SS&E's Lemurific Box of Pretense and Prose

by shortskirtsandexplosions

February 2016 - Gammahoof - Morning in the Crystal Palace

Author's Note:

User: Gammahoof
Prompt: Shining and Cadence are getting ready before a day’s work of princessing/guarding and talk about guarding, princessing, being married horses, life around castle, etc.

"Will this do, Prince Shining?" whispered a crystal pony servant from behind a wheeled food tray.

"Yes! Yes!" Shining Armor smiled. "This is perfect!" He shook the bed hair out of his mane, then managed a bleary smile while lifting a platter of eggs and celery from the refreshment cart. "It's exactly what the Princess needs to start her day out on a healthy hoof. Thank you so much! You're punctual as always."

The mare curtsied low. "It is my pleasure to serve the Stewards of the Empire." She backtrotted from the palace quarters, smiling. "Just ring the royal bell if you need any further assistance, my liege."

"Gladly. Enjoy the rest of your shift." That said, Shining quietly... quietly closed the doorway to the palace corridors. Turning around swiftly, he trotted across the room, then slipped quiet-as-a-mouse into the bed chambers with the breakfast platter levitating beside him. Holding his breath, he shuffled over to the queen-sized bed, leaned in beneath the canopy, then gently nuzzled a lithe pink figure partially submerged in silk sheets and a fluffy duvet. "Morning, sleepyhead."

"Mrmmmmfff..." Cadance barely stirred.

Shining bit his lip, trying his hardest not to break into happy husband horse chuckles. "I know it's nice and warm in dreamland, honey..." He leaned in and kissed her neck. "But you have to wake up and rule the kingdom. Lots of crystal ponies are in need of leadership, and they'll crack to pieces without you. Literally."

"Wrssssssshhhh..." Cadance wriggled her neck away from him, digging her muzzle deeper into the pillow.

Shining leaned back with a wary smirk. "What's this? A princess acting like a princess???" He levitated a piece of celery up before his nose and sniffed it with feigned disinterest. "Guess you don't want any of this fine, royal grub."

"... ... ..." Cadance's ears twitched, perking up from beneath the covers. "Mrmmmfff...did you actually bring breakfast in bed?"

"Maaaaaaaaybe..."

"Hrmmmfff..." Cadance sat up. She blinked... blinked again... then blinked again again. Fighting a yawn, she yanked her head to the side with a crack, and a fountain of tangled pastel fibers vomited in the same direction as her skull.

"Whoah-ho-ho!" Shining chuckled. "Who is this fluffalicious monster that's replaced my wife?"

"Meh..." Cadance grumbled. "Shut up and give me my eggs already."

"Heheh..." Shining gathered a mess of pillows, fluffed them, and laid them between the headboard and his wife's spine. Cadance leaned back, sitting up straight. She cracked the last few joints of her upper body and neck, then squinted at the platter resting beside her with fluttering eyes. "Is... is this celery?"

"Yes. The green kind, too. That's good, right?"

"I... didn't know they served celery this early in the day."

"Pffft. Why not?" Shining shrugged. "Not like you have to wake the fields they were tilled from."

Snap! Cadance snapped into one stalk, chewed, then closed her eyes with a pleasant hum. "Mmmmmmm... really fresh too." She gulped, paused, then squinted at her husband. "How hard did you plan for this?"

Shining shrugged. "So maybe I thought we should have breakfast delivered to our bed chambers for a change." He trotted into the adjacent closet where his uniform hung at the ready. "It gets us both an early start to the day so we can get more important things done."

"Well, this is a pleasant turn of events."

"How so?" Shining asked, gelling his mane and smoothing it back.

Cadance smirked while munching on another stalk. "If I recall a certain handsome soldier's famous words before being transferred here... ahem..." She lifted her muzzle into the air. "'I'd rather be gored to death by a million weaponized manticores than give in to the luxuries of a royal lifestyle!'"

"Hey!" Shining stuck his head out of the closet, frowning. "I'm only having breakfast served for you. Me?" He stepped back in, sliding into the bands of an emblazoned breastplate, one leg at a time. "I eat at the barracks!"

"Hehehe... yeah." Cadance smirked slyly while levitating a fork and knife by her side. "With a tall glass of warm milk and a newspaper by your station."

"Mmmm-yeah?" Shining squinted into a mirror as he straightened the armor on his figure. "What about it?"

"Not exactly military grade lifestyle, is it?"

"Fine... fine." He rolled his eyes. "So I've indulged a little."

She giggled, munching on some egg white.

"Can you blame me?" His nostrils flared as he examined his muzzle and chin. "Both my wife and my sister are princesses. I'm practically sandwiched by royalty. If your husband was any less of a stallion, he'd have gone full fop by now."

"All we need is for Spike to be crowned Draconian Prince of Green Flame and then you're really in trouble."

"Ugh... don't give me something else to dread." Shining rolled his thin eyes. "I've got enough on my plate as it is."

"Mrmmfff?" Cadance swallowed a morsel and dabbed her dainty chin with a napkin. "Care to elaborate?"

"Ehhh..." Shining marched out of the closet, tightening the straps of his armor. "The reports coming from the Northern Reach have been a bit 'dodgy' as of late."

"Define 'dodgy.'"

"The Captain of the Reach is a young crystal stallion straight out of the Imperial Academy," Shining muttered. He stood before the royal dresser, examining himself one last time in the mirror. "And over the last month, there's been a curiously large disappearance of valuable resources shipped to the outer patrols. I've been in the service long enough to know when someone is glossing over the details to make their outfit look good."

"What—do you think he's stealing from military supplies or something?"

"No, but it's very common for newly graduated officers to expend an overabundance of materials. That—coupled with heightened anxiety over the pristine quality of career records—and one can imagine just what lengths a soldier his age will go to protect himself."

"Do go easy on him, Shining," Cadance said between bites of egg and celery. "The Empire's military wing may be a tad bit inexperienced, but we are trying to teach these ponies how to stand on their own four feet in this day and age."

"Believe me, I have been easy on him," Shining muttered. His gaze fell to the edge of the vanity and a set of ornaments lying on its polished surface. "And still he's making amateur mistakes in the field. I just know it."

"Well, I trust you to make the right decision," Cadance said. "For both the military and for the Empire. Heh... Celestia knows I've never had to manage an army before."

Shining squinted at a miniature replica of Canterlot Castle. "Guess you're lucky to have me, huh?"

"Yes. Military experience comes in handy. Along with breakfast in bed." Cadance smiled coyly. "Among other things."

"Well, if you ain't Princess Sass." Shining cleared his throat, then pointed at the mini-castle. "Honey, where'd this come from?"

"Hmmm?" Candace craned her neck, but couldn't see from the bed. "What are you pointing at, exactly?"

"This tiny version of Canterlot Castle." Shining Armor lifted the structure in his hoof. "Can't tell what it's made out of... porcelain? Crystal?"

"Oh! That! Heehee... You don't remember?"

"I just woke up, darling."

"Princess Celestia had that made for us," Cadance spoke from across the room. "As a matter of fact, she had it commissioned by especially trained artists from the Breezie Cove."

"No way..." Shining turned the thing over in his grasp. "Breezies?"

"Mmmhmmmm..." Cadance bit onto another stalk of celery. "It was delicately forged from the bramble fires of the Dustfall District. Bramble Fire ornaments are rarer than Starswirl Era Frost Amber. At least, according to the latest market report."

"Huh..." Shining Armor placed the ornament back down onto the top of the vanity. "I wonder why I'm having such a memory lapse—" The topmost spire of the castle snapped clean from its bowers. The Captain's eyes bugged, and he leaned forward with a hiss. "Sh—!"

"You were probably too busy organizing the transfer of the royal interim guard from Canterlot to the Crystal Empire," Cadance said from the bed. "If I recall, you didn't get much sleep during those first three weeks. Setting up a defense for our stewardship took an awful lot out of you, and so Celestia gave us that priceless ornament as a reminder of how honored we remain in Canterlot."

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Shining shivered. He levitated the dislodged steeple and attempted reattaching it with his magic. The spire refused to fit in place. He gulped. Hard. "Uh huhhhhh..."

"I was hoping to commission a miniature replica of the Crystal Palace to give to her in exchange, but nothing quite comes close to the special rarity of her gift." Cadance blinked. "Shining, is something the matter?"

"Uhm.... d'uhmmm..." Shining cleared his throat. "How 'bout telling me your pretty pink princess pl-plans for the day!" He grinned over his shoulder, fighting bulbs of sweat. "...sugar buns!"

"Oye... none too pretty or pink, I'm afraid." Cadance dug at the last egg with her fork and knife. "I'll be meeting with the Department of Sanitation today."

"Well, what do you know!" Shining squatted at vanity-side, fiddling and fiddling with the damnable miniature. "A Royal Flush! Haha!" He wheezed. "G-get it?!"

"Not much to laugh about. The northern valley's permafrost is making it hard for crystal pony sewage to flow regularly towards the septic reserves. It wouldn't be that much of a problem for most equestrians, only crystal ponies naturally have more solid particulates in their fecal deposits. Ehhh... not exactly breakfast conversation, I suppose."

"Uh huh uh huh uh huh..." Shining gulped, fidgeted, then opened a drawer. "And after that? Tea parties, or..."

"No. No tea parties." Cadance gulped down the last bite. "I'll be meeting with delegates from the neighboring kingdom of Wyvernville. They're not very fond of tea there. If anything, they have an affinity for mouse entrails—and that doesn't exactly go over well with the locals."

"Nope!" Shining swept the broken remains of the tiny castle into the drawer and slammed the vanity shut. "Guess it wouldn't!"

"What was that noise?"

Shining spun around with a sweaty grin. "Oh, y'know! Heavy armor!" He shook his shoulders. "Clank-a-clank! Back in the academy, they used to call me 'Shining Refrigerator,' 'cuz I was always making a racket but still cool as a c-cucumber."

"... ... ..." Cadance blinked.

Shining gulped. "But, y'know, I melted the moment I married you."

"Awwwwwwwwww..." Cadance's eyes sparkled. "Such a sap." She stuck her tongue out. "Now get your butt to the barracks."

Shining saluted briskly. "Yes, ma'am." He turned fetlock, then marched off for the doors to the outer corridor.

"Thank you so much for the breakfast, dear," Cadance said. "It was very sweet of you."

"Anytime, honey," Shining wheezed. He reached the door and joyously flung it open. His heart leapt with relief—

"And Shining, one more thing."

"...?" Shining looked over his armored shoulder. "Sweet pea?"

Cadance sipped on a glass of water and smiled slyly at him. "Be sure to stop by the marketplace on the way home for some super glue." A wink. "It should be enough to fix the little trinket I bought at a yard sale last time we stopped by Canterlot."

"... ... ..." Shining Armor performed the heaviest blink of his life. "...the Breezies never had a thing called 'Bramble Fire,' did they?"

"Heeheehee... not even a first grader could come up with something so silly."

Shining Armor sighed heavily. "...have I told you how much I love you?"

"Is it ever so slightly more than you hate me right now?"

"Mmmmhmmm." Shining groaned, then shuffled off with a bitter smirk. "Whelp... off to war."

Cadance waved a dainty hoof. "Happy flogging!" She smiled.

And the door shut to her giggles.

Comments

[Gammahoof]

Cute, fuzzy and pink all over.

derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/9/15/980583.gif

[North Bound]

Happy. Flogging.

[YoshiFawful64]

Wow, that was adorable. I need to read more fanfics with domestic scenes like this.

happy husband horse chuckles

Also, this is one of the best terms I've heard in a good while.

[DrEggnog]

sandwiched by royalty

Oh my.