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skwoogle 21067

Joined November 2011
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    skwoogle's Stories (2)

    • An Autumn Romance
      Rainbow and Twilight learn about how they feel for each other, and they investigate the relationship

      24,604 words · 6,887 views · 233 likes · 14 dislikes
    • Peaceful No Longer....
      A mysterious dream plagues Twilight, but when it soon becomes a reality, how will the Mane 6 cope?
      7,401 words · 203 views · 1 likes · 1 dislikes
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    Author's Note: This Chapter has now been re-edited. Once again, no story changes, just fixes to format and punctuation. More changes may be coming soon Thanks for reading!

    Chapter 2: Times Gone By

    As the pair walked into Ponyville, Dash kept her wing extended around her marefriend. The brisk wind blew against the two, chilling them to the bone. Twilight led Rainbow towards the new restaurant in town, The Daisy Patch, where they quickly ordered their meals. Dash, still a bit awestruck, didn't know what to say once the waiter had left.

    “So...” Twilight started. “What do you think of this? I really want to know if this is how you feel.” She sat there, staring at Dash. With no response, she reached across the table and gave her a tap on the head. “Hellooooo, anypony home?”

    “Huh? Oh ya!” Dash snapped back to reality. “Sorry, it's just kind of hard to believe this is actually happening. I have always dreamed, but...” She said, falling back into her own world of bliss. A harder smack from Twilight was needed to bring her back this time.

    “You know, If I agree to go out with you, you need to calm down and stop fantasizing so much.” Twilight said, jokingly. “I must admit, I've never been in a relationship with anyone, let alone a mare. Honestly, this is one subject you know more about than I do!”

    Dash just smiled, leaning back in her chair. “Well, I do have some experience, but not much. I haven't found anyone who I thought could keep up with me!” She leaned forward, looking deep into Twilight's eyes. “But with you, it's different. I don't need to keep going. I feel like I can relax around you.” The two sat, staring at each other until Dash glanced over Twilight's shoulder, breaking the gaze. “Oh look, here comes our food!”

    - ~ -

    The two ate, spending the time switching from the serious discussion of the relationship, to random jokes in an attempt to make each other laugh. The feeling that they had between them was special. Something that doesn't come around often. They felt as though they could be themselves, instead of how they would act on any other first date. Their friendship seemed to only strengthen the relationship they were building. After a couple hours, they got up to leave.

    “...and I said 'but that's not a diamond, that's QUARTZ!” Dash said, as she held the door for her partner. “No one could believe it!”

    Twilight burst out laughing at the joke, something she would never have done before today.  “That hilarious. Oh, what a lunch. I don't think I've ever had so much fun!” Twilight smiled , nuzzling the cyan pegasus next to her. Dash immediately blushed, feeling just as happy as Twilight did. “Hey, can we go get something for dessert? I feel like something sugary.” Twilight asked.

    “Sure, I could go for a treat! Lets head over to Sugarcube corner.” Dash said, instantly regretting the thought. What would Pinkie think of them together? Would she be supportive? The mini-panic attack was only increased by Twilight's response.

    “Hmm, I feel like going to Bon Bon's if that's alright. I meant to drop in to see her today, and this would be the perfect time!”, Twilight suggested, trying to do her best puppy dog eyes.

    “Sure, that's fine.” Dash said. However, all was not quite fine. All she could think of now was college. She and Bon Bon had been young and a little intoxicated, and she didn't know how the candy pony would take this. It wouldn't be too bad, Dash figured. We both moved past that...I think. Wait, wasn't Bon Bon married to Lyra? Oh, Dash knew that she would rub this in. Hopefully she won't notice.

    - ~ -

    The door to the store swung open, ringing the small bell to announce the new customers. “Coooming”, a voice called out from the kitchen from behind the counter. The cream colored pony came from the back room, her dark blue and pink mane bobbing up and down. “Oh Rainbow, Twilight! How are you doing? Pretty well, obviously.” Bon Bon gave a slight giggle at the sight of Dash with her wing around her marefriend.

    “Hay Bon Bon, sorry I didn't come by earlier. Something...”, she glanced towards Dash, who was blushing fiercely, “...came up.” “Do you have any peppermints?”

    “Sure, take a few on the house!”, she replied eagerly while motioning in their direction. When Twilight went to get her candy, Bon Bon quickly walked over to have a small chat with the still-blushing pegasus. “Sooo...”, she said earnestly, “...I see you must have had fun that night in college. Couldn't stay away from fillies, eh Dashie?” She sighed. “I know I couldn't. Lyra is just so wonderful.”

    Dash blushed even more, turning her normal complexion a deep crimson. “Well, I don't know if that is why I like her, but...” She stopped herself from saying more. “Wait, I thought we said we wouldn't talk about this anymore.” She stared at Bon Bon, who gave a small giggle.

    “I think that, based on the circumstances, it couldn't harm either one of us.” She turned towards the purple unicorn who had wandered back over. “Find everything alright?”

    “Yes, and thanks for the candy!” She glanced over at Dash, who was even more red than when she had gone to get the candy. “If you don't mind me asking, what were you two discussing.”

    “NOTHING!”, Dash blurted out.

    “Oh, we were just discussing our time back in school.” The glance Dash gave the candy maker could have wilted a plant. “We both went to Manehattan College. Go Seahorses!”

    Twilight was surprised. If she had to guess any pony in Ponyville that went to college, these two in front of her would be near the bottom. “Wow, what did you two study?” She asked, suddenly very interested.

    “Well, I studied chemistry personally. The candy making is hard, but the degree helped me learn what works best together. Dashie here studied physics, for her flight.” Bon Bon said, smiling brightly.

    “Twi, I think we should go...” Dash started, but was quickly cut off.

    “Lets stay a little 'Dashie'. I want to hear more of this!”, Twilight could tell there was something that Dash didn't want her to know, and that just made her more intrigued. She could read her just as clearly as she could that morning.

    “Hay, I'm willing to talk.” Bon Bon said, before starting into the story. “It was late one night during the middle of winter. We had been out, and we had a little to much to drink.” She winks over at Rainbow before continuing. “We got back to my dorm, but Dashie's dorm was on the other side of campus. The snow was blowing so hard, and it was so cold that she decided to stay in my room.”

    Twilight sat eating the peppermints, positively transfixed on the story. Dash seemed to be frozen, looking calm but panicking on the inside. What would Twilight think of her? She seemed alright with any previous relationships she had, so that should include mares. Right?

    “I only had one bed and, being all intoxicated, I think you know what happened next.” Bon Bon sent another wink Dash's way. “We woke up a little tangled, but I think I speak for both of us when I say we remember that night perfectly.” The story finished, Bon Bon stood there looking as proud as can be.

    Twilight slowly turned towards Dash, who was trying to slide away. However, she stopped quickly when she saw the look in her eyes. The look of love, of want, of lust.

    “Gee Dashie, I never knew that you were really that into this..I've got an idea.” With that, she jumped towards the pegasus, pressing their lips together in a passionate kiss. Dash quickly got over her surprise and returned the kiss with just as much force, pushing back against the unicorn on top of her.

    After what felt like hours, Twilight broke the kiss, looking down on her mare friend. The pegasus looked like she was completely filled with bliss, her rose colored eyes half closed as she waited to see what would happen next. Twilight stood up, pulling Dash up with her. “Come on Dashie, we need to get home.” They walked towards Twilight's library, leaning against each other in what embrace they could manage. Soon after the door was closed all lights were out in the tree.

    Bon Bon squealed, overjoyed that she was able to help her friend's relationship grow. She quickly closed up shop. Those two reminded her of the first time she met Lyra. She needed to get home. After those watching those two in her shop, tonight was going to be a fun night.

    Comments ( 15 )

    #1 · 78w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Much better.  This chapter flows much more nicely than the previous one. I see you haven't lost your touch for gentle conveyance of emotion.  :twilightsmile:

    I'd like to see some more Twi/Dash dialogue in future chapters.  Here it's a little sparse because they're nervous and that's natural.  But from here on, there should be some more dialogue.  Here there were a lot of narrative transitions and that's okay for this chapter.

    #2 · 78w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Track

    #3 · 78w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Bon Bon and Rainbow dash had got some matured adventure in the past?:pinkiegasp: That's new but I can say I like it just like how Rainbow Dash was worring about how Twilight will react once she hears the story. Originally I thought Twilight would worried mutch about relation ship but I guess here it's Rainbow Dash's job. ;)

    #4 · 78w, 6d ago · · ·
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    *insert track and 5 stars here*

    #5 · 78w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Win win win win. Your story is made out of win.

    #6 · 78w, 5d ago · · ·
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    @end

    giggity

    #7 · 78w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Nice, loved the little back story with Bonbon and Dash, that was new and welcome to see Good work.

    but you are Rushing the Relationship to fast I think,  and when stories get rushed it is hard for the writer to hit the target there aiming for, well that's how it hit me any way LOL

    #8 · 78w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Just amazing man. I think you gave me a idea for a Twi-Dash fanfic. Danke! (Thank you in german, I took seven years of it throughout elementry school) o.o :raritywink:

    #9 · 78w, 15h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Okay, I think the story is pretty good so far, especially for a first fic, but there are some things I need to address.

    (These are my opinions, do not pay any attention to them if you do not wish, they're just my suggestions.)

    First off, the dialog looks better, now that you're starting a new paragraph with each new person speaking.  That is good, because any improvement is good, even if it is minor.  Next, which is largely my opinion, the whole relationship  seems rushed.  I mean, it kinda just came out of the blue, you'd think there would be more to it.  Nope, and even on the same day they are out eating and talking about the relationship?  I may have missed it in the first chapter, but I didn't notice it saying Twilight liked Dash too, just her saying she was interested.  I really don't see were this relationship spawned from so quickly.  This brings me to another thing, It says Dash is going to chose between her reputation or Twilight, I would assume this means she's afraid to let others know about the relationship.  Yet, she drapes her wing over twilight  and talks of it openly in public.  Now I may not have read far enough in the story for this conflict to occur, so you may just have to disregard that in general ( sorry if that is so :twilightblush: )

    Okay, next thing, that would have to be the kiss.  I must say, that part took one hell of a leap in their relationship, and I am quite confused as to were it came from.  Again, Twilight was interested, not head over heels in love, and yet after one dinner together and that story with Bon- Bon, Twilight was all over Dash.  Now I have no idea why that story would cause Twi to be filled with lust for Dash, and frankly I find it quite odd.  Again, that one part was one hell of a leap, it felt as if you skipped right over  parts of the story were the two's love could slowly grow for one another.  Where they could spend more time with each other and nurture the relationship, and then come to that point.  Not just happen abruptly and out of no where.

    My biggest qualm with it is that it just seems rushed, in the future, try and slow things down a tad.

    And so ends my long comment, wow that took way longer than it should have... and sorry for the length :scootangel:

    Again, these are just my opinions, and I mean no misgivings by them, they're just my thoughts on the story.  

    #10 · 78w, 14h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    My only suggestion is that you need to start a new paragraph every time a different character begins to talk in a conversation

    It helps the reader keep an understanding of who's saying what

    Other than that keep up the good work :pinkiesmile:

    #11 · 78w, 14h ago · · ·
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    I made that comment without realizing you already corrected that error

    Anyway keep up the good work

    #12 · 75w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Flow needs work but c'mon I enjoy that Twilight here is being assertive and towards Rainbow Dash no less. Awesome sauce!:twilightsheepish::rainbowkiss:

    #13 · 68w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Meh. Not really feeling this story, things don't flow, characters seem wrong, relationships rushed. Sorry but I stopped reading after this chapter. :unsuresweetie:

    #14 · 59w, 1d ago · · ·
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    As the pair walked into Ponyville, Dash kept her wing extended around her marefriend.

    Bronies, you honestly make me want to cry sometimes.

    Please, tell me where I can find the ass that coined the term "marefriend." I would dearly love to hoof him in the face until he loses the cognitive ability to keep coming up with stupid shit.

    Filly is to Girl

    As

    Mare is to Woman

    Therefor

    Fillyfriend is to Girlfriend

    As

    Marefriend is to Womanfriend

    So every single time you use the term 'marefriend,' it's the equivalent of calling your GF your Womanfriend. Which is awful.

    The terms the fandom has come to accept are 'marefriend' and 'coltfriend,' which is absolutely ridiculous. Womanfriend and Boyfriend. Am I the only one who finds it more than slightly unsettling that we can't manage to be even slightly consistent? If you lot INSIST on making it marefriend, you could at least make the male half stallionfriend to keep things even. But then, stallionfriend is even worse than womanfriend. So maybe we should just use our brains and realize that... y'know what? Maybe we should go with fillyfriend. Being that it actually fits quite perfectly, unlike how 'marefriend' doesn't fit at all.

    #15 · 50w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    All my complaints fall under everything Therizzen said. also in this paragraph:

    “Sure, take a few on the house!”, she replied eagerly while motioning in their direction. When Twilight went to get her candy, Bon Bon quickly walked over to have a small chat with the still-blushing pegasus. “Sooo...”, she said earnestly, “...I see you must have had fun that night in college. Couldn't stay away from fillies, eh Dashie?” She sighed. “I know I couldn't. Lyra is just so wonderful.”

    should be:

    “Sure, take a few on the house!”, she replied eagerly while motioning in their direction. When Twilight went to get her candy, Bon Bon quickly walked over to have a small chat with the still-blushing pegasus.

    “Sooo...”, she said earnestly, “...I see you must have had fun that night in college. Couldn't stay away from fillies, eh Dashie?” She sighed. “I know I couldn't. Lyra is just so wonderful.”

    separate the paragraphs when another pony speaks.

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