Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Look Before You Sleep

Dear Princess Celestia,

I've noticed something about Rainbow Dash. She loves napping on the job. In trees. As a matter of fact, she's been laying on so many tree branches, that a group of ponies had to tear down all the loose branches before a severe thunderstorm hits. And we're having this severe thunderstorm to make up for one they missed last week. Last I checked, Rainbow runs the weather patrol around here. So they probably missed last week's rainfall because she was napping in yet another tree.

So Rarity and Applejack went and helped some non-lazy ponies take down all the loose branches that the lazy bitch had been sleeping on, before they get snapped off in the winds of this upcoming storm. But Rarity thought she had to give each and every branch a spa treatment. Even if trees, or maybe just their branches, were sentient, I doubt they'd want their leaves to look like us. Especially when one of our kind has been sleeping on them. So we have a ditz who prettifies everything and a redneck workaholic. Clearly, I knew they were going to get into a fight.

Then it starts to rain. I stood there watching for a minute or two, then I called them in. I considered leaving them to run home in the rain, but I kind of want to see if they'll fight for a few hours in a sleepover, and then we all end up sleeping with each other. I mean come on; snobby fashion designer and a simpleton who kicks trees for a living? That's bound to brew up some conflict. And from that conflict, could potentially be a very sexy night.

Thankfully, Rarity stopped Applejack from coming in with muddy hooves, or I would've had to do some bucking of my own. So how did I come up with this sleepover idea? Simple. I was rounding up the worst books for my annual book bonfire when I came across one titled Slumber 101: Everything You Wanted To Know About Sleepovers But Were Afraid to Ask. I thought to myself, 'Wow, this isn't even good enough to burn. So why not torment my 'friends' with it instead?' Frustration build up, and could be released via sexual urges!

First up was makeovers. Not so much for me, but Rarity was certainly excited about it, and I figured if we put mud masks on, that's at least five minutes that I don't have to look at Rarity's hideous face. Then, during the ghost stories, they turned their stories into how they didn't like each other. Brilliant, it was working! So I decided to fuel the flames with a little truth or dare. Rarity forced Applejack to slut herself up a bit, and in return, Rarity got all wet. When they starting yelling at each other, I knew the opportunity was at hand. It was pillow fight time. Pillow fights usually lead to sex.

Sure enough, they went into it full force, and I got the brunt of the hits, and that really started to turn me on. So I suggested that we go up to bed. I decided for them to make the first move, so I pretended to sleep.

But they wouldn't stop fighting! Soon they started shoving each other off the bed and began tug of war with the blanket. Here I was, horny underneath the covers, and they weren't making any headway. I finally had enough, and pointed out that in Slumber 101, that the most important point was fun, and I can't think of more fun than a threesome. I was just about to lay into them when the thunder and lightning got really bad. It struck a tree, and it was leaning dangerously towards the house next door.

Now me? I would've let it fall. But Applejack, all compassionate and hardworking decided to try and tether the tree, and in the process, brings the whole damn thing crashing through my window.

That absolutely killed the mood.  While they managed to get the tree out of my bedroom and get everything cleaned up, I couldn't get horny again. So my sexcapades would have to wait for another night.

Maybe I'll go after Rainbow Dash. I mean, she has to be into mares. Just look at that mane.

Your sleep-deprived, sexually frustrated student,

Twilight Sparkle