>737289737289 Thanks

Looking good so far. I hope this story will be a success. There is so few good Skyrim X MLP -crossovers.

Chapters could be a few hundred words longer, and a little bit of grammar fixes, and  this will become a good story..

But, whatever happens, keep writing, and good luck!

>>737358737358 Thanks! I do hope i live up to your expectations

nim

Oh, I forgot mention something. If you want me to explore an area in the game that might contain a certain feature that would make your story fit with the game, I could definitely do that.

>>737447737447 Thanks. But all you really need to know is the stuff that happened if you finished the main quest as far as i can tell . Oh and should i add a spoiler tag for those who havent played?

Actually that is not a bad idea.

Continue, Or you shall feel the flames of RAGE heated by a THOUSAND FOREMAN GRILLS!

(SPOILER) Is Shadowmere gonna be in Equestria?

>>738206738206 dont know but i should finish the next chapter once i get home from work

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

ZOMGWTFBBQMOARMOARMOAR!!!1

MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!

Btw Sounds Right did a average job proof-reading. I noticed several Grammar Errors. For one, all I's should have been capitalized. Second you used the wrong there a couple times. By I's I mean in first person, if a person was saying

"So I walked into a bar." Get it?

Oops though i reviewed the message and only saw the one "there" error

>>739920739920 Ok sorry! I was just trying to help. But I didn't see that many errors, but when I referred to the There errors I mean in the first chapter too.

and its quite hard to see the "I" errors when in Italic ex I i

Though i need to ask, did the thoughts before the end seem a little bumpy? Because they felt bumpy.

But i needed to know how i did so thanks. >>739897739897

U still has error

>>740111740111 Really Where?

Dis is getting interesting... I noticed fewer grammar errors than in the last chapter, so it's an improvement!

I was like LOL when they called him Fluffy.

But... This still needs longer chapters.

Anyway, good job.

>>740173740173

Some of the 'I's are not capitalized, I saw a few times where you used 'your' instead of 'you're' I think there was one 'were' that should have been 'we're.' I also saw a few times where you indented too much.

If u guys want i can update every 2 or 3 days instead of daily to make the chapters longer and have better grammer

good work i like it so far

ALWAYS!

need more chapters

>>742273742273

As a "Quality over Quantity" kind of guy, I agree with the 2-3 day update pace.  

So far so good.  From what I've seen so far its looking to be one of the better Skyrim-FiM crossovers.  

>>744496744496 Thank you!

Jeez, I've been reading so many sad stories that I use this as my comic relief. It also helps quite a lot that I play Skyrim as a khajiit. Great so far.

Quick questuon to everypony. should I add romance to spice things up?

good overall, but you kind of made Rarity seem like a bitch

>>749971749971 sorry halfway through writing my computer messed up and i had to rewrite everything

No this is just a good old comedy.

>>749925749925 why not? but it depends on if the match makes sense

>>750062750062 why not what?

>>750093750093 to the romance question, i didn't see till after i replied, sorry

>>750124750124 well its up to you guys since your the ones reading

Romance with a Khajiit? I don't think that's the best idea. I just don't see it happening in any situation.

depends on who you match him up with

>>749925749925

Mmmm Pinkie Pie / J'lae  Would be nice x3

I am not sure about a romance... Nah, no romance, thank you.

Good chapter there. Just wondering why the ponies didn't freak out when they found out that J'lae is a sentient being. They did think

that he was just "a jaguar" or "a hurt little kitten".

Grammar is messed up at some points but I don't care.

Oh, and you wrote a longer chapter. Thanks to you.

moar plz

>>751825751825 sorry about not going into much detail i sorta rushed through since i had to rewrite cause my computer spazzed out

NO ROMANCE! NEIN! NEIN NEIN NEIN!!!!! And give him daedric armor and have him tell them what it's made of and watch their reactions at what the glowing red stuff in it is. It would be hilarious.                   J'lae:/   Rarity:  Rainbow:  Applejack:/ Pinkie:/ Twilight:/  Fluttershy:/

>>752619752619 well im not sure where he would find daedra hearts in equestria...

>>751997751997 No harm done. Nice fix. Oh and...

Image: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/034/009/126277816898.png

>>752744752744 Depends how you want to play it.  Although it wasn't in Skyrim, the bound armour spells have been in every instalment beforehand so he could know them.

Humm, I'm for a little romance, but at the same time I don't think you should do it.

>>757211757211 well i guess i can give you a sneak peak on the later chapters. Discord is sorta like a daedric prince

>>757603757603 Well that makes sense. Sheogorath's cousin or something I'd bet.

Daedra invasion that he stops.

Sorry, just really wanted to see their reactions to armor made with hearts, blood, and a metal that's stronger than gold guard armor.

Should have been sweet rolls instead of cheese rolls. But it's your choice!

Almost forgot he was the dragonborn, If he uses any other shouts such as become ethereal or unrelenting force the ponies will be defencless because the elements of harmony would go right through him. Besides the dragonborn can use magic which means he could heal himself, and knowing about the college means he has learned at least a few powerfull combat spells.

"my name is Pinkies Pie"

I think she has an extra "S", maybe for a Letter emergency?

>>767835767835 Celestia damn my crappy keyboard...

Upload new chapter fast! I can't wait! They will not react well to him attacking Spike like that! What will Celestia say to him?! I can't wait!

Image: http://marcamos.com/ha/this-is-gonna-be-good.gif

>>767915767915 Dat gif you just made my day

Frankly, if he's killed Alduin then he's likely somewhere between lv 30 and 40 meaning he's bucking capable as a princess quite likely, especially if he's magic focused. This is going to be amusing as hell.

>>768018768018

Well he said he doesn't like mages, but than again he might be talking about enemy mages, not amges in genral, because even when I am around level 60-70 ceratin mages give me quite a bit of trouble. But back to the point, if he is skilled with magic than he could summon an unbound daedra, or freeze Twilight, Spike, and Applejack. He could also conjur up swords untill he forges or buys one.

Man, J'lae messed things up nao! As soon as Spike came downstairs, I was waiting for the classic "Fus Ro Dah", but I think it was good that he didn't use that. It would have been so predictable.

The plot thickens (Not that plot)! I suggest that J'lae "infects" the Beast Blood to somepony. That would be an interesting plot twist!

As always, Good chap there, mate! And I think there were no typos. Well done, sir.

I hope Spike doesn't end up like this:

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/207/189/89287%20-%20skyrim%20spike.png

>>768079768079 And to top the whole thing off, he's probably murdered a whole load of dragons, so could probably shout Canterlot off the mountain. I wonder if dragon rend would work on Alicorns....the way I read how dragon rend works is by damaging a dragon's immortal soul. Alicorns, by consensus, are immortal and function in a manner I find simmilar to the dragons of Skyrim. I think this warrants testing, yes?

>>768207768207

The Dragonrend shout only works because dragons can't feel emotions such as love or happiness, with the exceptions of Paarthurnax and Odvahiing. So it forces them to land, but the Fire breath and ice shouts would no doubt help against Alicorns, considering I like to think of them as Aedra so they can be killed.

>>768252768252 Actually the dragonrend shout is used to force dragons to learn what it is like to be mortal and makes them experience it. So basically it can be used on any immortal. Though you, Melancholy and Wake96 are giving me great ideas

>>768207768207 Who is your least favorite princess?

>>768191768191

>>768305768305 That's hard, I don't dislike any of them enough to want to try it, but then again it would be hillarious, so my least favourite would be Cadence.

Then Celestia.

I will hurt you if you even whisper at Luna.

Actually, using Dragon Rend on Cadence would be extra hilarious, because she's the most kind, love filled and harmless of the lot, making doing something so horrid to her even more disparate!

Oh Oh, you also totally have to use the whole spell range from all the games. If you use the range from Morrowind (why they kept cutting back from such a perfect system I'll never know) then he can do all sorts of spangly shit, like fly and teleport which would really mess with the ponies something chronic.

>>768805768805 well then let the testing commence though i may need a study session to remember all those spells...

this was interesting. though i think he realized there was not much point to dragonrend if it could not fly.

>>769026769026

I would recommend the elder scrolls wiki and the old mage walkthroughs. Although If he is a champion of a few Daedric princes he would also recieve a few powers from them. Also don't forget the werewolf  tree from the dawnguard dlc.

You dare think us skyrim fans don't know the legendary dragonrend shout!? JOOR ZAH FRUL! Oh wait... Damn. You ain't a dragon.

>>769080769080 it does paralyze dragons for a few seconds

Buckethead glitch

Image: http://static.fjcdn.com/large/pictures/70/db/70db4f_1091984.jpg

great job

god no, not poor baby spike !!!

>>771018771018 I just looked it up and apparently it is only because of the game dynamics. Though that works.

Spike may be a dragon, but I doubt Dragonrend will have any effect on him because:

A) He's not an evil dragon.

B) He's not affiliated with Alduin in any way, shape, or form.

C) Dragonrend works by forcing a dragon, an immortal being, to understand mortality.  I highly doubt Spike is immortal, and, even if he is, I'm sure he understands mortality, having spent his entire life amongst mortals.

>>778651778651 if it works on partheneux it can work on any dragon. good or bad

>>771018771018 But it does that by forcing them to understand the mortality, which is so unnerving to the otherwise immortal dragons that they can't concentrate on flying or moving in general.

>>779173779173 well there was the dragon migration which taught spike wat being a dragon was really like

Can't wait! Update soon please because these cliffhangers are just evil! Celestia will not be happy!

Short, but informative. Nice!  Friends can turn into enemies so quickly...

BTW have you thought about what I said in my last comment? About J'lae turning one of the ponies into a werewolf? Would it be a nice turn of events?

Keep writing and I keep waiting...

I don't care if it's short. Still good.

nice very nice hmm I'm getting board of my current avatar I should change it some time soon

I shall name you Fluffy and you will be my fluffy no pinkie MINE

>>749925749925 I'd say no, but that's just my thoughts. This doesn't really feel like a story that should contain romance and such

But other than that this story is awesome! >>749925749925

>>768191768191 mustache

BWAHAHAHAHA (rainbow dash is too cocky and idiotic to be in my comment)

>>737010737010 OI! I'll take you up on that! Only a thousand or two every now Nd again? I can do that in my sleep, feel free to send it to me. I'll get it done over the night and send it back in the mOrning all prettied up.