Awoken
What causes have I to feel glad?
I've built my life on judgment and causing pain.
The revelation had come to me rather spontaneously. A mere second ago I’d been smiling at the ceiling, musing over the fact that I was one very lucky pony. I was alive, for starters; I was alive and not down in the gloomy depths of the Rainbow Factory, shivering with fear and cold,pressed between panicked fillies and colts,choking on the gloomy and oppressive misery that seemed to hang about its parameter around the clock.
But at what cost? The smile had left me then. It was that notion, a simple self-challenging question, which had suddenly made me feel insecure.
Deeply perturbed I let my mind wander idly; searching in vain for something that I could use in the defense of my reasoning. I thought back -way back- to the very beginning, when, like the new herd of Flight School flunk-outs that arrived every few months, I too stepped hoof in the ominous basement of the Rainbow Factory for the first time.
***
I try my best to block out the screams
But they're haunting me in my dreams
Please, break my shackles, I want it to stop
It was dark down there, and I had been lost to something far past fear… I’d been petrified. Around me, like cattle to the slaughter, the flunk outs of Flying School were being herded from the cramped hallway and out underneath the large domed roof. The air had been stale and stagnant.
The metallic tinge of blood, heated sweat, and bitter fear all came together at once to lace the still air. Screams of misery echoed off the concave roof, mixing with the whimpers of panic from my fellow failed classmates and the industrial noises surrounding us. Caught up in the flow of shuffling pegasi, I too had been pushed out of the hallway and into the bigger room with the domed roof.
The first thing I noticed on entering was a large machine, cylindrical at the bottom but then tapering off far above my head. The stout top of the giant machine was surrounded by a gangplank, one which circulated around the machine once and then headed off in different directions.
Assembled now with the rest of the herd my gaze had followed along with the audiences up the side of the contraption; up to the circular gangplank. For a single moment there had been silence –or more so an absence of voices- where only the loud clang of hooves on metal could be heard… and then she appeared. At the time I had no clue of the gender- simply because the trim pegasus above us had a full body suit on, and a hood to match.
For a few seconds the pegasus on the gangplank looked amidst the audience. Then she had spoken. I remember very clearly the first time I heard her voice: it was rough and authoritative, vigorous with youth and- subtly -the drive to control. She’d given us a lecture on how worthless we were; the lowest of the low; the failures… and then she pulled back her hood.
When I had seen the cyan face behind the masquerade- the flowing rainbow mane -a single thought raced through my mind. To this day I remembered it. Was that Rainbow Dash: Rainbow dash the filly, Rainbow Dash the loved one, Rainbow Dash the head of the weather control… indeed it was. At that point in time my confusion had been the same as everypony else’s.
It was when she kindly ‘treated’ us with an example that my confusion gave way again to fear. The sort of fear one might feel when they were all alone in the Everfree forest; surrounded by flickering shadows and noises; chilled to the very bone. I clearly remember the mood of the crowd as one from our ranks was secluded and tied up with a set of chains that had descended from a pulley system above the machine. It was total panic… we had to get out; but where could we run; where could we hide? The hallway behind us had already been excluded from the chamber by a set of sturdy wooden doors.
I remember clearly having to sit there, unable to help, frozen in panic and despair as that orange colored pegasus was pulled up into the sky- given one last chance at being off the ground. For a moment the colt had hovered over top of the machine, wings fluttering in a manner that projected his burning desire to get away.
He’d been struggling terribly, screaming for help, screaming at whatever he saw at the top of the structure. It had been probably the darkest minute of my life then, and the longest. My jaw had gone slack and my heart had begun beating as fast as the dangling pegasi's wings.
And then it happened; the thing that both scarred me beyond repair and filled me with something stronger than hate. The chains began to pull their captive in all directions, splaying his four hooves painfully apart.
Then they began to twist as if attempting to wring him out. Quickly, the hollers of panic from the pegasus turned to screeches of suffering as pain washed over him… a loud cracking noise and then it was over. The chains had broken his ribs leaving him looking very similar to a ragdoll. With a hiss the clamps around the orange pegasi’s hoofs opened. He fell lifeless into the top- where his convulsing body remained till it was grinded down into a bloody pulp.
A humming had started up in the body of the machine; the turning of gears… an occasional puff of steam. My attention had been drawn down to a tube off to the side; it had been orange if I remember correctly. It accompanied six others; red, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. The colors of the rainbow.
After a bit- and to the audience’s horror -three of the seven begun to vibrate profusely. Then, gradually, a flow of according colors was spewed out into a dozen medium sized vats. When the vats were full a group of younger pegasi –about my age at the time- shuffled out from the shadows and took them away.
What came after the demonstration was nothing short of panic. The audience erupted, some flying into the air, others just straight out trotting; all looking for an exit; all failing in the end. Soon the riot had been returned to order. Broken. Hollow. I think it was about then that I realized that there was no glimpse of hope left for me.
***
I'm sick of hurting,
Sick of thinking it's all I do
I break those around me, those spared are very few
I rolled over in my bed. My head was buzzing again and my downy mattress had acted like a sponge… I was wallowing in my own sweat. The origins of my experience in the Rainbow Factory were nothing to be happy about; that period of time had really bucked me in head.
I gazed dully at the papers up on the wall of my bedroom. The tally chart, the statistics page… it all came to me in high resolution. Murder to me had become a statistic, I realized, something to be tallied and occasionally bragged about. To this day I had directly partaken in ending seventy four lives. The blood stains no longer wash away from my hooves… no matter how hard I tried.
***
I man these wretched machines
Day in, day out, the grinding wears on my brain
Undermining my sanity, making me question my reality
Somehow it happened… I didn’t die when all the odds were stacked against me. For weeks after my initial arrival to the Rainbow Factory I was not picked to be ‘Drained’. My jobs were many and gruesome; cleaning up the excess blood that would overspill as the machine grinded up its victims, transporting the filled Spectra vats to the holding chambers, cleaning out the grate where the access body parts went… not nice stuff to say the least.
When I wasn’t on the floor I was in the holding chambers. Ironically enough, it was because of my containment in those filthy cells that I eventually ended up gaining my freedom. Let me explain.
Though I’ve never really been told, I imagine that the reason why I ended up being drafted into the permanent working force at the factory was due to my aggressive nature; amplified one-hundred times over due to the living environment.
At first I fought only to defend myself and the food I was eating- but then I began to fight for the sake of fighting. I found that the longer I remained in the damn building, the angrier I got. Unable to take my rage out on anypony the pressure just kept building up until one dreary day I blew up and really hurt a younger mare. I lost practically all my friends then, and around that time my wits as well.
I had manifested into a monster. I started finding relief in harming others. At first it was minor fights –throw two bucks and then call it a night- but then it turned into something more along the lines of brawling. I’d approach the weaker ones and beat them up; make them suffer in an attempt to dully my own misery. Many tried to flee; I wouldn’t let them escape till they were bloody and begging. The ones that fought me suffered even worse infliction.
One day while I was on the factory floor I killed a pony. It was my first murder. I clearly remember how the fight went. I was working with another pegasus on moving some freshly squeezed batches of Spectra to the holding chambers and she had slipped on something, spilling the vat of indigo in the process; the commotion would have definitely put me next in line on the chopping block. The fact that after all this time I’d be killed because of a stupid mistake drove me rabid with anger.
The weeks and weeks of my emotional suppression came out in one explosive event. As the filly got up to say sorry I hoofed her across the face. She flipped backwards, landing with a sickening crunch on her left wing. Her screams for mercy fell dead on my ears as I moved in and began pummeling her, using both my rear hooves and my front ones to hit her repetitively.
At one point her shrill screeching made me stop. It sounded very much like the noise that orange pegasus had uttered as he was being ringed out all those weeks ago. As quickly as the anger had come over me, despair -along with the realization of what I had just done- replaced it. Shocked and appalled I fell to the floor and began crying. From my blurry vision I’d seen the guards beginning to surround the two of us in a tight circle. But death didn’t come. As the minutes passed by I drew together enough courage to look up from the ground to the assembled pegasi.
The Overmares vibrant eyes gazed back at me. I felt my heart contract as a cold fear settled in. Shakily I stood up, willing my hooves to support my teetering body; my body that was covered now in bloody indigo. In the presence of that sadistic Hellpony I felt small and insignificant.
I asked her what she was going to do with me; she responded in her rough and authoritative voice with an answer I had not expected. ‘Kill her’, she said, looking me in the eyes. In return I looked back, willing myself to maintain the gaze. Her glittering orbs were velvet purple and stunningly beautiful; they reminded me immediately of the flowers that grew by my family’s cabin.
The beauty though was confined only to those rings around her pupils; the rest of her eyes had been eaten away by madness. They were bloodshot and burning with something I couldn’t quite determine; curiosity maybe, pride, expectation… I couldn’t put a hoof on it. I would find out soon.
"Look into her eyes." She continued, smiling slightly. "Look and see the fear as you snuff out her worthless life. Do it now and prove to me you’re worth my decision." I asked her what her decision was. She smiled secretly and then motioned with her chin at the sobbing pegasus. "Do it now…’ She gave me her teaser. "And kill the bitch with this". I grabbed the device and put it on.
After clicking the red button at the side of its smooth surface the device came to life with a sparkling blue energy. "Make her suffer; she shouldn’t have gambled your life away. Put it in her mouth, it’s the closest way to her brain."
All my attention had shifted onto the heaving pegasus beneath me. I didn’t say sorry. I stared her in the eyes. And there, surrounded by masked figures and a sadistic killer, I ended that filly’s life by putting a taser down her throat.
***
I don't know those eyes I see in the bloodstained chrome
I felt tense and uneasy. I couldn’t stay in my bed -I had to move- I had to do something, anything. Getting up slowly I parted the lightly bloodstained covers and stumbled out of the bed, teetering momentarily and then stabilizing as I found my equilibrium. Dragging my hind hooves I made it to the washroom and clicked on the faucet. Bringing my face down to the marble countertop I washed the sweat from my mane and forehead.
Momentarily my world spun as I looked up from the sink and into the mirror. What looked back at me was somepony I never really got to know.
“You bastard,” I murmured. Attempting to stare down the other pegasus in the mirror. I lost eventually and resigned to simply gazing hatefully at him. “You’ve made me do all of this, it’s not me… I wouldn’t have committed these atrocities.” I was talking aloud now, my voice was becoming maniacal. The pegasus in the mirror did not respond to my accusations; choosing instead to smile mockingly. His eyes... they were purple like Rainbow Dash’s.
“No!” I screamed, rearing up and shattering the mirror with my hind hooves. Shards of glass flew by me in a flurry, leaving thin graze marks and cuts all across my flank. “It’s not…” I caught myself in the middle of talking to the wall. What am I doing? I have to get a hold of myself, this is stupid… I not going insane. I’m not.
Yanking out a few larger glass shards embedded in my hoof I walked back up to the sink. Taking a breath I looked at the smoothed chrome frame- the only thing that remained of the mirror. It was freshly speckled with my very own blood.
And there, amongst the red and reflecting back to me on the metallic surface was that pegasus again. I would never escape him I realized, I would never escape him because he was me. I slumped down in defeat and rested my chin on the cool surface of the sink. The grip of sleep came over me soon after.
***
I've stoked the fire
Seen more pain than you can know
The tears of the broken have washed away my soul
A mere day after the brutal murder of the filly pegasus- and to the others greatest surprise- I was back under that domed roof again; doubling as a mechanic and a floor ‘Supervisor’. I remember how surreal it felt for me that first day in the field, how alien. A mere day ago I was in the horseshoes of those I could now command.
At the time I hadn’t been given the full body suit that the guards got to wear around, but I did have a white vest- trimmed neatly with yellow. My ID card hung from a clip on my collar. I had gotten to wear a helmet while doing the mechanic part of the job as well.
Aside from the fact that my title as a working pony had changed, my mindset had as well. I was almost constantly craving for those lively feelings I had felt while standing over that bleeding pegasus; the empowerment, the satisfaction… the one time where I could have control over something in my dreary life.
Forced respect to the Overmare eventually mutated into outright admiration. She’d become a role model. I found her ways of total control very effective: she could disarm any problem with a look and every single pony- male or female- young or old- were compelled by fear to obey her. I sincerely wanted to master her art. As I settled into my new position in the factory I found myself striving more and more everyday to model my actions after her own. On the floor I’d been ruthless; lashing out with my taser at the slightest falter; bucking those that were too slow. To my sickening satisfaction I quickly gained a notorious reputation for being the pony to keep away from. This was success to me; a ruined concept of reality. I liked being feared, because as long as I was feared, I was in control… and I craved control more than anything else.
The next catalyst of change for me in the factory came in the form of an unexpected rebellion. At this point in time I had been working in the factory for a year. A fresh load of flunk outs had arrived to be slaughtered and I was up in the workstation tuning the control panel for the Pegasus Device; yes that goliath of a machine had a name.
The new load was like the last- and every other before it -nervous, afraid, insecure… I was far beyond sympathy but I did have a strong concept of what was going through their minds. As Rainbow Dash- along with her representatives -arrived at the podium in preparation for the speech I had stopped what I was doing to watch the show. Out of every other time that that group had walked up to the podium, I remembered the details from this particular occasion the most. Firstly, one of the representatives had stepped up to base.
““By now, you’ve all clearly determined that you are not going into exile. There is no deportation. There never was. You are in The Factory. You will never leave The Factory. And while you may be called useless, that’s also not entirely true. You’re worthless to the flock as a pony- but you still have purpose! Purpose to all the ponies in this land, far and wide. You get to help us make rainbows! Beautiful, magical rainbows, doesn’t that excite you?””
As expected it hadn’t. In response to their reaction I grinned briefly. My attention was drawn back to the crowd as one brave pegasus- cotton candy pink if I remember correctly – stepped to the front of the crowd.
There was always one or two that stood up to the authority… they were usually the first to go. If only that pink filly realized that she was sealing her fate. Raising her head to look defiantly at the spokspony she had shouted a retort:
““How could you ever get away with this? How could Celestia or even Luna know about this and tolerate it? It’s slavery! It’s torture!””
I realized with a start that that was a good question. Leaning in a bit more I watched as the spokspony stepped down and Rainbow Dash stepped forwards. After looking over the audience she spoke up and explained in that rough, authoritative voice of hers:
““A thousand years ago, when Celestia banished Luna from Equestria and sent her to the moon, she was charged with three tasks. She originally was in charge of raising the sun and showering the land with rainbows. But, with the moon being an additional task, she had to hand down the responsibility of rainbows. Celestia entrusted the pegasi of Cloudsdale to make the rainbows for her from then on. For the first dozen years, we were given powerful unicorns to help create Spectra. Spectra is pure pigment, pure color. Everything is full of Spectra, but you can’t just harvest it. You can never separate color from an object. So it was made artificially with magic””
For a moment Rainbow Dash paused to let her words soak in. A dense veil of silence had fallen over the crowd as each and every pony registered the information. Then the Overmare continued.
““That is, until our top engineers made a breakthrough. They discovered an ingenious way to extract pigment. It was so beautiful… even a simple machine could do it. But it couldn’t be done with just anything. The conditions had to be right.””
Another pause, I could tell she was becoming excited as she anticipated the reaction following whatever she was about to say.
““It had to be live ponies! Only in ponies- where magic and Spectra ran freely together!””
That was the trigger; both for the catalyst and the captive ponies sanity. As that wonderfully sadistic cyan colored pegasus laughed maniacally- gazing down at the panicked crowd that had now been pitched into frenzy- a single pained voice cut through the commotion.
““I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!””
Rainbow Dash's laugh had caught in her throat as she looked about to find the source of the volatile scream. When she finally honed in –and to my deepest confusion- that invincible mare hesitated.
The single strand of conscious thought that flew through my mind at that point was something I remember to this very day … Rainbow dash my role model, Rainbow Dash the Overmare, Rainbow Dash the head of the Rainbow Factory… faltered!
For a period of time after that I was too dazed to really register the entirety of what was happening. What I did get though, was that the orange colored pegasus – the one who had instigated all of this -seemed to know Rainbow Dash personally.
What really snapped me back to reality was the retaliation. Soon after the demonstration it had happened. That same damn pegasus, accompanied by what seemed to be a friend of hers- a sunshine yellow filly- rallied the flunk outs with a few encouraging words. Seconds later the crowd erupted into the air in a flurry of feathers. A reversal of roles had then taken place as the unprepared guards were attacked.
At the time of the upheaval, I and my fellow mechanics were mostly ignored, but I do remember however having to defend myself on a few occasions. As the uprising got further and further out of hoof, my colleagues fled in fear for their lives.
I was about to join them, but then I heard Rainbow Dash screeching out a single command- to kill them all- and saw her taking off from the gangplank to fight in the turmoil down below. I’d felt a strong drive to go to my hero’s aid. Even though at that point I didn’t really have any formal combat training, I was a good enough improviser.
That hour or so of combat was gory and satisfying. By the end of it all my white suit had been stained a deep red. I killed many in that brutal battle. I’d fallen into a methodical and effective pattern see; defend, attack, defend, attack… back and forth until the very last rebellious pegasus fell- overcome finally by exhaustion –and was trampled to death. At this point in time Rainbow Dash had disappeared somewhere in pursuit of the lone orange filly that had started all of this. I remember wishing bitterly- standing defiant amongst the corpses of friends and foe- that that bitch of a pegasus would be brought to justice. In the end I’d been glad to say she was; disposed manually by the Overmare herself.
Mere minutes after the orange pegasus had been fed to the machine- and the tubes began to pump out the spectra -Rainbow Dash descended from the stout top of the Pegasus Device to meet me on the floor.
As she approached I stopped wheeling the vat containing the pegasus Spectra and saluted her in respect. "Stand down would you?" her voice was liquid, comforting. I stood down. "What can I do for you ma'am?" I asked… she smiled brilliantly. ‘a few thing, soldier. For starters, I’d like you to stop calling me ma’am."
I nodded uncertainly. "Sure thing…" I drawled off as I searched for the appropriate word.
"Dash would do just fine." Was the Overmare’s response. I felt my heart flutter with honor.
"Of course, Dash." I deliciously savored that word on my tongue, reveling in how it sounded coming from me.
"Better." She paused and looked off into the distance. "Secondly. You did a good job this afternoon, soldier, when given the chance you didn’t flee. That speaks in volumes to, me you know, I look for your sort." And then, as an absentminded addition, "I knew I choose right when deciding between ending your life all that time ago or keeping you around." She refocused and again I found myself gazing into those mesmerizing eyes. "I’d like to promote you, soldier, draft you into my core group- The Orchestrator's." My heart stopped completely then; were my ears betraying me? Was I dreaming? No. It was really happening.
Three days later I had moved up the ranks into the Orchestrators upper circle. I had a nice new private living quarter, and all the time I could of dreamed for around Dash.
The days from then on began to fade together, blurring at the lines between creating a waking hell for the new and coming Spectra donors, and living in a self induced one as the heinous crimes committed came back to haunt me in my sleep. I was too far in though now to do anything about it, so all I could do was go forwards.
***
But life is not as it seems
Should I take a chance for freedom and throw it all down the drain?
I've been imprisoned; please burn my transgressions away
When I awoke I was sprawled out on the bathroom floor. I felt groggy – the question that buzzed around inside my head was ‘what had happened to me’? Shakily I got to my hooves… it was then that I noticed the shattered glass littering the floor like snowflakes. With a start I partially recalled the events of last night. I had shattered that mirror… I don’t remember why, but I’d been angry at something. Shaking once to clear my head I went over to the sink and splashed my face. Briefly, I took note of the blood splatter across the chrome. It looked like fireworks.
Feeling better every moment I walked out of the washroom and into my bedroom. Once there I reached into a drawer and pulled out my bodysuit. After I had put it on I made my way to the metal countertop where my StatCon was charging. Taking it off the charger I clipped it around my ankle. With a small beeping noise it came to life… I was set and ready to start my day.
Leaving my room I entered into an elevator. After the doors closed and I pushed the ‘basement’ button, I leaned back on the railing and waited out the trip. As the elevator came to life and began to drop I felt a sudden bout of concern. A moment from the night before flashed behind my eyelids. It was of me, gazing at my own rage filled reflection in the mirror- and then smashing it. Concern turned to insecurity; recently I’d been having a harder and harder time coping with, well, myself.
My strange nightly activities had suddenly started up about three weeks prior- the night after I had talked to the new flock of Spectra Donors- and had only gotten worse from then on. Last night was the first time I had actually caused physical damage. What was happening to me? As far as I was concerned I had…
*Ding*
My frantic pondering was cut short as the elevator grinded to a stop and beeped; it was notifying me that I had just reached rock bottom. Shaking my head I cracked my back and puffed my chest out. The time to feel was over; I was the ominous Orchestrator now.
Straightening up I marched out of the small space and into the long and narrow hall. To my left and right hot pipes hissed and groaned- threatening to burn if anypony was daft enough to get close. In front of me the domed roof of the Rainbow Factory rose… and there, planted smack dab in the middle the Pegasus Device greeted my cheerless eyes. It was vibrating and whistling, pumping out a fresh load of Spectra.
As I entered the chamber I got two predominant reactions from those I crossed paths with; A salute from the factory workers or a whimper from the factory slaves. Taking off from the blackened ground I flew to the upper gangplank, landing gracefully by the grinder at the top of the goliath machine. The last remnants of its recent victim were still being churned up.
Without even batting a glance I walked around the Pegasus Device and out along a protruding spoke to a framed hole in the wall. Entering the gap I continued onwards till I arrived at a metal door.
The door in front of me slid open, and I came out into a long hallway. One way –the direction I should be heading in- led to the small conference room where Dash and the rest of the Orchestrators were beginning their meeting. The other led to the balcony.
If Paradise could be created it would have formed that broad ledge, positioned strategically so that anypony who stood on it could always see the land and the sky at once. I adored that smooth piece of cloud. Seeing the natural light at the end of the hallway momentarily made me stop and stare. I decided conclusively that I would visit it after the meeting was over. Ripping my gaze away I turned and made my way towards the conference room.
On arrival I pressed a button. The door that was connected to the terminal silently slid open.
“So you chose to come in the end… good.” Dash smiled. “We were just about to start the presentation. Please, sit down.” I nodded and cantered to my designated spot around the horseshoe shaped table; marked out by a tented name tag. When I settled in Dash nodded and began to speak.
“Now that we’re all here, I’d like to start. For those of you who didn’t know, today marks the third anniversary of the uprising. Yes, the one where Scootaloo…” (Her voice cracked on saying that name) “… Rallied the rest of the degenerate flight school failures and fought back against our authority.” She moved over to the wall and clicked a button. The large screen at the head of the table flickered to life. “I’ve recovered the video feed from our floor’s cameras that day, and I’d like you all to watch it. Let’s see if you can figure out where we went wrong.” The lights dimmed and my attention was drawn to the screen. As the footage began to roll I felt a twang of something deep down in my heart. As the events of that day unfolded again in front of me I began to shiver. What was going on? My stomach clenched and I felt as though I was about to throw up.
Rather suddenly I recalled something an old friend of mine had told me once. He had been one of the two I had had in those earlier stages of my life working in the Rainbow Factory. He was a pony of few words- so when he spoke -it was because he was telling you something very important.
He talked to me the day after I’d murdered that filly. He had told that in end things caught up to you, and that all the crimes you’ve committed over your life eventually came back to bite you in the tail. At the time I only raged at him- now however -three and a half years later, I finally registered his words. Was that what was happening to me? Were my past atrocities –those dark monsters locked away in my subconscious -beginning to come back to ruin me? I wished dearly that this was not the case.
But then again; would simply wishing change the outcome of what was going to happen- solve the problem… no. Action would though. Only through action could I stop something. Before returning my attention back to the screen I concluded that the next time I start acting weird I’d catch myself and counter my behavior. I’d come this far… there was no turning back now.
As the screen died Rainbow Dash rose from her seat and cantered over to face us all.
“You’ve all seen the footage now so tell me: what was our downfall?” One of the Orchestrators, a burly colt with hot poker eyes and a crooked grin raised his hoof. The Overmare turned her attention to him.
“The guards were our downfall Ma’am. The revolt was something we were not prepared for. I think the problem behind it all was a simple lack of training.” He paused momentarily. “Then again, nowadays –and only because of the revolt –we’ve incorporated new elements into our routine. We shouldn’t have to deal with that problem again.”
“Wrong and wrong.” was Rainbow Dashes straight-to-the-point response. She emphasized her distaste by pointing one of her covered hooves at the speaker. “We’ve just been lucky that it hasn’t reoccurred. I can bet you that no matter how well our soldiers are trained they will not be ready to contain a problem of that scale effectively.” For a moment she stopped talking; choosing instead to look around at the 13 Orchestrators in silence. Then she continued. “Are there any other brilliant theories?” Nonchalantly a filly with a tattered blue mane lifted her hoof. She was sitting right beside me.
“It was the wings ma’am.” I looked over in amusement at the pony. What a stupid response. Closing my eyes I waited for Dash to ridicule her. She didn’t and instead gave the pegasus the time she needed to explain. “They used them to fly above us. This gave them the opportunity to occupy the upper ground. What’s more: being smaller then the guards they were faster- not to mention more desperate.”
“Exactly!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Exactly.” She started smiling again– deviously -her eyes began to glitter in anticipation. “And on that note, let me introduce you to my newest idea.” A stifling pause.“Fillies and Gentlecolts… we’re going to dewing the bastards.”
In the wake of her proposal, a wave the size of the Pegasus Device smashed into me. My world
swam and I was swept under. This could not be happening. Was Dash serious? De-winging was by far the most demoralizing and humiliating thing one pegasus could do to another.
It was that one thing that always remained taboo: from the sadistic killer to the innocent foal. I’d seen my share of cruelty but this-this de-winging business -went far beyond that. I didn’t think I could do something like that to a defenseless pegasud.
“You.” She looked at me. “You’ve been given the honor of overlooking the operations.” The words jolted me out of my thoughts and into a reality even worse than I could have created with my mind.
“Me?” I said, sounding like an idiot.
“No, the one behind you,” She replied sarcastically.
“Well…” I started to say. I was more than apprehensive.
“Well?” she repeated. Her wings flared in annoyance. “Do you mean to say that you have no desire to run the program?”
I caught myself. “Of course I do, Dash. I was… I was just wondering where I’d be located is all.” Her wings fell to rest idly again. I sighed in relief.
“As I suspected. I’ve always known that you’d be the Colt for the job. I think you’ll do excellently. You start next week when the new shipment arrives.”
“Thank you.” I nodded and got up. I knew that I’d start screaming in hysteria or something if I stayed in the room for much longer. “I have some things to tend to. Gentlecolts, Fillies.” I nodded at the other Orchestrators. “I’ll see you on the floor.”
As soon as the door slid closed behind me I fell. My breathing was choppy and my heart twitched sickeningly. Willing myself to get up I stumbled down the hall and out onto the balcony. When I arrived I collapsed, exhausted, and with only a half-notion of getting back up.
Lying with one hoof dangling over the edge I looked down at the world. We were drifting over PonyVille. Far below like colorful ants ponies milled about. Bartering, interacting, playing in the fields… all oblivious to the fact that Equestria’s largest slaughterhouse was floating right above their heads. I felt a twang of something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Sadness.
I tried desperately to remember my life before the Rainbow Factory but came up blank. I realized with a start that I’d forgotten what it felt like to live in a normal society. I began to cry, deep, heaving convulsion that threatened to rip my lungs out and tear my heart in half.
For minutes –or maybe hours I had no way to keep track- I sobbed, crying till I had no tears left to shed. Only when I had drained myself dry did I take a deep breath and -using the railing as a crutch- got up.
Hoof steps behind me and I turned to see Rainbow Dash arriving out from the hall. Paying little heed to me, the mare walked right up next to the railing and gazed at the horizon. A moment of unease went by.
“Life is a simple game,” She said, looking out over the balcony. “And we have become the Game Masters. We've set up a world inside of the bigger one and controlled every single thing that went on. We became gods!” She stopped and looked at me. “I am a god… and those worthless souls down there and up here are my pawns.” She smiled and turned away from me. “We’ve played them well. They live their lives oblivious to what goes on up here.” I nodded in empty agreement.
“We’ve done a good job,” I replied.
“You’ve done a good job, soldier.” The subject of the conversation had just switched. “Look at how you are now and then compare yourself to how you used to be. A simple mortal; living life controlled by fear and instinct. Living in the shadow of those that were above you. I’ve seen you rise up the ranks in the Factory. I remember clearly the first day you arrived here. Do you?”
“Yes. It was four and a half years ago.”
“Your memory is good.” A pause. “Now think of this…” Dash turned to stare at me for a final time. Her eyes became cruel. “It took you four and a half years to make it here, but it’ll only take a second to knock you back down.” I began to bite my tongue. “I’m watching you, soldier. You’ve performed the trials and earned your place here in the upper ring of power. However, that does not mean you’ve slipped under the radar.” My tooth punctured my tongue and I swallowed blood. “Are we clear?” I nodded and began to back away, slowly making it to the door. The heartless purple gaze followed my every move.
***
Pushed by desire
To change the way my stream will flow
Now I've awoken, and I'm taking back control
For my plan to go through successfully, I had to kill just one more innocent soul. It had been a week, and the new shipment of Spectra donors had arrived on time. One from the group had been pulled away to my new office for a demonstration. The title that was emblazoned above my door stated that I was the official ‘de-winger’.
Three hoofs away the small desk cam filmed my every move, taking the footage and then projecting it up on a big screen that had been mounted on an unused ledge of the Pegasus Device. I could tell that I was being glared at hatefully by a few hundred sets of eyes on the factory floor.
Yet in all of that, the one pair that mattered was the Overmare’s. I knew deep down that if I could perform the task of dismembering a pegasus once in front of the whole Factory, her suspicions of my loyalty would be abdicated.
The pegasus beneath me was on the operation table. She was struggling against her bindings, trying in vain to get away; to break free from her restraint and escape. They held firm.
Mounting the table I grabbed at the hoof-fitted saw blade and slipped it on. It fit comfortably. Raising it now above my victim I started it up. She caught sight of it and froze, shocked into silence. The fillies coat was a pure white, untainted by the grime of the factory… a color that would now forever be lost. From beneath her downy chest fur I could see her heart beating ridiculously fast.
Forcing my present emotions to leave me I allowed the familiar feeling of emptiness to creep in. It spread, starting in my head but then rolling over me to affect my whole body; stealing my heart and stabilizing my breathing. Slowly, I brought the humming saw down to the joint where the wing connected to the body.
“Wha… what are you doing?” The pegasus gasped fearfully looking at me through unfocused eyes. She was still stunned. I didn’t reply- fearing that if I did -all my emotions would come rushing back to ruin any chance I had of performing my task. “Wha…” her voice was twisted into a pain felt scream as my saw cut into her. The noise was shrill and packed with panic. Using every ounce of control I could muster I forced myself to ignore the screeching.
My blade cut down further- moving now to the bone -and the pegasus began to convulse wildly. I couldn’t take it much longer. Closing my eyes tightly shut I pushed hard down on the saw, ripping through the bone and then striking the metal table beneath in a flurry of sparks.
Silence. Blissful silence. Confronted by an overload of pain the white filly had passed out. If I was lucky, the poor soul would be unconscious till the operation ended… I was not so lucky.
“Please.” The innocent voice came to me as I brought the saw to her other joint. “Please don’t… it hurts. Please!” She began to cry and I felt my façade crumble. Emotion swept back into me in a momentously torrential strike. The world tilted. If it weren’t for the fact that I was leaning over a table I would have most definitely fallen into the blood slickened floor of the operation room.
My will had failed me completely, leaving me a mere shell of my former self; cold and distraught.
Yet still I could not give up. I had to finish what I was here to do. I reminded myself about the lives of hundreds- maybe even thousands –that could be saved. In battle, sacrifices had to be made.
Clenching my jaw till it hurt I pushed the saw down, cutting into the second wing joint. Thrown far beyond hysteria, the little pegasus could only groan in misery as she lost her second wing. With the operation finally done I disposed of the wings in a nearby incinerator. Then, using the rapidly degrading determination flowing through my body like an adrenalin rush, I brought the burning hot cauterizing poker down on the two gaping incisions. A brief sizzle of burning flesh and the blood flowing from the wounds stopped.
Making quick work of the bandaging I flipped the blood matted filly over and wrapped her up, laying down numerous layers of gauze around her chest and wing stubs.
With my task done I injected the needle into her and she fell unconscious. The red light on the desk camera flicked off. I’d done it. Falling to my knees I threw up. Never again would I kill an innocent.
Rising, I trudged over to the nearby wall and turned on the water. In moments the high pressured jets had washed away everything, leaving behind two de-winged pegasi.
This evening I’d put the rest of my plan in motion. We were getting out of here.
***
Now everything that I've had
And everything I've known have been thrown away;
And with time, I've come to find this isn't my home
It was the night after the operation and the majority of the Rainbow Factory had been shut down for the evening. As I dropped towards the basement floor in the elevator I couldn’t help but feel good. The events that occurred today could not have gone any better.
*Ding*
I went through the open doors and began walking along the hallway that led to the main chamber. At the far end of the corridor- alert and on sentry –a suited guard prevented any notion of entrance or exit. Approaching in a manner where I would be heard I cantered towards him, calling out as I got closer.
“Soldier, move aside, I’d like to get through.” In response he turned to me, cringing visibly as I walked up to him.
“Ye… yes sir,” he replied getting up and leaping out of my way. I could tell he was rather confused as to why I was up at this time, but I also knew that a lowly guard would never question an Orchestrator’s actions. I nodded in affirmation and briskly marched past him. In my wake I heard the suited guard sigh a breath of relief.
Arriving now at the door to my office I continued down the hall. Its sole purpose in the factory was to end at the holding chamber for the soon-to-be-wingless. My victims.
As I approached the glass chamber I was met by a hundred pairs of fearful eyes. No pony was asleep for obvious reasons. As I typed the combination code and stepped into the room the group of pegasus began to shiver uncontrollably, backing as far away as they could from my shadow. I bitterly hated the fact that my simple presence elected such a response, but could I really blame them?
“I’m not here to hurt you,” I said, my voice echoing around the glass chamber. Silence met my words. “I’m here to help you escape.” A clicking of hooves on stone and a gray filly stood up. Her eyes were shimmering with conflict. A nearby pony with a silver mane- most probably a friend of hers- tried to pull her back down. The defiant pegasus shrugged her friends hoof away. With a disgusted shake of her head she began to speak.
“And why in the name of Celestia should we trust you? You ruined Crystal. She was our friend!” The look the filly gave me was one of pure hate. An electric murmur of agreement flitted through the assembled captives.
“You shouldn't,” I responded. “I’m not trustworthy. What you should do though is follow common sense. Tonight I’m leaving this place for good, whether that be with you all- or not.”
“But there’s no exit!” another pegasus from the crowd wailed.
“Correct,” I replied. “There is no exit. There is however a balcony upstairs that an able pegasi could take off from. Stunned silence. The gray colored filly sat down. “To get to this balcony you need to know a pass code… I have the pass code here.” I pointed a hoof to my head. “Now who’s going to take a leap of faith and come with me?” No pony moved; they weren’t going anywhere. What a stupid idea this all was.
“Very well,” I whispered. “No one will…”
“I will.” That same Pegasus stood up. A twang of excitement.
“I will.” Her friend had agreed and rose to stand as well.
“I will. I will. I will.” The whole crowd began to rise till every single pony was on all fours. I felt something flutter in my chest. The emotion was alien, yet at the same time so natural… I was feeling happy! I realized with a start. I was feeling genuinely happy.
My ears perked and I raised my chin a bit higher, looking at the rallied crowed in admiration.
“Follow me and keep silent.” I swung open the door to the containment chamber. After the last pony left I exited the room personally and made my way to the front of the flock to address them all.
“Once we enter the factory floor the alarm will most definitely sound. Do not panic. Keep close and follow the pony in front of you. Do not stop to fight! A second of delay could lead to you all being slaughtered. The only advantage you have over them is your speed and desperation. Are we set?” Nodding all across the ranks. “Good. May Celestia…”
“Celestia!? Ha!” The cruel voice did not come from an individual in the audience, turning around I saw Rainbow Dash a mere twenty hooves down the hall, blocking our exit. “After all of this you call on Celestia to help you! You’re stupider than I thought. Celestia hates you… you’ve killed and maimed those that worshiped her for years now! ‘Celestia’ is dead, soldier.” Forcing down a wave of fear I made myself walk up to the cyan Overmare.
“Ah, ah, ah. Not another step.” The tone of her voice made me hesitate.
“What are you playing at Dash?” I growled.
“Oh, you misunderstand. I’m not playing, I’m serious. Do you see this StatCon?” She pointed down to her ankle where the golden trimmed device lay beeping. “ With a simple click I can bring the whole guard force down on you. You’re strong, and your followers are desperate… but do you really think you can win in a situation like that?” I knew I couldn’t. Too many times had I seen failed uprising attempts. Every fiber in my body willed me to just give up. My attempts at redemption were nothing more than fantastical theorizing. Yet still, something deep down made me want to try.
“It’s not a matter of winning or losing Dash,” I murmured. “It’s a matter of spreading your wings and trying to fly.” A clicking noise followed by the slamming of a door. Off in the distance and at the far end of the hall- flooding out like Spectra from the Pegasus Device- guards began to arrive. Rainbow Dash had only been stalling time.
“Then fly Orchestrator!” she shouted, her voice guttural voice rose above the commotion. “Fly to slaughter!” She lunged at me and I jumped to meet her. We collided in mid air and fell rolling on the ground. After laying a solid buck across Rainbow Dash’s side- dazing her momentarily -I turned to shout at the panicked ponies.
“What are you doing just standing there? Leave! The guards will be on you in a few minutes. Fly to the upper gangplanks and wait for me there.” That was all they had to hear. In a massive flurry they took off, flying over or running past me and Rainbow Dash.
On seeing the departing pegasi the Overmare howled in rage. With a heave she threw me off of her. I flew uncontrollably through the air and smashed head first into the wall. As Rainbow Dash took off I groggily sprung up, grabbing her rainbow tail in my jaws and yanking her back down to the floor. She fell in a cyan pile, rolling quickly out of the way as I moved in to finish her off.
My one hoof smashed the ground where her body used to be and splintered painfully. I fell to the floor.
“Did you really think you could kill me?” was Rainbow Dashes mocking response. “Me a god, and you a simple mortal?” using the wall as my crook I pulled myself into a standing position.
“You’re not a god Dash, you can die like the rest of us… stop fooling yourself.” Launching off of the wall and into mid air I attempted to ram into the pegasus. She countered and spun me around, pinning me to the wall. At this point the guards had caught up. Rainbow Dash turned her head to address them.
“Go after the others!” she ordered over her shoulder, “I’ll take care of this one.” The soldiers moved past us and took flight, leaving the Overmare to finish her victim off. She returned her attention to me.
“You!” she growled. “Look what you have done.” An uncomfortable pressure at my chest as Rainbow Dash pressed me harder against the wall. “You’ve both ruined your stature and disgraced your Overmare.” She dropped me onto the floor and struck me across the face. “You had so much potential!” She bucked me again and then pulled me back up to the wall. “I thought you were going to be my successor; how wrong I was. I can now see that you wouldn’t have lasted a day in my horseshoes; let alone a lifetime!” I could practically feel her building rage. I had to act quickly or else I’d be finished off. Reaching down I yanked at her taser, it held firm. Tensing in preparation I flicked on the device while it was still around her hip.
Placing my own hoof to meet the vibrant blue bolt that had appeared, I felt a jolt as the electricity passed through me and into Rainbow Dash. Her grip went slack for a mere second. Taking the small chance I had I wriggled out of her crushing hold and slid between her hind legs.
She turned to confront me but I was too fast. Bringing both my hooves to the back of her head I put all my weight in and smashed her forehead against the wall. She croaked and collapsed in a heap on the floor. My two front hooves, one burning with pain and the other shattered, were proving to be unusable so I began to hover. Thankfully my wings were still functioning perfectly.
As I went to leave the hallway I took one last look at the unconscious- hopefully dead –pegasus. Already a pool of blood was beginning to form around her still body. To my utter disgust I felt a shock of empathy.
As much as I hated her, she had been the one who let me live in the end. She had, in her own twisted way, been protecting me ever since I killed that filly all that time ago. Turning away from the mess I flew out of the hallway and into the main floor of the Rainbow Factory.
The sight of desolation that met me as I arrived at the upper gangplanks made me shudder. The bodies of both unarmed pegasi and guards littered the ground. For a fleeting moment I actually thought everypony had died. I was wrong.
A distressed call coming from somewhere drew my attention, and I started making me way to the far end of the factory. There was still some sort of commotion going on. A single pony was leaning over another one with a silver mane. The pegasus resting at her side was convulsing in a seizure- most definitely instigated by a taser. I was both mortified and deeply relieved. As I approached, the lone survivor turned her head from her friend to address me. I realized with a start that it was the gray colored one from before.
“So you’re alive,” She said. I could tell she was just holding back tears. “We all thought you were dead.” She looked back down at the dying pony in her hooves. “Either way you’re too late. All the rest of them have fallen.” I nodded grievously, biting my lip.
“I didn’t expect the Overmare to make an appearance,” I explained. “You should be glad that you’re still around. As long as you make it, every ounce of blood spilt would have been worth it in the end. All it takes is a single soul to exploit the dark secrets of the Rainbow Factory.” I paused to take a breath. “We can still escape, but we have to move quickly. Are you ready to go?” The silver maned pony had finally stilled in the gray colored ones’ hooves. Her heart, unable to overcome the electric shock, had stopped beating. Reluctantly, the lone filly got up, nodding slowly at me. “Good.” Hovering over to the terminal I typed in the password. To my relief, the doors swung open. “Follow me please.”
When we arrived in the hall I realized with a start that something was different. The lights were all off. Walking deeper in the room- the younger pegasus close in tow, I went over to the far wall and felt around for a light switch. After a moment I found it and clicked it on.
The sight that met my eyes as the light flickered to life made my heart skip a beat in panic. To my greatest horror the hall had been blocked off on two sides by metal walls. My mind reeled as I tried to comprehend. Quickly, the portal door that the two of us had entered in from slid shut. We were trapped.
“What the hell is this?” the gray colored pegasus growled, turning to me. “You tricked me!”
“I didn’t…” was my weak response. I raised my front hooves up in innocence. I was beyond confusion.
“I’m going to die in here! You bastard.” The enraged pegasus took an aggressive step towards me; her wings were flared and tears of anger began to fall down her cheeks “How could you play me like this?” I didn’t respond, I was too discombobulated to talk. Had I somehow confused the doors…impossible. If I’d done that I wouldn’t have been able to get in in the first place. What in the name of Luna was going on?
‘I win.’ The voice, coming from a small camera mounted in an area over the door, crackled in a pool of static. ‘I win and you lose… Soldier’ that voice…impossible. Or maybe not. I began to shudder uncontrollably. My world blurred around the edges. ‘Confused? Let me explain." A moment of silence.
‘Currently, you and your companion are in-between two breach walls. Years ago they were installed by the last overmare as a foolproof if all else failed. I have to admit… this was the first time I actually got to use them. Those wretched Spectra Donators you rallied really put up a fight this time around… yet in the end it was to no avail, clearly; all you’ve done is trap the last beacon of hope for me.’ A sharp burst of laughter that ripped at my nerves. My stomach began to twist painfully in distress.
‘I had plans to come in and pay you a visit- but then I changed my mind. I thought to myself: why not kill him and the bitch in one go? That way, my best Orchestrator could die alongside the stifled moaning of the pony he had a hoof in ultimately killing. Speaking of killing. As much as you’ll deny it soldier you killed them all… and because of what? A petty concept of redemption? Did you really think you could escape and just go back to living amongst normal society… I think you did.’ Tears started to blur my vision, this was all too much. My wings gave out and I fell to the floor. I no longer had the will to rise.
“I was only doing what I thought was right! I couldn’t live with myself any longer and, and…” my voice cracked as I began to sob into the floor. Thick lines of moisture rolled down my grimy cheeks. ‘Oh I’m going to love watching you die, you sniveling, whorish, disgrace.’ A hissing noise. I began to look around frantically. What was going on?. ‘Do you hear that? I think you do. As we speak the oxygen is being drained from the room. You have two minutes.'
With a resolute click the audio cut, leaving behind a pressing wave of static. Already, black dots were spreading to consume my vision; one of the symptoms no doubt of oxygen deprivation. Turning my heavy head to the gray colored pegasus, I motioned for her to come to my side. At least I could die alongside a pony that hadn’t been corrupted by the factory; a pony that had lived amongst the society I even now craved to return to. The society that will forever be out of my grasp.
In a drunken fashion the dizzy pegasus tried to walk over to me, but her legs gave out underneath her at about the halfway point. I tried to crawl towards her, but I could no longer move. A deadly euphoria had paralyzed me to the spot. The black dots became frenzied and my vision died all together.
"What's your name," I whispered weakly, looking in the general direction of the filly. Silence for a second or two.
"Starlight," The frail voice replied "Starlight spa..."
Then there was nothing.
Only two noises remained. The clanking of the Rainbow Factory one story below and the ever present static. It was truly over now.
***
But the bright sun is burning
And my sky shines, ever blue
Friendships surround me; I'm becoming a part of you
Clouds, stars, faces. Illuminated by the shining sun and emphasized by the blue sky. Peaceful wind, lazy wind. A paradise I thought I could never reach. The Rainbow Factory remains, floating through the sky far beneath me.
[““ = quote taken from the original fanfiction ‘The Rainbow Factory’]
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I just started thinking of writing something like this, then I see this. Somewhat FML, but not a lot.
Good story, though.
Second post. Bleh. Gunna read this now.
I see you got Aurora's help. That's definitely a good sign.
POST-READ: Gahhh! Why must it end like this? I had hope and you crushed it!
Good story, though.
PR EDIT: Also.... Scootaloo's orange, not brown. Please fix.
705523
It was on the list of stories. I read it, commented, and left. When I came back it was gone. Wonder why?
Guess i was lucky enough to see it. Glad I did. Love it.
GAH! There's a reason that I hate grimdark, and this is one of them. Sometimes the author goes in and gives the whole thing a sad ending. I was hoping that they would escape, but it looks like I was hoping for too much from this :P This is not a bad thing, it's a good thing.
I didn't recognize that filly was Scootaloo until you said her name D: why would you kill my favourite CMC :'(
This is very very very well written, an appropriate sequel for Rainbow Factory. If I was into grimdark, I'd be happy, since I am not, I'm sad :P
hmmm this is actualy a good story i guess
eh...i kinda liked it jk i loved it
want to read my story man
Alright, so here's my legit review of this story:
This fanfiction is extremely well written, containing many literary elements, as well as an extra layer of reading that, for advanced readers who think as well as read, are able to enjoy. Within the story are many sort of... "lessons" of information on one's mind when they are exposed to extreme situations, like the situation that is put forward by the rainbow factory.
There was a study done in the real world about brutality of guards while supervising subordinates under similar conditions in the rainbow factory, and, possibly knowingly or possibly subconciously, you expressed that. The study showed that when put into a position of authority, the previously "normal" people would end up becoming violent, and abusing their subordinates, and their co-workers. This is expressed in this story very well, as the main character grows into the shoes of the brutality of those working for the factory, and not as the slave workers. It also explores the corners of the main character's mind, the process that he goes through when he witnesses events. The fact that when he started at the very bottom of the corporate ladder of the factory, being beaten and beating on others, and grew into the culture that was pain and suffering was incredible! That he walked in as a normal pony, and after not that long in the factory, he held the overmare, the one who is the most brutal and violent in high regard. Stuff like this happens in real life, and it is very scary, and you made it very scary in this story.
Being pulled up to the top is part of the story, and it is very good. The more he expressed his violent self, the more regard he got from his idol, his superior, the overmare. He was getting dopamine injections from his brain through the violence, and thus spawns the monster that has enveloped seemingly every last part of who he is.
The reversal from what he was was very quick. What clicks his brain into saying "enough is enough"? Was it the overwhelming of violence? I cant see that because he seems to get off on violence, which was apparent during his first little while on the line, and as a supervisor for the line staff. Was it the dewinging or the rebellion that shattered his, and probably many other's spirits?
Putting in scoots was a good choice. It showed how far everyone had fallen, particularly Dash. All of us have Dash in high regard, on being a very egotistic energetic young mare. You really need to shatter the Dash that we all know and love from the show, and her hate for Scootaloo, and Scoot's ultimate death helped create that vision that Dash is legitimately, beyond saving. It burned me inside (Dash being my favourite no matter what) but its a fanfic, it's not real.
God please dont be real.
I enjoyed the fact that you downplayed the pure brutal gore, rather than the ideas behind the brutality. Cupcakes was based all around blood, gore, and forcing you to puke from visualization. This story takes a turn for the better, by forcing you to puke from the pure essence of the violence, and the motives behind it. This is a very thoughtful story, and people with a complex mind will get the full force of this story.
I love how you had the main character pass in and out of memories, and present time. It was easy to follow, and I knew where the narrative was taking place. It was a great element to include.
I absolutely adore the element that you put in at the end. The small filly that was the showboat of the main character's road to redemption, the chance that he has to escape, and redeem himself. Right at the end, when they are beginning to suffocate, when you expressed her name "Starlight" it hit right home. Such a lovely name, put into such a horrible place, helped create that contrast, and made the reader think "Goddamn... the actual pony world is so nice and happy, and it was just killed here".
I also adore the ending because you killed everything
Sad endings go with sad stories. This is a damn sad story, and it has a damn sad ending! It made me want to throw up out of the window of the car I was riding in when I was reading this.
This story is fantastic! The fact that I was feeling like puking throughout the whole time (whether from the heat or the story and heat combined) it presented the grimdark crowd with something to bask and warship more than cupcakes and the original rainbow factory. Great job!
Wow this is PHENOMENAL!! It has so many layers! So complex! This is definitely not your average fanfic!!
713645
I found the link on:
a youtube video
a ponysquare blog
a ponysquare status post (same person as the blog)
and a couple times in the IRC chat
I eventually gave in and decided to read it
dude the link's everywhere, but there's only like... 70 views! What the buck is going on!?! You should be way more famous by the amount of links that are being posted everywhere
Badassery in written form.
This was really excellent. It took my on an emotional ride along with the main character, and I love that. Good work.
I don't even know what to say, this is a masterpiece and I am glad to say "I read it". I somehow really like the whole Rainbow Factory world, it provides such a different view into the MLP:FIM universe (but of course, it is still all fiction). It is nice to read a dark, sad yet very serious story alongside all those happy-smile-sunshine fics I normally read.
Provides some variation :-D
"Starlight spa" - Wait a second, Spa? As in Sparkle?
Anyway, thanks for writing this, goes right into my favourites good sir. You have clearly outdone yourself.
I completely loved this story! I found out today you're the user of the same name on YouTube from the video. I really liked the few Rainbow Factory song references you hid in the test. KEEP IT UP!
Sorry, *text.
732194> Well Hay there!
I'm really glad you enjoyed the story!
And yes, I am the same guy who was spamming all those youtube pages with links
But it was for a good cause. Fimfic decided to hate me when I initially put it up, and it never appeared on the homepage
I had to manually draw in the crowd, so me and a friend spent the whole night networking!
~Syn3rgy
man I can't believe that you write this this well. I was sceptical about this but you came through in the end and I'm glad I read it.
it's 11:30 pm and I want to re-read it! keep writing and readin'
732605 Oh nah I just thought that in your contribution to the universe of the Rainbow Factory, Twilight had a child called Starlight Sparkle xD
739861
((I am starlight sparkle xD ))
I realised AFTER I chose that name that it was so close to twilight's
Bad decision xD
A movie and game should be made based on the fanfics based on Blaze's songs, but episode 3 will never come out.
747789Was that Twilights child ?!?!?!WHY CELESTIA, WHY?!?!?!
Going through thoughts of fear, emotion and the sudden urge to cry manly tears at that ending.
It was brilliantly written and an incredible story and thank you.
But I have a request, is it OK if I do a dramatic reading of this and post it on youtube? I'd obviously put links in to this page and everything.
But still, this story was a work of writing art, a true testimony to the effects on a mind, the shattering effects of emotion and the overall snap of sanity, both in redemption and damnation.
Thanks again
763627 Defiantly.
As long as you leave a link to the page, it's all good.
So yes, please, go ahead!
~syn3rgy
PS: just tell me when its done, i'd love to drop in and see your work
Man, all this praise kinda makes me curious...
Must resist the urge to read... can't take the grimdarkz! xD
Wow that was really good. Makes the song much more touching. Normally I'd hate an ending like that- but that was brilliant. I hate grimdarks, but this was really good. Well done, friend. I only wish there was more. I was pissed when I finished it so quick.
you cant see it but i am clapping sir good show
derpy agrees
no problem man...poor scootaloo
shes coloring in pony heaven now
Add me to the list of people who are now frustrated because they were going to do this but you beat us to it
I enjoyed this fic, particularly the more backstory-ish first half. Seeing the character's evolution into a factory worker was great. However, the transition from the sections where he was actively killing the fillies into the ending section where he tried to save them gave very little reason for his mindset change. Just having him get upset about dewinging pegasi didn't really explain it enough for me. Also, I found a few of the action sequences to be a bit lacking. I did enjoy ending it in the now-classic Rainbow Factory style of almost-but-not-quite escaping. It seems there's no other way to end a Rainbow Factory fic.
784024 Yes, I had a feeling that there would be others trying to write this... that's why I worked my tail off so that I could get the story out five days after the actual song!
As for your feedback on the whole shifted mindset deal. I choose to leave it unexplained, so that the audience could determine the chain of events that lead up to his eventual change of heart, thus setting the mood of 'Physiological Grimdark'; as this was.
As for the action scenes, they are at the mercy of the readers. Some have said they are detailed enough, others have not. What I did do consciously however, was clearly write the gruesome climax (the whole de-winging scene), choosing then to make all other scenes a bit more blunt, and not so lavish with bloody detail!
Enywho, thanks for the feedback! I need more of your type commenting on my stories
~Syn3rgy
WOOO!
500 Views!
~Syn3rgy
Well done, although I had better hopes for the ending. (I'm actually considering writing my own Rainbow Factory sequel now...)
Anywho, I noticed some grammatical errors as I was reading, and I thought I would point them out:
1. 'access' blood and body parts? I think you mean 'excess'.
2. Pegasi = plural Pegasus (I've seen pegasi used in a singular sense numerous times)
3. "I remember wished bitterly" -- what?
4. "On seeing the departing pegasi’s the Overmare " -> "Upon seeing the departing pegasi, the Overmare"
5. "Landing neatly be the grinder at the top of the goliath machine" -> "Landing gracefully on the grinder at the top of the colossal machine"
Just some things I wrote down as I was reading. Again, great book, have a favorite, an upvote and a moustache.
Is anyone ever going to make a story in this series where they escape and at least have a shot of unveiling that twisted slaughterhouse of a factory?
786794 hmm, that's an interesting idea. I don't think i'd be the one to write it however, because I don't like staying on one project for very long.
Who knows, In good time, somepony will. Would you like to?
~Syn3rgy
I don't think I'm dark and descriptive enough to write something to keep up with the standards that you and the original author have made for these stories. Don't get me wrong though I think you did a fantastic job with this as well as the person who made the original. I am a writer as well but I can't make something as good as this, yet. No worries though. Knowing how popular and aweosme this is to certain people I'm sure no one will have to wait long for a threequel. Look at My Little Dashie for instants. They have made a four story series on that and evenypony still wants more. Good luck with all future stories you write.
I loved the story, beginning to end. If there was a sequel to the story, I'd probably love it to. But if the main character's friend is involved, I'd like that..
Dammit I should've known to search for this sooner. This was fantastic!
The occasional small grammatical errors didn't really bother me. The quality of the story and how excellently it explored the Rainbow Factory universe overshadowed that little downside completely. That combined with the 1 hour instrumental loop thing of Awoken that I quickly put together upon finding this gave me an amazing reading experience.
I rarely read fanfics but I'm extremely glad I gave this one a shot.
On the day I planned my reading my damn headphones snapped, need to wait a couple of days to get glue now.
It'll be done and hopefully I can live up to the prestige that you've created for the fic and yourself. I've read more than once now, and still it shocks me, it's brilliant.
Thanks again.
792084 Impacting, yes. If you ask me, you did a fantastic job in capturing the song's melody and overall flow in the form of a story to provide a powerful combined experience. I did the same with Rainbow Factory and its song counterpart when I first read it. It was more about straight horror as the little pegasi slowly approached their doom in terror, which fit the song. This however was more about exploring a suffering mind as a worker thinks about his past sins and wants to escape to live a normal life, which also fit its song.
Sort of light horror with deep thought. And I actually preferred this style tbh since you executed it so well.
And no, I mostly just like imagining the voices myself while reading to bgm. Mic's readings tend to be an exception though.
792753 Aight here we goooo *watch*
I had my hopes up and was actually FOULish to think that they would succed in escaping .
Why did I expect this in a Grim-Dark?No clue.So sad , yet so satisfyingly well writen .I give you 5 out of 5 
.My form of rating.
786794I have given the consideration of it , but alas I am not talented in the writting arts.
799146>>799146
No prob I know someone will make the next one.
Uh sorry you got the wrong impression with that. I meant that I know that eventually someone will make another one. I don't know who though.
Yesyesyesyesyes!
1000 views!
absolutely brilliant. i just love the song. now i also like the fanfic.
the background story at the beginning was SO AWESOME!
you should also make an alternate ending though, for those who cannot stand sad endings.
823750 Haha, yes, that notion of an alternate ending has been clearly expressed in my comment section.
However, I'm not one to stay too long on projects, and have already moved on. If you know enypony (or even yourself) that would like to write this 'alternate ending', get them to do it! I'd love to see what comes out of it. I'd even go to the extent of linking the story through this one, so that everypony who reads this and are left with similar feelings, can go to the alternate ending!
The reason I decided to leave the ending rather gloomy was because I wanted to keep the Grimdark theme the Rainbow Factory set- that being no hope in the end. Trust me... I really, really wanted it to end nicely!
~Syn3rgy
I just HAVE to read this. (Got an in my opinion good idea what to do with the song but I'll have to look if you had the same idea)
Well, in this cause I can also directly read your story. 784173 I'm sorry but (I still didn't read it yet) if you didn't written the exact same thing I interpretedd out of the picture and the song than I will write an awoken fic to. But first I will read this
827810
I could not agree with you more.
I finally got the chance to sit down and read this.
First off, it was great meeting you at BroNYCon, and I'm glad you told me to read this. I don't like grimdark at all, but this was indeed, very well written.
I easily got into it, and not once was there a spot during it that bored me. I also loved some things said in this like, "Life is a simple game." "And we have become the game masters." As well as, "It's not a matter of winning or losing Dash. It's a matter of spreading your wings and trying to fly." Very powerful sentences that just added to the story. Also, the ending was unexpected, but not a bad thing either. Great story overall!
824650
This story leaves off with a profound sense of hopelessness, UNTIL you realize that Rainbow Dash and her factory are basically SCREWED for the future.
Syn3rgy makes it clear that the fight killed most/all of her workers/guards, and she can't just hire new ones because the operation is highly illegal and immoral. Even if she somehow did manage to do this, it would be impossible for her to provide incentives that would overcome the psychological stress the jobs create. She cannot control them by lure or reward. Also, she would have great difficulty controlling the new workers with fear due to the small size of the remaining force there. That leaves out any chance of the Rainbow Factory restarting operations.
Also, due to the small size of remaining workers, the factory, even if it did manage to resume operation, would not be able to take in the plethora of pegasi failures it receives bi-annually. What if a rebellion stirs up? If Dash installs another fail-safe, she would have to make sure that it doesn't kill any pegasi, because only live ones can be used to make rainbows; if the pegasi die then there would be a distinct lack of rainbows and ponies would get suspicious.
The remaining force, waned by the rebellious Orchestrator's plan, would probably not even dare to take in another failed class due to the possibility of being crushed by another rebellion and having the failures escape and reveal the truth about the silent behemoth. Even if they manage to stop most, it would only take one lone pegasus to reveal the truth for everypony to see.
Furthermore and most importantly, it doesn't make it clear if Dash even survived. There is a chance that she had just enough energy to kill the two and died shortly after due to wounds sustained.
If she didn't survive then the Factory's hierarchy would most likely fall as most workers there would have minds like the Orchestrator's, but they were too timid to act upon them. With the lack of a strong, intimidating leader, the fear-based system would collapse and the workers would most likely come out and confess the Factory's wrongdoings. Even if another figure as fearsome as Dash arose and took control, he would face the same problems Dash would have to face had she survived, AND he would have to face the problem of ponies questioning his authority, something Dash wouldn't likely face due to her venerability in that position and her guru-like status to her subordinates.
The chances of the Rainbow Factory ever recovering are slim at best, probably impossible. Even if it did recover, it would still have a long way on the road to recovery due to a lacking workforce and a faulty hierarchy.