It’s not every day I get to fall off a roof while trying to get just a little closer to the sky and certainly most people, normal ones, don’t fall off roofs and end up in Equestria… but hey, I do not recall in all my years of existence every being referred to as ‘normal’. Will this fall be my last on this earth or will it allow me to reach the sky I desire so desperately? I don’t have much of a choice, so I might as well just go with it… maybe I’ll receive some answers from the ponies I meet along the way… and maybe just maybe i can finally figure out what exactly having a cutie mark means?
Chapters (1)
first off:
choose not chose. albeit, not i'll be it. your sentences with parenthesis aren't actually sentences, they don't make much sense. form of A colorful mess. Applejack is one word, not two. throat not through. reckon, not recon.
aight, now onto part two. the main thing i see here is that you're writing this more to you than to the reader. when you write a story, it should be directed at the reader. this means you should make thought patterns more flowing. although i know this is how you think, if you want people to actually follow your reading youll hafta change how you write it down.
next, the balance between description and everything else is off. typical, probably the most common thing. finding the balance is pretty difficult. just note that when you do put in description is should be more specific and less general. this also plays into the last thing i said because youve got to explain things to the readers, not yourself.
also, the entire situation with AJ is odd. you can't even understand as the reader whats going on. you should make that transition a bit more clear.
and next up, remember than a HiE fic is the most overdone fic ever. id know, haha, but really its rather hard to find a new angle. so whatever you do, focus on your angle above all else. thats what wil make your fic better than a normal "im not happy in my world, lets go to equestria for no real reason and ill be happy and make friends and then we all save the day and blah blah blah"
a little editing and better focus and you should be on your way.
Just gonna say, Love the Title
>Climbs on roof
>Building is six stories high
What...