- Member Since 25th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen 24 minutes ago
Majin Syeekoh
We’ve got dents and we’ve got quirks, but it’s our flaws that make us work.
Majin Syeekoh
Joined 25th Dec, 2013 ·
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Goddamnit, Syeekoh.
5k words?
It's like 5 stories in one!
Will have look later, heh.
6594341 Lol.
Well, when inspiration hits, it hits.
Oh my god I love this.
Three paragraphs to go and it's time to clock in...augh!
6594356 Well, that's certainly an encouraging comment.
Thank you!
That was absolutely fascinating. I especially loved the angle with the pain receptors, and how that tied in to everything. Really, the whole idea with Rarity and Sweetie Belle was well orchestrated!
"Original."
So, Sweetie Belle died at some point and her mother and Rarity won't accept Sweetiebot.
6594382 Thanks. It just kind of came out like that, really.
6594492 ...something along those lines.
How interesting! I loved the take on this concept.
Adorable story about robot cancer caused by racism towards mechanical duplicates. Fascinating
Warning! Fluid buildup in ocular sensors. Vision at 70% efficiency.
Rarity flipped her mood a bit quick for my liking, but how well tied together it was made up for it.
Aside from the slightly rushed feeling of the narration towards the end, and maybe the rather sudden dropping of the background event that set everything into motion, this was pretty damn good. Maybe start to give hints before the reveal, as well as slow the narration down a bit before the end?
I will say, this is certainly one of the best takes on the already tired idea of a mechanical Sweetie Belle I've seen in a very long while. "robo cancer" has now entered my headcannon far as machines go, heh.
I'm making this comment just to get a dislike like everyone else.
Yep, still a good story!
Moral of the Story: Racism is Literally Cancer
Well, that was dark. Good, but very dark.
And.. Robot Cancer? Seriously?
Brilliant Fic.
6595608
Well if racism was in this story, maybe. It's more like anti-technoligist.
6595693
Dislikes for everybody. YIPPIE!
Very sweet ending. Good story all together. thumbed up.
I don't know whether to have a giggle at the preposterousness of the premise....or cry over the content.
Either way, well done.
Wow rarity was a bitch
I haven't even read this, I'm just confused who's disliking all the comments and why. It's not even just limited to negative or positive comments, every single one has a dislike.
One of your best stories to date.
Why I like it [spoilers!]:
1. It gives a realistic take on sibling neglect through a medium that is not normally heard of. I mean, Rarity being upset because her robotic sister is not fully her sister? Gah, so many dimensions of behavior to work with!
2. It is not based on an episode, but rather on an idea that has been in the fandom for a long while. The way you interpret this idea makes it original, since Sweetie Belle is a robot that, in the end, becomes the real Sweetie Belle who had died before.
3. The Doctor being used as a Robotist is perfect. He has the right personality (somewhat crazed, yet passionate about his work) to go along with the job.
This story gives an overall sense of value in a person (in this case, ponies, but y'know). Seeing purpose in life before you are about to lose it makes someone realize the worth in someone. I just love how you executed it with the lighthearted ending of Sweetie Belle interacting with Rarity. Good job, Syeekoh. Good job.
I enjoyed this story. I'm a bit of a fan of Sweetie Bot.
I immediately thought of this music clip, once I realised that Sweetie Bot was deteriorating.
I never thought I'd take a Sweetie Bot story seriously, let alone find one with a compelling story and great moral!
Well played, Syeekoh. Well played indeed.
Why does every comment have dislikes?
Someone's pissy, and disliking every comment. Why am I not surprised?
Majin, I love your stories, but I fucking hate this scenario wherever it comes up.
At least, in this 'simplified' form. You know, when someone is treating a tool like it should be treated? As in, as a tool? And the moral is that they're a horrible person for it, because tools have feeling too, and OH LOOK it's just like <insert_minority_name_here> are treated in real life OMFG so profound and progressive!
I fucking hated Rannoch.
Look, I haven't read this yet. But I'm gonna praise it for using Isaac Asimov's R. name prefix to mean that the person referred to is a robot.
Nice.
Edit: Now I have read it, and it's practically laden with callbacks to Asimov's work. The prejudice against robots. The use of the term equinoform, and the uniqueness of the protagonist being the first. The use of the R. prefix to essentially mean "you're not a real person, you're just a robot."
THIS LINE!
Have a fave and a like. This story was surprisingly believable.
While it is a good story, a little disappointed the twist I expected to come up never came to play. I was for sure the end reveal would be that Rarity was also a robot and the others, including R. Sweetie Belle, refused to tell her knowing it would hurt her feelings. A very Twilight Zone twist, I admit...
This definitely has more universe-writing potential than one story.
This was pretty good.
I liked this story, but I can't have been the only one to get some flashes of Astro Boy. Especially out of the Doctor.
Edit: I think I know why now. Both Astro Boy and R. Belle were created to replace a dead family member and both were rejected because of this. I do find it interesting that Belle's humanity (for a lack of a better term) seemed to be directly related to how well treated she was. Reminds me of a bit from that Imitation Game movie actually...
Wow...this almost made me cry....Wonderful job!
I was *going* to comment, but then I saw that the disliker stopped disliking, so I guess there isn't a point on commenting on a decent story, is there...
Aww. Sweet stroy. Great job.
Heh, I kinda want to see a sequel to this. It's really interesting.
ci.memecdn.com/951/8372951.jpg
The story is touching and all, but it does seem a bit wrong that everyone is treating Sweetie Bot like she's Sweetie Belle. I mean, she's still Rarity's sister but it seems pretty clear that she isn't the original Sweetie Belle if I am reading this right. She is her own person but she is NOT Sweetie Belle.
Rarity was wrong in not treating Sweetie Bot as a real person, but everyone else seems kind of messed up for apparently treating Sweetie Bot like the real Sweetie Belle. Hell, commissioning a replacement daughter in the first place seems pretty messed up. It would be like if your friends or family had a robot duplicate of you created and pretended it was you, or more realistically as if they hired a look-alike (or for the ponies, a changeling) to pretend to be you and acted like they were you and refused to acknowledge that it wasn't REALLY you. Or maybe if you had a beloved sibling and they died and your parents pulled the "hire a look-alike" thing with them. Would you be okay with that? Would you treat them as if they were the person they were hired to replace? Or would you wonder what the heck is wrong with your parents? Would you wonder how they could value your brother so little as a person as to literally replace them?
Everyone in the story seems to be just a little bit delusional and the whole premise comes off as rather depressing. Even the "happy" ending is pretty bittersweet because of the darker side of the premise that doesn't really get addressed.
Hypothetical: What if it turned out Sweetie wasn't REALLY dead and she came back home to find her friends and family acting like this impostor was her? That they thought they could very literally replace her? I imagine she'd be more than a little upset about that.
EDIT: The whole situation kind of reminds me a bit of that guy with his wife's head in The Walking Dead game, or that guy with his wife's skeleton in Diablo 3. Pretty much everyone except Rarity apparently couldn't handle their grief and decided to live in denial instead of face reality.
This is an amazing story. I really want to read more MLP/Asimov crossovers.
6598537 Those are all valid points. Let me attempt to address them the best that I can.
Let's pretend this happened in real life that parents stricken with grief commission a humanoid robot to resemble their dead daughter. She's{we'll call the daughter Amanda for the sake of this exercise)built and the parents are happy. Everyone associated with them is going to look at them weird at first, sure. But, over time, they notice New Amanda's actually a pretty cool cat and they get friendly with her.
I don't think anyone is delusional enough to pretend that it's the original Sweetie Belle. They're just using the name that was given to her which happens to be the same name as the pony she's resembles.
In the original draft it was actually explicit that everyone except Rarity understood that she wasn't meant to replace the original Sweetie Belle, but more intended as a living gravestone of sorts built in Sweetie Belle's memory.
But that's not in the story anymore, so I guess all I can do is assure you that the ponies aren't delusional and they're just being friendly with a robot that shares Sweetie Belle's name and appearance.
Started as robot story. Middle part robot story plus realistic racism (much as I hate to say that...), and ended as fair quantities of awwfeels.
As someone else writing a robot story, this caught my eye.
Normally I regard Sweetie Bot as a gag character that has overstayed its welcome, but this managed to get a little more identity of it's own and the extra sci-fi background that subtly paints the universe is neat.
On the other hand, "sadness causes magical robot cancer" is a pretty big eyebrow raiser. It's just a little too sappy and only a few steps away from "she's dying of a broken heart!"
Still, the characterization is neat, the story flows well, and Sweetie Bot's voice is distinctive. Overall, an enjoyable read.
I see what you did there.
static.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_medium/5/59032/4589887-r+dorothy+waynewright.jpg
6598963 Actually the R.{name} designation goes all the way back to Asimov's Caves Of Steel. Or possibly one of his other Robot shorts used it before that.... I'd have to check.
Huh, almost perfect.
I only have two criticisms here, but they are sort of major ones. The first is that the story didn't get enough emotional buildup. It could have benefited from being longer and using more foreshadowing and subtext to establish the cause of Rarity's abuse and slowly reveal how serious Sweetie's condition was. Your plot points, while good in and of themselves, sorta jumped out at me before I had time to let them sink in.
The second thing was that I didn't like the ending, specifically how you focused on Twilight and Doctor arguing rather than on Sweetie and Rarity, who were the actual focus of the story. You pretty much glossed over their big reconciliation for the sake of a bit of comedy with two supporting characters. I wanted them to hug, cry a bit, talk about what they mean to each other, go home and be a family again, all of that stuff.
Look, the fact is that I really liked this. It's a great story. It's just that it had the potential to be an amazing story. It could have been so powerful. It just lacks that little bit of extra effort, you know?
Oh well, take that as you will. Regardless, keep up the good work.
R. Sweetie Belle. Inspired by A. Bettik?
Slightly less durable than unobtainium, but somewhat more corrosion resistant than nonsensium.
Well, now I know for sure that this must be an alternate universe.
This story gave me cancer.
Seriously though, this was a cute story. Thanks for writing it.