All-Equestrian Apple Pie and Hoofball
Even with a cake-stuffed Spike still on her back, Twilight Sparkle felt much lighter when she walked into the home of the Apple family. Finding Mort had taken a weight off her shoulders, and the fact that everypony had made peace with each other was an additional relief.
She put the events of the past few hours behind her, and focused on what lay ahead. They still had the afternoon and part of the evening to fill out. Pinkie’s party was supposed to happen much later, but now all they had left was to watch Rainbow Dash do some aerial stunts. Fun, yes, but it couldn’t take up the better part of a day, no matter what Rainbow Dash claimed. They needed to pad the time out some other way.
She could plan later, though. Any desire for it was driven out by the smell of Granny Smith’s cooking, which had permeated throughout the entire home.
“No drooling, Spike,” she told her passenger.
“I-I don’t know what you mean,” he said, right before she heard a licking sound.
Rarity and Fluttershy walked over to the couch, sitting down in it with content smiles. Pinkie Pie bounced past her toward the kitchen, giggling happily. Rainbow Dash followed close behind, but stopped for a moment beside Twilight. “Uh, me and Pinkie are going to check out the kitchen. You know, in case Granny needs help.”
“Of course,” she said, with a good-natured roll of her eyes. Rainbow Dash blew a playful raspberry and trotted off towards the kitchen. A moment later Twilight heard a joyful elation from the elderly mare.
Mort walked up behind her, with Applejack by his side. His eyes were scanning the room as Applejack spoke to him. “Welp, this here’s our humble abode,” she said, gesturing all around them. “Been here goin’ on three generations, and gonna be here fer lots more, if we can help it!”
“It’s… very nice,” Mort said. The distant tone he used confused Twilight.
Applejack, however, didn’t seem to notice. “Why thank you kindly, Mort! Let me go introduce you to the rest of the family. Now, you already got acquainted with Apple Bloom—Ah hope she wasn’t a hoof-full or nothin’.”
Mort chuckled. “Nah, she was fine. You’ve done a really good job, all things considered.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “What’s that mean?”
He hesitated. “Uh… well, you work on a farm, and a farm life is pretty busy and everything...”
“Well shucks, ‘tain’t that bad,” she said modestly. “There’s always time to raise a filly right. ‘Specially if’n Ah got other family to help. Like this feller right ‘ere!”
She suddenly pointed towards the stairs, just as Big Mac made an appearance. The tall, red stallion paused a moment to smile amicably at all of them, chewing on the straw piece in his mouth. “Howdy, y’all.”
“Howdy,” Twilight giggled. Big Mac walked over, taking a spot next to Applejack. His younger sister had to reach up to drape a foreleg over his shoulders.
“Big brother,” she said, and gestured at Mort. “This ‘ere’s a new pony in town who’s lookin’ to make some friends. His name’s—”
“Mort.”
“Yep, that’s...” Applejack stopped suddenly, and blinked. “Huh?”
“Nice to see you again, Big Mac,” Mort said, shaking the larger stallion’s hooves.
“Likewise,” he said. “Glad to see you made it after all. Any problems gettin’ here?”
“Well, it was a little rough going at first,” he admitted. “But I think the worst is behind us.”
“Now hold on a moment,” Applejack said, standing between the two. “You two met already?”
“Saw him on the way back this mornin’,” Big Mac said. “Said he was meetin’ some ponies, but Ah didn’t realize it was you gals.”
“He gave me an apple,” he said, sounding surprisingly appreciative about it. “I kinda figured you were related when I saw you and your cutie mark,” he said, pointing at the trio of apples on Applejack. “I never really got a chance to bring it up, though.”
“Well, now ain’t that a hoot!” she said, swinging her foreleg in front of her. “Guess that means the only one left is Granny Smith! Hey Granny, come on out ‘ere a minute!”
Twilight winced at the sudden volume, and flattened her ears until the ringing stopped. Applejack giggled. “Sorry, Twi’. Y’know how Granny is without her ear trumpet.”
“Eh? Did somepony say somethin’?” The quakey voice came from an elderly, green mare who slowly walked out from the kitchen, her joints creaking with each step. A cooking apron hung from her neck, sporting the mandatory “Kiss the Chef”. “I could’ve sworn...”
She trailed as her eyes landed on Mort. She blinked a couple times, then her eyes narrowed. “What are you doing here?”
Confused looks were shared across the room. Mort gulped nervously. “W-what do you mean?”
“I told you before!” she said heatedly, walking up to him. “I ain’t interested, I don’ want yer pamphlets, and you are not puttin’ any fancy, schmancy doohickey on my head!” She poked Mort in the chest several times for emphasis.
“Uh, Granny Smith?” Twilight said, putting on a disarming grin. “This is Mort. He’s… not selling pamphlets.”
“Eh? Really?” She looked at her grandchildren, who nodded in agreement. Suddenly, her mood changed completely, as her scowl was replaced with a big, wrinkled grin. “Well, why didn’t you say so? Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres, young’un’!”
She reached out and hugged Mort, an act that was instantly followed by a small pop in her back. “Oooh, stretched myself a little too far that time!” she exclaimed, letting go of him to rub the spot. “Well, I’m glad y’all showed up when you did! For a minute I thought we were gonna be eatin’ all by our lonesomes!”
“We had a few complications on the way here,” Rarity said from the couch, “but I think we’ve got most of the wrinkles ironed out now.”
A hush descended upon the ponies. Applejack and Big Mac visibly winced. Granny Smith hobbled over to Rarity, giving her a stink eye.
Rarity gulp. “N-not that there’s anything wrong with wrinkles! Why, on some of my best dresses I think they even add… character?” She smiled a little too widely, a bead of sweat rolling down her forehead.
Granny Smith kept her eye on Rarity a moment longer, then made a curt nod of approval. “Yer dang right they add character!” She patted Rarity on the shoulder, grinning at her. “You’ll appreciate them even more once you get them yerself.”
Granny Smith turned away, just in time to miss the look of abject horror on Rarity’s face. “Now that everypony’s here, how ‘bout we get everythin’ ready for lunch? I’d be mighty appreciative if y’all could help us set the table out back.”
Twilight nodded. “Absolutely, Granny. You just relax and let us take care of everything.”
“Let’s go, everypony!” Applejack lead the way into the kitchen, with everypony close behind. Twilight could hear Rarity speaking quietly to herself about anti-aging creams and a trip to Zecora’s. Twilight wondered if Granny had meant to do that.
Twilight stepped into the kitchen, and almost felt like she had run into a wall—a wall made of the scent of baked cinnamon and apple, reminding her just how hungry she really was. Rainbow Dash hovered in the air, getting ready to eat an apple pastry that had been laid out, and Pinkie Pie was ogling the stove, completely oblivious to their arrival.
Granny Smith cleared her throat. “I take it this is yer idea of helpin’ in the kitchen?”
Rainbow Dash stopped in mid-bite, her eyes widening when she saw them. “Oh, uh, hey Granny! I was just making sure the pastries were... warm.” Rainbow Dash half heartedly juggled the pastry for a moment, then put it back on the plate. “So, uh, yeah. Definitely warm.” She crossed her forelegs behind her, trying to look innocent.
Granny nodded, and walked over to Pinkie, who hadn’t seem to notice them at all. “Pinkie, are you in there?”
“Uh huh.”
“Are you goin’ to be gettin’ up?”
“Uh huh.”
“Soon, I mean.”
“Uh huh.”
Granny Smith waited a few moments, tapping her hoof impatiently. Then she suddenly cried out, and made a motion to hide behind Pinkie Pie, pointing her hoof dramatically towards an empty doorway. “Eek! It’s a burglar, Pinkie! He’s gonna rob you!”
From out of nowhere, Pinkie Pie produced a bag of bits, and held it out. “Here you go. Buy yourself something nice.”
Granny Smith gave her a flat look, then grabbed both of Pinkie’s cheeks, pivoting her head until they were staring at each other eye-to-eye.
This seemed to shake Pinkie from her stupor, and she grinned at Granny. “Hi, Granny Smith!”
“Hello, Pinkie,” she said sweetly. “Can you help us set the table outside?”
“Sure! Oh, hey, I wonder how my bits got here.” Pinkie scooped her bag up and deposited it... somewhere. Twilight didn’t question it. Not anymore.
“If nothin’ else, granddaughter, yer friends know how to keep life interestin’!” Granny walked over to a cabinet, opening it up to reveal stacks of plates and cups. “Applejack, you go get the table cloth laid out, and Big Mac can get the plates. Fluttershy can pour the drinks, and Rarity, would you mind doin’ the silverware?”
When Rarity heard her name, she stopped tugging at her cheeks and put her hoof mirror away. “Uh, certainly, Granny! It should only take a moment.”
“Good!” As the ponies went about their responsibilities, Granny Smith opened the oven door, using a mitt to pull out the rack. Atop of it was a large and very delicious-looking apple pie, steam rising from the upper crust.
Spike breathed in deep, humming his approval. “C-can I put the pie out?” Spike said, rubbing his hands together. “Please?”
“Actually, Spike, I was thinkin’ our guest here could do it.” She stood back, motioning for Mort to come closer. “Yer a unicorn, right? Why don’ you...”
Granny Smith trailed off, staring at Mort. She blinked slowly, her mouth half-open. Mort stood rigidly, like he was afraid of making any sudden movements.
Concerned, Twilight walked over to Granny, nudging her gently. “Granny?”
The matriarch shook her head, as if coming to her senses. “Huh? O-oh, yes, sorry.” Granny reached over to the counter, putting on some oven mitts. She picked the pie up and held it towards Mort. He hesitated for a moment, then his horn glowed, wrapping the pie in his magic.
As Mort lifted the pie towards him, Granny took the mitts off, keeping her eyes on Mort. “I’m sorry,” she said, “but do I know you?”
Mort stared at her uncertainly. “I’m Mort?”
“Well I know that,” Granny said with a chuckle, “but what I mean is, have I seen you somewhere before?”
Twilight stood by awkwardly. Without her knowing, something had changed in the air, but she couldn’t place what it was. “He’s a collector, Granny. He goes around Equestria and gets rare artifacts for others.”
“Really? I could’ve sworn that McIntosh said he was a courier or somethin’.”
“Collector, courier, same difference,” Mort said hurriedly. “Either way, I’m transporting something, so I do have to get around.”
“Hmm, I see,” Granny mused, scratching her chin. “Did you happen to know an older stallion? Light red coat, had a cider bottle for a cutie mark?”
Twilight saw the pie lose altitude for a moment, before Mort had corrected it. “M-maybe, I tend to see lots of ponies,” he said, a nervous twinge in his voice.
Twilight was going to ask who Granny was talking about, when she heard a series of short barks, coming from outside.
“Why, that must be Winona,” Granny said happily, looking towards the open door. “I was wonderin’ what that dog had been up to!”
Mort’s voice was barely a whisper. “Dog?”
“Uh, Granny,” Twilight said, smiling nervously at her, “Mort has been having really bad luck with animals today. Maybe we should put her somewhere?”
“Nonsense! Winona wouldn’t hurt a fly!” Granny clopped her hooves together and whistled. “Come here, girl! Say hello to our guest!”
Twilight heard the telltale padding of feet, and before she could do anything else, Winona ran in, yapping excitedly. She wore a goofy grin, her ears perked up and her tongue hanging out the side of her mouth.
That changed when she caught sight of Mort. The dog skidded to a stop, scrabbling the floor with her nails. In an instant, Winona’s entire demeanor changed: her ears splayed back, and she pulled back her lips, revealing a mouth full of small but sharp incisors. An angry snarl escaped her throat.
He took a couple steps back. “G-granny? I-I think she’s—”
Whatever he said next was drowned out by Winona’s wild barking. Her fur was standing up on end as she slowly approached Mort, not stopping once to take a breath. Twilight and Spike tried to plug their ears, the noise vibrating the insides of their skulls.
Granny stared at her pet in shock, her mouth gaping open. “Winona?! Winona, what’s gotten into you?!”
Mort backed up, his attention going back and forth between the pie he was carrying, and the dog nipping at his hooves. His back hit the countertop behind him, and he tried to stand on his hind legs in an effort to put more distance between them. Winona was gradually getting closer, and Twiight realized that if she didn’t do something soon, they might have a repeat of what happened at the park.
But before she could even think of grabbing Winona, her barking was suddenly overshadowed by a loud and angry bellow.
“WINONA!”
The dog’s jaw clamped shut immediately, and her tail flew between her legs. Everyone in the kitchen turned to see Applejack standing in the doorway, glaring daggers at Winona.
“What in tarnation do you think yer doin’, girl?!” Applejack marched over, and Winona began to hug the floor, unable to take her eyes off her owner. “That ain’t no way to treat a guest of ours!”
Winona whimpered feebly, every bit of her wilder persona gone. Now she was just a puppy getting scolded for her wrongdoings. Mort slowly got back down on all four legs, and carefully walked around Winona until he was near Twilight. Winona made a move to get up, but quickly dropped back down at the sound of Applejack stomping her hoof.
“Are you okay?” Twilight asked, putting a hoof on his thin shoulder.
“O-oh yeah, I’m getting used to it,” he said, his eyes darting between her and Winona. “Um, but hey, at least I didn’t lose the pie! That’s something, right? Ha, ha... ha...” He tried a couple more laughs, but it was clear they were dead on arrival.
Applejack sighed, and looked apologetically at Mort, taking her Stetson off and holding it to her chest. “Mort, Ah can’t begin to tell you how sorry Ah am. Winona is never like that.”
“I don’t even know what happened!” Granny exclaimed, still looking stunned from what she’d just seen. “It’s like somethin’ flipped a switch in her head and made her all nasty!”
“I’m afraid it’s been happening all day,” Twilight said, glancing back at Winona. “All the animals we’ve run into seem to have it out for him. If they’re not running from him, they’re trying to attack him.”
“Gracious,” Granny said, shaking her head in disbelief.
“Well, it ain’t happenin’ again, that’s fer sure!” Applejack got low on the ground, looking straight into Winona’s face. “Girl, yer goin’ to apologize to this nice, young stallion, ya hear? Now sit up.”
“Applejack, I really don’t know if—”
“Don’ you worry none, Twi’, Ah know what I’m doin’. Go on, Winona, sit up!”
The dog whined, then slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position, her ears still laying flat against her head.
“Good. Now Mort, could you get over here for a minute?”
Mort slowly nodded his head, and stepped forward, keeping his eyes on Winona. Twilight chewed her lip, unsure what the right thing to do would be. She didn’t want to risk Mort getting bit again, but at the same time, it’d probably help him out a lot if they could find a way for him to approach animals without being greeted with teeth every time.
Mort stood by Applejack, the pie still floating above his head. “Like this?”
“That’s fine,” Applejack said, nodding. “Now, Ah want you to reach down and scratch her head.”
“But won’t she—”
“She ain’t gonna bite you,” Applejack assured him. “Ah promise. Apple family honor.”
Mort stared at her a moment longer, before turning his attention to Winona. He slowly lowered his hoof, approaching the top of her head. A low growl escaped through Winona’s lips, but it vanished with a stern look from Applejack.
Twilight gritted her teeth, already formulating a spell in case Winona was as much bite as she was bark.
After several, agonizing moments, Mort’s hoof finally rested on Winona’s head, causing the dog to flinch. He held it there, his eyes widening in shock.
“Go on,” Applejack said. “Scratch her a little.”
Mort traced circular motions with his hoof. Winona whined quietly, her body shaking. Twilight hadn’t noticed it before, but Winona really was terrified. She had chalked it up to Applejack’s scolding, but Winona looked like she desperately wanted to get away from Mort.
Mort finally pulled his hoof back, and stared at it in amazement. Winona kept her eyes on him, her expression blank.
“There, that wasn’t too bad, now was it?” Applejack hooked her foreleg around Mort, smiling brightly at Winona. “See, girl? Nothin’ to worry about!”
To Winona’s credit, she wasn’t barking anymore, but she was hardly eager to run up to Mort, either. If anything, by the way she bowed her head, she looked defeated.
This didn’t escape Applejack’s notice. “Aw, now cheer up, girl,” she said, rubbing her head affectionately. “How ‘bout Ah give ya a couple treats later fer bein’ such a good sport?”
Winona’s expression didn’t change, but her ears did perk up at the word “treats,” which seemed to be enough for Applejack. She called for the dog to follow, and trotted out the door. Winona followed, but stopped in the doorway to look at Mort again. She emitted a small whine, and followed her master out.
Granny sighed in relief. “Well, I hope that didn’t upset you too much, dear.”
“Oh, it’s fine,” Mort said, shrugging. “I’ve seen worse, really.”
“You mean like what happened at the park?”
Mort stared quietly at Spike for a moment. “Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what I meant.”
Spike arched his brow. “O... kay?”
“Well, I’m still mighty sorry fer that,” Granny said, patting him on the shoulder. “How ‘bout we just head out and try to ferget about this?”
“Fine by me,” Mort said, shrugging.
Spike held the door open for granny, allowing the older mare out first, which earned him an appreciative nod.
Twilight was ready to follow when she noticed that Mort hadn’t moved yet. He was scanning the room, as if entranced by something. “Mort?”
“Huh? Oh, sorry,” he said, shaking his head. “Just... appreciating things, I suppose. It must be hard for them running such a big farm.”
“I know what you mean,” she said. She was well aware of Applejack’s normal routine on the farm, and how some days could see her getting up before sunrise and going back to bed long after sunset. “They do get help from us and some temporary hires, but it’s still a lot of work.”
“They’ve done really well for themselves,” Mort said, rubbing his hoof over a door frame. “Baldwin would be proud.”
“Who?”
“You know, he’s...” Mort trailed off, as if reconsidering. “Nevermind. Let’s just go outside. You’re practically starving right now.”
“I’m not starving,” she protested, but a moment later her stomach rumbled loudly. Mort looked away, holding a hoof up to stifle a giggle. Twilight tried to keep a straight face, but she couldn’t stop a giggle or two from popping up either.
Everypony else was already sitting down when they walked outside. Rainbow Dash was tapping the top of the table impatiently, not noticing the slightly annoyed look from Big Mac next to her. Sitting on the other side of Rainbow Dash was Pinkie Pie, who was entertaining the foals by breathing on a spoon, then sticking it to her nose. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle eagerly followed her example, but Scootaloo only rolled her eyes.
On the opposite side of the table, Applejack had sat down across from her brother, and was wrapping a napkin around her neck. Below her was Winona, who tensed upon seeing Mort, but didn’t make any movements towards him. Fluttershy and Rarity were sitting down from her, chatting about something until they noticed them. Granny pointed out the right end of the table to Mort, then hobbled over to the opposite end, near Applejack and Big Mac. That left Twilight a spot next to Rarity.
“Well, there you are!” Rarity said warmly as Twilight sat down. Spike had already jumped from her back, sitting between the two unicorns. “Is everything alright? I thought I heard Winona barking earlier.”
“Everythin’ is fine, Rarity. Just had to strong-hoof Winona a little bit into behaving.” Applejack leaned over and rubbed Winona’s head, coaxing out a couple tail wags and a lick. She gave Mort a brief look before turning her attention away. If it bothered Mort, it didn’t show. He put the pie down in the middle of the table, then took his seat. Twilight shot him an encouraging smile, and he smiled back.
Rainbow Dash rested her head between her hooves. “Well, at least he didn’t fall into a pond this time.”
“That’s funny,” Apple Bloom said, the spoon dropping off her nose. “Ah thought Winona liked everypony!”
“Me too, dear. Maybe his choice of wears was givin’ her the jitters.” Granny finally sat down at her seat, arching her back until she elicited an audible pop. “Speakin’ of which, ain’t you warm in that thing, sonny? Wouldn’t you be more comfortable with it off out here?”
“NO!”
Plates and cups shook. Everypony whipped their heads towards Apple Bloom, her hooves still on the table from where she had slammed them down.
She quickly sat back down, her yellow face turning pink. “I-I mean, uh... no, because...”
“Oh, that’s right!” Rarity said, tapping her head. “Granny, Mort’s skin is very delicate. He gets sunburned very easily.”
“Oooh,” she said understandingly. “Well, it is awful sunny today. You gonna be okay out here?”
Mort shrugged. “I’ll live.”
“Sunburned?” Sweetie Belle said, sounding confused. “But I thought he—ow!”
She bit her lip, reaching down towards her rear hoof.
Rarity looked at her with concern. “Is something the matter, dear?”
Twilight caught the glare directed at Scootaloo, who was looking away innocently. “It’s nothing, sis,” Sweetie Belle seethed. “I just stretched my leg too far.”
“Ah bet it’s from ridin’ that wagon so much,” Applejack said. “Y’all ain’t gonna grow up big an’ strong if ya got Scootaloo drivin’ you everywhere.”
“Yeah, yeah, good lesson, so can we please pass the food out now?!” Rainbow Dash’s stomached growled, and she hugged it with a desperate look. “Come on, I’m starving here!”
Applejack looked at her with an expression of chagrin, but went back to smiling when she turned her attention to Mort. “Alright, Mort. Since yer our guest and everythin’, how ‘bout we let you have a first go at the pie? Jus’ remember to leave enough fer the rest of us.”
She held the knife between her teeth, biting down on the handle with the blade facing away. When Mort’s magic wrapped it, she let go and let him hover it over the pie. He nodded appreciatively at her, and rotated the knife over the pie, counting to himself. “So, thirteen slices?”
“Oh, you don’ need to worry about me,” Granny said. “Y’all jus’ worry about yerselves. I’m happy enough with a couple tarts.”
Mort nodded, and was ready to lower the knife, when Apple Bloom suddenly spoke up.
“Hey Mort, why do ya need to use the knife?”
Rainbow Dash facehoved. “Maybe to, I don’t know, cut it? Kinda like how he should be right now?”
“But why doesn’t he use his magic to cut it?” Sweetie Belle asked.
Twilight chuckled, appreciating a chance to teach them something. “Well girls, usually it’s just easier and cleaner to use an actual knife. It can take a lot of effort and concentration to make a magical knife, especially one that’s actually sharp.”
“Yeah, but Mort’s is plenty sharp!” Apple Bloom exclaimed. “He chopped up a whole tree an’ everythin’!”
Twilight blinked in surprise. “When did this happen?”
“On the way here,” Scootaloo said. “Some tree fell down and was blocking our way.”
“It was huge!” Sweetie Belle said, her voice cracking as she swung her forelegs out for emphasis. “We woulda had to climb over it if he hadn’t cut it!”
Twilight’s mouth fell partly open in surprise, and she turned to look at Mort. He was avoiding her eyes by looking at the plate in front of him, the knife still hovering over the pie.
For magical blades, it took a significant amount of power and concentration to squeeze the atoms together to a point they could be considered “sharp,” and even more than that to keep them together when contact was made. It was much easier just to wield an actual blade, or even transmute one. Because of that, while it was considered an advance skill, at the same time it was deemed rather impractical as well.
Still, it'd be interesting to watch, if only to see how Mort did it. Some clever ponies channeled their magic in such a way that the blade acted like a saw of sorts, cutting away at the material as it descended. She wondered how Mort would've made his to cut through an entire tree... assuming the fillies weren't exaggerating, of course.
Applejack seemed to have read her mind as well. “Well, Ah’d like to see it,” Applejack said, resting her chin on her hooves. “Why don’t ya give it a shot, Mort?”
“Yes, I’ve heard it’s possible, but so few unicorns actually do it,” Rarity added, looking at him with interest. “Could you show us? Please?”
“Do something before it gets cold,” Rainbow Dash grumbled.
“Well, if you insist...” Mort put the knife down, then focused his attention on the pie. His horn began to glow, and magic started to gather in the air above him. Twilight watched intensely, wanting to see what Mort had created.
The air crackled, and the magical energy suddenly collapsed in on itself. Everyone—bar the fillies—gasped at the humming blade of magic. Twilight felt her skin crawl and her muscles seize up. Fluttershy squeaked, Spike’s claws dug into the table, and the foals were watching wide-eyed in amazement. Everypony else could only gawk. Winona whined and darted underneath the table.
Twilight watched Mort hover the blade—long and curved, like a scythe—over the pie, watching its shape change suddenly change, the blade flattening until it looked like an upside down trapezoid. It took her a moment to realize it was actually matching the shape of the pie pan.
The blade went down and came back up in quick succession, rotating clockwise after each cut. When Twilight had the chance to look at lengthwise, she would’ve lost sight of it completely if it weren’t for the glow it emitted. Paper wasn’t this thin.
After the sixth slice, the blade vanished, and with it Twilight felt her body relax. She looked at the pie, seeing it had been cut into twelve, perfect pieces, steam rising between the slices. Nearly everyone seemed to be taking a moment to catch their breath. Spike, in particular, had to pull his claws out of the table.
“Is it over?” Fluttershy asked from behind her mane.
“Yeah,” Applejack breathed, staring in awe at Mort.
There was an uncomfortably long silence. Mort bowed his head, looking guilty. Twilight couldn’t explain her own speechlessness... it was like the rest of her body was still trying to catch up with her mind.
“Okay,” Rainbow Dash said slowly, “I admit, that was... kinda awesome.”
“Eeyup.”
Mort seemed surprised to hear this. “R-really?”
“Well, it’s certainly not something you see everyday,” Rarity said, regaining her composure. “Most unicorns would be lucky to get something as sharp as a butter knife. It was... educational.”
“Do you think I can learn to do that?” Sweetie Belle asked excitedly.
Rarity looked levelly at her sister, before smiling and patting her head in a patronizing manner. “Sweetie, I’m barely comfortable with you using safety scissors. You are most certainly not trying anything sharper than that!”
“Aww...”
Pinkie Pie picked herself a slice, licking her lips. “Neat! You should help us in the bakery sometime, Morty! We wouldn’t need any knives with you around.”
“Very impressive, Mort,” Twilight said, finally finding her voice. “I don’t suppose you’ve ever been considered for Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns?”
“Oh, I don’t have an edu...” Mort paused, seeming to catch himself. “Er, I don’t have a higher education. Just, you know, basic stuff.”
“That’s too bad,” Rarity said, as she and the others started to pile up their plates. “Twilight told us all about what happened at Sugarcube Corner. You certainly seem to have a knack for it.”
“Oh, not really,” Mort said modestly, putting a single slice of pie on his plate. “I’ve only managed to do a couple spells at most. Whenever I try anything else, it never comes out right.”
“Maybe you just need the right teacher. Hey, that’s it!” Rainbow Dash suddenly pointed at Twilight, her eyes gleaming with an idea. “Twilight, you could help him with spells later! There has to be something he could learn from you.”
“Me?”
“Magic is your special talent.” Twilight looked at Fluttershy, who then quickly said, “Um, if you don’t mind, that is...”
“Oh, you don’t need to do all that,” Mort said, waving his hooves. “I don’t want to make you work or anything. Besides, my case is kinda... complicated.”
Twilight opened her mouth, ready to ask what he meant by that, but by then he was already chatting with the CMC, who were asking him for cutie mark ideas. Twilight recognized this for what it was: an attempt to avoid any more questions on the subject. She sighed softly, and poked at the pie slice in front of her.
The time seemed to fly by, with everypony talking about what had happened leading up to now. It was the first time Twilight had heard about how Applejack and Rainbow Dash managed to get Fluttershy and Rarity away. She laughed at the mental image of Applejack ending up in another dress, and how Rarity had been trying to stitch the suit up. Mort had laughed once, and looked ashamed immediately afterward, but it was Rarity herself who had told him to lighten up, and admitted she thought it was funny too.
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were a bit more cryptic. Rainbow Dash had related how she had to gather up all the animals, but when it came to the finer details of what happened between them, their answers became much more vague. Rainbow Dash said she had cheered up Fluttershy and encouraged her, but when asked how, the two of them just shot a quick glance at Mort and blushed.
Winona stuck by Applejack the entire time, never daring to get close to Mort.
After a little while, Mort became more comfortable and started talking about the sights he had seen when traveling across Equestria, including some of the more fantastic creatures, plant life, landscapes, and architecture he had run into. He ate very little, and whenever he did, the food would always be gone in a single bite. It never impeded his speech, and he somehow managed to avoid creating any crumbs. Sweetie Belle wrote on a piece of paper, her ears perking up at any mention of an activity or job.
Twilight hadn’t noticed it before, but so far none of the stories he’s told were really about him. They were always about the places he’s been to, or the ponies he’s met. Never once did he let something slip about his family, foalhood, or anything outside of his work.
She also kept thinking back to the story he told at Sugarcube Corner, with the couple and the fire. The details about it still bugged her. It wasn’t that she found it unbelievable or anything. She was very much enjoying the whole thing up until the very end: when he said it had been called Amsterdame.
That couldn’t be right. The only explanation she could think of was that it was a joke. A joke about his age, maybe? Or how long ago it happened? It’d be an odd joke, but that was the only reasonable explanation...
During all this, Granny had been quiet, slowly eating her food and focusing her attention on Mort. She’d scratch her chin, mumble to herself, and twist her head side-to-side, as if trying to find the right angle to look at him.
Big Mac was the one to bring it up, after washing down his last morsel of food. He wiped away the juice from his lips, and said, “You okay, granny? You’ve been starin’ at Mort all day.”
Mort, currently in the middle of a tale set in the griffon country of Aquilla, stopped himself to look at Granny. “Is there something wrong?”
Granny didn’t answer right away. She first cast a suspicious eye on him, her hoof tapping the table. “I know I’ve seen you somewhere,” she said. “I can’t remember fer the life of me where, but you look awful familiar fer some reason.”
“I... do get around a lot,” he said hesitantly, and it looked like he was having trouble meeting Granny’s gaze.
Twilight braced herself. Granny Smith was the definition of a kindly, old mare, but she was also the definition of an eccentric, old mare. The last thing they needed was her mistaking Mort for somepony else. Again.
Granny continued to stare at him, before suddenly breaking into a huge grin. “Why, now I remember! It was at Las Pegasus, wasn’t it?”
Twilight looked between Granny and Mort, seeing the latter shift uncomfortably in his seat. She also couldn’t help but notice the troubled looks between Big Mac and Applejack.
Mort cleared his throat nervously. “W-well I have made a few trips to Las Pegasus...”
“That must be it then,” Granny said excitedly, clopping the top of the table. “Why, I was there with my hubby for our last anniversary! Oh, we had so much fun. Children, did I ever tell you about the time when we were trying poker then? Your sneaky granddaddy ended up cleaning out a bunch of cocky young’ins! Why, one of them—”
“Maybe another time,” Applejack said hastily, a nervous smile plastered on her face. “Hoo boy, that was a mighty fine lunch! Y’know what we all need after a big meal like that?”
“Antacids?”
Applejack sniggered. “Yer a hoot, Mort, but I was thinkin’ more along the lines of...”
She trailed off, clearly intending for somepony else to finish her sentence. The seconds dragged on uncomfortably, with no pony coming forward with an idea.
Applejack frowned in annoyance. “Oh come on, y’all, do Ah have to spell it out for ya?” She reached under the table, and pulled out an elongated, stitched ball.
Rainbow Dash rubbed her hooves together. “Aw yeah, hoofball!”
“Hoofball!” Apple Bloom exclaimed, shooting her hooves into the air.
Applejack nodded serenely. “Hoofball.” She got off her seat, balancing the hoofball on her head. “Welp, Ah’ll be seein’ y’all on the field! Don’ keep me waitin’!” She dashed off, Winona following closely at her hooves.
Rainbow Dash floated into the air, stretching her legs and wings. “Well, if you’ll ‘scuse me, I got a mare to cream! Who’s coming?”
“Ooh, ooh!” Pinkie Pie’s hoof shot up, flailing wildly. “Pick me! Pick me! Please, please, pick me!”
Rainbow Dash feigned uncertainly for a few moments, causing Pinkie Pie to wave her hoof all the more desperately. Finally, she seemed to begrudgingly submit, and said, “Well, Pinkie, if you really want to—”
“Wee!” Rainbow Dash was spun around in the air as Pinkie Pie zoomed by, leaving a pink trail behind her. Rainbow Dash gradually slowed down, shaking her head to reorient herself.
“Okay,” she said, trying to even her voice, “I take it you’ll be playing too, big guy?”
“Eeeyup.”
“How about the rest of you?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking at the others. “Come on, we need at least four more ponies. Anyone?”
“Can we play?” Scootaloo asked, her wings fluttering excitedly.
“Sure thing, but to make things fair we have to have only one filly per team, so one of you will need to sit out.”
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked at Sweetie Belle, both giving her big, pleading grins. Sweetie Belle sighed. “Fine,” she pouted.
“I got dibs on Rainbow Dash!”
“Ah got dibs on mah sis!”
The two fillies high-hoofed and ran off. Rainbow Dash flew around to the other side of the table, nudging her friends. “Okay, come on, who else? Who else? Rarity?”
Rarity didn’t say anything. She crossed her forelegs over her chest and raised an eyebrow, looking flatly at Rainbow Dash.
“Yeah, kinda figured that was a long shot,” Rainbow Dash said, scratching the back of her head. “Could you at least referee or something? You’ve got a good eye for detail and everything.”
Rarity quietly mused over the idea. “Well, I can’t be on the field, at least not too often. I don’t want my hooves getting too dirty.”
“Uh, sure.”
“I’ll also need to lie down occasionally, preferably in the shade.” She brushed over her coat delicately. “Mort’s not the only one with a delicate complexion.”
“Okay...?”
“And you will not have me wear any of those garish uniforms! I’ve seen them up close, and they are far too tacky for my tastes!”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Fine, fine, whatever! Will you do it?”
“Certainly,” she said, with a reserved smile.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, then turned to Twilight. “What about you? Wanna play?”
“Hoofball’s really not my kind of sport,” Twilight said. Actually, no sport was really her kind of sport, unless they made speed reading a sport someday. “Besides,” she said, with a touch of reproach, “Granny needs help putting everything away, don’t you think?”
“Hmm, good point. You should help her with that!” In the blink of an eye, Rainbow Dash was sitting next to Fluttershy, her foreleg wrapped around her shoulders. “Well, I guess that means you’re playing, Fluttershy!”
Fluttershy squeaked in fright, and tried to pull herself away. “O-oh, you don’t need to do that, Rainbow Dash! Besides, w-we’d still be a pony short, right?”
“Normally, yes, but we got somepony else here with us. Right, Mort?”
Mort sat up suddenly. “Huh?”
“Come on!” Another blink, and Rainbow Dash was floating beside, holding his head between her hooves. “When was the last time you played hoofball?”
“Er... never?”
She blinked in surprise. “Wow, really?” She pivoted his head around to be next to hers, making them both look at Fluttershy. “Come on, Fluttershy! This is serious now! You wouldn’t want this guy to miss out on playing hoofball for the very first time, would you?”
Fluttershy glanced away. “W-well, no...”
“Then what are we waiting for?!” Rainbow Dash started to drag Fluttershy towards where the others went, ignoring her protests. “Come over as soon as you can, Mort! We’ll get everything ready!”
“Uh, okay...” The four sitting ponies and one dragon watched the two head towards the others, with Fluttershy digging a trench wherever she was dragged. Mort looked questioningly at Twilight. “If you really want to, I could help you—”
“Perish the thought, dear!” Rarity said, cutting him off. “You’re the guest here. You should do as few chores as possible today!”
“Rarity’s right,” Twilight said. “Just go and have some fun. I’m sure we can handle things here.”
“I should probably get ready myself,” Rarity said, getting up from her seat. “Granny, you wouldn’t happen to have a lounge or anything, would you?”
Granny blinked uncertainly. “Uh... we have some towels in the barn?”
“That will have to do, I suppose,” Rarity said, sounding disappointed. “Come along, Mort. We shouldn’t keep them waiting.” She trotted off, her head raised in a refined fashion. Mort shot one more look at Twilight before following Rarity, almost tripping over the dirt left in Fluttershy’s wake.
Spike tried to dash after her, but he couldn’t escape the pull of Twilight’s magic. “Aw, Twilight! Come on!”
She lifted the dragon until he was at the same height as her. “Sorry, Spike, but I really need you to... help...”
Twilight trailed off. She gazed upon the table. Pans, plates and silverware had been strewn about haphazardly, piling up into teetering, ceramic towers. There was bundles of food piled up across the table, and she figured that not even half the food made had been eaten. The Apple family was always fond of making enough in a day to feed a family for a week.
She remembered the quick work Mort had done at Sugarcube Corner, and sighed. Maybe she should have kept Mort a little bit longer...
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I only just finished reading the previous chapter... And now I get another one!
FINALLY. LET'S READ.
Woot, another chapter! Can't wait for another!
WOOT!
ANOTHER CHAPTER!
Now I shall wait for the third promised one... =)
GAH!!!! Two chapters, one day, Celestia's mercy on my soul this is wonderful!
please let there be a third...
woooooooooo
PERFECT timing.
A shitstorm is brewing, I believe. I foresee him getting tackled in hoofball and falling apart, making them all freak right the f*** out, and then his having to reveal everything.
2481374
eheheh I didn't misspell deceive or anything.
Now ill hit reload, if there is a third i ll dance
Yay new chapters!
The Reaper's Blade, the best way to cut pie!
Great stuff. Really like the mood this story has.
Please make them discover him soon
Also Granny smith remembering him? Is that a good or bad thing?
Oh, well this can't end well.
Another fine chapter. I can't wait for the big reveal.
I guess Granny Smith remembers him from when... eh... Granpa Smith passed away?
Nice!
...She KNOWS....Granny Smith KNOWS!
Two chapters! Two! ah ah ah...
2481584
In other news, yay! This finally updated!
pike arched his brow. “O... kay?”
“Well, I’m still mighty sorry fer that,” Granny said, patting him on the shoulder. “How ‘bout we just head out and try to ferget about this?”
“Fine by me,” Mort said, shrugging.
I think "Ferget" ins't a word.(Forgot)
THE UPDATE HAS BEEN DOUBLED
it is when you're writing in dialect.
i can die happy now
btw its been awhile since last time i read this so if it isn't to much trouble....could someone please tell me why rainbow and fluttershy blushed when they told them about the thing whith the animals? i read the chapter before the newly updated ones, but i just cant seem to recall, it would be much appreciated
Agh! The tension is killing me!
Huzzah! The updates have been doubled... Wait. I just finished them both.
Myah! Curse you He-Mare!
pbs.twimg.com/media/BFap-iBCYAEPq8C.png:large
I want more.PLease.
Just wait until Twilight finds the pie tin.
Sliced neatly into twelve pieces.
Oh I can tell. This is going to go perfectly this time.
Holy flying f*ck it updated! Oh god, there goes the next hour of my life!
BEST.
CHRISTMAS.
EVER!
...wait...
How, in the bloody Tartarus, does Mort not know what happens when Hoofball is played!?
And I just finished reading the story before the two chapters yesterday. Awesome!
Excellent work as always! Looking forward to the inevitable hilarious disaster that is coming...!
Hoofball... well, that certainly fits now, as they have no hands to carry it around. The ball should be round tho, if they using their legs to properly kick it.
Gods, the sepense is killing me, they still don't know Mort is Death? Seriously? That's just sad....oh well, at least Winora knows and Granny Smith...I think. I love his scythe, it's amazing
I really can'ty wait for more of this, I want to see how Fluttershy does Hoofball
This is going to be amazing, I can tell, wonder if the other three horses of end times will show or atleast be metioned
This chapter was perfect
Ugh. Waiting for Mort to be revealed is killing me. Keep up the great work
.
I need more.
2482348 no, ferget is a word, but its still spelt wrong, should be spelt forget, but I think he's trying to show granny's accent.
O frabjous day! Callooh callay!!! This calls for the Happy Happy Dance of Joyousness! *AKA Futterwacken*
Anyways, two very great new chapters, so thanks and hope to see more soon!
Really? I'd've thought Rarity would welcome the chance to show off some of the moves she picked up from her Dad.
Wow this was a good chapter. Though there where some parts that tugged on my heart strings which made it even better.
Can't wait for the next chapter.
Two updates for me to read...
Aaaaand they're done.
This is one of the fist stories I started reading when I discovered this site not all that long ago... It is also one of my favorites. Please keep up the good work. :)
It lives!
Yes, I feel the same way, I'm caught up with the stories now. So much time, so few updates...
I don't even read Terry Pratchett, but I can already tell this story is absolute GOLD from the first chapter!
AnonymousMaterials!! I SALUTE YOU!!