• Member Since 10th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 5th, 2016

Veridian Phantom


Thunder Dash is my name, and writing is my game. (Sorry no, that's incorrect, it's actually music). But I do enjoy writing on the side.

T

It's the end of the world, no one could've guessed what would happen, as the last remnant of the Mane 6 remain Granny Twilight with her daughter, and her daughter's husband and child, they gather around for one final story.

Inspired by: The story "When" by Mister Fluttershy

(I spent 7 hours straight on this. No pause, i even stayed up past my limit. Not much sleep. If you vote negative, please tell me why.)

CREDITS: NastyMann - Editor

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 39 )

:fluttercry:


That is all.

i shed a tear reading this, damn i got touched by this it is a beautiful story thanks for writing this.

Hey man congrats publishing it. Reading time.

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720369

Glad you liked it, i had hoped it would do just that, spread the word! i'd like this to be much more than just a few views...

:fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:

I CAN'T STOP CRYING!

ok first i got to stop reading theas storys in bulk and sceinad who whats to go fuck skull kid up

721389

just the reaction i hoped for.

Manly tears were shed.:fluttershysad:

733133

you know it. i even shed a tear writing this.

733163 i can believe it. San docs like that always tug at the heartstrings.

733163 i can believe it. San docs like that always tug at the heartstrings.733280 darn autocorrect sad fics!

763450

Thank you, thank you. that exact moon may as well be the one to crash down xD i played that game when i was younger.

That was... that was deep
:pinkiesad2:

784287

How did you find this story? lol i thought it was in the dark recesses of the website at this point.

Also i liked your work with the kingdom hearts, i LOVE kingdom hearts, awaiting Dream Drop Distance :D

785858
Well since you watched me, I found that as a nice thing, so I returned the favor. This story is absolutely amazing! It should have way more views and likes. I bet it could make the most interesting man in the world shed a tear.

And thanks :raritywink:
I stayed up from 1am to 8 am writing it.
No worries though, in the summer my "day" is from 4:40pm to 8am anyway lol

786393

haha thanks :D if it deserves such, then perhaps spread the word! i really like this one better than my other one.

I nearly shed a tear, and you would have gotten me to do it as well (And the proud owner of my first manly tear too) however the end kinda ruined it for me. I didn't read the intro so I did not realise the moon was going to hit the planet, and so when it came time to read the end I was awfully confused and it ruined the spell you had placed upon me. I read this as if it was going to be Twilights last night, not every ponies. Perhaps if I had read it differently, had I know there was something greater behind your words it would have had an even greater impact on me.

You still get a like and favourite though.

EDIT: I fixed my mistake, I had not read the description of the story.

872779

LOL them descriptions do a lot. it was inspired by Mister Fluttershy. Sorry if i brought you outta the spell.

873127 I think it was my fault. If I had read the description properly first it would have been a lot more impacting that it was.

If it is any consolation after commenting I thought over what had happened and I felt REALLY BAD, but still I have yet to find a story which can make me cry. Just seriously depressed and saddened. Oh well. It was in any case wonderful.

Hmm, It is making me sad just writing this post now damn it! Back to the happy songs I guess :pinkiecrazy:

873148

Listen to Pinkie Pie's Smile, Smile, Smile song, it'll cheer you right up in a jiffy. (does for me :pinkiehappy:)

I am the person chatting with the author right now and have maniacal laughter of shock, sadness, horror, and sadism.

I am so sorry. It's just slee-MOOON

That was really good! Sad, but well-written.
...That's all, I don't have many more words to describe it.

976617

glad to hear it, i finished "The Mare to Heart" btw. check it out

Aw, now I'm sad. :fluttershbad: Nice story, sad and well-written.

Tears were shed, snot ran, and hearts melted.
Pity Piccolo wasn't there.
He could have just blown up the moon.

1331137

yeah he could've, one thing. did you at least get the moon reference?

I believe I heard her yell We're blasting off again! before she disappeared into the sunset.

Am I the only one who caught this?

:raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::fluttercry::fluttercry: NO WHY DID YOU WRITE THIS????? I CAN'T STOP CRYING, MY BLANKETS AND PILLOWS ARE LIETERALLY SOAKED FROM ALL THE TEARS!!!!!! :fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::raritydespair::raritydespair::raritycry::raritycry::applecry::applecry:

This story had a good premise, but it really needed a good prereader. There are some sloppy writing errors. I read about ten paragraphs in, and was very distracted by the mistakes. I'd love to read this, but only after it's edited. Running it by someone else to make sure spelling, punctuation, grammar, and tense issues shows you put effort into making the story presentable, and it's not hard to find people willing to give your story a quick once-over.

Here are some groups that might help:
The Proofreader Group
Looking for Editors
Author Support
I Just Want A Comment

By the way, I didn't downvote or upvote.

Nearly cried, this was well written... Very well written...

3116071

Thanks for the tips, but I haven't written anything in a long time. A story I did try to get edited (which was cancelled due to lack of time/interest) never got a response from anyone in either groups I joined. Also too they all have a complicated process on getting it to be reviewed. Stupidly enough I still do not have the time. (sorry).

3195884

Thanks, hope the spelling/grammatical errors didn't ruin it. (I know for me spelling/grammar isn't everything to a story, but rather the plot.)

3371411
Unfortunately, it is a bit difficult to get more than one person's attention at a time in editing groups. It can be done, though.

I'm a bit sad to hear that you stopped writing. This story wasn't bad, and it held quite a bit of promise. My only complaint was that it felt like a rough draft rather than a finished work. I was simply unable to look past that. I do see you had an editor, though. Is that a new thing? I don't remember that.

3371707

He edited it before I posted this story. Me and him are both novices at editing but we tried.

And yeah, I stopped writing. I just don't have the time anymore with college/work. Wish I could though, it certainly was interesting swimming around in my head. (Also, if you like this one, read the other stories I made. The only story that may seem more "rough copy" is "The Mare to Heart". I'm sure you wouldn't be disappointed though).

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I'll give one of your other stories a try, just to be fair. Even as rough as this one is, there was still a good story beneath the surface from what I saw. Part of the problem was that when I read it, it was late and I didn't want to have to process what I was reading. I just wanted the story to carry me away into dreamland.

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