This is my theory of how Derpy and Rainbow Dash met.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 17th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Oct 29th, 2016
Jeseille-Hazim
19 | Female | Atheist | Bisexual | Brony | Whovian | Otaku
Jeseille-Hazim
Joined 17th Jan, 2012 ·
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so much win!
also first
That was a cute story. There are some sentence structure issues (the one that really stood out to me was when the class started laughing at Derpy), and the paragraphing is a bit jarring. Also, I know that most everyone here is familiar with the characters, but they probably could have used a bit more time adding depth to them.
Something I find helps is to read a story back to myself like it's the first time going through it, and seeing if the words feel natural. I hope it helps, and good luck in the future.
711525 Thanks and also thanks for the favorite!
711573 Yeah, I had a bit of trouble with that paragraph so I know what you mean. But thanks!
And that is how they met.
End.
711816 Um, okay?
711821
Sorry, couldn't resist.
712300 Heh, it's okay.
Nice short story! i liked it! except i thought her name was Ditzy not "Ditsy"...
712483 Thanks!
Oh, sorry about that. Fixed.
712334 2 things A) did you get the ispiration for how derpy got her wall eyes from "Bubble's", if not, look it up. B) in the end where derpy said "stallion", i suggest you change that, it just doesnt seem right, otherwise its a really good story.
712542 Yeah, it was a bit inspired off that story. Fixed it.
Awesome story
712649 Thanks!
Hay this is pretty cool *click*
712908 Thanks!
i WUB it!
this is not only a good story, its a believible theory! 
great story
just one problem. Didn't rainbow dash drop out (or get kicked out) of flight school?
(refer to "Sonic Rainboom")
713134 This took place before she got kicked out.
713045 Thanks!
713174 um.. if she graduated she couldn't get kicked out. duh
713235 Well, I just generally thought that the bullies were just messing with her and lying in the Sonic Rainboom episode, since most bullies lie about things they say. Rainbow Dash did say that she didn't get kicked out and by the tone she using, I chose to believe that she was telling the truth.
713176 your welcome
keep stuff like this coming! i got u watched brah.
It's a cute story and all, but your sentence structure, vocabulary, and characterization are a bit off. There are also a bunch of sentences and details that can be deleted. Why did you detail Derpy going to homeroom? It didn't advance the background story's plot, it was just filler. Rainbow Dash isn't too strong either (character-wise). She just seems like a generic anti-bully character, not the loud, obnoxious, overly-headstrong Dashie we all know and love.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowkiss_flip.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowkiss_flip.png
It was nice and cute, but there are some glaringly obvious issues that need cleaning up in future works.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_hmph.png
this is a great little story about two of the best poniesw in equestia
725564 Yeah, I have some trouble with those in my stories. Sorry about that.
727047 Thanks!
so CUTE
