1-The Introduction
Death is but an illusion made by the mind...
Why were these flowing through his mind? It was unnatural for this to be happening. It was as if the words haunted him. When mentioning this to his adoptive mother, Love Tap, she instantly wrote off as his imagination. One might be asking themselves who is this ‘him’. Ryan is the Earth pony colt spoken of. Though he is seems like an normal boy, there are always secrets hidden behind the surface.
As quickly as the sentence entered Ryan's brain, it exited, leaving him to think of other matters. Ryan never understood why his brother Button Mash hated school, he just seemed to deflate at the mention of it. It was a place to learn new and unexpected things, but even Ryan could not find history too exciting. It was as if he already knew it already knew it all, like he was there in the first place, but that is impossible because he is in the 2nd grade and only 8 years of age. The only way that could happen was if he was a time traveler, but there is only one known in Equestria.
Ryan, wanting to break the silence and to tease Button, asked, "So how is the whole brain freeze incident going with Sweetie Belle?" It was amusing to see how fast the emotions on Button's face change from happy to embarrassment within a couple of seconds. Button, still blushing, answered back, "Why do patronize me so much about THAT topic!?"
Ryan replied with a smirk, "Why wouldn't I be interested in my brother's love life? Plus I just wanted to freak you out." As he said those last words, he started running because he knew that Button hated being made a fool of (especially by Ryan). Ryan honestly thought that today would be the last day of problems for a little while, because of the Hearth's Warming break, and he would enjoy himself with all the new games that have come out within the past couple of moons. Well he would soon realized that the break was going to last longer than expected. To tell the truth, nopony saw the events that were going unfold into that colt's life, but it was destined to happen.
2 Hours later, at recess
Ryan was sitting with Button and his friends (which included the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Rumble, Dinky, Pip, Snips, and Snails) like he always does. By this time Button would have brought out his Joy-Boy, the CMC would have gone and tried to get their Cutie marks, the Brit pony would be trying to woo Dinky, or Snips and Snails would be trying to find people to give them work. But that wasn't happening today. Instead they talked about their awesome plans for the break, and the day was actually pretty warm, considering the time of year that they were in, so everything was fine and dandy.
It should have been easy to guess what was going to happen next; why it was Diamond Tiara and she was trotting with her snout pointed upward, like we were trash, with Silver Spoon following right behind her. Ryan despised Diamond, for the sole reason of her being a total jerk to both others and her friend, rubbing her Cutie Mark in everyone's faces and taunting his best friend for not being able to fly. Yet he felt the need to have pity on Silver Spoon. Nopony would want to friends with a jerk (it also makes one look bad). Diamond also went after Ryan for his freakish height, calling him a stallion that plays with little foals, and today was no different.
Ryan doesn't understand how Filthy Rich can just allow her to lie and to treat the ponies around her like dirt. But he would take no more of this tyranny. He would make her pay. Meanwhile, Diamond Tiara appeared to be making fun of Sweetie Belle, but Ryan was too deep in thought, plotting of a way to humiliate her, to pay them any mind. It was THEN Ryan realized what was happening, and what he saw angered him to the very boiling point.
Something snapped in his brain, Death Is The Only Solution To Those Who Oppose Death. He sought the sharpest object he could find. What he found was pointed, three-faced rock. Death Is But An Illusion Made By The Mind, But Immortals See Through It And They See Destruction. He used it to strike his left foreleg, What You Will Be Able To See Will Change You Forever.
'Why...? Why do I feel so much pain?' Ryan said in this head, with his eyes closed.
'Wow, it took that for you to finally snap, please I thought it would have been the time they called Scootaloo disabled,' a voice called out. Ryan has never heard it before but it seems eerily familiar.'You are way stronger than I imagined.'
"OK, this is new, since when did I have a voice inside my head, and what do you mean by 'snapped'...?" Ryan trailed off as he began to open his eyes. He was surrounded by fire in a star shape. He also saw his brother and his classmates, including Diamond Tiara who was bruised all over her body, huddled near the front door staring at him, the younger students were crying and the students that were as old as him were .
Ryan called out to them," Umm... you guys OK?" To his surprise nopony answered, they just stared at him, he then started forward, but only to stop see the flinch back stare with even more fear. "Come on, guys. Why are you giving me the silent treatment?" Ryan was starting to move toward his classmates when he finally received an answer.
"S-s-stay away from us, y-y-you Monster!!" yelled Diamond Tiara
Ryan was shocked that at her words, "How dare you insult me!? Do you think I did all of this!?"
"Well... ya kinda did," said Applebloom in a hesitant tone'. "And ya hurt Diamond too, though she kind of deserves some of it." she added, whispering the last part to herself.
Ryan, shocked at what he heard, he was being filled with fear the longer he stood . 'What happened while I was unconscious?' Ryan thought, hoping for an answer from the voice in his head. However, the answer never came. Before Ryan could question the voice once more, he heard the clanking of metals and the hollering of the Royal Guard.
He then looked at his classmates, eyes furrowed and teeth grinding against another and shouted at them, "YOU CALLED THE GUARDS? WHAT THE HECK, GUYS, I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS? BUTTON, DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT I WOULD HURT ANYONE?"
"Yes." was all Button Mash could say before turning away and crying to himself.
What he said to Ryan cut straight through him like a knife. After Ryan recovered his sanity from being called a monster by his own brother, he did the only thing that seemed rational at the time. He ran like lightning piercing the sky on a stormy night, into the Everfree Forest to avoid both his family and the Royal Guards.
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Button Mash, Sweetie Belle, Ryan, Dinky, Snips, Snails, Love Tap...
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6666597 That is a nice Gif you got there. What does it mean?
6666558 OK, what does this mean, I know it suppose to be a joke, but is it a joke about how non-creative the name Ryan is.
I think the only thought that went into that line was "How can i sound like those cool movies with bible verses in them and cool motto's and sayings. I know! i talk about death, and how I'm so smart and cool they will be quoting me until the end of all time!"
6666825 It means what I've read has hit almost of my "Things I hate to see in a fic" list.
6666838 ok sir like to tell me what they are
6666837 not at all, but it has something to do with god though I'll give you that
6666869
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whut.
6666886 I'll tell you how I think God sees death, He sees it as great thing for him but back here on Earth, it could lead into more deaths, riots and sin.
6666836
"Ryan" is a human name. All the rest are pony names.
6666899
So god, the guy who created all things and creatures, sees the things he made dead and thinks that that it is a good thing.
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I don't think you and me both have the same concept of god, but that's OK because there are multiple gods people believe but I think were both thinking of the same god and he says stuff like turn the other cheek and love each other and stuff. Not kill each other.
6666926 To to tell the truth that isn't his actual name
6666932 OK as I meant to say, death to God(The Christian God) isn't really a serious problem because he knows children will be with him when they die and he knows that he gave the sinners a chance to repent. I'm sorry if that came across horribly. I hate writing in general so, please forgive me
6666932 OK I see where your problem was at. PLease forgive me
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then why write a story
6666978 I write cause I'm a 8th student and it's my job to increase my writing skills in a productive way. So why not here, a safe environment.
6666997 This website is made for people who actually want to write.
6667123 Who said I didn't want to write heck my dream job will invoke alot of writing. This site makes me willing to right. But so far everyone has given me crap instead of some cold hard criticism/pointers.
Well, at least it's not the worst wall of text I've ever seen. Still pretty bad though. If I were you, I'd figure out how to format real fast or you'll just have people skimming it like I did. Basically, add another "enter" key press after every bit of dialogue from a different speaker, and after every paragraph or new idea. It keeps your story looking a lot more manageable.
As for the content of the story... Eh. It's not terrible, but from what I admittedly skimmed, it's also not good, nor is it interesting. Try slowing down your pacing a whole lot, taking tons more time to describe things and set up your characters, and not being so damn edgy. Not every line in your story has to be about mental torment or pain or betrayal, it just makes every character seem like unlikable whiny bitches.
6667959 Thank God for some help in writing, but please tell me the parts that were edgy to you. Just so I can avoid them in the next chapter
6667959 well the torment that 'Ryan' whats to achieve is a serious plot point that be discussed more in the next chapter. Well if I do a next chapter
6667180 So you want to want to write?
Well in this case.
I would recommend trying to make a story about somepony who isn't 'special' in an extreme sort of way, basically a normal pony.
6670169 well that is what I'm writing at the moment, because I waiting for my new cover art for this story