Ehh... Wish Button Makes Dis Fing Go?
Within the dainty borders of a town called Ponyville, all was quiet. Well, perhaps more in comparison to how it usually is. Despite being not that much larger than a village, it thrives and throbs and revels in the world of business. There are countless opportunities for a pony of any trade to make his or her way in this small stead. It hosts regular markets and shows, events and celebrations. It may not be the clockwork hustle and bustle of Manehatten, nor the fast-flowing barter and gambling of Las Pegasus, but those who worked their craft here prospered.
But not all the inhabitants are strictly business-minded. Indeed, most of the life of Ponyville comes from its warm inhabitants. Their friendly smiles, their cheery hellos. Nopony is ever in too much of a hurry to stop and have a lovely conversation every now and then. Nearly everypony knew each other. The bonds of companionship are tight-knit and strong, making trade and progress all that much more simple. Though, if there ever happened to be eager newcomers to this propitious town, the population would greet and receive them with open minds and open hearts. Nopony has ever felt unwelcome.
There are, however, always exceptions to the rule.
One such exception has made his merry and tumultuous way to the candy-coated abode of Sugarcube Corner, much to the, shall we say... disquiet of the general populace. And, despite the fact that the rest of the neighborhood remained silent, a hoof-full of distinct sounds have made themselves known amongst the deafening calm. A constant thunk, thunk, thunk beat like the steady rhythm of a drum. Underneath that was the flapping of feathers, grunts and squeals of vain effort, and the almost inaudible whine of electrical motors.
“C’mon! Put’cher dukes up! Show me whatcha got!!!” Clamored Rainbow Dash as she pumped her wings with all her might and swung her forelegs wildly, hoping to catch something and cause considerable damage or pain. It was no use. A steel hand held her head in place with seemingly no effort whatsoever. Grundy was busy digging the crud from under his talon-like fingernails of his biological hand while he casually leaned on the tryhard pegasus. The thunking continued in the background. The ork plucked a gob of pungent orange wax from his pointed ear, squished it between his fingers for a moment, and flicked it away.
“Bloody ‘ell, yer awful.”
The flamboyant mare growled. “Come over here and say that to my FACE!”
“Naw, mefinks we’re done ‘ere.” He reared his head toward the lavender unicorn. “Wot’s da plan, Twi?”
The thunking stopped. Twilight Sparkle raised her head from the table, stars fluttering around the edges of her wall-eyed vision. “Consultation hourzzz are froms free to five... If you’d like to make an appointment...” She swayed and planted her face on the table once more.
Grundy blinked, befuddled. He thought that the purple one was as smart as they come. For ponies, that is. Guess his orkyness was a bit too much for her equine mind. Nonetheless, the brazen cyan pegasus was still trying to overpower him. Somehow. The decisive battle had hardly lasted a few minutes. In likeness to her namesake, Dash was incredibly fast and agile, but as soon as her hooves began to impact his body, Grundy knew that there was no point in fighting her. Well, it was more to the accordance of when he realized it was her hooves hitting his thick hide as hard as she could and not her attempt to tickle him or something. She even put every ounce of her strength into one blow, striking him square in the chest, but reeled back, wincing in pain and commenting that it was like punching a tree. The Mek had a feeling that she really didn’t think that through. What a git. Then again, “Glass and stone houses”, as the humies say. Or maybe it was the other way around... Eh. Zog it.
The mechanical hand suddenly released the pony’s head, causing all the potential energy to be released and sending her rocketing painfully into a wall. A crack resounded as everything above her neck was forcefully embedded into the painted surface. She hung limply before she began to struggle out of the crumbling vice, mostly to no avail. Grundy paid no attention to the mare’s condition and stomped over to where Twilight was abusing herself. A large, green paw halted her head. The ork effortlessly kicked the table away and grabbed the tiny pony with both hands, bringing himself down to her level.
“C’mon! Get yer brainz tahgevva, ya git!” He shook her in his grip. The unicorn wavered a moment before shaking her head like a dog and coming to her senses.
“W-Wha...?” She murmured. Catching the sight of both Grundy and the lower half of her friend (still struggling), she drew a natural conclusion. Her expression deadpanned. “...Oh.”
The ork rose and jabbed a thumb backwards. “Squig-fer-brainz ‘ere can’t foight fer shite.”
Twilight sighed in relief. Dash was still kicking, so that meant she couldn’t be worse for wear. She thanked Celestia that neither of them were hurt too badly, though in all honesty, she could have handled it better on her part. Oh, her head smarted something fierce.
“Well, she isn’t any better than me at that, or anypony for that matter.” Suddenly, a brilliant thought hit her. “In fact, nopony is really any good at fighting, so it would be rather pointless for you to fight them! Ya know, since they aren’t any good at it... hehe...”
The hulking Mek crossed his arms and grumbled. “Ehh... Oi fot as much...”
Hopefully, that thought would stick for a while. In the meantime, she had to extract her friend from the wall. Using her magic, she enveloped Dash’s body and yanked her out, drawing a yip of discomfort. The pegasus spat and sputtered, purging foul dust and insulation from her face. The first thing she saw when she regained her vision was the ork and her librarian friend. She, once more, galvanized herself into action, striking a heroic pose like some sort of comic book superheroine.
“Get behind me, Twi!” She raised her front hooves, prepared to lash out with everything she had. Again. “I’ll take care of this monster!”
“No! No more fighting!” She scolded, causing the pegasus to falter in confusion. “I have enough to worry about as it is!”
“‘Sides, ya hit loik a grot. ‘Ar ‘ar ‘ar...” He drew another cigar from his pocket and put it in his teeth.
“But... but...” She stammered, gradually sinking to the floor. She turned to Twilight. “He’s... he’s a monster! He’s big and ugly and smelly and scary looking!”
“Awww... yer makin’ me blush.” Grundy rumbled.
“And... he talks? How can he talk? Monsters don’t talk!”
“Seems ya nevah met an ork before.” His thumb-lighter flipped open and lit, sizzling the glowing cigar as he drew in a breath. A cloud of smog billowed from between his teeth, accompanied by the metallic clink of his closing lighter. “Moight be a good fing. If it weren’t me, yew’d be pretty zoggin’ ded.”
“So why aren’t you doing anything about him, Twi?! The whole town’s locked themselves inside, and you’re just sitting here, what, having lunch?!?”
“I was doing something about it until you showed up!” She retorted. “He doesn’t mean us any... well... he’s trying not to mean us any harm, but you’re making that awfully hard!”
“No, I was kicking his flank for you!”
Grundy barked in rancid laughter. Black fog exuded from his maw like a smokestack. “Don’ kid yerself, Darshie.”
The pegasus’ face grew hot. “You shut up!”
The atmosphere became electrified with tension once again as the ork scowled, baring his teeth. He tramped closer to Rainbow Dash. “Yew wanna say dat again?”
“W-wait! Just hold on on a sec...” Twilight urged, sensing his shift in attitude. She attempted to step between them, but couldn’t maneuver past the ork’s immense bulk.
“I’d be glad to say it again!”
“Dat so?!”
“Yeah! Four more times, buster!” She tensed her muscles and raised her hooves once more. “One for each hoof that’s gonna BREAK YOUR FACE!”
Before anything could take place, though, another pony entered the bakery. And by “entered”, I mean exploded through the front doors in an unreadable blur of pink and screams. Zooming past chairs and weaving through tables, Pinkie Pie halted stiff right in front of Twilight Sparkle, panting heavily. Her eyes like white saucers, she inflated herself with enough oxygen for ten ponies and began to speak.
“Ohmigosh Twilight there’s a monster loose in the town I tried to find you at the library but you weren’t there so I looked for you some more there were so many ponies running away and screaming “Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!” and it was so loud but then I came here and I found you so now-!!!”
She was silenced as a huge hand enveloped her entire torso and squeezed tightly. Her face bloated comically and she released a cartoonish squeak. Grundy raised the motormouth to his face, scrutinizing her carefully. Pinkie couldn’t speak. She started to whimper sweat with fear. She hadn’t noticed the large beast when she entered, a wonder considering how glaringly conspicuous he was. After observing every inch of her equine body, the ork began to squash and stretch her with both hands. The helpless party pony could do nothing as her form was manipulated like soft taffy.
“Put... put her down now!” Twilight demanded. Grundy didn’t seem affected in the least by her tone of voice. He just continued to knead the unfortunate mare some more.
“‘Ow does she zoggin’ work?” The Mek began twisting her head around. The unfortunate earth-pony rattled with each crank like a wind-up toy.
“JUST PUT HER DOWN!”
“Fine! Gork ‘n Mork...” He set the wound-up Pinkie on her hooves. As soon as she was set down, her mouth hinged opened and chimed out a nimble rendition of “Pop Goes The Weasel” as her head slowly turned back to a normal position. Grundy shot a raised eyebrow at the lavender librarian.
“I... I really... I don’t even know anymore...” Was all she could say as she held her head in a agonizing migraine. After a moment of excruciating mental pain, she peered around the room. Somepony was missing.
“Where’s Dash?”
The ork crossed his arms. “Oi fink Oi ‘ave an idear...”
As if on cue, a whoosh and a battle cry came from the other room as Rainbow Dash gathered momentum and charged at the green behemoth.
“EAT HOOF, MONSTER!!!”
Grundy casually sidestepped the streak of cyan. He didn’t even flinch as she blazed past him, the turbulence causing his cigar to glow a bit brighter. Having no means of slowing down, she cried out as her head, once again, buried itself into the wall, scant inches away from the first hole. The whole building shook. The ork blew another puff of smoke and smiled to himself.
“Heh... dat’s a larf.”
Twilight looked upon the struggling pegasus with disdain. “You know what? She earned that one. I’ll let her get out of it herself.” She turned to Grundy. “As for you, you need to come with me. We’re getting you out of town.”
He sighed. “All roight. Yew ‘da boss’.” He threw his hands up in a frivolous gesture. The unicorn ignored his sarcasm and motioned for him to follow. At that time, however, Pinkie Pie had finished emulating a music box. With a click, her head was back into place, and her facial expression transitioned instantly from completely blank to wide-eyed alarm.
“OHMYGOSHTHEMONSTERISRIGHTTHEREEVERYPONYRUN!!!” Her whirling legs began to grind along the floor like screeching tires when a lavender magical mist surrounded her and pulled her backwards. A hoof was then thrust into her mouth, silencing her once again as Twilight glared into her eyes.
“No! No screaming! No yelling! No. Running. Away! Got it?!”
“Hfoh kay...” Pinkie whimpered through her hoof.
Taking the response as satisfactory, the unicorn released her. The pink one collected her thought, or, at least, did whatever she does within her brain when she wasn’t talking, singing, dancing, or eating sweets. Her gaze drifted to the ork, who was standing by the door, idly smoking his stinky cigar. Their eyes met, her large light blue ovals to his beady red orbs. Grundy gave a toothy smile, eliciting a terrified quiver from the pony.
Twilight cleared her throat. “Pinkie, this is Grundy. He’s an ork. Grundy, this is Pinkie Pie. She’s... Pinkie Pie.”
“Well, Mekboy Grundy if wa’re gonna get intah propah names an’ such.” He unabashedly tapped the ash from his coffin-nail onto the floor. “But Grundy’ll do.”
Pinkie trembled in place before the overwhelming presence of the green barbarian. She attempted to process all the clashing, erratic information she was being exposed to. It was like trying to fit a square block through a round hole. His craggy face. His predator-like teeth. His big, green, muscled body and his weird metal arm that whirred and buzzed. Everything about him screamed “Run away really fast from this.” She couldn’t place why she needed to do so, she just did. But now, the why was pretty important, because she needed a reason not to run away really fast. Not that she’s ever been the least bit concerned with why, but Twilight knew what was best a lot of the time. She was really smart and stuff. If she was introducing her to him as if he was just another pony, then he must not be all that bad. But, then again, not-so-bad things can turn out to be really bad things sometimes, like the Princess Cadence who turned out to be that evil Queen... Cheeselegs. But really bad things could also turn out to be good things sometimes, too! And then there are the slightly-good-but-not-as-good-as-really-good things, and the not-as-bad-as-really-bad-but-still-worse-than-sort-of-bad things... All this thinking was starting to make her head hurt. Her mouth hung open in speechlessness as she waged a mental war with herself.
Grundy watched as the pink mare stood silent. That struck him with something that could have possibly amounted to worry, which wasn’t a very well-known concept amongst the fearless and bloodshed-fueled orkish race. Though he was a bit detached from said collective, he was still just as clueless as the next ork about how to console himself with such a sensation. Pinkie Pie, the silly pink pony that was crazier than a Madboy in the middle of a Waaagh! and always flapping her gums non-stop was now motionless before him, saying not a word. For the first time in the history of his life, Grundy began to truly feel self-conscience about his cumbersome presence and how it affected these other beings he had grown so fond of. On top of that, he considered Pinkie to be one of his favorite ponies.
“Dauh...” He scratched behind his ear with his metal hand and shifted uncomfortably. “Well... Uh... Noice tah meet ya... Oi guess... Uhh...” He felt around his many pockets for something to divulge. His hand dived into one of them and withdrew a cigar, being the only gift he could think of giving at the moment. He flicked it in her direction “Here ya go! Somfink tah remembah me by!”
The stogie bounced off her expressionless face and anticlimactically fell to the floor. Grundy frowned. Twilight watched the whole exchange with hopefulness, seeing that maybe, just maybe, this newcomer might cause less trouble than she thought he would. But, her disposition didn’t improve by much. After a short beat, Pinkie snapped herself out of her mind-boggling stupor and looked at the cigar in front of her hooves. She picked it up and beamed a half-hearted smile at the plant-colored barbarian.
“Uh... thanks...?” She surmised not to tell the creature that she didn’t smoke.
The ork wagged his wisping roll of tobacco at her. “Oi don’ give dose out willay-nillay, see?”
Twilight blinked as she recalled something. “Pinkie, aren’t you supposed to be watching Mr. and Mrs. Cake’s kids at the park?”
The party pony’s pupils shrank. Her hair sagged. Her entire body went several shades paler as her blood froze to a near standstill.
“OHHH NOOOO!!!!” She screamed and darted out the door, leaving a vast cloud of dust behind her as she sped back to the park with reckless abandon. Grundy, emerging halfway out the front door of the bakery, peered after her in stupefaction.
“Gork, she moves farst, an’ she ain’t even dat red!”
The librarian didn’t even bother asking him to elaborate what that was supposed to mean. She squeezed past his tremendous girth and out the door, looking around at the empty town and suddenly feeling very, very tired. “Come on, Grundy, lets just go already.”
“Shore fing, boss.” He exhaled a draft of tar and sauntered after the lavender unicorn.
Meanwhile, in the bakery, Rainbow Dash still struggled, her thick head practically adhered to the inside of the wall. Her voice was muffled and barely audible.
“Hello? Somepony? Anypony?! GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!”
+++++
Twilight and Grundy were well out of town by now, the pastel homesteads of Ponyville were in the distant scenery. Their backs to civilization, they trudged over green, rolling hills and past the trees, gently rattling in the afternoon breeze. From here, the ork could see the distinct umbra of Everfree Forest, its tangling darkness was like solid shadow in the wake of the blue, cloud-speckled sky. Such a dark place, filled with all manner of hazardous, tangling vegetation and dangerous, violent beasts, of which would not hesitate to reduce any who came close to bloody shreds of flesh and broken bone.
He’d have to go back some time. For a picnic, perhaps.
While they silently promenaded into the gradually thickening outskirts of the forest, Grundy’s mind drifted elsewhere. He thought of Krumpface’s warband and how they were doing. Still reveling in their victory, he knew. That’ll probably last a month at the most. Then, they’ll naturally start killing each other again. He would have joined them, too, if that Weirdboy hadn’t transtellaportled him to Equestria. The thought of crushing ork skulls with his Thunda Stik and filling their rib cages with hot lead started to make his hand itch. He clenched and unclenched. Not now, he thought, there were plenty of other things to fight besides ponies, like dragons, manticores, maybe even those lion-bird things. What did they call them? Guffins? Yeah, Guffins. Barring that, an itchy hand could also be cured with a bit of tinkering. That sounded like an enjoyable endeavor to the Mek. The only problem was that he didn’t have the abundant piles of humie scrap he usually worked with. Well, he’d just have to improvise.
“Well, here we are.” Twilight suddenly said, eliciting Grundy from his thoughts. The ork took a look around. They were in a slightly damp clearing, with a few tall trees here and there. They provided a pleasantly cool shade. The grass on the ground was a bit taller and greener than the sort found on the aforementioned hills. It rippled in the breeze like a green, whispering ocean. Finches and thrushes chirped a cheerful ditty, unseen in the background. It was the sort of beauty and grace that made the Mek want to puke his guts all over it.
Though, one detail in particular stood out. There was a tall, time-crumbled pillar standing before them, silent and imposing. It went up about four meters before coming to a bust of a pony with wings and a horn, staring blankly into the distance. It looked meticulously carven, wrought by hoof, though it was terribly weathered. So much so that the details of the fine craft were unseen and, perhaps, lost forever. Thin vines and lichen clung to the pale stone like dust. Such a strangely delicate hold, as if the plants were wary to embrace it.
“Wot’s dis den?” Grundy queried and scratched his boxy jaw.
“This? I’m not sure.” She went up to the base of the column and brushed the loose plant-matter off the flat stone. There was writing there, but it became apparent that Twilight could not read it, despite her fervent squinting. “I came across it while picking flowers- I mean... looking for... uh... special herbs... for a magical potion. There aren’t any records of this in the Canterlot library nor Ponyville’s. It appears to be some sort of... alicorn burial. For some prince or king. All I know is that it was definitely a stallion. It’s probably hundreds, maybe even thousands of years old!”
“Alley-corn?” He glanced at the bust at the top. “Huh. Weren't shore wot tah call ‘em.”
“Alright.” She began, shifting her attention to the ork. “Here’s how it’s going to go. You’re going to stay here for now while I help get the town under control. I’ll come back tomorrow at this spot to talk to you about what to do next. As far as I know, nopony comes by here, so you should remain unseen. Do not go anywhere near other ponies until I get back! Understand?!”
Grundy was taken aback. Something clicked in his mind. What was he doing taking guff from a pony? He’s bigger and greener than her! He should be the one to tell her what’s what! After a moment of gritting his teeth, he suppressed his orkish nature. He knew he didn’t want to krump her. A bit of a jarring concept, since nothing is beyond krumpability. Even the death of the strongest and most respected warbosses isn’t beyond the average ork’s fancy. Nothing was really sacred to them. But the Mek wanted Twilight and all those other ponies to not be harmed, by him or anything else. Gork and Mork, thought Grundy, there was something wrong with him! It took him another moment to realize that Twilight was still waiting for an answer.
“Uh... okay.”
The unicorn blinked. She thought it would take a lot more arguing than that. “Well... alright.” Her head turned left and right, scrutinizing the landscape for anything else she could have missed. “Do you... need anything else?”
He quickly checked the wide array of tools on his person before turning back to Twilight. “Naw, O’m good.”
“You sure? You... don’t need any food or something?”
“Oi kin foind me own.”
“You want me to bring a bedroll?”
“Ground’s foine.”
“Um... alright.” She faltered, disoriented. The librarian hesitantly turned away. “This spot. Tomorrow.”
He waved her off with his mechanized arm. “Yeah... yeah...”
She stopped for a moment and considered asking him for more information about his artificial limb, but knew she had to get back as soon as possible, so she settled on asking him the next day. After saying goodbye, she hoofslogged her way back to Ponyville, leaving the ork standing next to the alicorn column. Total silence reigned. He was alone. With nothing to do for an entire day. Grundy looked at the unicorn, shrinking in the distance, then back at the bust at the top of the pillar. It was still there, staring at nothing. The Mek found himself wondering about the late fellow. What was his name? What was he like? Was he killy? Mayhaps he liked krumping more than these pansy-ass little ponies. She said he was some sort of boss a real long time ago. Bigger than all the others, therefore in charge of everything. Well, until he got krumped. Grundy began to ponder upon that subject. But first, he needed a name for him. Something to call his silent friend by.
“Imma call yew Jerry. Dat 'kay?”
Jerry offered no protest.
“Roight then.” He spat out his smoldering cigar stub and fished into his pocket for another. Suddenly, a smell hit his nose, causing him to tense. He stood frozen, not breathing, making no sound. His nostrils dilated as they collected the air. There. That scent. It was unmistakable. Even as it wafted along with the faint breeze, carrying various stenches of many things like pollen and other plant smells, it was as obvious as an ork among grots.
Grundy coated his finger in discolored spittle and raised it above his head, discerning the direction of the wind. He found it and promptly stomped towards a denser part of the forest, taking care to remember where Jerry sat. Thankfully, he wasn’t going anywhere. The trees kept huddling closer and closer as he went on, taking on some qualities of the timber of Everfree. But, as he moved, the smell he was seeking got stronger. He took a long draft of the air through his orkish schnoz and broke into a run. The tools on his chest and belt clattered with each bootfall. His synthetic arm whined and whizzed as he pumped it in tandem with his legs. The scent was powerful now. The ork found himself in a full-on sprint, leaping over tangling roots and ducking under low branches. He followed the alluring smell like a hungry predator, practically gliding over the forest floor, not stopping nor breaking his stride. He was almost on top of it-
The Mek stopped himself. His feet ground into the dirt, halting his momentum and churning up a fair amount of debris. He caught himself on what looked like a vine, nearly falling right into his pungent quarry. No longer in motion, Grundy looked into the fetid pit, where no plants grew, where animals tended to avoid at all costs. These landmarks, these natural occurrences, were rare on most planets. If there were some to be had, they were usually incredibly small and not very useful. All the right conditions have to be present for this phenomena to gestate and thrive. The tectonic drift, the area’s history, many things that the ork couldn’t name, but it appeared that all those prerequisites were there, and there in abundance. Grundy grinned, ear to pointy ear, flashing his gratuitous array of teeth in an expression of absolute joy.
The humies had a name for it. Promethium, the lifeblood of their civilization. They drank in oceans’ worth of this flammable liquid and used it to fuel their trucks, their tanks, their grand factory-worlds. Orks had a name for it too; humble, less grandiose. The common rabble would just call it “burny crud”. Burna Boyz would call it “da gud stuff”, it being their most precious and revered commodity. As Grundy gazed at the bubbling lake of thick blackness, he found a proper name for it as well:
“All moine. Harharhar...”
An angry hiss emanated from the “vine” he was holding. He turned a raised brow at the large cobra, hanging from the overhead tree, baring its venomous, dripping fangs at the Mek. It coiled and lashed out, as fast as a whip, in several warning strikes. The ork barely flinched. Growing tired of its impotent attempts to scare him, Grundy opened his maw and bit the snake’s head clean off, leaving it to twitch in post-mortem muscle spasms before it went limp. He crunched the skull between his teeth, blood and cranial fluid leaking from between the gaps. Finally, he swallowed, forcing the entire mouthful down his gullet, then smacked his lips.
“Hmm. Needs salt.” He brought the rest of the dead snake down and set to action, digging out his tools and using them to determine the quality of the tar. With the discovery of this vast energy-source, the Mek had his work cut out for him. He supposed this pony-less day wouldn’t be as boring as he thought it would. Thoughts of metal contraptions all bolted together, belching out smoke, and purring like a content squiggoth made him all giddy and euphoric. Oh, would he have something to show them!
“Lesse... we needs metal an’ some gubbins...” Grundy stood up with a rusty spoonful of viscous, dribbling petroleum in one hand and his thumb-lighter flickering on his other. He scanned his surroundings. “Where’m Oi gonna get dat?”
+++++
Twilight released a haggard sigh as she entered the refreshingly cool interior of the library, her mane frazzled and her fur wet with perspiration. She needed a shower. No, make that two showers. For the last few hours of the afternoon, she had been frantically assuring, re-assuring, and re-re-assuring the population of Ponyville of their safety. She had to make up all sorts of faux-facts on the spot, blunder through mass addresses, and face the heated breath of angry and fearful citizens. Mayor Mare, unsurprisingly, was no help. The scatterbrained, middle-aged mare was really only good for arranging events and giving flourished speeches. Twilight was grateful that this wasn’t as bad as the parasprite incident. That was a week’s worth of headaches she didn’t want to relive anytime soon.
With all the weight on her mind, she barely noticed the cherub-like, green-and-purple dragon waddle up to meet her.
“Twilight! You’re okay!” He threw his stubby arms around her foreleg in an embrace, but recoiled as he inhaled her body odor. The librarian couldn’t help but smile. If there was one living being she was glad to see, it was her faithful number-one assistant.
“Yeah, Spike, I’m alright. Everything should be fine now.”
“No thanks to that monster, right?”
Twilight paused and considered explaining the whole incident to the baby dragon. It was a long and complicated tale that he probably wouldn’t understand, given his naivety, and her throat was already hoarse from speaking and construing the whole affair to the townsfolk. In addition, they didn’t even get a full explanation. She merely told them that, in essence, the monster was no longer a problem or anything to be afraid of. Nothing more. The unicorn mare was already bone-tired, so she settled on divulging the rest of the story tomorrow morning.
“Yes, no thanks to him- I mean, it.” She did her best to plaster a convincing smile on her face. “Lets just have some supper, okay?”
“Way ahead of ya! I already got some cauliflower pasta made in the kitchen!”
At the mention of food, her stomach involuntarily growled. She was looking forward to a warm meal.
“Sounds delicious!” She ruffled the spines on his head with her hoof. “You’re the best little chef a pony could ask for!”
He blushed fiercely. “Heh. Thanks. Also, no need to worry about writing to the princess, either. I already got that covered.”
Twilight’s heart stopped dead. “...W-what?”
“Yeah! I sent a letter to Celestia about the monster and how it was attacking the town. She could probably help take care of this problem! Maybe she could send some guards!”
“Spike!” She grabbed the little dragon by his shoulders and shook him violently. “Why would you do that?! Why?!?”
“W-well I thought the p-princess ought to... ya know... know about this.” He struggled in her grip. “Twilight... you’re hurting me...”
She ignored him, going into full panic-mode. “This is more complicated than you think! We can’t get the princess or the Royal Guard involved at all!!” Thankfully, she let go of her assistant and began pacing around in tight circles. Spike winced and landed on his rump. “They’ll... they’ll just cause more worry! Ponies are going to see guards marching up and down the streets and think that there’s a whole slew of monsters clawing at our borders! They’ll think the whole town is in danger! They’ll... they’ll...”
“Twilight!” The dragon shouted over the din of her hysterics. “Get a hold of yourself! Come on!”
“No, Spike! You don’t understand! I took care of it! He’s gone! Grundy’s not a problem anymore!”
“...Grundy?”
The lavender unicorn wished Applejack was there to give her a good kick in the head for her lapse. “Um... Yes. That’s his name. And, from what I can tell, he really doesn’t want to... well, he tries not to... he hasn’t done anything that bad. Yet.” Celestia, somepony shove a hoof in her mouth right now. May the hoof of all creation descend from the heavens and ram itself straight into her oral cavity. Anything to stop her from blundering on. “Nor will he do so on my watch! I can... assure you...”
She trailed off when she realized that her assistant was gawking at her.
“Spike?” She checked the front of her body for any unusual blemishes. Muck, stains, paint, anything that would merit such a thousand-mile gaze. She found none and turned back to the little reptile. “What are you looking at? Is there something on my face?”
He kept on gawking. Only now, Twilight realized he wasn’t staring at her, but past her. A chill fizzled down her spine as she somehow sensed a new presence in the room.
“There’s... there’s somepony behind me, isn’t there...”
Without even giving her the courtesy of turning around, a bold and vociferous voice reverberated throughout the library, rattling the very books on the shelves and sending papers flying off desks. A voice that could only belong to one mare in all of Equestria.
“WHAT BEDLAM SHATTERS OURE FAIR VILLAGE’S PEACE?! AND WHO IS THIS ‘GRUNDY’ CHARACTER YOU SPEAK OF?!? ANSWER AT ONCE, SO DEMANDS THE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT!!!”
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Damn, are you telepathic or what? I just finished reading the Knight's Inductor codex and The Times and Trials of Klightus.
yay, one of my favourite crossover fics updated.
And.It.Was.GLORIOUS
Ohhhhhh
I wonder what dem big ponies taste loik?
Hurr, dis is gonna be fun boss.
Fantastic.
Too bad you went with Khorne and not Slaanesh. Things could've gotten real rapey, real fast.
RAPE FOR THE RAPE TRAIN!
And all caps Luna in the plural. Never forget the classics.
Oh hell yes. I've been waiting for this to update. Gonna throw a Mek in with my Meganobz and name him Grundy.
Dat waZ a goood chaptah! Ya shoul`d paeint yar hands withZ RED, aend writttin moar and FASTAH!
Um, waaagh? I mean, if you don't mind.
Again, nothing constructive to say. I just like joining in on the chat to make you feel more popular.
FINALLY!
Yay, update! I'm very happy you continued with this story, it's quite entertaining. One only hopes that there isn't any death for the equestrian ponies to deal with.
SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK. ONLY THE FAITHFUL ARE REWARDED WITH SUCH GLORIOUS UPDATES.
This is just perfect, the wind up gag, the potential for even more mekboy shenanigans, and the arival of a princess.
I worry about whatever it is he will build. OH THRONE ON TERRA, WHAT IF THE CUTIEMARK CRUSADERS SHOW UP AT HIS HIDING PLACE?
WHAT IF THEY TRY TO HELP HIM?
HOW MUCH HAVOC WOULD SUCH A MEETING CAUSE? 
Gawd dangit! I've gawta see wuts gonna 'appen next! Grundy... is time fer the WAAAAAAAAGH! to continya!
Damn, you've definitely grabbed my interest.
from some far point the Emperor is cracking a few brewski's with the other deities and watching this whole thing unravel
2499736
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw4962_small.png
I have a feeling her headaches have only just begun.
suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/9341844/images/1271908454136.jpg
If you wondering what this is, it is my happy face.
Of course it had to be Luna!
682226 I don't know if thats headcanon or not but I always saw it as the chance of orks spawning was proportionally related to the number of orks who has been on the planet at any one time in the past. The more orks who were on the planet the better the chance. Just like the Waaagh! only works when enough orks are in the same area believing the same thing, it works the same way for their spores. Thats what I thought it was.
2499546
Who says I'm not going to go with Slaanesh?
2499944 And they're all laughing their asses off... debating on whether to send a space marine to join in the shenanigans as well.
LET THE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH BEGIN
Oh boy. Things are going South, aren't they?
2499736
Cutiemark Crusader Mekgurls yay?
Another great chapter. Looking forward to when Twilight realizes she stood up Zecora
YASE!
Great job at keeping the style, humor, and interestingabilityness at their already ionospheric heights.
I can only put one word that will describe the next chapter. "WAAAGH!"
Dis is gunna be the best fight of deir miserable lives.
delightful, i am not even an WH4k fan and you make me feel interested for this story. i will track anything you do from now on bro.
Princess Luna vs a Kustom Mek Gargant.
2500395 You there, make it happen. Now.
Are we gona to other orks, grots or squigs in this story/ cause you know orks release spores which then grow into other orkyness.
I loved this chapter
. Looking forward to more of Grundy's misadventures and Equestria's reaction to him.
this is why we should never tell the princesses anything! its almost as bad as telling the inquisition!
2501730 that only happens when they die but aren't burned
I hope there won't be too long until the next. You decide though.
Evil Queen... Cheeselegs
Oh god that was funny, also the part with luna at the end their really cracked me up.
"Hi, my name's Shadowhawk and this is my favorite story on FimFiction."
*Unrolls a sleeping bag*
"See you update in three months!"
this is actually a decent story.
Bout time. Get to work on next chapter, mkay?
WAAHAHHAHAHAHAHOO-
*smacks self*
I'm sorry, the hilarity/awesomeness of it all temporarily thawed my brain. Please continue, this is turning out to be hilarious!
Orks...check
Pony...check
Mekboy...check
awesome...check
Man, you seriously are a light in the darkess hours , a light coming from a big bad-ass explosion, a red explosion
He found prometheum! Eeeheheheheheheeeee!
YOU!!!!!
I've been waiting so long...
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
WAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Bring MOAR!!!!!!
YESSSS!! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!
I cannot WAIT to see the rest of this! And I cannot wait to see what Khorne as in store for poor Apple Bloom.
Or should I say...
...Apple Blood?
>>
Oh god he found Promethium. Let the true shenanigans begin. I also can't wait to see the look on the Princesses' faces. This is going to be bucking amazing.
LOL orks ftw
Huh. Orks and Pinkie interact pretty much as I expected them to. She seems like she'd be especially vulnerable to the belief-projecting powers of the Waagh.
Also, a Mek's found a convenient source of hyrdocarbons? I get the feeling Jerry's going to become one heck of a hood ornament...
Oh, and there's the matter of Luna. Not sure if Grundy's going to krump her, cuddle her, or some particularly orky combination thereof.
In any case, looking forward to more.
2502450 They release a large amount when they die, but still gradually release spores over their life.
MOAR~!