Time twists and loops, and it does not always play out again as it did before. In this eddy of time, one rainbow-maned pegasus has been cut out of the loop before she ever existed.
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- Member Since 23rd Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 18th, 2018
NorsePony
I am not a person, but I play one on TV.
NorsePony
Joined 23rd Jan, 2012 ·
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This looks interesting... Wwill read now...
Wow, that was amazing, I can forgive you for taking out my favorite charecter for writing this amazing story.
A very interesting plotline that I look forward to learning about more. The fact that Rainbow Dash did not do the sonic rainboom brings a whole new perspective on the entire town (specifically the mane 6's cutie marks and their mannerisms). I enjoy the way Applejack talks considering the oranges raised her instead of the Apples..
732829
Took me a while to remember that scene from Cutie Mark Chronicles - one of my favourites - from the show.
I don't know... I still can't see A.J. as being a city-slicker high-society pony. It just doesn't feel right. I'd still imagine Applejack feeling a tad depressed at times, longing for the open country road. Almost begs for me to write a follow-up about the Applejack in this story, like a "something's missing that should have been but never was" type story. I don't know... I don't think I'd be able to get motivated enough to write that.
732967 I know exactly what you mean. I don't know where the author is planning on taking it but I'm hoping for a glimpse of the old country Applejack in her thoughts and dialogue...we'll see though.
733031
Since the story's marked complete, I don't think Author plans on going farther.
That said, I'm notorious for completing a story and then revisiting it.
I know you marked this as complete, and I understand why. However, you left quite a bit open, and, now that the prompt's restrictions are gone, some of those open ends can be explored.
Oh, and this was an excellent story. Well done
Great idea! AppleJack stuck in Manehattan, Fluttershy... in clouds. Hm, i wonder what Rarity is doing in this universe. Twi is probably working in some library never passing too school for gifted unicorns. And thats all thanks to never existing Dash
733152 I did not even notice that...now I'm sad.
Very nicely done.
Oooh...haunting. Now more plz. where are Twi and Pinkie and Rarity in this grey and sad world? And is there any chance they might somehow all meet?
Fluttershy needs a hug.
Sooo.... Nightmare Moon wasn't defeated, or..... cause that's what it sounds like
That was an amazing story, NorsePony. I wonder why I'm not watching you...no matter, that's easily fixed.
Ow. My heart hurts now. Well done, well done indeed.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
Life if a tapestry. Simply pulling one string can unravel the whole lot, something you've conveyed here quite expertly.
1290165 Aw, thanks. : ) I appreciate the comment.
The emotion packed into 2,000 (More or less) words here is amazing. Wonderful job, NorsePony.
... Holy crap... That was... amazing... (Oh, and get ready to be bombarded by new readers. WandererD and Seattle_Lite featured this in a blog about hidden gems. :3 (And sorry if I got Seattle's name wrong. I'm horrible at spelling.))
RIGHT IN THE FEELS
By which I mean, this is proof that the new hidden gem thing works, because this is one of the shiniest gems around. Seriously, it's just so amazingly bleak.
Wow. "Hidden gem" is right. I can't find any faults with this story. It tells just enough, and leaves the reader to fill in the rest. It's so perfectly bleak and sad yet somehow touching...
Bravo. That's all I can say.
I truly enjoyed this read. Very interesting. Yes, it is in fact a hidden gem. But I am actually kind of glad Nightmare Moon won. Nightmare Moon is my second favorite character after all. :)
Dammit. I hate sad fic, but why do I like this one!?
I am curious on what happened to the rest of the ponies. I assume lots and lots of sex via NMM
1530600 1530663 1530890 1531027 Thanks, all of you. I'm ridiculously flattered that the story was chosen by the reviewers, and I'm glad that everyone is liking it.
Here, all of my sad. Take it.
Zero dislikes. Quite the accomplishment. I dare say you earned it. This is a wonderful little one-shot. By any chance, are you going to/did you create the events with the other characters? Always hated that about one-shots. Leaving questions unanswered.
Edit: Just noticed I wrote this whole comment in fragments, I really need to lower the Doctor intake.
Whoa.
My only true expression. So simple yet so sad and deep.
1532931 I've considered it a number of times, actually. I haven't gotten around to writing them because there's always something else to write, but I do have pretty clear pictures of where they each wound up instead of becoming the Elements of Harmony. So, I don't know if I will write it, but it's something I'd like to do at some point.
1536489
Good to know. I'll keep an eye open for them if you ever do make them.
That was a gem. I love the way you portrayed Fluttershy.
This story really hits home. Or a home run. Nice use of raising my spirits only to crush them at the last sentence. Favorited!
Well done sir, tbh I actually expected Fluttershy's "tormentor" to be Rainbow Dash but it makes sense reading the epilogue in regards to the title.
I liked it, it was original.
Though this is a retread of tried and true territory, Fluttershy's recharacterization was compelling, not to mention I'm really impressed with how you used that prompt. Good work!
Very though provoking and sad. Really well done.
Sad but good fic, i love it
.
I hope you don't mind, but I liked this fic so much I have put together an audio version on YouTube.
3030718 Oh wow. That's the first reading anyone has ever done of one of my fics. I'm tremendously flattered.
And you gave an amazing performance! I've not heard a better reading in the fandom. Thanks a bunch. : )
Well, that was depressing.
I quite enjoyed this. A clever, emotional little fic that explores an interesting alternate scenario.
3036359 Haha, thanks. Sorry to depress you. : D
Raven: ......... Twist time! Fluttershy musters up the courage to go to the market the next night, and BAM! AJ's there! Didn't go to Manehatten, since she felt she oughta stay till 'Shy comes back and fulfills her promise. (Well, not exactly a promise, but anyways...) And they lived happily ever after to the end of their days.
Dr. X: Very delightful, if I may say.
Double space.
If you ever hit a writer's block, think about continuing this or fleshing out the universe a bit more. It would definitely be something to read.
3449309 Thanks for the eagle-eye. Fixed. And maybe that'll happen someday, or maybe not. I'unno. We'll find out. : )
This, is very well done. Like and favorite well done.
Creative and effective use of metaphor and personification, such as with:
just in the first paragraph.
As much as part of me kind of wants "more" of this and consequently for this short piece to be expounded upon and lengthened, the better part of me thinks you should simply ignore the other pleas for this to be made longer and keep it as it is. I mean, the inherent briefness of this passage, so as it could be called just a passage, is part of its natural charm. Additionally, while unrelated stories could be written within this Rainbow-less universe, the unanswered questions brought up by this are basic enough in nature and can be easily answered by the reader's own imagination, which is one of the more important tools of fiction. No Rainbow Dash means no pony stood up for Fluttershy, and there was no sonic rainboom, and thusly we can say that Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight Sparkle never earned their canon cutie marks, reinforced by both AJ and Flutters' alternate flank marks, meaning that Pinkie is still unhappily toiling away on a rock farm, Rarity gave up on her dreams of being a fashionista as she was about to do in the Cutie Mark Chronicles, and Twilight never got into Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns and thusly never met Spike or anypony else dependent on that, never became Celestia's personal protégé, and obviously never became an alicorn, leaving no pony sufficient to stop Nightmare Moon's return and eternal night.
Adding new chapters to this just to give that sort of information seems pointless to me, and would steal away some of that magic and mystery that makes this piece so excellent. Or, at least, that's my opinion.
My opinion is also that this is pretty damn good, in case that needed to be said again.
This was amazing. Excellently thought out and really well written. Each word has feeling and meaning, you manage to capture the fleeting last ember of hope just like the taste of the last bites of a wrinkled apple. You have written a story of sublime sadness, worthy of the title of literature. Seriously, it reminded me quite at bit at Wolfgang Borchert's short stories.
I will admit, whether or not you shall ever look at this post, I would like to say, this is a fic that meets a standard of creativity...to see that there are people who think on alternatives instead of what's originally placed, for that I say I hope your work always be this great
This was a nice take on the "counterfactual" brand of ponyfics. (And yes, I do consider canon to be fact. I mean, who doesn't?
) Once I'd realised that AJ's accent was because she'd stayed with Aunt & Uncle Orange, everything slotted into place very well -- AJ's character is more like Rarity's canon character, and since Fluttershy and Rarity get on very well in the show, that was satisfying.
Not the most cheery of stories, but then it could hardly be any other way. Not sure about "Applejacks arm", but I guess that's a stylistic decision. Very nice. Have a +fav and a yay.
Wow, this was an interesting, is sad, look at what the lives of Fluttershy and AJ could have been if Rainbow Dash had never existed, as well a brief look at the possible consequences for Ponyville... Your characterisation of Fluttershy was great, showing what could of happened to her if she was never brought out of her shell, being scared to the point that she misses her last chance to see the one pony who's ever been nice to her from the looks of things...
Ive just gained a new appreciation for rainbow dash.
i felt really bad for fluttershy. but, maybe, just maybe, she can go to manehatten (they've lots of bright lights, so the darkness wouldn't press down on her) and she could find applejack
for the record, i learned of this from scribbler's reading