Starlight Glimmer Overreacts to Everything
It was a warm and sunny day in Ponyville! All was right with Equestria. The birds were singing, the children were laughing, the Pinkie was Pinkieing, and there was no post-apocalyptic wasteland to be found!
And it was all thanks to the efforts of one Princess Twilight Jane Friendship Sparkle III. Her actions truly proved that friendship was greater than, or equal to, violence. Why, with its power, she was able to convert yet another baddy to her side, and nopony had to lose any teeth!
True, she was still a little concerned about Starlight Glimmer, but she was certain that a little hard work would iron out the few kinks left in their relationship. Starlight Glimmer may have tried to kill her several times in the past, but that was all history now. She truly was trying to make amends, and her efforts certainly had not gone unnoticed.
There was, however, one small problem that Twilight feared would turn the rest of Ponyville off from her new friend.
"Starlight, would you mind coming in here?" Twilight sighed as Starlight Glimmer trotted into the kitchen, that innocent smile on her face. Like she had done nothing wrong. Like she had been a good pony. But she had not been a good pony. She had done something very wrong, and it was up to Twilight to have a nice, stern talk with her.
"Starlight, would you mind explaining why my toaster was found in several pieces in the bushes outside of my house."
Starlight Glimmer bit her lip, looked down in shame, and rubbed the back of her neck. "I-I'm sorry. I was trying to make toast the other day, and it got burned. I suppose I kind of overreacted."
"The toaster was also sitting next to a hatchet, that was stolen from the Ponyville Fire Department."
"A blunt object just… didn't really help me vent all of my rage."
"I received several complaints from parents about some choice words that you used near their foals."
"To be fair, I didn't know that the foals were there."
"And then you threatened to 'skin them alive' if they 'told on you to anypony'."
"… But I didn't destroy the world this time."
Twilight slammed a hoof into her face. "That's not the point! Starlight, you've got to stop overreacting to the smallest things that happen in your life!"
"It's not like I overreact to everything! Name one other incident this week where I overreacted!"
"Spam. Spam. Spam. Bills. Spam." Starlight raised an eyebrow. "That's it? That's all my mail?"
"Yep!" Derpy replied with a salute. "Ponyville Post Office prides itself on accuracy and top-notch delivery services!"
"Except," Starlight began, stepping forwards and pressing her muzzle into Derpy's, "That there should have been a letter from my mother, like there is every Hearth's Warming!"
"Well, uh, there isn't, so-"
"Or maybe you ate it, like the klutzy airhead that you are! Maybe you sat on it and it got absorbed into those big, fat buns of yours!"
"I… I…"
"'I, I', SHUT UP! You know what? You're not to blame. You're just the mascot they hired out of pity 'case you couldn't work anywhere else. So I won't take it out on you. Instead, I'll go down to that post office and buck every last one of them into last Friday, until they give me that letter!"
And then she did.
Starlight Glimmer hummed a happy tune as she walked down the Ponyville street, licking her ice-cream under the bright rays of the sun. Suddenly, she hit a rock that was jutting out of the ground and jumped back, screaming in pain.
"OWWWW! WHAT THE- YOU!" She pointed down at the rock, heaving and fuming from the ears. "HOW DARE YOU! I WAS HAVING A LOVELY DAY AND THEN YOU JUST HIT- STUBBED ME! DON'T IGNORE ME!"
Starlight kicked the rock, jumping back again because of how sharp it was, thus it digging into her hoof. Not a smart move. "DAMN YOU! I'll show you! You think you're better than me, Mr. Not-A-Living-Thing?! I bested this town's princess! I'll wreck you AND the ground beneath-"
Starlight gasped, as the cone in her magic suddenly got lighter. She turned to her side and witnessed, to her horror, that her ice-cream had fallen to the ground. She turned back to the rock, angrier than ever before. "Are you SERIOUS?! NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID! That's! It!"
Starlight charged magic into her horn and blasted the ground, creating a huge crater in the middle of the street. After taking a few moments to breath and analyse the damage, Starlight's eye twitched and she scratched as her neck as she broke into hives. "Great! Now the town doesn't look right! Now I've gotta make more craters just to even it out!"
And then she did.
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy sat nervously as Starlight grinded her teeth faster and faster. "Uh, you okay?"
"I'm fine!" Starlight shouted, rolling the dice and moving her piece. She passed Go, but then landed on Income Tax. "WHAT?! NO! I NEED THAT MONEY! COME ON!"
Fluttershy ducked as Starlight threw a house piece towards her. "M-Maybe we should play something else?"
"You said I could choose!" Starlight shouted. "We're playing this! It's my favourite game!"
Rainbow Dash leaned over to Fluttershy and whispered, "Hey, maybe we should just let her win."
Fluttershy nodded in agreement, and so, the two did their best to avoid upgrading their properties, sell them to Starlight for token sums, and make poor decisions in order to help Starlight win. Eventually though, she caught on.
"ARE YOU TAKING IT EASY ON ME?!" The two flinched and held each other as Starlight flipped the board. "Don't pity me! I don't need your pity! I don't need your charity! I'm gonna burn your house down!"
And then she did.
"… I said one."
"Thankfully Fluttershy's house was insured, being that close to the Everfree, but that still doesn't excuse you for-"
"Look, I get what you're saying, but I can't help myself!" Starlight sighed. "I'm sorry, it's just, when I feel like I'm getting angry, I can't control myself…"
Twilight frowned, and she moved forwards to hug her friend. "I know, and I'm sorry that I get so mad, but you have to try to see it from the perspectives of those you're hurting. There are other ways to deal with your anger."
"Like how?"
"Like confiding in a friend," Twilight said, breaking the hug and giving Starlight a warm smile. "And I hope that, in the future, if you ever feel like you're beginning to get angry, you'll just back off and take five minutes to talk to me, or write if I'm not there."
Starlight sniffed, and wiped away the tear rolling down her face. "Thank you, Twilight. I'll try to remember that."
"Now, what do you say we get out of here and head to that party, eh?"
Starlight smiled. "Sound good, friend."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S A GIRL?! I HAD FIFTY BITS ON IT BEING A BOY!"
Twilight sighed and facehooved. Shining Armor and Cadance were both frozen in shock at the mare's sudden outrage.
"I'LL ABORT YOUR FREAKIN' BABY, THEN IT'LL BE NOTHING!"
Twilight held back the angry mare, pulling her away as she kicked and screamed. "Starliiiiiiiight!"
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Despite this being a cute and funny story, I do feel a bit sad for Starlight Glimmer. I too sometimes have issues controlling my anger and emotions because of my ADHD. Regardless, I like this comedic take on her personality so very much.
Somepony needs anger management.
Nah, just not really feeling it with this one, man.
However, she did insult Derpy in a passive-aggressive way, so sooner or later the universe will extract karma from her.
This fits her character well. I can imagine this being canon.
I so see this from her. Too true and too funny. :)
Jesus.
Wow.... She needs help
Well, sucks to be you, Starlight. Cause I had 50 bits going against ya. xD
oh boy this is gonna take a while to adapt
Dang! Starlight is blowing a fuse to the max!! And it's the best one ever! XD This made me laugh so hard!
Fun and games
6684805 This is why Starlight is best Purple Guy
That's a thing!
That's your problem right there. Playing Monopoly? While trying to make friends? That's like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.
Here's how I wish it had ended:
The world needs more stories of Starlight Glimmer getting pissed and using her magic to seek out excessive retribution against it. Stubbing her hoof on a rock and going back in time to erasing all rocks from existence then everypony having to live in space as an example.
HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!
AAAHHHHH!!!!
I immediately thought of this:
We need a sequel. Starlight Glimmer rages against the feature box.
Rated T for teen.
Seriously though. 54-0 and no feature? Yet some 23-1 can walk in no prob. Wow.
6686432
It's based on timing as much as anything else. You need to hit the appropriate number of likes, comments and favourites before the story falls off the front page.
6684786
I honestly hope they make it a thing in the show. Maybe not to this extent, but having Starlight overreact at the smallest things as a gag would totally make up for her weakass backstory XD
Okay... what?
Wow, what a psycho....
Still hit it.
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/5/53/Twilight%2C_Spike%2C_and_Starlight_on_the_barren_landscape_S5E26.png/revision/latest?cb=20151201142820
Starlight Glimmer: Where are we?!
Twilight Sparkle: The future. Or rather, the present.
Starlight Glimmer: Well this is dry and barren as I am!
6687218 Me too. XD
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcy5o6sKss1qijduu.png
My mind went to a dirty place.
Am I the only one who immediately thought of Cave Johnson from Portal 2?
6685655
Well, they could've always played Diplomacy...
6685655
I also find it strangely ironic that Starlight is a character that people crack jokes about being a Communist, and yet her favorite game is the poster-child for Capitalism,
If they make Starlight a regular on the show, this needs to be her canon personality.
6685655 odd. Because people don't generally get mad at each other while playing that game. They just have fun....(in my experience)
That ending!
Calm the hell down Starlight!
Eat a Snickers bar, cause' you're not you when you're hungry.
This almost makes up for the season finale.
Given what her backstory is, I could totally see her flipping out on any and everything. When her only defense is that this time she didn't time travel and unintentionally destroy the world, that sets a really low bar... which is perfectly appropriate for Starlight. Maybe Twilight had better try babyproofing everything again before Starlight blows up the town.
So funny! (We need that angry starlight emoticon!)
I just have to make this comment, so I do apolog- Pff
Oh, who am I kidding??
You know you're off to a great start when the beginning paragraph is a year older than you!
6687805 Civilization 5.
Great job. Very enjoyable, and really pulls at a problem from the episode.
Just a couple of typos that could use a fix
probably meant 'cause (short for because)
Left out an s
This is glorious.
I am crying tears of joy that at least some people understand why everything about Starlight in the finale was absurd.
It deserves infinite likes for satirizing such terrible characterization and motivation in such masterfully exaggerated tones.
Maybe we should give Starlight a 'safe place' at college next to the SJWs who don't ever want their fragile drug-addled egos bruised by facts.
6689032 Ooooo... maybe THAT'S what was wrong with her! All Starlight ever needed was a Snickers... *Alondro achieves enlightenment and ascends to Nirvana*
That totally needs to be a comic.
That was amazing. Simply amazing. xD
Especially this. That logic.
6686223 Starlight and Dan trying to out-rage each other...
Now THAT would be worth watching!
6687218 And they need to do a tongue-in-cheek jab at it too, kind of an admission that 'yeah, we F'd up'. Kinda like how Matt Stone and Trey Parker self-parodied their own bad movie in "South Park".
It's one thing to make a bad movie/episode... but the REAL writers will be honest with themselves that they goofed and try to do better. They can remove themselves from their egos and view their own work with a critical eye. And, sure enough, Matt and Trey went on to create "Book of Mormon" and win all the Tony's!
6689957
That sounds like a great idea until you remember that SJWs inevitably eat their own; it’s just a matter of time before Starlight and co. enter an unending feedback loop of unwarranted whining.
6686432 Starlight Glimmer rages against herself... in that castle where the Doctor was raging about stuff...
Seriously, Saturday was a double disappointment. Two awful season finales for two of my all-time favorite shows.
6685655
Well, you have to admit that it's really entertaining to try...
6689032 Don't you see, there are no Snickers in Equestria, She's doomed!
6690552 Go jump off a cliff! There ARE Snickers! Don't you dare say such awful things! GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!