The most ordinary day in Equestria. Until a 6 year old human girl walks straight in the middle of the lively Ponyville Marketplace, in its most busiest of hours! When nopony offers to help this lost soul, Rainbow Dash steps in! The girl is young and doesn't seem to know much of anything, let alone about talking horsies! But she will have to put her blind trust in the hooves of one!
RD will also find that something is definitely off about this alien creature from another realm! What is it? Read to find out!
Update: The story line progresses somewhere after the Crystal Empire adventure adventure during season 3.
Chapters (10)
A good start, A thumb up, since I noticed they are not always given even if people likes stories. I will follow to see more.
714729 I hope you'll excuse me! Picking the right vocabulary for the right character isn't always easy. I have no experience with little kid characters
Ill see where you take this.
(“What in the hay is goin on ovah thea?”) dude wat?
714850 Texan accent
"Are you blind?" "Yes!"
Me: WHAT THE FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU... ...!!!
Ya got me thair,mate.
So far it's pretty awesome! It's a whole lot different from your typical HiE story. Like to see where this is going!
714935 Thank you very much Mr. FanForever! This the kind of reaction I was exactly going for! Have some fun pony emoticons:
714922 There are hints of her condition everywhere throughout the story and in the picture itself
Very interesting premise. Something great could easily be made out of it.
Still a couple of suggestions. Instead of saying "The Texan" say something the 'southern', 'farm pony' or 'cow pony', since it's clear that the people of Equestria have NO idea what a human is or that Earth actually exists.
Also I don't believe that AJ would of ran away like that, but It's for the story progression so I'll forgive you.
I also agree that the language the girl uses needs to be less 'formal', but kept mature, as such things like blindness tend to make people mentally mature as a faster rate.
715005 I must have been sleepy to miss those details all out!
715064 Thank you for your notes! I'm already ahead of you. I'm working on the next chapter as we speak. And I am keeping the maturity in the girl's speech as you said
I've sense a little Dancer in the Dark vibes going on here.
Most HiE stories are boring. This however shows a glimmer of hope to be something good
HiE storys with an original concept are few and far between, I'll be keeping an eye on this story.
looks interesting
i shall follow this story
Kinda interesting story. Better follow to see how it turns out.
I don't care how short the chapters are, I just wanna read more! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
I think you might want to rephrase one sentence "One time when she was still alive I SAW my mommy crying, she told me that he didn’t love us anymore."
Or did I miss the fact that she wasn't born blind?
Other than that, interesting concept.
MOAR?
720941 Thank you for your note! I'll fix it!
Mama Dash going on another mission
720923 Thank you all for the great support! I really appreciate it you guys! Honestly, I was expecting you would like it but I never knew how addicting it might be! I hope I don't disappoint you! If there's anything you find wrong, I'm always welcome to constructive criticism, and can always do a rewrite!
Damn you!
You make me cry in joy!
Title drop!
"You gonna have to have some Blind Trust in me!”
nypost.com/r/nypost/blogs/popwrap/201103/IMAGES/18/peter.jpg
721183
A duuuh! Totally on purpose! After all It Iiiiis The Title!
Peter Griffin! You are so observant!
So Good! Keep it up!
BEGIN BAD SINGING!
I BELIEVE I CAN FLYYYYYYYYy
I BELIEVE I TOUCH THE SKYYYYYYYYY
LALALALALALALA
LALALALALALALA
I like this story a lot. It warms my heart.
I fine the cover art funny because the little girl is currently pissing Rainbow Dash who is twenty something atm
725872 Hahhahahah! Well the actual reaction is in chapter 2
I'm looking forward to Kelly touching Celestia and Luna faces!
725927 Oh, yeah! There will be that!
Splendid!
Fantasic!
Do I sense Dashie's maternal instincts kicking in?
Also. Make the chapters longer! I WANT MOAR!
727985 The next one is is nearly 7 pages long already, and I still need to add one more scene. Rest assured that Chapter 3 will be Twice as long!
Very good for a first try! Heck, good period! I suggest a minor re-read or two before you publish, though, there are a few grammar issues.
i hope the next chapter doesn't take very long to come out i really like this story :P
This is soo much better than 99% of HiE stories. Can't wait for more
Hmmmm.... aside from a few spelling errors and misplaced words, this does look promising
This is the face I imagined when you said Cliffhanger.
fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/163/7/4/we_never_had_a_single_fight____by_myminiatureequine-d536j0y.gif
731543 Priceless
731602 Why thank you. Thank you very much =D
.
Awesome! Way to go!
LOL mistress of awesome? +10
Ok short chapters are good to get people interested but when it comes to main storyline people like to see more :D
Please make longer chapters :D
Your doing so well!
731767 Well that's why the 3rd chapter is longer than the first 2 combined
731767 Ya silly