71w, 6dShameless Self-Inserts
A/N: Okay, first off, I want to sum up the comments that have popped up so far on the first chapter. I seems like everyone likes it, and the biggest complaints are grammar and spelling and capitalization and such. Fear not, I intend to crack down hard on editing, and possibly eat some pop-tarts while I'm at it.
Also, anyone put of by the combination of a romance tag and this being a self insert, I don't intend to write me into a relationship with anypony. The romance will play a role, but the me that is in Equestria will not be having fantastical dreams about anyone.
I will try to use more diverse dialect beyond adorable, and I will try my best not to break some sort of un-spoken law of writing. Like don't spill coffee on your computer. I'm going to guess that's one of them.
Also, I would like to give a shout-out to Cardslafter for writing Trough The Eyes Of Another Pony. That story is what I based my writing style for this story on, and what I drew most of my inspiration from. If your reading this, Cards, them I want to say, your awesome. Thanks for being a member of this community.
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When you have just been transported to another world against your will, it tends to leave a lasting imprint on one's sanity. All the panicking and fear that should have been happening, rather than just having my brain derp around in my skull not giving a buck, had been saved up so that it could be released on me in my sleep. You sneaky, sneaky nightmare, you.
It wasn't that shocking, really, that I would have a bad dream. In retrospect, it wasn't even that scary. Just weird as hay. Really, really weird. The things in that dream are the things that you can't un-see. The things you wish be put in a box and shipped to someplace other than where you are, because that's good enough for you.
I don't even know how to describe it. There was so much happening at one time. A jumble of messy and blurred images were all I saw, images like Pinkie spoon feeding me cupcakes. Why would you spoon feed someone cupcakes! And then there was Lyra with her hands and... gah... I can't think...
The morning did not want me to think on it too long apparently, so it decided that I should wake up. By having a door loudly slammed.
"Twi, I'm back from the sleepover with the Cutie Mar-" The voice froze in mid sentence, probably because it saw me (No, it saw a grape stain on the rug) and thought, 'what the...'
I looked up from my face down sprawl on the carpet as I woke up, and looked at the voice's source. It was none other than Spike. You know, I probably should have questioned where he was before now, but suddenly the realization that he hadn't been there at all slapped me in the face. With a frying pan.
I have no idea how long he just stared at me in shock while I stared at him too tired to say anything before we both heard Twilight groan into wakefulness. "Huh? Spike, are you ba- *yawn* -back?"
It took him a moment to figure out that Twilight was talking to him. Poor guy, I'm the only other person he will ever meet that has seen an alien as well. Accept I knew who the alien was, and he didn't so no, I have no idea what he was going through. Tough beans, kid.
"Um... what is that, Twilight?" He was staring at me with eyes that were so wide, they were on the border of his face. They could fall off at any second, and I had no idea what that could look like in an animated cartoon. Maybe they would shatter like plates, and we could use duck tape to fix them again. Duck tape = god tape.
"Oh, um, this is Braxton... he's not really... from here..." said Twilight, seeing that the situation she was in was less than good. More like that one cousin you hate just showed up drunk at your house or something, I don't know. I don't even know what being drunk is like.
"Hi." that was all I said. Just that one, innocent statement. And yet, Spike still recoiled in shock before promptly fainting on the spot. I guess that's... one problem solved. Huh.
I turned to Twilight and gave a shrug. How else do you sum up meeting a baby dragon in the house of a pony from a different dimension who dragged you to their dimension with magic and offered to sleep with you? I can think of one way. Give them toast. Toast solves all problems.
Giving an exasperated sigh, Twilight got out of bed and moved for the door. "I can think more clearly with some food in me. Why don't we go get some breakfast made, and then figure out what to do with Spike?"
I nodded, and followed her down the steps. Those steps are really, really small for a human's feet, so I can justify (kind of) the fact that I fell down them, rather than walked. Whats that? Normal people don't fall down stairs all the time? Well obviously I am not normal, Or I wouldn't be in Equestria. Which still confuses me.
Either way, Twilight giggled at my failure. I felt bad because Twilight Sparkle was laughing at me, and then she went into the kitchen. If I were your usual middle school-er, I would probably make a sexist joke there, but I really hate sexist jokes, so no. Never in 256 years. And five hours.
Not really sure what to do, I just sat in the library's main room and looked at all the books. It baffles me how I share the same language with Equestria. It would have sucked if I woke up in Twilight's basement and could only spout gibberish to her. Makes me feel gifted somehow.
Then I thought about how... casual this all was. I was something from another world, and Twilight didn't expect me to be smart, and now she was making me breakfast while on a first name basis. Does stuff this weird really happen often enough that it hardly fazes anypony for long? ...Because that's kind of awesome. 'aw, man, I turned you into a newt!'
My thoughts might have gone on longer if they weren't interrupted by the most glorious smell ever to reach my nose. If heaven made a deoderent, It would have nothing on this smell. It was like I didn't even need to eat whatever was making the smell, I was already satisfied plenty.
Walking out of the kitchen, Twilight held a massive metal tray in her magic floating it aloft next to her. She was smirking too, like she knew it would make me massively jealous of her magic. My mind made a face not unlike the 'me gusta' face, before deciding she was excused on all charges because DAT' SMELL!
I swear, she took her time just so that my mouth would water more. She enjoyed toying with me, and we both knew it. It was an odd balance of 'she's toying with me, but I get awesome food. Meh'
She finally set the tray down on the table we had tea at last night, and I got into a chair as fast as my legs could take me. What she had served up was pancakes and waffles. that was it. Delicious, syrup-soaked waffles and pancakes, just waiting to get in my belly.
I didn't notice until later, but I didn't even use utensils. I just shoveled that stuff right down my throat. It was kind of liberating, actually, to not have to worry about holding a fork. Then I felt sad, because ponies could not enjoy this freedom that I have been blessed with! They don'y have hands to shovel with! D:
I was halfway through my random bought of feeling sorry for hand-less things, when I looked up from my pancakes to see Twilight rolling around the floor giggling harder than a baby. It was the cutest thing I have ever seen. Ponies in stockings? Nope, laughing ponies.
Much too amused to glare at her, I just waited until she finally came out of her laughing fit. Tears were running down her face. "Oh, oh my. I apologize, but... *snicker* you humans eat hilariously!"
I cracked a smile, and decided that feeding her lies about silly things like how we eat couldn't hurt. "Usually we use our feet, but I thought that might seem even weirder than this, so..."
This somehow brought another bought of teary chortling from her. Maybe she was in that state where you feel a bit woozy, and really tired, so everything just seems hilarious in a whole new kind of way. That probably was it, and that just made the whole situation even better. Somehow.
Eventually, we did manage to finish our (amazing) food, and we just sat there in content laziness. I had no idea if Twilight had anything to do, or if she was just like, 'screw it, I have pancakes'. Either way, morning number two in Equestria was going pretty good, if I do say so myself.
Of course, this peace wasn't meant to last, because the window suddenly exploded. My completely calm and organized response was, "WHOA SHI-"
Then I was tackled by a blue blur. I flew out of the chair I was sitting in, and hit a bookshelf. Dear mother of all that is holy, did it hurt! It was like getting punched over, and over, and over again. Suffice to say, it sucked.
"What are you doing in my friends house, beast!"
Hey, wait, I recognize that high and squeaky voice. Thank you for making your entrance as flashy and violent as one would expect, Rainbow Dash. It's really appreciated. Especially by my gut. He just loved it.
Twilight had leapt to her hooves, and was looking pale, if you can do that when you skin (coat? Which goes pale?) is purple. "Rainbow Dash, get off of Braxton!"
Rainbow Dash blinked, and was apparently surprised to see Twilight not maimed or something by me. "You're okay? Oh. Is this a new pet or something then?"
"No Dash, he is not a new pet. This is Braxton, and he is stuck living with me for awhile."
I don't think rainbow Dash fully understood what she said, because she just cocked her head and looked confused. Twilight sighed, irritated with the requirement of further explanation. "Look, let me introduce you two. Rainbow Dash, this is Braxton. Braxton, Rainbow Dash."
She turned to me and put out her hoof tentatively. "Uh... hi?"
I grabbed her hoof and shook it hard. "Likewise, Rainbow Dash. Pleased to make your acquaintance." That was really satisfiying. Saying hello to Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle within the same lifetime was better than I ever thought I would do. Obviously I am a superior being. Not really.
She looked shocked that I could talk (I am sensing a trend here), and just stared at me like she had seen the devil. Not too far off, Dash. MuhahahahahaHAHAHAHAH- *hack hack* - sorry, couldn't stop the laugh. It just came out.
I slid away from Dash, who was still sitting on top of me, and tried to relieve myself of her weight. They probably weren't too heavy, but when you only weigh 80 pounds (no joke. I am completely serious here), many things seem heavy. Noticing my futile attempts, Rainbow Dash gave a nervous chuckle and stepped off of me.
I stood up, dusting myself off. You know, I didn't even get any dust on me. I was in a clean library, it wasn't like I tumbled across a dusty plain among the tumbleweed. That could be fun, log rolling with some tumbleweed in the backdrop of a western film. A tiny little bit of fame.
Dusting aside, I motioned to the table again. "You probably want to know what I am, right?" a nod "Well lets sit down and have a grand old chat, shall we?"
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Holding yet another cup of tea, I finished my summary of events that led me to Equestria. Rainbow Dash almost looked like she didn't believe my story, and only Twilight's input was the thing stopping her from yelling, 'LIAR!'. But either way, I had said what needed to be said, so my job was done.
I drank the last of my tea, and looked to Twilight. "Now what do we do?" I have no idea what to do now. We had breakfast. It was noon-ish outside. I had been introduced to Rainbow Dash. Seems like we had already done quite a bit already, wouldn't you say?
Twilight brought a hoof to her chin, and appeared in deep thought. Or maybe she wished she had the pointed goatee too. Who knows. "Well, I have some studying to do. Dash, do you have any plans for the day left?"
Dash nodded her head. "I still have to schedule a few more storms, and make sure there aren't to many clouds." Without another word, she just flapped her wings and soared out the door. When she opened it, I have no idea.
Twilight went upstairs, some books trailing behind her. That left me in a room chock-full of books on a nation/world/country that I knew little about. Whatever could I do? (heavy sarcasm)
Taking the blatantly obvious initiative, I grabbed some random books from the shelves and began reading. the first book I opened up was titled, "The basics of Magic: A Newbie Unicorn's Guide" I decided that even though I don't have magic myself (or do I?), I would take a look.
That stuff blew my mind. I didn't even understand half of it, and this is supposed to be the basics. It makes you think anout how overpowered Twilight is. I mean, there are tons of steps for moving a freaking rock, and she lifted a Ursa Minor, instantly milked some cows, and sent the bear to the forest for nap time. She could take over our planet if she wanted to, I bet. Now I'm scared.
I put that book to the side, and opened the next one. this one was called, "The History of Equines As We Know" That sounded like I could actually understand it, so I flipped it open. Equestria has a bland history. Weather Celestia covered up some Lunar Republic stuff or if this is the real deal, I have no idea, but it is basically just Nightmare moon and Discord. that is all. Other than that, peace, peace, and more peace. Big surprise.
I heard the sound of hoof steps on the stairs, and looked up. Twilight was trotting down them towards me with a worried look on her face. Naturally, that worried me as well.
"Whats wrong?" I asked.
She sighed, before looking at me with the most serious face I have ever seen on a pony before. "I felt this... disturbance in the magical energy."
"What does that mean?" I have no idea what that ment. I feel a disturbance in the Force!
"I don't know.. Everything felt weird for a bit, and my magic was a little harder to use. It doesn't make any sense, why would this happen...?"
Twilight began pacing nervously, and I think she was hyperventilating. Apparently this stuff isn't supposed to happen, because I had only seen her this nervous in Lesson Zero. And we all know where that got her. A heaping dose of insanity.
"Alright, calm down Twilight. What does this mean, exactly?"
"It either means a massive amount of magic was used, or, or... I don't know! This has never happened before! I have no idea what this could mean!"
Then, to my surprise, Twilight just collapsed on the ground, groaning in pain. "Whoa! Are you alright? Twilight?"
She was grinding her teeth, and sorta twitching while sweat began to coat her coat. I had no idea what was happening, or why, and it scared the hell out of me. Then, as suddenly as it began, she just stopped twitching. Just like that. "What was that, Twilight? Are you okay?"
Twilight slowly stood to her hooves, and took a deep breath. "There it was again. The disturbance. Only this time, it was much, much worse! What is going on?" Then she suddenly perked up, and ran over to her desk, Grabbing a quill and paper, she began wildly scribbling away.
I looked over her shoulder, and understanding dawned on me. She was writing a letter to the Princess! Of course! Anything goes wrong, tell the all powerful goddess.
Twilight went up the stairs again, presumebly tp wake up Spike, who had somehow remained asleep after half a day of being unconciouss. How in the hay do you do that? The show is not exaggerating when they say Spike can sleep like a purple scaled brink. I don't think they actually say that, but meh.
After a little bit, Twilight came back down with a frightened looking Spike behind her. Wow, I inspire fear in something. That's a first. It feels weird, like peanut butter on the roof of your mouth. That is a horrible analogy for this.
"I have informed Princess Celestia of this anomaly, though she probably felt it herself." She said, seeming much more calm than before.
"So, now we just wait?" She nodded. That left one thing for me to do. "So, your name is Spike, right?"
I swear, he jumped a foot into the air when I said his name. Jumpy, much? "Hey, you don't need to be afraid of me! The biggest thing I've ever hurt is a mosquito!"
I have no idea if this reassured him, because he didn't say anything. At all. It was beginning to unnerve me. This from the kid who laughed at Cupcakes. Wow, I keep mentioning Cupcakes a lot. I should probably stop soon. Maybe, maybe... nah.
Then Spike gathered the courage to speak to me. "Um... h-hello?"
I gave him a smile. "Hello!"
He stared at my... mouth, I think? And gave out a gasp. I didn't understand why he did this. I can talk, yes. We have established that already. Then Twilight did the same thing, and I got confused. I racked my brain for reasons why they would be staring at my mouth in shock, then a few human in Equestria stories came to mind. Along with the inevitable revelation of humans eating meat.
"Is it my teeth?" I asked, and they both nodded. I wasn't certain about my theory, so I decided to make sure first. "What about them?"
Twilight pointed with a shaking hoof. "Your teeth... some are pointed."
I nodded. "Yeah. So?"
"You eat meat."
Spike and her gasped (again) at this confirmation, and I felt a little bad for them. Imagine if your grandmother told you, out of the blue, 'I'm a cannibal'. That would throw you for a big loop, wouldn't it?
I decided that I should rest their fears. "I don't eat ponies, alright? I don't plan on ever doing so, either."
they seemed a little calmer, but still unnerved. Our moment of extreme awkwardness did not last long, because the world itself decided that it shouldn't. I don't know if I should thank it or hate it. based on how it did so, hate.
A horrible groaning filled the room, and the sound of wood being riven in half nearly deafened us. Splinters flew from the floor as a large crack appeared. Everything stared shaking, and I fell. Right into the giant ravine.