Grey Hoof and Mitta
My little pony, My little pony
Ahh ahh ahh ahhh...
My little pony
Friendship never meant that much to me
My little pony
But you're all here and now I can see
Stormy weather; Lots to share
A musical bond; With love and care
Teaching laughter; It's an easy feat,
And magic makes it all complete!
You have my little ponies
How'd I ever make so many true friends?
Gladstone said, “I told him, ‘No, that’s not a main problem, that’s a MANE problem! Just use a brush!’”
Dinky laughed at the story, a long tale about a friend of his who tended to overreact if his appearance wasn’t quite right. Grey Hoof had introduced her, Dinky, to the carpenter pony, and they were hitting it off well. Just like with every other pony in town. In fact, Grey Hoof had personally introduced her to at least half a dozen of them, and they were uniformly welcoming and kind. Each one of them had spoken happily with her, and not one had told Dinky to go away, or treated her like she was some little baby who didn’t know anything. Moonville had some of the nicest ponies she’d ever met, Dinky thought, excepting of course her mother and Miss Cherilee.
“I think the moonlight works nicely with the paneling, don’t you?” Gladstone had told Dinky earlier about a special polish he used that sparkled in the moonlight. "It really gives it that extra something."
“Yep!” agreed Dinky. The paneling did sparkle and glow in the soft moonlight, and… wait, moonlight?
Dinky looked up. The moon was high in the sky.
No way! I haven’t been here for hours! I couldn’t have been!
Dinky groaned. How could she have lost track of time so badly? Her mother was going to be so disappointed with her when she got home, and Miss Cherilee would be upset too. And then—
Wait, hadn’t Grey Hoof invited both of them? Dinky frowned. Her mother would have either come back with Starlet or would have asked Starlet to return and tell Dinky to come home. She wouldn’t have just ignored the letter. Miss Cherilee would have done the same. And in either case, that should have happened hours ago. The sun had still been up when she’d entered town, and now the moon was high in the sky.
Dinky felt a sense of wrongness, and backed up a few paces from Gladstone. She wished, suddenly, that she were home, safe in bed, and not in this town with a really amazing party and a really weird sense of time. She didn't know why, but suddenly, she wanted to be anywhere else instead of Moonville.
“Is something wrong?” Gladstone asked.
“I don’t know…”
If time had begun moving quickly for some reason, what would that mean? The only way that could happen was if somepony had placed a spell on the village, or maybe on Dinky. But Dinky hadn’t agreed to be part of any spell, and she couldn’t think of any good reason for it to happen. If it was magic, that was probably not a good thing.
Dinky turned around and spotted the town entrance. Her head hurt; she couldn't figure out what was going on. Maybe leaving town for a few moments would help her figure out what to do next. She began to trot in that direction, still trying to figure out what was happening.
The ponies were all so nice, she thought. Maybe I just got wrapped up in conversations and games and cupcakes and lost track of time. But that just didn’t feel right, and her mother had taught her that she should listen to her instincts if they told her that something was wrong. So she would leave town, at least for a moment, and—
“Dinky!”
Dinky turned to see Grey Hoof trotting up to her. “Just the foal I was looking for! The party’s going to start very soon, and I wanted to make sure you had front-row seats for the opening ceremonies!”
Dinky paused, unsure of what to say. Grey Hoof was friendly, maybe she could ask him what was going on. “Uh, Grey Hoof? How long have I been here?”
Grey Hoof seemed puzzled. “What do you mean?”
“How long have I been here?” Dinky’s voice was just a little more high pitched than normal. “Because I didn’t think I’d been here that long but now it’s night and I can’t see Momma anywhere and I—“
“Woah, there!” Grey Hoof smiled and knelt so that he was looking directly into Dinky’s eyes. “Calm down. Tell me what’s wrong, and if I can, I'll help fix it. As the party planner, it’s my duty to ensure the happiness of every one of my charges.”
Dinky took a few deep breaths and decided to start with the most obvious problem. “It’s been a really long time but it only felt like a few minutes, and I don’t understand it. It feels like magic but I don’t want to be magicked right now and it’s not nice, and…”
“No magic at all,” said Grey Hoof. “Haven’t you ever heard the expression ‘time flies when you’re having fun?’ You’ve been playing games and talking to other ponies all evening. Of course it feels like you’ve only spent a little bit of time here. But that’s just because you were totally absorbed in the party. Trust me, none of the ponies here would place a spell on you without asking permission first. I guarantee it.”
Dinky sniffed. “But, if it’s been so long, where’s Momma? And Miss Cherilee?”
“Well, if I may say so myself, this is a pretty big party.” Grey Hoof nodded at the large crowds by the food tables and the carnival booths. “If you ask me, they’re probably here and just haven’t found you yet. But, you know what we can do about that?”
“What?”
“At the beginning of the party, I’ll make a special announcement for all our out-of-town guests and visitors. As part of it, we’ll have one of the spotlights shine on you. And then your mother can find you lickety-split! Does that sound good?”
“I guess—“
“Now,” said Grey Hoof, “You won’t be asked to speak or anything, but we might arrange for you to get a special treat. Just to open the party up. Do you like chocolate or vanilla more?”
“Chocolate–“
Grey Hoof began leading her away from the entrance. “Splendid. And cupcakes, regular cake, muffins, or brownies?”
“Uh – uh, cupcakes.”
“Excellent! Then, as part of the opening ceremony, you will be offered a big chocolate cupcake. With sprinkles, of course. Just like this one!” Grey Hoof waved his front hooves around and again produced a cupcake from nowhere. “Does that sound good?”
“Yes…” Dinky took the cupcake and, not wnting to eat it at the moment, tucked it into her saddlebag. “Yes, it sounds good…”
And so Grey Hoof explained all about the opening ceremony. By the time he was done, they were in the center of town, where carnival games and a large stand for a band were set up. Grey Hoof led her right to the front. “This way,” he explained, “When your mother sees you, she can head around this open space and run right to you. Sound good?”
“Yes.”
Grey Hoof seemed to pick up on Dinky’s lack of enthusiasm and looked away. “Of course… if you really just want to go home, Dinky, I’ll understand. I’ll ask one of the ponies to guide you through the Everfree. If your mother does come by, or Cherilee, I’ll send them after you.”
Dinky was considering accepting the offer, but Grey Hoof seemed very sad all of a sudden. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing. It’s just, whenever we have a visitor, I… well, I’m the town party planner. It’s my job to throw parties that even a pony who’s new here will like. Guess I’m still learning. But if it’s not to your tastes, that’s not your fault, Dinky, and I won’t ask you to stay just to make me feel better.”
“It isn’t that at all. This party’s really amazing!” Dinky wondered if Grey Hoof was maybe a little sensitive about his parties. She knew some ponies that took their work very seriously. Like the owner of Carousel Boutique, Rarity, who had once gone into seclusion for two days after a fashion show that hadn’t quite turned out the way she’d wished. “Really, it’s a great party.”
“You really think so?” Grey Hoof knelt again. “Sometimes I worry that the other ponies in town, see, they’ll tell me it’s good because they’re my friends. But you’re being honest, right?”
“Yeah!” Dinky nodded her head quickly. “It’s a really wonderful party, and it’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen, and the food is great and the games are really cool!”
Grey Hoof smiled, a bright grin that seemed to light up their section of the field. “Alright. Thanks, Dinky. I’ll go pick out another chocolate cupcake for you.”
Dinky looked around, a little more relaxed. Grey Hoof was so nice, and he obviously wanted Dinky to be really happy. He was probably being honest about Dinky just losing track of time; it wouldn’t be the first time that had happened, after all, and he seemed so trustworthy. It was the way he talked, she thought. He was very friendly when he talked, and he always seemed to take into account what Dinky wanted. It was…
It was a little eery, actually. Dinky knew a lot of pony adults, and liked most of them, but Grey Hoof was the only one who had acted exactly like Dinky would want. That was weird, wasn’t it? That Grey Hoof was so perfect?
”If some pony sounds too good to be true, they probably are,” she remembered her mother saying.
And something else gave her pause. She’d heard another pony speaking like him, and recently. Who was it, again?
“How do you do it?” Dinky had asked.
She was smiling brightly. Trixie had just finished a magic show for Cherilee’s class, and every single pony there had loved it. Dinky had been surprised to note that even the normally distracted Snips and Snails were paying attention, as were Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. The tricks had been great, of course, even including the one that went slightly wrong and filled half the room with a cloud of blue smoke, but Dinky had a feeling there was more to it than just the tricks.
Trixie opened up an empty box so that Dinky could put away a few props; in exchange for a few jangles, Dinky had agreed to help Trixie clean up. “Well, I’m just a great illusionist,” she said, smiling.
“Yeah, but what else?”
Trixie laughed. “A big part of it is ‘patter,’ Dinky.”
“Patter?”
“Patter. Talk. A good magician has to be able to draw in her audience with words alone. Talk a lot, get them interested in, and then distract them with your voice…” Trixie clapped her hooves, then pointed to the box. Dinky looked and saw that the box now contained the four aces in Trixie’s card deck. She grinned, wondering how the mare had done it when she, Dinky, had been looking at and talking to her this whole time.
“…and then you can do anything you want with your hooves. There’s other techniques too. Figure out what they want, ask them questions so they ask for it, then give it to them – it makes them feel like they’re in control. Act like you’re best friends with them even though you’ve never met, so they don’t suspect that you’re about to put a big illusion on them. If they have any concerns, agree to whatever they want, then do what you were going to do anyway, and they’ll be so relieved they won’t notice that you’ve tricked them again. If they keep raising objections, get offended and convince them that it's mean to question you.” Trixie helped Dinky put a large set of metal balls into the box. “Seriously, tricks with words are just as important as tricks with cards and dice. Why, you thinking of becoming a magician?”
“Oh, I was just curious.” Dinky wasn’t sure what she wanted to do when she grew up, but she hoped it would involve making lots of ponies happy, like her mother, who delivered the birthday presents and gifts in town, or Lyra, with her music, or Trixie, with her shows. “But maybe one day I’ll be able to patter like you!”
Trixie had laughed warmly at that. “That’ll be an interesting day, Dinky.”
“…talk a lot… be really friendly even though you don’t know the pony… act like, if you're questioned, the questioner is being mean...”
Dinky’s eyes widened. Now she knew why Grey Hoof’s speeches sounded so familiar -- they were just like the speeches Trixie gave during her shows! But, at the shows, all the ponies knew they were going to get fooled with magic tricks. That was why they were fun. But… but if Grey Hoof was using the same ‘patter,’ he was trying to trick Dinky… and Dinky hadn’t agreed to that!
Grey Hoof was trying to trick her!
Dinky immediately looked around. Her sense of nervousness was back and stronger than ever. She didn’t know what Grey Hoof was doing, but she didn’t think she wanted to stay and find out. So she’d just leave. If it turned out that she was wrong, she’d come back tomorrow – with her mother – and apologize.
She took off at a run for the far end of town. Maybe, she thought, she could slip out, go around Moonville, and then trace her way back to Ponyville. She was really scared of going into the Everfree alone at night, but she didn’t want to stay in Moonville for even one more minute. Because now that she thought about it, hadn’t all the other ponies spoken like Grey Hoof? So friendly, even though they hadn’t known her, with lots of random talking and little, easy questions… they’d all been speaking exactly the same way. The way that Trixie spoke when she was just about to fool an audience and reveal some incredible trick. But Dinky hadn’t agreed to be fooled, and she was starting to get worried over whatever the ‘trick’ was.
And, really, now that she was thinking about it, how could such a big town really have been undiscovered in the Everfree for so long? Surely some explorer from town would have found it at some point. What was going on? Where was she?
I’m sorry, Momma, she thought. I shouldn’t have come here. I’m really sorry…
She dashed through town, weaving through the assembled ponies and between the houses. Fortunately, most of the ponies were focused on their work for the party, so none noticed her. She smiled a little when she saw that there was a rear entrance to the town, and no other ponies standing by it. She’d be able to get outside and make her way back to Ponyville!
And then, as she was running up to it, she saw another pony step out of the woods. She tried to dodge to one side, tripped, and wound up tumbling into one of the gate posts. “Ouch!”
When she got up, shaking her now-sore head, the other pony was looking at her closely. “You’re not from around here, are you?” she asked at last.
“Uh, no ma’am.” Dinky smiled weakly. This mare, with a grey coat and a deep-red mane, looked… odd. Like she hadn’t washed in a while. Her coat and mane were both tangled and knotted. Plus, she had a really sad expression.
“Then you should leave,” hissed the pony. “Now. Hurry! Before they start the party!”
Dinky nodded. “Okay. Uh—“
“What are you waiting for?” The pony looked around. “Go!”
“Hey, Mitta!”
The pony stiffened. Dinky froze. The voices came from town, and were accompanied by hoofsteps. Ponies were approaching.
Mitta turned, shoving Dinky behind a tall bush with one leg as she positioned herself in front of it. “What?”
“Hurry up. The party starts in a few minutes. You don’t want to be late.”
“Yes, Luna knows that I certainly wouldn’t want to be late for yet another one of Grey Hoof’s parties.”
“This is the best one yet,” insisted one of the other ponies. Dinky thought that the mare sounded oddly insistent about that.
“As always. Every one is always the best,” said Mitta. Her voice was bitter. “Go have your stupid games and tell yourselves that everything is fine. I’m tired of it.”
“You have to be there,” said the first mare. “You have to.”
“I know, alright? I’ll be there in a minute.” She snorted “Of all the things we could do every day, it’s a party.”
“We deserve a party.”
“Oh, shut up.”
A third mare coughed, then said, “By the way, have you seen a foal around? One with a weird horn on her head?”
Mitta paused. Dinky tried to remain as still as possible. They had to be asking about her. She’d only seen earth ponies in the town, so she was probably the only foal unicorn. And…
Wait. Had she seen any other foals at all?
Before she could figure this out, Mitta spoke. “I think I saw one over by Three Leaf’s house. Heading over to the ring toss. “
“Thanks. If you see her, get Grey Hoof. He’ll know what to do with her.” The other mare sighed. “Visitors, now. How long’s it been?”
“Not long enough.”
“Well, the last ones enjoyed it, eventually—“
“Shut up! Go back to your stupid party. Tell Grey Hoof I’ll get there when I get there.” Through the bushes, Dinky could see Mitta glance upwards at the sky.
“If you’re late, you’ll regret it,” warned one of the other ponies.
Dinky listened until their hoofsteps faded, then poked her head out through the bush.
“Thank you, miss—“
“Just go! Get out while you still can! Trust me, you do not want to be here when Grey Hoof starts that party.” Mitta gestured at the path. “Just follow that path until it ends. Don’t stop anywhere – anywhere! – along the way. Eventually you’ll get back into a normal part of the forest. Find your way out from there.”
Dinky nodded. Then, something occurred to her, and before she could leave she had to ask. Mitta had said ‘while you still can,’ which seemed to mean that after a while she might not be able to. Had that happened to her? “Are you trapped here?” she asked.
“Yes, but not by Grey Hoof. Every pony who is trapped in Moonville deserves it, and I’m no exception.”
Dinky blinked. “But you seem really nice…”
“You don’t know me very well. I can’t leave. I don’t deserve to.” She scowled. “Those idiots… I don’t hate them because of what they did. I didn’t do anything to stop it either. I hate them because they don’t even realize they’ve been damned.”
Dinky blinked, not understanding what Mitta was talking about.
“Anyway. That shouldn’t matter to you. Go home and forget you ever came here, okay? Tell yourself it was a dream.” Her voice grew more urgent. “And if you ever find yourself anywhere near here in the future, run away as fast as you can.”
Dinky nodded.
“GO!”
Dinky fled into the dark forest.
Stats
Page generated in 0.02 seconds
Total duration
1,129 users online
2,076,594 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Poor Dinky. Well, I'm certain that she'll be able to run right out of town, go back home, and live happily ever after. Right?
I'm enjoying exploring this idea that Grey Hoof and Trixie are word-ninjas. Well, I suppose patter would be very important for a showmare like Trixie, and also for party planners like Grey Hoof (and maybe another, pinker pony that we know) who would have to keep their guests happy.
In the original game, day and night seemed to change basically as they pleased in Sunny Town. I liked that aspect a lot -- it made the town feel even more mysterious and weird -- so I decided to keep it. I find fascinating the idea of a town where time doesn't flow at the 'normal' rate, but instead changes, and changes in subtly malevolent ways as well. There may be a lot more of 'what time is it? Oh, it's the one time Dinky doesn't want it to be' in future chapters. :-)
He knew some ponies that took their work very seriously.
Dinky has mysteriously turned male! Oh no!
Now that that's out of the way, very nice chapter. Dinky is figuring out that Moonville is dangerous much faster than Apple Bloom did, although I get the impression that it's not going to save her from going through with the full adventure.
717355: Fixed, thanks.
Yes, I figured that Dinky is probably a bit more perceptive than Apple Bloom, who literally had to stumble over a body before she realized that things aren't quite right. Dinky is more thoughtful, so I figure that she could eventually determine just from the weird changes in time-of-day and from Grey Hoof's relentless... Grey Hoofness that something was up. It also helps that she stuck around at the party instead of running up north like AB, so Dinky could actually talk to others and reinforce the sense of 'not right' ness.
Well, this is turning into a suitable creepy story!
While I've heard of, and have some idea about, how Story of the Blanks plays out, I haven't actually played the game, and I've actually been avoiding it so that I can come into this fic with a clean slate and judge it without prior experience.
You know what this kind of feels like? Did you ever watch this TV show on Nickelodeon named Are You Afraid of the Dark? If not, imagine Goosebumps, but consistantly good. The basic setup was a bunch of kids telling each other ghost stories around a campfire every week, and the episode would be the story being told.
I can *totally* see this as basically Are You Afraid of My Little Pony in the Dark?, with Dinky telling the ghost story.
This is getting very scary very fast, and I love it.
These updates are certainly coming fast and furious. Guess that's par for the course when one writes the entire thing before publishing. Don't know if I'll be able to keep up at this rate though. Anyway, thoughts and stuff follow.
Oh look, it's the song, guess that makes the first two chapters together the cold open.
Dinky took a few deep breaths and decided to start with the most obvious problem. “It’s been a really long time but it only felt like a few minutes, and I don’t understand it. It feels like magic but I don’t want to be magicked right now and it’s not nice, and…”
I smell shades of Apple Bloom her, specifically from Call of the Cutie when she was trying to explain to Twilight why it was so important she get her cutie mark NOW. It's always fun to watch characters ramble on like this, but somehow it just doesn't feel quite right with Dinky. Can't really say why for sure though. The situation certainly warrants it, but it still feels off somehow.
On a note about Grey Hoof, the guy is increasingly provoking me to want to punch him for all his manipulative lies and deceptions, especially since it's all taking advantage of sweet little dinky. So, good job there. Though on a matter of when he asks Dinky her favorite treat, shouldn't the answer be muffins not cupcakes?
Grey Hoof seemed to pick up on Dinky’s lack of enthusiasm and looked away.
While it's fine to state it after the fact by observation, it might be better if the preceding sentence wasn't just a flat "yes" from Dinky, but also directly referenced her tone/mood.
Like Rarity, who had once gone into seclusion for two days
Not a requirement, but since Dinky probably doesn't personally know Rarity, it might be better if she initially only thinks of her as the owner of Carousel Boutique, appending the pony's actual name as an afterthought.
“It’s a really wonderful party, and it’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen,”
NEVER! Who does this filly think she is continuously downplaying the grand duchess and master of all celebratory festivities?
Bigger than a Pinky Pie party?
Anyway, good to see that Dinky is finally catching onto the true nature of the situation she's in, even if a bit belatedly. I'd also like to agree with you that having time flow oddly is a good touch. Along with the cursed eternity, it gives the whole town a very fey like quality.
717734
I remember that show, good times. I miss classic SNICK, then again I miss a lot of things about the old Nickelodeon.
718518: Yep. I figured that the song should come in at roughly 1/5-1/4 of the way through, assuming a sort of basic 4-act structure. This story will be about 8 chapters, with the first two a bit shorter than the others, so this seemed like a good spot to do it.
Dinky doesn't ramble usually, but given how stressful and just weird the situation is, I think she might be a little panicky. Especially because she's also realizing that her mother is probably worried sick.
Muffins are Ditzy's favorite dessert, I think, so I wanted Dinky to have a different one. It's no fun if they have identical tastes in all things.
I like the idea of having Rarity's name be an afterthought; I've added that in.
A Pinkie/Grey Hoof party duel would be quite the sight to see, that's for sure. They'd probably use up all the sprinkles and frosting in Equestria.
I often try to write the entire story before posting; this way, if it isn't working, I can figure it out and fix it before I post the first chapter and look silly. I can also make sure that there aren't plot holes or continuity issues (e.g., if I want a character to have something in chapter 6, it's a problem if I've already written chapters 1-5 and never showed them getting it). Plus, I like to maintain a relatively quick update schedule when I can.
718614
That kind of 4-act structure (or rather prelude + 3-acts) is basically the method I've been trying to use, even if at around only maybe 2/5 your length, so I'm inclined to approve greatly.
Glad I could be of help with the Rarity part.
As for Muffins, I'd agree that she and her mother can and should have different tastes. Then again Dinky also thinks nothing but the best for her momma, and is herself nicknamed muffin. No problem with her deciding she wants a cupcake instead, but maybe have her at least consider getting the muffin.
I'd almost want to see that Pinkie/Grey party-off showdown, where it not for the fact that Grey Hoof is a giant pile of poo that I'd just as soon see rotting at the bottem of a 6-foot ditch.
Does having super-destructive telekinesis put the Story Of The Blanks on couch potato mode?
719976
...wha...?
717734: Never saw Are You Afraid of the Dark (we didn't get the Nick channel), but I think I heard of the basic premise. I can totally see Dinky telling this story to the other foals (including the periodic 'I have an awesome Mom' bits). Why, I bet even the adventurous Scootaloo would be scared from this story.
*Tosses a grenade at Grey Hoof* run Dinky, RUN!
In this chapter we "Mitta" best pony.