Oh I did really bad with this chapter. I hope I can fix a bunch of the mind fuckary in later chapters.

Not to bad for the beginning. I guess the feline jungle is a popular spot to start off in. I suggest hitting up Fordregha, since he is in the same region right now. The part where Austin can sometimes talk and other times can't leaves me a little baffled, but I guess that will be explained in the future.

Also, the part with the alpha doesn't sit right for some reason. I mean you freaking it out as a distraction works, but a seasoned fighter like an alpha probably wouldn't be that easily distracted.  Just from how Griffin had the alphas described made them seem more than capable of handling a manticore, even one that could speak. Maybe make it one of the pack leaders, or have the alpha be in his later years of life. Another idea would be extend the fight a bit and have Austin win by dumb luck. Can't wait for this to get past moderation.

>>715458715458 I can say the alpha was a bit full of himself, and yes the talking at points will be explained, at some point. And I will talk to him, see if we can't team up for a bit.

It seems great so far. Manticore is a strange choice, but then again so is a winged wolf aka simnurv (After all, of course there are normal wolves in Equestria, were else would the domestic dogs like Winona be descended from?)

Yeah, sorry, but no.

Don't publish a story before you know what you're going to do. Trust me, having an outline and synopsis for each individual chapters is nearly essential if you want your story to be paced well, otherwise you'll write yourself into a corner, and no one wants to see that.

>>716650716650 Do not worry, I know what I'm doing.

>>716633716633 Um, ok?

10 dislikes and growing, I feel so loved! SO I'LL KEEP WRITING!

Me likey!

I like it as well!

GO! ODDLY COLORED MANTICORE! GO!

>>717305717305 Then he shall, working on the next one now.

Not bad. The pacing does seem a little off and I did notice a few spelling/grammatical errors "Manticore? Was not exceptingyou. Still, a good concept, though you might want to name that tribe at some point. I'm intrigued to see where you go with this.

>>715458715458

And yes, we are discussing a crossover right now. We'll see were it goes.

Heh, not bad but not good. It just feels rushed but I gotta say I love the idea too much to stop watching.

Buck yea more stories from Rusts world. You get a spike

>>723206723206 Why thank you.

dang... and I had just typed out the first chapter for my manticore too. Ahh well. If there can be more than one dragon, as well as multiple changelings then I'm sure there's room for 2 manticores. =3

>>739418739418 We should meet up sometime if that's the case, at sometime later when your story is published.

>>739435739435 you get over your dead kitties pretty fast >.>…

anywho, I definantly wouldn't mind meeting up. (my "benefactor" gave me the ability to communicate telepathically, but it only works with other humans.)

which actually ties in with the fact that I'm attempting to knock a few of the "minor" pieces together. (the major ones being people like Griffin)

it's for the Lulz. interested?  already meeting up with a zebra. (btw we're not in the jungle, so we'll have to find a way to work around that.)

>>739592739592 I'm in, I'm planning on meeting up with another piece by the name of 'Mango Jack'. I'm just going to keep calling him that.

>>739626739626 lol, love mango. perhaps we can arrange our meeting to crash into eachother outside a town?

( Gotta check on the zebra's plans of course, but I'm sure we can work it out. also, there is a chance we could be randomly assaulted by a quasi-shapeshifting dragon. (can only add parts to itself, not totally change it's form.) that I'm editing for, and we may be able to interest a sorta dragon... thing that has nothing better to do, to just "bump" into us. =3)

>>739659739659 Hmm, maybe. So your plan is to get most of the 'pawns' together?

And so another claims the title of Dragon Slayer. Nice work.

I wonder what will happen next....

btw, I'm totally stealing Kate... She would make life sooo much easier for Fate

(I joke. I will have to make up my own compainion at some point though. Hmm... Wonder how I'll figure that one out. Ah, well. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.)

In the meantime. Ponies

Image: http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/261/1/0/i_think_we__re_lost____by_contrail09-d4aaavq.jpg

>>769546769546 Heh, nice, anyway I'm feeling like writing something badass, but I can think of anything. Any thoughts?

Do not taunt the universe, or else it will throw mysterious teleporting hobos with magic bricks at you.

This is an interesting story so far.

You really like taunting the universe, don't you?  I was almost expecting Mr.-Magical-Mysterious-Teleporting-Hobo-Man-With-a-Magical-Brick to show up again.

Image: http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/t/trollface.png

>>739626739626 GOD DAMNIT HIS NAME IS KHAJIIT

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Sweetie_Belle.png

and that I shall come back with it when he is finished eating.”.   I think you ment it.

Ok... I held off reading this because of all the thumbs down you had. Now I just don't get it. Your writing is legible. It is much better than some of the stuff I've read on this site. Your characters are engaging. I'm giving you a thumbs up just to negate some of the bad press you get from the negatives.

my mind broke at the different races thing... MADNESS

>>788917788917 Next chapter we get to TALK TO SOME! EVEN DRAGONS!

Oh, I'm liking the desert melting pot / trade city you've got going here. They should be able to unload their loot and stock up like real adventurers.

>>788999788999 Damn straight.

Oasis... lets see how this turns out, I expected robbery and death for some reason. One does not simply have every single race in one city/town without that constantly happening.

>>795645795645 The guards and fucked up when it comes to defending the town, so there is like no tolerance to that kind of stuff. Beggers are just on the line.

>>795702795702 what language is that, dragon from skyrim i didnt reconize it or is it like some language in a midle eastern country or did you just make it up

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png

Use the Draconic translator here: http://draconic.twilightrealm.com/vocabulary.php

>>796240796240

Ah yes, the obligatory loading joke.

op much... nah

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_future.png

>>893299893299 Hehy, yup.

uhm recap? only Kate can hear Austin?

>>898515898515 Yes, unless he A: Forces himself to talk (Hurts him really bad) or B: Talks in another language.

Suddenly, cats. Cats everywhere.

>>902381902381

Wow. They got over the whole accidental pregnancy thing really quick.

yeah that was fast wait waht pregnancy did i miss somthing

>>910604910604 I expected more rage, never got any.

Maybe your readers don't read this.

>>912145912145

I was talking about your characters, but yeah. I know a couple do. Maybe they're waiting on me?

>>912207912207 Oh, Austin will never forgive Jack, still plotting what he's going to have done to you when he catches you. And yea, that might be it.

>>912212912212

No, I mean you kind of rushed the scene. With something like this he'd be a lot more angry and Kate would be terrified. You could have done a whole lot more than just three paragraphs.

>>912220912220 I'll put a lot more anger into it when I'm done with the second dragon, if ya want.

Yep. War were declared.

And I suddenly feel very afraid for Jack.

>>923760923760 You had better, Austin is cooking up a spell that will put Jack though all the pain Austin went though.

>“MANGO JAAAAAAAAACK!”

Image: https://dl.dropbox.com/u/12875849/reactions/00001002a.jpg

>>923811923811 question WHEN did austin meet khajiit, you totally like skipped that part of the story

>>943080943080 We are actually working on that, I think about a week or so until were done, or if we keep getting destracted a month

OHKAY!

FIRST OF ALL I wanted you to SEND THEM BACK TO ME!

These interviews are set a year after the EndGame, and are meant for the Chessverse Tumblr, you didn't need to add them to your story....at all.

Edit: Also, you"re gramar is attroshush;

>>983376983376 I'm sorry, I'll remove it if you want.

>>983382983382  nah, leave it be.

>>983428983428 Alrighty then.

>>912225912225

Wait, which chapter was this again?

>>10265531026553 Chapter 9, that's when Austin was going around killing bronze dragons, The start of a rebellion pt 1: Austin the bronze dragon slayer I think,

So "Jon" is a grim reaper that will be used in my story?

A weak miniboss, but lethal if not delt with carefully and swiftly. Well, the secret blade in his rib cage and fireball technique will a surprise for my Character, but i still want to know about his "underwater" movements.

And yes i read this thoroughly, you skip the moment where Austin, and Jack met.

>>10332201033220 It dosin't even exists yet, well it does but it is being worked on,

Fire ball? There's a ring for that,

Underwater fights? There's a ring for that.

Heh, I'm an idiot, and in no way is Jon 'weak'.

i reread the chapters twice and i still feel like i missed something...

>>10690591069059 Maybe you are, maybe your not, who is to say but the one who knows all?

where the fuck did all of these characters come from!?!?!?

>>10691011069101 They might have come from a collab that isn't finished. I don't really know what your talking about :I

>>10691091069109they weren't introduced and its like suddenly character! also how the fuck did he get the castle? the story goes from about to sack the castle to twilights library! how the hell did they meet? its like every chapter in this story skips 5 chapters worth of plot, character developement and adventures!

>>10691361069136 The one with Twilight was a question thing on of the higher ups asked me to do, its a part way in the future. And I don't remember a castle What chapters are we talking about?

>>10691531069153 the one where he said no to being a pet and the ruler got pissed so he decided to overthrow her

>>10692221069222 Oh,

Remember kids, don't mess with badasses.

>>10692311069231 also who the fuck is mango jack? where the fuck did he come from? he wasn't introduced to the story. you kinda just mentioned him as if he was there all along...

>>10693141069314 Working on that actually, it takes a while to write something this huge I'll have it done when I can spare time for writing it.

there were a couple other weird story gaps in there but i cant remember them at the moment >>10693261069326

Still figuring out when Celestia/Luna and the main six will appear.

>>15450091545009 In most of these stories most of them arn't even seen.

But, sadly, I have given up on this story, I just don't know where to take it anymore.

Jon Jon Jon