The Equestrian Honor Guard
By Honored Service
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
I waited for a few seconds as the tension continued to build as I stood there in front of this door. My first interaction with a pony. This could go either really well or really bad; no middle room here.
“I thought we were completed and done,” Voice spoke from the other side of the door, getting closer. “Or have you forgotten something little one.” The door swung open revealing a very startled looking Zebra. She had pure white strips and black stripes running along her body. Her large dark teal eyes grew wide as she stared at me.
Zecora took one step back from the door into her hut, but other than that she didn’t show much fear. The zebra came about chest high, with her Mohawk mane reaching my chin. So that would make ponies about 5 feet tall. Something close to that.
“Hum, hello. My name is Johnson and I need some help.” I was still standing outside of her home, waiting to judge her reaction. Hopefully once she saw I was sentient and not harmful, she would allow me in and help sparkly ol’ me.
“Excuse me for staring stranger, but for a moment there I feared I was in danger. My name is Zecora, and I live in this area of flora.” She lowered he head a bit and relaxed herself. “Please come in and make yourself at home, I would like to hear of your roam.” She trotted off towards a pot and kettle on the other side of the room.
You know that feeling when you go to a friend’s house, and they are being super nice but you still feel awkward and unsure of anything…yeah I was getting a lot of that right now. Where do I sit? Do I sit? Should I stand? Maybe I’ll set across from where ever she sits.
“Oh my, please have a seat here, I did not mean to disappear. I have prepared us some tea, so let’s talk shall we?” Zecora moved over to a large rug which had black and yellow patterns all over it, stepping onto it, I was amazed at how soft it was. Even through the combat boots I could feel the plush carpet. I sat down taking a cup of tea off the tray Zecora was holding in her mouth. She set the tray down next to her and picked up the cup between her two front hooves and took a sip. I slowly took a drink of the hot liquid and tasted a wonderful minty sensation in my mouth. By far the best mint tea I have ever had.
“Now what solution do you seek, for the help you speak?” Zecora cocked her head to the side staring at me. She had a somewhat confused stare about her. Someone like her must have a lot of knowledge on animals, I wasn’t from here.
“Ah well first Zecora, I need some herbs and plants that you use to cure poison joke. You see while um *cough* running through the Everfree forest, I fell into some of the blue flowers. And I would much appreciate it if you could stop this.” I raised my hand into the some light coming in through a window. Thousands of lights danced around the room causing Zecora to through a fore hoof over her eyes.
“Oh dear what a show, you do set the place aglow. But first I must pry, and please do not lie. What are you, creature, with such strange features?” Zecora stood up and move around me, examining me with extreme detail.
“Oh well you see I’m a Human.” I began to explain, but was cut off as she placed a hoof on my mouth and stared me down. She had a serious look on her face and moved her head closer barrowing her eyes as if to see me better.
“This had best be no joke, you better not be pulling my yoke.” I nodded and she let me go and walked over to a book shelf and pulled a large tome from it. She walked over placing the large orange book in front of me. “Turn to page 573, something there you should see.”
I was now curious. Very curious. This wasn’t how I had imagined this interaction going at all. Zecora was just watching me as I turned to the correct page. The front of the old book had a title I could read. It looked like a combination of pony symbols from the shows, Russian and English letters. Ωпlоegnнedиs. The lettering was very bold, but I could understand it.
“Zecora, what does the tittle say?” I looked up at the zebra was sitting across from me sipping on her tea.
Dunking her tea bag into the water she spoke in calm manor, “Pony Legends is the title, but I guess being able to read is vital.” She moved over to a shelf and grabbed three jars and placed them on her back, she walked to a counter with more bowls and jars and hanging plants above it. I heard scraping and the clinking of pots and the scraping of a mortar and pestle. Could she really make a potion for anything? Even making someone/pony able to read.
“This concoction will make it so you may read, but do it with speed. For it won’t last long, then it will pass along.” Zecora placed a cup in front of me. A black and white solution swirled inside of it. What was so important that she had to make a potion for me? Couldn’t she just tell me what the book said? Nothing venture, nothing gained.
I picked up the cup and sniffed it…YUCK, I cringed at the smell. It smelled like a rotten dead animal and week old seafood. One. Two. Three.
I pounded that drink back and found it to taste a lot like a chocolate chip cookie dough milkshake. Wow that tasted a lot better than it smelled. Like 69% better. And it even left a pleasant after taste.
I looked at Zecora who just smiled and looked down to the book still resting on the floor. I flipped to the cover.
Author Wild Tales
Might have not been the best name to write under if you wanted people/ponies to believe you. But hey, in this world the legends came true. I mean Nightmare Moon is all the proof I need.
Flipping to page 573 as Zecora had instructed my jaw lowered itself to the floor as I read the title.
Bipedal Striders: The Rare Humans
The Human is a creature that lives forever in the annals of legend. These creatures were said to once have lived in the area south of Equestria that once was called Hum-gia. But now is known as the Manejave Desert.
The Human lacked magic in all three forms we ponies have, but they had a talent that we could only dream of; innovation. These Humans were able to create machinery and technology that was beyond anything we could hope to build. For centuries the Human-Pony relations were that of peace and trade, until 100 pnmm* when the Humans stopped contacting their pony friends and neighbors.
For almost 3 years nothing was heard from the peaceful bipedal creatures. Both of the Royal Canterlot Sisters decided that an expedition be made to find out what had occurred to the Humans that use to border the southern land. The expedition returned 8 months later to tell of the complete and utter destruction of the Human species. The once lush fields and farms of the nation were gone. Only sand and ash could be found. The once thriving Human cities that had building that could touch the sky were nowhere to be found. Burnt ruble and ash was that could be recovered, but in 2 pnmm a shocking discovery was made. Researches from the Canterlot University Human department found a small journal with writings dating back to 101 pnmm.
“The time has come. We do not know what this thing is, but it seems to take over its host and cause emotions to go wild. Mainly anger and jealously are the emotions stricken with the plague; as the doctors and scientist have come to call it. The military is going on full alert and order 66 has been authorized. The least we can do is protect our northern equine neighbors. They would be defenseless to this plague. We die as to protect them.
Colonel J. SheildStrong
Hum-gia National Army
13th Green Month, 216 pep**” –An excerpt from the final chapter of the journal found in a destroyed building; believed to be SheildStong’s home or a military stronghold.
*Pre Nightmare Moon
**Human dating technique. Post Electric Power
This is the only information that was found about the disappearance of Humans and…
I slowly closed the book and looked up to Zecora. She was still watching me drinking another cup of tea. She moved over and collected my empty cup of tea. “Would you care for another cup, I’m sure you need it to loosen up.”
“Oh. What? Yes thank you Zecora.” She walked off to get more tea for me while I was still in a state of disbelief. Humans had existed in Equestria? And they had sacrificed themselves to save ponies. I’m not sure what I should be feeling. This was quite the bombshell. And I thought I would be shocking Zecora, but now the shoe is on the other foot. Or horseshoe is on the other hoof I should say.
Zecora came back in and placed another cup of the minty tea next to me. This time I tasted a hint of lemon mixed in with the sweet mint. Certainly a very teariffic combinations…fuck you that was funny.
“A human you are; there is no doubt, but they had all been snuffed out.” Zecora put a hoof to her chin and rubbed it deep in thought.
“Zecora, thank you for your hospitality but I never finished telling you about myself. I’m a human, from another world. I wasn’t born here in Equestria or this Earth; I was thrown into this world by accident. I don’t know how, but here I am.” I put the empty teacup down on the tray and waited for her rhythmical response.
“From another planet you say, this doesn’t happen every day. An alien you are, yet your species lived not far.” She spoke to herself in a language I wasn’t familiar with as she gathered more plants and pots. She stepped in front of the cauldron and began to mix up something.
“What is that you’re making?” I got up from my resting place and moved over to the cauldron with her. I adjusted the rifle as I got up so it hung off my side from the tactical sling.
“This is the solution to the poison joke, something for you the poor bloke.” She picked up a large wooden spoon in her mouth and began to stir the green liquid. It smelt different. Not bad, but not good something with and herby order. Zecora placed the spoon down and added one more leaf into the black cauldron.
“Be more careful in the forest within, so you won’t return with sparkly skin.” With a final nod she moved away from the pot. “We can add this to a pool, once it is cool. Then you will wash, and you will be cured by gosh.” She blew out the fire under the pot and the mixture slowly began to become more transparent till it looked like sudsy water.
I helped Zecora move the cauldron to a small pond near her home. It was perfect to pour the herbal bath and cure me. We dumped in the cure and I stripped down to my underclothes and waded into the water. I scrubbed quickly and watched as the sparkling slowly stopped.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh” I sighed, leaning back into the water. I was finally back to normal. You know, other than being trapped in a cartoon world. But that wasn’t a bad thing. Not at all.
Zecora hadn’t moved from the side of the pond, but had watched with curiosity. She had looked at my tactical rig and backpack, asking if she could see some of my human artifacts.
“Sure,” I said, moving over the edge of the pond I pulled out the binoculars and flashlight. She picked both of them up and examined them closely, amazed with the flash light and its different colored lenses more so than the binoculars.
“I know of a pony who you should meet, she would think this of a great treat.” She placed the flash light down and sticking her whole head into the backpack.
“Um, about that Zecora; I don’t know if the pony kind is ready to know that a human is alive and living so close to a town. At least not yet. The time and place for my existence to be known will make itself available. I’m sure you understand what I mean, right?” I did want to meet the ponies everyone knows and loves, but this human legend stuff seems a bit confusing. And I know who was around when it happened that I need to talk to. Stepping out of the pond I dried off and began to dress again. I was going to move camp closer to Zecora’s hut. Being closer to a new friend with lots of remedies and potions would be nice.
“I can speak from personal story, that ponies can be made into worry.”
As I finished getting ready, I asked Zecora about any fields or clearings nearby that I could set up a new camp. And as much as I was going to miss Reggie, it was about time I got out of his fabulous hair. Zecora pointed me in the right direction to a small clearing that would be close enough I could get to her quickly, and still be hidden from wandering ponies.
“And before you leave, barrow these.” She trotted up to me with two books clasped in her mouth. One was the legends book with the information on humans. The other had a leaf with a fork and knife on it.
“Read the human one first, as the potion is getting worst.” Tapping the second book she spoke, “Read this one last, as its picture make it fast.” The second one just had pictures with check marks and x’s. So easy a Human can read it.
“Thank you Zecora. I’ll bring them back tomorrow!” I waved and moved through the brush to my new camp; collecting leaves, roots and berries that the book said were ok as I went.
At least food wouldn’t be a problem anymore. But this human legend was a mystery I wanted to look into. And this book was the first clue.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today i learned that having your wisdom teeth pulled bucking sucks.
Your faithful fanfic writer,
Honored Service a.k.a Johnson