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my first 2nd person story.
Rated Teen Gore for referencing and some future events.
You are a new colt in town forced to live with Pinkie Pie. You don't want to stay long and don't want friends
Things change though when three fillies find out you don't have a cutie mark.
There are spoilers in the comments, and my other stories. So sue me.
Fun Fact: If the ending of this chapter seems abrupt it is because the next chapter and this were supposed to be the same. But I had no way to get to the next scene without a break and realized it was enough word count for a chapter. This will be fixed when complete and edited but for now think of this as the first half of a chapter.
Sorry, idea never passed my mind since I'm not good with comedy. References possible but not comedy.
but since you sparked it....i'll keep that in mind for any future interactions with Scootaloo. since at least by my count if more chapters are not broken up I have 7 more chapters to go at least.
Like the story so far but the "reflexive code" is kind of a bad excuse to have Cog go against his character. Whatever desire he had to help out should have been driven away because of his trauma with dad. One does not walk that off. If you want Cog to have to be nice, there are other ways to go about it.
>>796565 not exactly. I guess I'll have to fix this when the story is done and I make the edited/extended cut. But he never ASKS for help much because of his last guardian. In fact I'm trying to make that clear in the next chapter since before the last guardian he had he was genuinely a nice guy. The Dad is actually a cross road of him both enjoying what he does but at the same time hating his father for it and himself for wanting it.
In fact I'm going to take a little more time with the next chapter thinking about things instead of just posting after I'm done to see if I need to add anything since that has to be the point when he realizes this fact. Considering 90 percent of it will be self reflection.
Thanks for the feedback though. I'm going to take that and comments on my other stories into consideration before I start my next one since I feel the next one I do doesn't have as strong a character as these first 3 so I have to make up for it in improved writing.
Considering this is the one that can end the easiest and soonest out of all my stories I will comply. Still not sure if I should include filler with him meeting the others of the 6 yet since it's supposed to be about him and Pinkie but cross that after the next chapter which I'll work on after fixing the last one posted.
>>1056140 trust me in going back over those fixed chapters there was a LOT more of that I had done. It was part of the reason I went back to reedit. I have read fics that still call it an arm for the sake of 2nd person though so I didn't think it was something to change off the bat and didn't think of it at first. I may change it after I make a new chapter to go with it.
I gotta agree with you author, there isn't much of Pinkie in this story. Her and Cog's developing relationship was the pull for me to read this.
Although you have done good job so far, there needs to be multiple levels to which people care for Cog for his new life(unless you're going for tragedy). I hate to say this but so far with what's been shown Cog has a good reason to think the way he does about Pinkie.
Still I think you'll pull it off, good luck.
(Author’s Note: I wasn’t sure where to go really after the last chapter. I did have the ending set but this is the first in a series of chapters I never planned for in advance. The other option was just having Cog trying to work out things with Pinkie learning to be a good parent. But since I’m not one I felt it was better for some of that to be off camera/panel so to speak. I do have more planned for Pinkie to do to show she’ll be a good parent but this I feel was a decent cop out. Also I put up the draft because my proofreader was so busy with his own writing and the story he signed on for I decided to post this one up so please point out any issues.)
Why... Just why...? God im geeting the feeling shes now prostituting and im now reading with disgust... God its like seeing a a blind deaf kid on a train track and the trains about to hit him, you know whats gunna happen and you cant do anything about it or take your eyes away... 
>>1175978 Then you had the exact reaction I wanted you to have. but I also think it's funnier if you know that she is actually a hostess when the next chapter is all about Cog trying to get Pinkie to confess what her job is. there is an explanation for the welts. and I hope to make is seem just as much Pinkie only as I can.
But you can still have serial killer dads?
>>1257632 it's the rape vs murder argument. which is funny because the dad is both.
short version is since it is Pinkie Pie I can't make her something really dark of her own choice. So for example if she needs to be raped for some reason, that is fine, but if she decided to sell her body to a point she WASN'T having fun all the time doing it, that is not okay.
That's why I don't have her be a prostitute or something, Pinkie would never keep a job she would have a bad time in.
This is both a Draft and only part 1. I had nothing else released on any story this week so I put this up.
My editor has this and we do have part 2 done but until it is fully edited I'm not posting that and when I do this part will be edited to reflect it.
comment anything not obvious if you wish so we can keep that in mind to add into part 2. good day to everyone.
Well here you all go. I'm not 100 percent on this chapter but when I finish the story or come back from a possible hiatus in the future I will likely fix it and change it up as I like. Input would be helpful as I think I rushed things too much.
So out with the old arc, in with the new.
But that's the end of this for some time. other stories are a calling.
Cog! Get your shit together bro! Your allowed to have emotions sheesh!
This one I'm not combining after completing. Unlike before this one can work just fine without the next part to make it seem like a full post. Plus I wanted to get a post out of the way before going back to my newest story, then returning here again before the month is up.
when Sweetie came with about halfway up the stairs
This sentence is a bit confusing. Who was halfway up the stairs, Sweetie or Featherweight? You may want to reword it.
just ignore this ever happened.
'Forget' works better in place of ignore here.
it was working find
find should be fine.
out of her stooper
'stupor' is the word you want.
I think kiwiman40 said it best last chapter, Cog's pretty much actively trying to prevent his own happiness at this point 
On a side note, his reasons for remaining unattached seem a bit flimsy now. We haven't seen nor heard anything regarding his father in several chapters. Not sure if you wanted to go a different route with the story and abandoned that subplot, but frankly I don't blame you if you did. Dark storylines don't really do it for me.
Keep up the good work! Looking forward to that update 
COG YOU'RE STUPID.
- ahem -
As Serene pointed out above, Cog's reasoning for not liking AB seem more based on stubborn, not really thought-out beliefs, and at this point we are just waiting for him to come to his senses. Unless, that is, his dad actually gets here or Cog comes up with an actual (when I say actual, I mean relatable, not necessarily logical) reason that is then refuted, i.e. he is terrified of a relationship that brings him close to someone because he is too beat up inside from the last one that he then lost. Then he could be at least understood by the reader instead of just "My dad is alive, therefor I must be a pariah forever."
And as always, can't wait for the next update!
>>1490550 I suppose when I did it was more an excuse. Cog honestly thinks that while he can could on AB to be a great friend that they have nothing in common for them to be more off. Combine that with the factors of what I have written of the next chapter and it is a bit clearer.
But I wanna know what you think. Out of what I currently have written I can extend into a full chapter or just continue at the pace I'm going so that the next arc can start in 3 more chapters. Granted this will change how it all goes down in this arc on if I just skim two week or make the chapter about the two weeks of the Deal with Sweetie Belle. Which would you perfer since it isn't going to change what happens just how it gets to the end point.
>>1438070 you can have a say on this too since i already finished the skimmed version but one paragraph in particular I can turn into a page that changes how the chapter is currently.
By the way, I am by no means trying to make you change your plot, and if I sound like I am, don't listen to what I'm saying, because that is not my intention. As for the two weeks, you could use that as a chance to start to change any characters attitudes on things, like if Sweetie taking a chance with Feather works out more than anyone could have hoped, which might start to change Cogs thinking etc. You don't have to skip it if you can use it to your advantage.
>>1490897 it won't change the overall plot. I just wasn't sure if I should go into detail about everyone else since you seem to have forgotten that by the end of next chapter Cog is going to want to both hit Pinkie and Thank her immensely since you forgot this part and what Pinkie is trying to do at the end of the current chapter:
Also trying to pack as much at I can since I don't know if I have to hiatus this till 2013 after the next chapter to focus on http://www.fimfiction.net/story/39869/Love-of-the-Draw.
>>1491153 I do want to, but the longer I take the more story ideas I get and the longer it takes to get back to this.
Like how I I'm already trying to avoid a "Time of their lives" fanfic because that and the "Saw" fanfic I have in my head are better left till next year's holloween and more keep flooding.
and yes I know "time of their lives" is a comedy but it's a ghost comedy and Rainbow Dash makes a perfect Bud Abbot.
You should edit this a bit more. Mostly grammatical stuff, like commas and stuff that isn't really clear. Also, it would have really helped to to have " A few weeks later..." at the top.
Examples of stuff that could be improved
Helping out a friend was one thing but what you had just done for Sweetie Belle and Featherweight would be something neither of them could get around not bragging that you did even if, and at this point that was a big if, they didn’t end up married when they were older.
Maybe something like this? "Helping out a friend was one thing, but what you did for Sweetie Belle and Featherweight? Even if they don't end up married when they are older, they definitely owe you one."
More so that the stupid thought that Applebloom’s body was actually skilled enough to not break a bone after getting a disease long thought dead.
I have literally no idea what you mean here. 
Other than that, I do like where the story is progressing, Cog is finally manning up!
I love this story, the main feature of having it in Second person, a colt Intelligent (Because he knows everything that's going on around him and explains it accordingly (hitting each others lips accidently)) and stupid (because he forgets others way of thinking(like accidently kissing scootaloo)) at the same time.
But I got one problem with this story and its author...
Cause I have story ADD. seriously I'm like spike where I constantly ask past me why it was a good idea to not only have 5 ongoing stories but have a half finished one-shot posted and 3 other one shots related to Cog. Heck two months ago I canned two other ongoing stories and this week I just used an idea I had in a different story to stop that from becoming another ongoing story. At this point I'm surprised I'm even able to keep my stories straight at all.
Problem is I gave myself a sort of hole here until I make my next Love of the Draw Chapter.
Until then all my stories are actually linked in one form or another so Diamond Tiara can't change over time because she needs to change in that other 2nd person fic where the character is her sister. As is even if I do have Diamond fall for Cog too, it will be pretty much for no reason and just used as a joke. Like in a harem story when one of the girls is rich and is only around just for the fact she can afford anything to try and win the guy over.
I know I've posted an obnoxious number of posts, all chapters told, but I really like this story! And the timberwolf scene was good. When is this guy gonna take the time to learn magic?! Oh, I see. Maybe that question is like asking when scootaloo is gonna learn to fly. Something I guess they have in common...
Sea salt ice-cream? Kingdom Hearts reference or coincidence?
That aside, this is a nice story. I like!
Only reason I can't promise that is because I've seen others try and it not work as well as I already keep making and deleting stories like made so I can't go and do something that useless when I have other things in mind.
However! Since Good ending did win out I will make note of the differences and what the dark ending was in the notes. from then on. So since it is safe to dispell that the dark ending had the Narrator be a character here, a stupid twist I know but one that would have worked out okay if I had the skills for it.
Also yes because I'm horrible at it I just had Pinkie do a super reference but mostly to this. Have fun with that.
Also yes, when edited into their full versions and combined this will be the longest chapter I ever wrote of anything so far...and people wonder why I gave up on Love of the Draw which averages at least 6000 words on a non-split chapter.
>>2264735 actually your not too far off. Considering the planned two one shots that branch from this it works well here. As would be obvious to me but likely not coming across right is that Cog isn't really indecisive like most Harem guys are. He is quite literally like Tsukune from Rosario Vampire or what's his name from Oreshura. Where he does have one girl he likes but just doesn't realize it and doesn't even consider it because of the other girl(s) in the harem.
Personally I can't wait till everything is in stone and I can do the lesser type more. Currently the two I wanna do being what happens when Cog gets the Pinkie Sense and thanks to what happens in the next chapter, getting around a wee bit oh DT treachery
For those who don't get it, while still a draft you can notice a difference between the way this chapter is written and how the last few were. the slight style change is more apparent if you know what changed in the Final Mix versions of the first few chapters but I think by now about half of you can guess the twist now that I've told you where to look
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