Its a bit strange, but I liked it.

>>3781437814 haha thanks! I guess, as long as I had fun writing it, eh?

Im liking the idea of this pairing, I'll be sure to follow this as it further develops.

Interesting pairing. Hope you'll play Fluttershy's timidness and Vinyl's bashfulness at their fullest. It'll be fun to read.

Yes, interesting, very, very interesting.

VinylShy? Excellent

FlutterScratch?

>>3801038010I think I'm thinking of officially dubbing it FlutterScratch. It has a good ring to it.

>>3799837998 I'll try! I'm trying to improve on my fanfic writing, and I thought the pair would go together in a sitcom-y kind of way. They are also my two favorite ponies!

I kinda thought Fluttershy might recognize Vinyl from "Suited for Success," but decent fic so far!

>>3806238062

I agree.  'Flutterscratch' sounds the best.

As for the first chapter?  Overall I liked it.  You're description of Fluttershy (over)reacting to the stimuli of the club seemed very in character and spot-on.  As was the dream-like atmosphere (at least from Fluttershy's perspective) that you give to her rescue by Vinyl.  I only have some minor nitpicks:

1) "The stranger merely lifted Fluttershy onto her back, like it was a small animal," probably should read "like she was a small animal" or if less personal "like a small animal."  The 'it' really doesn't make sense in this context (unless you're referring to Vinyl's back, but then I take doesn't make sense either).

2) How did Vinyl know where Fluttershy's cottage was?  They just met and barely even talked.    (Or is this going to be elaborated on next chapter.)

Still a modest but strong start.  It'll be interesting to see what you do, particularly since I haven't seen this pairing before.  From what I've seen in the fanfics, Vinyl can about as a free-spirited and bold as Dash, but sometimes more sensitive and supportive.

>>3821038210 Flutterscratch just sounds cool. I went back and fixed the grammatical error, and as for the cottage thing, I'm trying to explain it in the second chapter. This is by far a work in progress, and seeing as I don't write often, It's going to be a little bumpy, and I'm really nervous about my writing, but hey, can't improve without criticism. I started off with a few ideas, and even started writing a chapter or two, until I realized I was writing a Mary Sue knock off. I started to think of a good idea, when I saw in the corner of my screen, Vinyl working the turntables, whilst fluttershy was laying down next to her (Desktop Ponies.) Not only did it seem like a good pairing, but they are my two favorite ponies! Anyway, no one had heard of it, so I thought, why not! Let's give it a shot! I really appreciate your feedback, and I couldn't wait to start on the second chapter.

nice chapter~! ooh but hows dash gonna take this?

keep 'em coming!

>>3841938419 Thanks! I thought I would add a flair of sad and depression to it!

I freaking lost it at Tom Dan's Club. Brilliant throwback to the fanon and canon name for Dan and an obvious Rarity facial tic coming from it. Rainbow Dash not even waiting to get out from under the wreckage to shout an invitation was pretty damn entertaining. I also think I'm way too happy about Vinyl practically using the force to save a huddled up Fluttershy from a legion of ravers... Needless to say this had me grinning from ear to ear for many reasons through and through.

Her head hung solemnly off the edge of the couch in a state of blissful couch.

Entertaining as all hell but you might wanna fix that with something like slumber.

Bounder ponies as well. Sorry if it seems like nitpicking but I just wanted to help out a bit, this one is going great. I like the turn you took with Dash even with it being an obvious one. Handled very well from her character, seeing things from the polar opposite of the mane six actually flows very well as people tend to put on a particular outward appearance in public when in truth their mind can't be farther from it.

>>3869738697 I have to agree, fix all the syntax errors and awkward phrasing, and this'll be perfect

>>3869738697 Nitpicking helps more than you would think. Feel free to nitpick! I'm not usually one to do a through job on editing and sentence fluency, so seeing these errors really helps me go back and fix it. Growing up, I remember how often I put on a smile, when inside I was dying. Even for a pony as arrogant and cocky as Dashie, ones mind can still wander, usually into a very depressing and pessimistic place, because Dash has feelings too. I'm an absolute fan of ponying, and puns, whether is be subtle or not, (Like I nearly died from "Whinny Hendrix" when reading Allegrezza.). Anyway, thanks for the feedback, and for leaving your thoughts. I never expected this, but every time I see a comment or rating on my work, especially my first publishable fan fic, my heart does a Fluttershy yay!.

Damn it, I had a similar fan fic idea I was going to do! :P Oh well. This looks good; I'll read it when I have more time.

lol wub wub wub clever. Yeah I'll give this a read.

>>4121041210 Haha... sorry! Where did you get the inspiration? I saw the Fluttershy asleep next to Vinyl on my desktop ponies and thought it was brilliant!

>>4121641216 Some people in the chat room helped me. There are tons of throwbacks and puns. It's my hobby.

RAGEDASH IMMANENT.

Awww, that was a nice chapter.

really good so far but i still think rainbow and vinyl is better but this is a close second.

great job.

>>4161441614 I personally just think that Rainbow and Vinyl are too alike. For one, opposites attract. Rainbow and Vinyl would be like trying to fit together puzzle pieces that don't fit. You need that someone who completes you ~

Tracked it, I'll read it!

Vinyl Scratch: Check.

Fluttershy: Check.

Dubtrot: Check.

Trifection: Achieved.

This is actually pretty damn awesome.

I haven't read much fanfic's, but I'm starting to get into it.

And Fluttershy's my favourite pony, with Vinyl being my favourite backround pony... I sort of HAD to give this one a read.

Loving is so far. Although I get the feeling I have many sad feelings coming my way when I see how Rainbow Dash will take all this...

It's a great story so far, though.

Can't WAIT for more!

Interesting. Found a few errors as well...

"slowly loosing consciousness"   losing, not loosing! I can't tell you how much I hate that error~

"Rainbow looked back, momentarily stooping." stopping~

"Slowly, the pink headed filly"  should probably be pink HAIRED. Headed doesn't sit right :x

"and laid down next to the scare pony. " scared ;)

>>4269142691 Thank you! I'm a terrible proof reader

... D'aww

>>4122241222

I was just thinking of an "opposites attract" sort of pairing I could do. I've always enjoyed Vinyl Scratch's canon personality; a bit rough around the edges but overall morally just. Fluttershy just seems on the far other end of the spectrum from her, and when I came up with a logical way that they could meet, it seemed like it was a match made in heaven. The way I was going to ship it was from the point of view of Vinyl, where at one of her shows she see's a mare in the corner of the room not dancing and generally being alone. So once her track is over she'd go over and talk and, well ya know... shipping away! I would've probably logically based Fluttershy's presence off on Rainbow Dash, saying she dragged her there or something.

Anyway, no harm no foul. It wasn't one of my major, "I must write this now!" ideas. I had several others that came before it, and I'm currently already working on a big project.

I like how you got your inspiration. I guess it can truly come from anywhere~

Nice story, you got here. Nice way of explaining Vinyl knowing here she lived.

>>4271042710 Scootaloo commented on my story. Holy crap!

>>4271442714 I hope you find a story to work on! I still kind of feel like I sniped yours.

>>4272542725 It took a while to come up with that. Not sure if people would be okay with it

Out of curiousity, how many chapters will this be.  Really liking it so far.

>>4275342753 I'm not sure. I'm going to write with this until I grow tired of the topic, and even then, I'll try to write an ending with the best of my ability.

There are a few grammar errors, but let's see what ya got. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

you were in my house.

where is placement, were specifies a point in time.

Flutterscratch, for the win.

P.S. Why do i have a feeling everyone's going to use that now?

you were in my house.

where is placement, were specifies a point in time.

Flutterscratch, for the win.

P.S. Why do i have a feeling everyone's going to use that now?

>>4279242792

I failed

Hey, a shipfic with Vinyl where she isn't dating Octavia.

>>4279442794   It's all good! I'm horrible at grammar, so that confused me too. I think I just invented a new ship~

>>4280242802  I thought I would change it up. Instead of the whole musical aspect, I paired the up on being near polar opposites. Not to mention they're my favorites!!

I think you meant "equestria-to-fluttershy" not "Earth". Wherever that is

>>4284042840 Thanks for catching that! I rewrote the line/

why is vinyl scratch so awesome

>>4290942909 Cause she's a bad ass techno DJ with awesome glasses and red eyes.

this actually looks kinda cool n shit.

i cannot wait for more

>>4296242962 Thank. And shit.

>>4303943039 I'm workin' on it, but I got some other stuffs to take care of too.

*waits not so patiently for part 3*  

I would call the pairing "DJ Flutterpon-shy

hmm, i don't think I've seen that ship yet

>>4341343413 Most people go with FlutterScratch or VinylShy, but whatever floats your boat

That chapter title makes me want T.R.O.Y. to come on the radio.

It certainly would match the serendipity you've got at play here... there seems to be a fair bit of randomness at play in the set-up for this ship: Fluttershy's abandonment at the club, Scratch's past, Fluttershy's apparently impaired actions and Dash's cowardice and/or obliviousness, and everyone's favorite trope (and I say that unironically as a romantic) with love at first sight

Don't think any of th0se are killing the story or anything. In fact, I think you've got some potential here.

I do, however, think this is a bit of a shaky start (you've got some typo/structure issues as well), but this story's going to live or die based on how Fluttershy and Vinyl (as well as Rainbow Dash since you've got a love triangle in the making here) interact with one another in the coming chapters.

Not bad, Thundra.

-Lammy

“I put you in your bed, and without realizing it, I guess I crashed on your couch without realizing it. I-I… I’m sorry. I’ll leave if you-“

Without realizing it, you made that sentence really redundant without realizing it.

Great story so far, looking forward to reading more.  Feel sorry for Dash tho

>>4434844348 In my head, the sentence came out sounding redundant and awkward, so...

it seems a bit rushed, and it could have uses more dialog, but this dos look really good. Keep it up.

It was a little hard to fallow for me, But I do like this,!  But why would vinyl  brake i to a random house? LOL I know it was form her past, but still anypony could have lived there, Hell what if it was Gilda's place?

Sweet going up to now, I like it. Keep up the good work!

Cute story, looking forward to more

WARNING TO OTHERS SPOILERS AHOY.

"her eyes tightly shut and the noise in the air consumed her." - As the noise in the air(etc) works much better for tightening up from the and

"dared not to open her eyes" Drop the to :D

"hoofs" - Hooves

Actually at this point Im gonna stop doing grammar as it clutters the comments up. I'll comment in general on the story and say I reccomend getting a pre-reader for the story. Also I volunteer to be that pre-reader ^^.

Very good charachterization of dashs's loyal but somewhat manipulative personality. While fluttershys shyness has yet to come out at this point there are no issues of OOC

"The smell of alcohol permeated the air, while wafting into her nose. Many a pony pushed and shoved in the darkness." As someone who has been to many clubs. It tends to only be the really dirty dingy, "Ill let you in ms 16 year old with your fake ID cause you have a nice rack" bouncers type clubs that have the alcohol smell permeating them. 90% of the clubs I have been too haven't had this(but then again I live in canada..where apparently...things are cleaner :P)

"The stranger merely lifted Fluttershy onto her back, like she was a small animal. When Fluttershy asked where they where going, the unicorn merely smiled, and said in her calmest voice, "Home."" this line has such absolute power in it. I love it.!

2nd chapter is much more nicely setup then the first. the dialogue and descriptions seem loads more natural. The inclusion of fluttershys thoughts adds alot!.

"Bursting into the center of the dance floor, she was ready for the euphoria that is the heavy techno beat, combined with the lust and alcohol." I take back what I said about not neccisarily knowing about club life :P

Ohhh the addition of a crush(RBD), slightly unexpected but sofar it works :).

All in all loving it :)

I'm giving this story a tenative vote. Its middle of the road plus, I'm not gonna say what it is cause It will probably go up after I read more. I will say the 2nd chapter is much better then the first and brought up my final rating ;). (also my rating won't bring down your average if that helps decipher). I also think my rating is based on the fact that it wanted me to hit the decks up again cause It reminded me of a similar(but nowhere near exact) situation I found myself in as a DJ after a con I spun at, so it brought up some nice emotions :)

You're welcome I think this chapter turned out really great.

Authors Note: I'm sorry if I put this out a little... late. This is how i see writing on this website, anything good enough to track and/and or email, is worth the wait, anything from 0-1,000 is not worth a wait of more than a few days, 1,000- 2,000 is worth a short wait like an extra week, 3,000+Worth a long wait like up to 2 weeks , and anything over 7,000 in one chapter then you deserve forever to write.

Looks good so far, but I noticed that you used both "filly" and "mare" to describe Fluttershy.  The two are not compatible; fillies are young females.

Vinyl Scratch is such a BAMF!     

<--Why isn't this just Vinyl Scratch? Way cooler than Photofinish in my opinion.

African or European Swallow? ;)

A lot of typos in this chapter, really drew me out of it.

>>4571745717 you'd need two to carry a coconut...

Really good work... really... i don't mind waiting at all..

>>4571745717

lmao..

i love your writing style also the honeymooners reference almost made me piss myself laughing you're doing a great job

>>4571745717 same, pacing was really fast as well, also rd hitting vinyl seems kinda out of character, and vinyl simply asking "why" also seems really farfetched to me.

Besides that, good chapter

Another good chapter, I see potential for a strong story.  There's just a couple of concerns.

With this story's tone becoming more serious, don't use cultural references.  I love a good shout out or pony pun if it fits the tone; the ones I spotted in the first two chapters worked well.  Once RD's depression changes the tone of the story, they really stick out and leave me staring at what I read.  Especially the Honeymooners; it reads like you wanted to make that joke before anyone else thought of it and just slapped it in your story.  I stopped reading, wondering why this one sentence is in here at all.

Secondly, I'm not a huge fan of drunk ponies because they're hard to make believable.  You made RD liquored up to make her actions seem less ooc; I would have done the same in this case.  But most fics write drunken characters inconsistently. Here's what I saw from yours.

We start with RD having enough liquor to slur her speech and make it evident to others that she's drunk.  She get's into a fight, restrained, and then escapes and flees.  From your characterization of RD written, I'm assuming (because it isn't said) she's feeling angry, guilty, and maybe scared.  You got me really hooked in.

But then she finds Vinyl, and from there on it reads like RD is completely sober.  She shows absolutely zero anger towards Vinyl or herself, she can read Vinyl's "listless, unfocused eyes", and hey, no slur.  Not only can RD tell her life story with "all the details of their friendship" , but she can understand Vinyl's speech too.

Might not bother many people, but it really pulled me out of the story.  I wish I could go from beating up a stranger in a drunken rage to sharing my deepest secret with her in a span of, I'll be generous, 30ish mins.  Hell, I wish I could do that sober when my eyes aren't spinning around like my thoughts are.

You have a great story, and I'm excited to see where it goes, but make me wonder what or why about your story, and not your writing

tl;dr: great story, nix the cult references, drunk characters are difficult to write

moar

all i can say is,

moar

>>4568545685 In many ways, Fluttershy is a filly. I don't know. It just felt right to me. I can't articulate my thoughts on it, but it stays.

>>4568745687 Every time I see your comment, it makes my day. That avatar is just... just...

>>4593745937 I appreciate the comment. To each their own, but the slightly negative feedback really helps. I know dash might have been slightly inconsistent, but this is my first fan fic, and I'm trying to best I can. I can't say for sure, being as I've only even been drunk in one fight situation, but when the fight or flight response kicked in, with and after the burst of adrenaline, I didn't feel a drop of liquor inside of me. This chapter was to me, a lot harder to write than the first two, and I hit more than a couple walls. The Honeymooner's reference might have been out of place, but I thought of it, and I HAD to put it somewhere. I was giggling like a school filly. Anyways, I hope you continue to read my story and give me feedback, but if my style turns you away, I wouldn't blame you. Can't please everybody, right? C'est la vie~

>>4576845768 I nearly died trying to write it

>>4593745937 I'm working on it, but i might be slow. I can't compete with people like Lithe Kamitasty, who puts out a damn chapter a day.

I'm digging the multi POV/one scenario thing

>>4608546085 I don't know why the third paragraph is directed at crown... I meant it at >>4586345863.

>>4608546085  Don't worry, it takes a lot to turn me off from a story.  Writing a story is harder than people think; I know how useful constructive criticism is.  Overlooking half my rant, simply put, the pacing was a little fast for me; let the reader build anticipation for the coming confrontation.

Don't be downtrotten by "negative" feedback,  Negative carries a connotation that is unhelpful to most people.  If I find a story that, in my opinion, can be better, I'll give as much constructive feedback as I can.

You got a good story going, I'm really excited to see where it goes.  Remember, to anyone doing anything creative, as long as you honestly like it, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

>>4623346233 It's not perfect, but hey, I must have done SOMETHING right, to get it featured on EqD and have 10k viewers. My rating did go down though, from which is either a vote bombing (When the story was posted on EqD, fimfiction was down.) Or more likely, I'm just not as good.

Wow, this just got real depressing real fast

I think I will have to agree with Pontius, Rainbow seemed to take a full 180 here.  I found it kind of hard to believe that they both got into a nasty fight, and then both turn around and talk it out as if it was nothing, it put me off a little.  This chapter seemed a little rushed in general, but that's just me, it seemed to jump around a bit to much.  Just my opinions though, pretty good story regardless.

Overall, the story seems to be progressing nicely, albeit a more sad progression.  (Poor Rainbow, my heart goes out to you )

I look forward to seeing how this plays out

Side note:

Awwwwwwww i'm sorry to hear that.  I would attempt to make you a happiness cookie, but I fear my cooking would leave you with nothing but prolonged bouts of retching and stomach pains... and that doesn't sound very fun...

>>4629146291 Aye. when I write, people think it feels rushed. I guess that's just an ability of mine? but, as regards to the DASH 180, I think it's fair to say that no one expected it. The conscious mind is a very delicate thing, able to turn significantly under the right pressure, albeit an adrenaline fueled fight, or one of a more pacifist nature. All is fair in love and fanon, eh?

Awww.... no baked bads? It's fine... just... life has always gotten me down. There is always just that subtle (Or not so.) pressure in my chest that makes me not want to do anything.

I hope your depression gets better and not just for the sake of the story,even tho it is a great story

>>4637546375 Thank you... that means a lot.

>>4637746377 no problem ^_^ I love helping people and I want everyone to be happy :) lol, yeah I'm a total pinkie pi but the thought of sadness just is so... Sad

gahhh! Vinyl better get fluttershy!!!!!111oneoneone!!!

id rather have RD with like...AJ...or Twi...or i guess vinyl with someone else....curse that sad tag.....

anyway great fic. Loving it so far

Lol vinyl bought a horse a prostitute

I LOVE THIS MARE!

I also love licd, finally someone makes a reference

>>4568545685

They're using it the same way we interchange 'girl' and 'woman'. Geez' this is more obvious than Rainbow Dash's pride.

>>4436044360

Still, even in awkward situations, you won't say something really redundant. Trust me, I get in those a lot,and I've never said anything redundant. In fact, the only people I've heard say redundant things are either doing it intentionally, or are just really, really stupid.(ie. My little brother.)

>>4950649506 You've never said anything redundant in your life?

It doesn't even matter. I've had friends who would say the same thing over when there was a silence. It may not be your nature, but it could be others.

Vinyl, you is a bit of an odd duck, er, pony. To the extent that I may wonder if Vinyl will end up in some sort of odd "friend zone" and enjoy it, I'm not sure what to think on this fic. Seems like you've got a love triangle where one parties ignorant and one is unwilling to have conflict, which is sort of an odd thing... does make me interesting in getting to know your Vinyl, if only to figure out why she acts the way that she does.

Same for Dashie too... she got hit my the Emo Bus pretty hard here. It's not that I don't believe in unrequited/unexpressed love or something, but I want to see it justified and, like Vinyl, I want to see her fleshed out a bit more (and, to be honest, that ending line sets up some Dashie backstory or at least the expectation of one).

And then there's Fluttershy... don't get me wrong, I don't hate the story for this... but Flutters is sort of more an object than a character so far. She's the object of Vinyl's and Dash's affections, but she doesn't seem to be doing much aside from being fought over. Think I'd like to see her be a bit more active in this relationship.

On the technical side... this chapter was a bit on the rough side. Quite a few typos and quite a lot of improper verb tense. Has the "sudden screeching halt" effect on the reading sometimes.

As for it being rushed... well, I think the chapter plot didn't seem overly rushed, but the story plot certainly does... this is mostly because of the sudden time-skip from chapter two to three. It feels like we've skipped over a whole lot of material there... material that kinda feels lost. It seems strange that we don't get to see Vinyl and Shy dating... going back to what I said earlier on Fluttershy, it's this skip that sorta de-emphasizes her as a character. I get that Vinyl had a love at first sight and Dash presumably had her feeling building up since Cloudsdale, but what of Fluttershy? She's got the "my hero" thing to play off, but otherwise I'm not sure why she's gone for Vinyl.

I think a slower build for the relationship would have worked quite nicely. It would have given Dash some time to fall into despair as well.

Overall, I don't think this is a bad fic by any means, but I think there are some deleted scenes that'd be worth editing back into the story because the arc you've got going almost demands it.

Not bad tho, Thundra.

-Lammy

PS- Hope you feel better.

There are two paragraphs that are the same in there.. also, why the Linkin Park refrence? xD

Either way, I like the story! Just gotta work on some spelling/grammar stuff.

Keep it up !

Whoops, you repeated a paragraph right at the end, if you can't find it yourself I'll show it to you next time you get on chat.

Other than that, it was a great chapter!

Hah! Linkin Park. I like it

Though it should probably be a "hoof full of anger." Ponies don't have hands :D

Also, in a lot of cases, you used 'where' instead of 'were.'

Other than that, and the paragraph mix up towards the end, a really good chapter that left me wanting more

"Walking her way towards the living room, the small clops from her hoofs on the woof floorboards alerted Angel that she was awake."

typo

Great story so far!

>>5851058510 Fixed! Don't know how that got in there. But the LP reference struck me. Not only were me and my friend reminiscing about how great LP USED to be, but the song itself fitted Shyshy. Quiet and underrated, overlooked, ignored. Sort of a "I tried to tell you but you were not listening." vibe.

>>5851158511 Still don't know how I did that

>>5861558615 Ctrl + F. Makes my life so much easier. Also, Dat avatar.

>>5867258672 Woof floorboards. I invented a new thing. It's floorboards, and when you step on them, they make dog noises. Not good for sneaking around on!

Vinyl Scratch is now Rayne Summers.

Mothers hide your daughters, fathers hide your wives, and sons hide your fathers.

>>5868558685

Inorite? I freakin' love that Vinyl pic.

Nice references :D

Great update! You describe emotions, settings etc. really well in terms of length and vocabulary.

You also wrote the characters really well they seemed 'in character' :D

Though: “Fluttershy… Ah can’t tell ya what ta do. Ah can’t tell ya what ta feel. But ah can tell ya this. If ah was you, ah would talk to Rainbow. You owe her that much, right?” made me cringe a little bit, as in my personal opinion the word "Ah" is almost overused in some fics. But thats just my personal opinion on the word

Looking forward to more~!

>>5891458914 It looked funky to me, but heck. I tried to follow the AJ syntax. It was hard :p I'm not good at writing in accents, but what she was saying was more important to me than how it looked! Also, references. My favorite! The dialogue took me a while. Not my strong point.

>>5868558685 Haha, they USED to be amazing T~T. I don't like thinking about it. Anyway, glad I could help c;

Oh man, the tension is building.  The chapter was pretty good, showing Fluttershy's thoughts on what happened the night previous.   You have an interesting little conflict going on here, and I am enjoying it

Just a quick thing though.  I'm pretty sure hooves is the plural form of hoof, you seem to use hoofs a lot in your story.  Just putting that out there, it doesn't detract from the story any.  So it is no big deal.