- Member Since 18th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen March 23rd
Inquisitor M
Why 'Inquisitor'? Because 'Forty two': the most important lesson I ever learned. Any answer is worthless until you have the right question. Author, editor, critic, but foremost, a philosopher.
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Thank you. Short, predictable, fluffy... just perfect the way it is.
I wouldn't call it fluffy. Very well-done. I'm curious whether you wrote it longer or shorter originally. I'm guessing you expanded it to reach the accursed 1000-word limit. You British? sombre => somber in America.
6769762 Depends what you mean but originally. A few words came out, a few words went in, but when the entire things was under three hours from first word to posting, it pretty much just is what it is.
And yes, British spelling.
A marvel of pacing, and the tension is palpably released at the very end.
6769762 You're probably right in that the word 'fluffy' carries to connotation of a story carrying superflous fluff, which this story certainly doesn't. I just wanted to express my desire to go cuddle with it. Maybe 'cute' would've served me better.
Powerful for its length, and paints in exactly the context it needs. Thank you for this.
(Ironically, it would have made a super strong entry in the "Things Left Unsaid" writeoff that just wrapped up, even though I'm sure this story's origin had nothing to do with the Writeoffs.)
6792673 Yeah, I hadn't even seen the prompt for that writeoff; I just woke up Christmas day in an unusually good mood and had this idea for the mirroring. The bulk of the time spent was making sure Luna's feelings came through in her voice and her actions, but it's definitely the indirect monologue that I was most pleased with in the end. Writing a character's indecision and paralysis is a tricky thing; I had to ramp things up pretty quickly, and I think the 84-word sentence that didn't even finish capped it concisely. The rest is pretty much riding the coat-tails of that without cocking anything up :P
6768608 Not sure If I dare call any fiction perfect; but I kinda feel the exact same way.
The first half of the story gave me a strong What's in the box? kind of vibe. With Luna pondering the ramificationd of her actions, deciding whether to proceed or not. While I was able tell what was going to happen by the second half, it was still much sweet (those two words might not sound very good together but they feel right).
A great way to start off my day!
Too bad pure slice of life doesn't tend to be very popular in this site. The story is good, no doubt about it.
In rare cases, usually when the description promises to be a utterly adorable a slice of life, SoL stories can go viral so to speak, but again that's the exception rather than the norm
Any feedback I can give is directed towards the description. I'm thinking that perhaps if you try using a more immediate language that the one it is written as to portray a greater sence of urgency, regret, satisfaction or all of above the story would capture more readers attention.
Best wishes,
~Leonzilla
6949368 As much as I've really come to like the simplicity of this piece, I have a feeling you might get more of a kick out of I, Paladin. They're short entries with a little more meat hidden behind some fluff – plus there's more of Luna being adorably unsure of herself, except that she's generally brighter and cheerier, which was a nice change of pace for me. There's a fair chance that there will never be any more of it, but there are still two more vignettes in might head that might get penned someday.
Alternatively, might I dare to suggest skipping the text version of Eclipsed and listening to Scribbler's reading; whatever skill I managed to cram into the words is profoundly improved by her rendition.
Either way, thanks for reading and enjoying!
This was marvelous. :D
6970403 Thanks for the catches, PP.
Charming.
Hooray, a Sad Luna tale that is actually good reading. Makes a change not to have to work at understanding one of your fics, too! I'd probably have got more out of it reading it by the fire on a cold day, but it was very pleasant fluffiness all the same.
7458705 I guess I prefer to think of this one as a 'happy Luna' story.