I come from a place where death runs wild, Welcome to Oblivion
Ryan was never one to fit in with the rest foals in Ponyville, whether it was his adoptive brother's antics or his freakish height(I mean he was as tall as grown mares at the age of 8), but now he faces something new. Something from his past has resurfaced. A Curse.
A big thanks to XSomeGuyX for editing my story
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Button Mash, Sweetie Belle, Ryan, Dinky, Snips, Snails, Love Tap...
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6666597 That is a nice Gif you got there. What does it mean?
6666558 OK, what does this mean, I know it suppose to be a joke, but is it a joke about how non-creative the name Ryan is.
I think the only thought that went into that line was "How can i sound like those cool movies with bible verses in them and cool motto's and sayings. I know! i talk about death, and how I'm so smart and cool they will be quoting me until the end of all time!"
6666825 It means what I've read has hit almost of my "Things I hate to see in a fic" list.
6666838 ok sir like to tell me what they are
6666837 not at all, but it has something to do with god though I'll give you that
6666869
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whut.
6666886 I'll tell you how I think God sees death, He sees it as great thing for him but back here on Earth, it could lead into more deaths, riots and sin.
6666836
"Ryan" is a human name. All the rest are pony names.
6666899
So god, the guy who created all things and creatures, sees the things he made dead and thinks that that it is a good thing.
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I don't think you and me both have the same concept of god, but that's OK because there are multiple gods people believe but I think were both thinking of the same god and he says stuff like turn the other cheek and love each other and stuff. Not kill each other.
6666926 To to tell the truth that isn't his actual name
6666932 OK as I meant to say, death to God(The Christian God) isn't really a serious problem because he knows children will be with him when they die and he knows that he gave the sinners a chance to repent. I'm sorry if that came across horribly. I hate writing in general so, please forgive me
6666932 OK I see where your problem was at. PLease forgive me
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then why write a story
6666978 I write cause I'm a 8th student and it's my job to increase my writing skills in a productive way. So why not here, a safe environment.
6666997 This website is made for people who actually want to write.
6667123 Who said I didn't want to write heck my dream job will invoke alot of writing. This site makes me willing to right. But so far everyone has given me crap instead of some cold hard criticism/pointers.
Well, at least it's not the worst wall of text I've ever seen. Still pretty bad though. If I were you, I'd figure out how to format real fast or you'll just have people skimming it like I did. Basically, add another "enter" key press after every bit of dialogue from a different speaker, and after every paragraph or new idea. It keeps your story looking a lot more manageable.
As for the content of the story... Eh. It's not terrible, but from what I admittedly skimmed, it's also not good, nor is it interesting. Try slowing down your pacing a whole lot, taking tons more time to describe things and set up your characters, and not being so damn edgy. Not every line in your story has to be about mental torment or pain or betrayal, it just makes every character seem like unlikable whiny bitches.
6667959 Thank God for some help in writing, but please tell me the parts that were edgy to you. Just so I can avoid them in the next chapter
6667959 well the torment that 'Ryan' whats to achieve is a serious plot point that be discussed more in the next chapter. Well if I do a next chapter
6667180 So you want to want to write?
Well in this case.
I would recommend trying to make a story about somepony who isn't 'special' in an extreme sort of way, basically a normal pony.
6670169 well that is what I'm writing at the moment, because I waiting for my new cover art for this story