After her complete defeat at the royal wedding, Celestia's ego is shattered. Luna promises to whip her sister back into shape, because it'll take far more than a few laps around the palace to put a grown alicorn at the top of her game. But, with Celestia coming home each day with a new set of bruises and a slightly more forward royal attitude, her subjects begin to fear her more than love her. Is Luna's
special training turning her into a monster, or is it all according to some greater plan? It's time for some tough love!
(Warning: Dark tag for some Celestia abuse.)
(Featured 6/19/2012! :D)
Chapters (14)
First!!!
Second! God, you're good.
Ah yes... Soon Celestia will be back up to her old prowess as the Demon Lord of the Everfree...
The Demon Lord and her sister, Midnight Wing.
Please don't bring back tyrant celestia please luna!
Badass Celestia/Luna.
Luna is just trying to get her sister to understand the difference between being in power and HAVING power.
Ah. Celestia is learning her place. Let's hope she does not forget her duty.
Prolly need to explain a bit more. Won't.
Tracked. Liked.
700352 This. All of my this.
When Luna is done with Celestia.
SHE WILL KICK QUEEN CHRYSALIS'S ASS. OH YEAH.
Personally i was very disappionted with A Canterlot Wedding's scene of Celestia's losing.
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Ok, very important question. How will Twilight and the Mane 6 handle Celestia the Warrior. After all ,they're used to dealing with Celestia the kind hearted.
YAYYYYYY New story!!!!!!!
I'm loveing the plot so far! Have a mustache or two.
"if you can dodge a clod of mud, you can dodge a bolt of magic."
Was that inspired by Dodgeball?
703351 yup.
Wait. you already had this up here. why did you delete it then re upload it?
703483 I axed it, developed it, then reloaded it weeks later.
703487
Ah okay.
Ok, I see a few little tweaks here and there, but this is pretty much the same as the prologue and first chapter from the first run. I liked them the first time around, no real extra comments this time for content. I did notice a few items you might want to look at on the grammar side, though.
Where Luna was discussing her usefulness in supporting Celestia in the fight against Queen Chrysalis, Luna said:
“If we had been there, we might’ve been smote as easily as thou.”
It just feels awkward, maybe swap it for:
"If we had been there, we might've been laid low as easily as thou."
Moving a little further in the conversation, Luna says:
“You have lived in a millennia of peace and prosperity, it is what happens when thou has no worthy opponents or means to keep thy edge.”
That would be more accurate if it read as:
“You have lived in a millennium of peace and prosperity, it is what happens when thou has no worthy opponents or means to keep thy edge.”[
Moving down to Celestia talking about her training options:
“Perhaps if I hired a personal trainer, or went to spar with the palace guard, or…” she trailed off, for none of those sounded like good ideas.
Drop the "for", it's not necessary this time around, and removing it improves the dynamic of the sentence.
Moving further down to their initial trip to the Midnight Wheel, you had this:
“Well… I guess I am overdue for the exercise.” The white alicorn admitted.
Swap the period in the quote for a comma, and you're good there.
Moving down to the preparation for the first training session, Luna's comment:
The ashen grey stallion nodded, saluting. “Bore off my regalia and store it.” She commanded.
I'd suggest replacing "Bore" with "Bear", or perhaps be even more explicit and replace the command with "Remove my regalia and store it," (Oh, and again you need to replace the period with a comma to end the speech there, and drop the capitalization on "She.")
And immediately after that:
Celestia side-stepped a little, for both ponies came forward and stripped Luna naked.
Replace "for" with "as", it improves the action dynamic of the sentence.
Now, let's see what you did with the next chapter.
Just as good the second time around. It's probably a good thing that neither Aegis nor Stalwart are artistically inclined, I'm sure that the urge to immortalize Celestia's time on the balance spires with some sketches at least would have been hard to resist.
I see a few more tweaks from the original version (nice added bit with Luna letting her guards indulge in a bit of discrete observation of a heavenly body at repose.) Everything still looks good, now let's see where you take things from here. Celestia's got a bit of her old combat trim back, and she's being more aggressive in court that probably any pony in recent times has ever seen. It's time to see where this leads, and I'm all strapped in and ready for the ride. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
There is a difference in having power and being in power.
But, power corrupts, as Celestia had stated. And absolute power currupts absolutely.
"Power without limits is to give a child a loaded gun."
Celestia is not a tyrant, far from it. Luna is merely suggesting that she use her position and power to make sure everypony knows that her word is in fact law, and she is capable of anything.
AWESOME. But remember that they are sisters and although Luna is mean she is also quite kind hearted. I would like more jokes and a lighter tone
707745 *points at dark tag*
AWESOME
First I was'"time to go to sleep."
Than I was "fanfic updated!"
Than I was "who needs sleep? Must read!"
First! But on a more important note...
Chef's last name is Ontop. Very similar to Onatopp... as in...
images.wikia.com/deadliestfiction/images/c/c9/XeniaOnatopp.jpg
this kind of Onatopp!
Sorry for the gratuitous Goldeneye joke, but I couldn't resist. All the same, hint hint!
Yay, Celestia is changing and seemingly for the better. The pink mane was a surprise, kind of makes sense that it might've become diluted as Celestia got weaker.
Cheesecake is the best kind of cake.
Celestia's actions were appropriate. A pastry chef should be prepared to make ALL the cake, but especially the best cake.
Very nice so far. Keep it up!
I can see where this is going.
And I'm liking it! Continue...
>> "Cheesecake. Cold, chilled cheesecake with a drizzle of strawberry sauce."
Aww... I need to go to sleep and you've made me hungry. Argh, you. Argh.
708998
Seconded. Luckily the mobile bakery stops around my block in 54 minutes. Oh man. I'm buying two...
Getting back into shape, getting younger and more alive. And Luna seems to be ramming a steel pipe where her spine should be.
I would love to see how Twilight reacts to the new (old?) Celestia.
"Did you know, there are three kinds of ponies?"
"Those who have strength."
"Those who live to fly."
"And those who can feel the flow of magic."
"Those are the three..."
"But her...?"
*Starts to hum 'Zero'*
Celestia acted inappropriately here, and the comparison with an unkempt soldier doesn't work. A good ruler sets expectations and punishes ONLY when those expectations are not met. The expectation (presumably) is that a soldier will be well groomed and professional, and as such Celestia would be right to dismiss a slovenly guard. But for Cherry to act as he did indicates that similar actions in the past were accepted without comment and thus he had no way of knowing that today should be different. Celestia would be well within her rights to ask Cherry to go out of his way to provide the cheesecake, but (again presumably) precedent had been established and Celestia should not have humiliated him publicly for acting in a manner consistent with his past performance. A ruler that privately changes her requirements and then punishes her subjects when they don't meet them inspires fear, not respect.
If, however, you're setting Celestia up to descend into tyranny, then disregard.
I like how she's turning into Molestia. I assume that the next stages will be Tyrant Celestia and Trollestia before she assumes her ultimate form: Hasbro Celestia
fim.413chan.net/fim/src/132320638838-celestia-toy-pink.png
i am not sure if i like new cellestia
why luna
WHYYYYY!
Now I want cheesecake.
711047
Buck you, I love new Celestia. With that grammar you don't get to have an opinion.
Can't say I like this version of Luna. I feel there's no love between the two, or if there is, it's one sided from Celestia only. If anything, I feel Luna here is in in need of some serious beating up till the point where she has no teeth left. Someone who betrayed her country by not showing up at all while their was a national crisis and enemy invasion should shut the buck up about Celestia's prowess, and do some serious self-reflecting first before she starts giving advice or any kind of training to others. Furthermore, her lack of respect for the Equestria that Celestia succeeded in creating is apalling, and her pride in her training is entirely misplaced. Especially since she didn't use that training to take down Chrysalis at all and was nowhere to be found when her subjects needed her. Please, Luna, stop bragging and start being ashamed of yourself, and give back that crown. A Princess who doesn't move to defend her subjects is not worthy of the title, no matter how much she trained. At least Celestia tried, which is more than we can say of you! If I were Celestia, I'd say :"Well, since you can obviously do it all better, DO IT YOURSELF. I spent 1000 years working my flank off to do your duties on top of my own just because pwetty wittle Luna felt jealous because ponies didn't like her pwecious night. I'm taking a well-deserved 1000 year vacation! Now if you'll excuse me, there are palm trees, sun, sea and sand waiting for me. Have fun on that throne."
That's not to say this is badly written, mind you. It's not, your writing is excellent and you have a great grasp of style, grammer and scenery painting. I just don't like the content. I guess I'm just tired of Celestia-abuse when she really doesn't deserve half of the shit she has to put up with from the fandom. I wanna see Celestia kick some flank for a change, without her having to undergo belittling and mockery and insults from Luna first. Guess I'll just have to write that myself.
Good luck with the rest of your story, though given the quality of your writing, you don't really need much luck to begin with.
Aegis, you've been writing Luna-centric stories so long, you've become stuck.
You're writing about Celestia here, but as this tale goes on she's becoming more and more like Luna.
Do yourself a favor: Write in the sunlight, not the moonlight.
I can't wait for the next chapter. I love this story.
I'd like to add that Celestia was completely unreasonable to that gardener in the latest chapter. All she had to do was *explain* why she did not want him there and why that spot was important to her. Instead, she terrorized him until he ran screaming. And that's the pony Luna wants her to become? Yeah, Celestia, do yourself a favour and tell Luna where she can shove it before you ruin your relationship with all of Equestria any further.
709186
Dude, mobile bakery?
We need one of those around here! Working a graveyard shift! That's be epic!
711180 I kinda agree with you. Luna was probably having a private time with her harem/guards.
Is it just me, or is Luna a friggin' dick?
I feel Celestia reaction to Green Thumb was justified. GOD told you to knock it the fuck off in a super polite way, and you just brush her off TWICE!? Fuckin Green Thumb.
I can see Luna being brought back down to Earth sometime in the next few chapters. I hope, as she starting to get just a smidge Mary-Sue. "Oh Celestia, I'm stronger than you and all the guards loves me and your guards suck and the only way for you to be better is to be just like me." This better not end with NLR.
711178 i do apologize dear sir or madam. i was not at my finest at the time. have a mustache in repayment for having to suffer through that sentence.
.
Celestia frowned at nothing, cocking her head. When had been the last time she’d had a stallion to warm her bed, even for a night?
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Uhhh. Forgotten Mr Eyupp, already?
711711
Actually that's not sueish, arrogance is a flaw within itself.
711469
It was completely justified, you're just butthurt over you're specific interpretation of Celestia not being in the story.
Are you guys trolling. Nobody can be this stupid... But seriously, stop with your inane and moronic opinions, I for one want this guy to finish the story as I very much enjoyed reading it, so much in fact that I'm willing to go into the comments and deal with children like you. And if the author is reading this, please don't change the course of the fic based upon the opinions of people who can't even capitalize there words (E.G those who should have stayed in facebook with there schoolyard chums) among other things.
712001
Yes, heaven forbid someone has an opinion that's different from your own and doesn't like something you happen to like. Of course their reasons are completely invalid and retarded and stupid, and of course they have to be trolling. How could anybody NOT agree with your amazing opinion, after all? Honestly: grow up. Not everyone's going to like this, and I have every right to say why I don't like it as you have to say you do like it. I'm even enough of a good sport to admit this story is well written, I just don't agree with the content. And I managed to say so without having to resort to petty insults, unlike you. Take some notes. Having events in your story challenged by your readers are good ways to improve, to spot holes in your plot or flaws in your reasoning. You learn a lot more from somebody telling you (politely, I might add) what he did or did not like than someone saying "OMG so gud I luv it write moar!".
And no, it wasn't justified. She bullied him, nothing more, nothing less. All she had to do was explain it, calm and nicely, and she would have gotten a much better result. Now she terrorized one of her subjects into doing her bidding. She told him off and suddenly attacked (for the lack of a better word) him and didn't even tell him why. And when he didn't obey her blindly like a mindless slave, she terrorized him into doing it. That's not justified. That's tyranny. If she had explained why she didn't want him there, he would have understood just as well, and he wouldn't actually run off screaming being terrified of her.
And I really wouldn't attack anyone's grammar or spelling when you can't even tell the difference between 'their' and 'there', or the proper use of 'you're' and 'your'.
712096
Are you insane, I would have fired that gardener as he was completely out of line, she was fully justified and was extremely lenient actually. Just the fact that you think that at all completely nullifies your argument, who the hell is that deluded.
Clearly, you just don't like the fact that Celestia has been portrayed differently then from your own interpretation.
Also, "Yes, heaven forbid someone has an opinion that's different from your own and doesn't like something you happen to like. Of course their reasons are completely invalid and retarded and stupid, and of course they have to be trolling. How could anybody NOT agree with your amazing opinion, after all?" now you're getting it, some people aren't smart enough to have an opinion
.