zelda crossover huh? ill give it a shot

storys good so far. only thing is that you should make it easier to tell who exactly is talking. in most fics ive read, when a different character is talking, the author makes a new line, where as you just jumble a bunch of different characters' lines into one paragraph and sometimes dont even mention which character is talking. you dont have to do what other authors do, but just make it easier to tell whos talking. i personally am not really confusing lines that much, but others might

Ok, interesting but the letter was not formal really and Luna is talking wrong

New paragraph each time a new character talks

Hmmmm... interesting idea, but the constant break from the story and interaction with the author kinda ruin it for me. It feels less like a zelda game crossover with ponies than a huge rehearsal for a giant play about a zelda crossover with ponies, making it okay to speak to the narrator.

>>3729337293

Well, I don't really see anything wrong personally, it would help to point out the errors.

>>3734037340

Well, I'm actually planning to use the interaction between characters and the author in future chapters somehow. I'll work on the paragraphing too.

And only certain characters can break the 4th wall. I'm trying not to use too much storyline plot from the game itself, so it might turn out different from the original game. Well, some area's anyway. Don't want to reveal spoilers.

i like how your involving the narrator, it turns into a much more comedic fic, but if thats not what your going for then you need some serious re writing

>>3789537895

Well ill use the narrator alot. Pinkie+Navi+narrator=? lol

And i just saw your comment at my fren's fic

W8 a minute... i think i know who you are. If i do then my earlier comment would make sooo much sense.

this just got better :D

im interested in seeing twilight link meeting twilight zelda

Congratz on 1k views, bro :D

>>5229852298

Thnx alot. :D

Wish both of yours success too. :D I'm reading the second one naow  

im so confused...

>>100725100725

Me too.

What are you confused on? I never really thought this story through properly, so most of it was made up on the spot, reinforced by ideas that I already thought out.

>>107696107696

its just like. ocarina of time is my favorite game ever... Yet, im so confused as to what the hell nightmare is planning... Shouldn't the nightmare be gannon or something... everyone knows applejack into mares so her reaction is all wrong... should be all like "HAY NO!" already going out with rainbow dash....

>>108355108355

The part about Applejack into mares is fanon shipping. I'm wasn't planning (Or even thought of) shipping. Although that might have been fun to work with. And I love plot twists. About Nightmare being Ganon... well, I'm not going to give spoilers.

>>109736109736

you love torturing me don't you.

Mein gott!

And suddenly, Moony.

Was NOT expecting her to show up!

'O' Levels?!

You're either in the UK or in Singapore like me!

Hurray for common ground! I have 'O's too!

Ah crap, and so begins the studying...

>>185207185207

Eeyup. I'm a singaporean.

Good luck for your 'O' levels.

anyone else wave at pinkie pie?

>>191563191563

DON'T YOU DARE.  

*Navi was here.

i like how much navi breaks the forth wall

Ok this is my reaction to reading that the baby cakes pwned that guy:

The buck am I reading?!

My sentiments mirror the last line of the chapter...

I am officially stupefied. The BUCK IS GOING ON?!

Who else besides me wanted to beat mido up in the real game?