This is....quite short.

The ending cuts off way too abruptly. Also, you should really work on the plethora of tiny grammar problems.

Okay. Your base story is not bad. But it needs a lot of work.

The first paragaph is too long and contains run on scentences. There are a number of grammar mistakes and mispellings. The conversation doesn't feel genuine. When writing diologue it is important to sit back and try to imagine the characters actually saying the lines.

If you would like anything more specific pm me.

If I said anything, it would just be repeating what the others said.  Listen to your readers because these guys are offering good advice and take into account what you can learn from them and put it into the next chapters.  Other than that, you have a good plot.  

I agree with it being way to shory

Plus ive been work working on this story for a while but never found the time to right it so i just posted it im going to edit it for sure and try to make it longer thanks for ur help