Bellikos. Odd golems from an EverQuest expansion released long after the game had any relevance. The players helped them turn against their divine creator. Landshark is one of these creatures. Since those events, years have passed. She has traveled far and built herself a life among mortals, far from the divine domains of her creation. Now she's stranded in Equestria.
By instinct, she distrusts gods, and the ageless alicorns seem to be just that. She can't ask beings of such power to break through into other worlds to return the construct to more familiar places. So Landshark tries to make the best of her current situation and settle into Equestria to 'retire' and make friends.
(That's the pitch. If you want to know more about bellikos in the actual EverQuest game, click More.)
But what even is a bellikos? They're an enemy type from EverQuest's 16th expansion, Underfoot. But they're not just mooks that screech like rusty hinges and try to bite you. They're that, too, but they had a story.
Brell Serilis runs the Underfoot, populated by his servants and by the souls of worthy worshippers. He created most of the subterranean sapients. But his unique First Creation secretly turned against him. The First created hosts of servants, the elite of which were the Bellikos. Not primarily meant to fight, the Bellikos were sent out into the Underfoot to preach the ideals of freedom and the absolute supremacy of the Self over the needs of society. They were meant to be relatable, charming and cunning to aid in their purpose. It's not clear why they needed jaws like bear traps. Pictures do not do justice to how far these things can open up their maws to chomp at enemies.
The secret goal: Disrupt the ordered workings of Brell's realm, where every being has its duty and its purpose, or is a former mortal experiencing their afterlife reward.
But some Bellikos started believing what they preached. With the aid of mortal champions (following a quest line and doing an instanced raid), they discovered that the First's other servants were taught only obedience and sacrifice in preparation for open war with Brell's divided followers. This sparked a fight to share the knowledge of self with the First's slaves and reveal his plans to the rest of the Underfoot.
Landshark, then still known by the name she was crafted with, was one of these renegades, fighting to share the idea of free will among the First's slaves and sabotage his evil plans for the divine realm.
I do not own MLP or any intellectual property related to EverQuest.
And I am hooked.
I admit I never heard of EverQuest or the Bellikos but that does not hinder me to really like Landshark. It´s kinda hard for me to put in in the right words but I really like the way she sees the world, interacts with it and how she carries herself. Bonus points for construct humor about herself. Also, the way you portrayed Lyra somehow clicks with me very much and I totaly dawww´ed over Pinchy.^^
A shame that your story seemingly gets so few attention, so have at least my like and fave.
Your comment just made my day. Thanks!
I used to be told that I was pretty good at getting into a character's voice when writing, but that was a decade back and in forum roleplaying which isn't the same as prose, so I was happy to read your praise.
And since the story has only been up for about a week (and weird crossover/HiE stuff isn't to everyone's taste) I hadn't been too worried about the small readership. The character has just been spooking around my head for a long while now and I figured that maybe someone would get a kick out of it.
But hey, if you have any suggestions for Groups the story might fit in, I'm all ears. You've been around the site longer than I have, and groups are a way to make the story easier to find, at least for people in those groups, if I understand this all correctly.
Wow, deep philosophical stuff is deep. And philosophical.
Also, don´t we all love it when these candycolored little hypocrytic shits show their true colors?
6576404
My outmost pleasure.^^
Hmm, for groups to post your story in, for once, I would suggest trying:
- FiE (Female in Equestria) http://www.fimfiction.net/group/200540/fie
- Unusual Humans in Equestria http://www.fimfiction.net/group/201849/unusual-humans-in-equestria
I know, I know, Shark is NOT a human per se but she damn well acts like one (for the most parts, I mean).
Also, I do not know how your stance to the whole "Displaced" stuff is but maybe Landshark would be able to find her place there too. Just a thought, mind you.
6576760
Thanks for the advice. I entered the story into the Unusual Humans and FiE groups. You are right, Shark is close enough, I think.
I have no opinion one way or the other about the whole Displaced thing, but the group has a pretty intimidating front page, haha.
And Shining is a colossal douche and almost gets Shark killed doesn't he?
BTW, Good story, so far.
6581373
Hah, I guess he is pretty douchy the way I wrote him, but you know, considering how often 'Doom of All Ponykind' just suddenly happens without warning and then needs to get fixed by magic, I figured he had to have at least some frustration regarding the topic of national security.
'Fear makes fools of us all' or jerks, I guess.
6581417
You know, that just made me think. Seems like Murphy had taken a permanent residence in Equestria, doesn´t it?
If Land had already expressed the fact that she wasn't the greatest sniper, and she obviously has little to no stealth training, I wouldn't put a plugged nickel on Buzzard's chance at seeing anther sunrise.
6587971
I'm trying to portray her as much more reasonable around regular old ponies. They'd have to do worse than just being jerks for Landshark to start plotting their demise, and she wouldn't be agitated enough to do something impulsive and unwise.
But if that had been an alicorn making fun of Ditzy, she'd at least have thrown a punch (then gotten her ass kicked immediately). She's kind of terrible at de-escalation when it comes to beings she thinks of as godlike.
At least, I'm trying to write her that way.
6587971
You dont need to be doog at stealth or sniping for that. A dark alley, a solid lead/iron pipe and voila. Four smashed kneecaps teach every idiot a lesson.
Hmm, I am curious to see what chemistry Shark will teach the fillies.
6588090 And you just so happen to be doing a very good job. Congratulations, and keep up the great work.
6591062
Well, I'm glad you're enjoying this. I never wrote real stories before, so I'm still feeling it out for myself, I guess.
There doesn't seem to be many comments on this story (or maybe the chapters I decided to scroll down and check were the only empty ones). Here's a comment to help fix that:
Oogabloogaboo!
That is all.
Do not be disheartened by the lack of comments dear author. Its just that the story may be buried under tons of other stories too.
At least you making a very good one for a budding writer. No grammar obscenities, or wonky tenses, and especially no Mary Sues in this one.
Keep it up mate.
Capable of violence ? Seriously? Were all capable of violence from shouting and yelling to out right murder. The only things that people need to be concerned with is how far the individual is willing to go and what will make them go that far.
6599009
That section could have been better written, I suppose. But I did want Shining Armor's sort of crappy behavior to at least have sensible underpinnings.
Every other pony so far has just kind of taken for granted that Landshark is going to act in a manner that is more or less understandable and let's say, 75% familiar. That they're sort of right is realistically just dumb luck at this point.
Shining sees a thing that's not technically alive, looks nothing like a pony, and has the perfect poker face. He knows nothing about its cultural background and its system of morals that Landshark hasn't said herself. He can't verify, and he doesn't trust. (changelings look more similar to ponies and look how that first contact went). Worse, she's supposedly member of some sort of paramilitary outfit too AND claims to have been created by an evil god in a parallel world.
Sure, Landshark has accrued a whole two-three weeks worth of good behavior, but you can say about the same thing for any moderately successful changeling infiltrator. That's no reason to assume there won't be a problem in the future.
But the magical alicorns have said they can tell the machine is cool and he'll just have to suck up and trust (but can't verify).
Oh man I hope this kind of comment isn't bad form or anything. I don't know site etiquette.
Also it's like 5 hours past bed time and I'm going to look real foolish when I wake up and it turns out I took that comment the wrong way
Cool.
This story deserves a lot more attention. It's almost 100k words long and only 18 likes?! That's ridicilous! My latest story has gotten a bunch of likes, and it's just 10k long...
6607862 I appreciate the sentiment, of course, but I'm not too worried. I'm a first time author and started as a complete unknown. You've got a number of stories and a bunch of followers who get notices in their feed when you publish more, perhaps that makes a difference. I'm kind of relying on the front page, where the story only shows up when I update it, and on the groups I've joined.
Could also be that my short and long descriptions aren't good enough to get a lot of people to check it out. I honestly haven't thought too much about it, which is pretty unusual for me because I'm wracked with anxiety every time I see I've got a new comment!
Still, thanks for the comment, although I hope the story deserves attention for more than just getting long now, haha.
Edit: Also the protagonist being from an old MMO from one of the obscure later expansions launched after 75% of the playerbase (personal estimate only) left to play WoW maybe isn't super enticing for people who specifically like displacement stories.
6607878 True that. My character is a very popular NPC in the game: Bloodborne. That's why a lot of people probably favorited and likes the story, because of the underdeveloped charecter I picked
Was anyone really expecting the gang to freak out when a bit of Bonbon's backstory was revealed?
6614865
I hope not. Ponies have freaked out about the silliest stuff (including an equine with a cloak and unusual coat pattern), and in the Long Night chapter Landshark mentioned kind of offhandedly that it would be pretty stupid for Berry/Ditzy to get along with an alien robot/golem but have a problem hearing about Bon Bon being a traumatized vet.
Still, veterans have some weird stereotypes attached to them even today (how many stories in fiction where a vet hears a loud noise and beats the crap out of a guy? Pretty sure I've read that on fimfiction too somewhere), and worrying about that kind of public perception/stigma of a nutjob just waiting to explode is a real cause of anxiety for some veterans, so I didn't think it unusual to write Bon Bon as having some concerns, however unlikely her friends were to react poorly.
honestly one of the best fanfics i have read the main character is extremely interesting as well as the interaction between characters has me addicted to this story.
rekt
lol, Shark reminds me of the anime Jormungand.
6631500 I've seen a couple episodes of that, I think, but I'm not seeing the connection right now (I am very sleep deprived). Any particular reason it reminds you?
6631768 Just that the main characters work/worked for what amount to PMCs.
Even though landshark and or Bonbon worked for the government.
6632962 Oh yeah, I get you now.
Hm, I never did get around to watching the second season of Jormungand. Does it stay entertaining? First season was nice enough.
6632968 I liked it. What was the last part you remember? I don't recall where the split in seasons was.
6632977 Uh, good question. I think they went to Africa and the lady with the eyepatch killed that other woman from her past in a fight. Also, I remember they revealed the backstory of how the child soldier got hooked up with the white haired protagonist woman by the equally whitehaired brother.
I don't know if that's the end of season 1 but it's the last I clearly remember.
6633131 Hmm. I think I remember that.
Pst Twilight, if you knew that Chrissi was targeting changelings that got jobs in equestria why u no protect No-toes?
Well, Ponyville isn't all of Equestria. I imagined that it would pose a manpower problem to keep an eye on every friendly changeling, and logistical issues to just, put them all in 'witness protection' or something. I guess I'm just used to expecting imperfection out of government, which might be reflected in the writing
Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you a cover-up. Real boats rock.
“HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. HATE. HATE.”
Was this what you were getting at with Twilight's misstep being engraved on a monolith?
6633987
very true but the castle is right there (although I am kind of assuming Twi has guards at this point) and I wouldn't be suprised if shiny put someone in place to watch shark.
6634880
Haha, I guess so. Although AM is a lot better at hating things than Shark is. Also, the Allied Mastercomputer/Aggressive Menace is actually scary.
Outside of not aging, Landshark is nothing compared to an alicorn. Still, Twilight is kind of sensitive to the opinions of others, which left room for Shark to make her intentionally uncomfortable, however briefly. After all, when she thinks regular people are being judged by the very powerful, that's one of Shark's pet peeves.
Landshark's character, her conflicts with the princesses, and her ideas are all interesting. I think you defuse the tension too quickly, and have too much explanation too soon. Also, some short point-of-view (POV) shifts into Luna or Celestia's POV.
Thanks for the feedback! I'll try to keep those things in mind.
I wonder what sort of trouble's gonna come with the addition of the newbs.
Edit: ...
looks for 20 minutes
can't find the "behold the mighty sword of first" meme
is sad.
Very good intro, good work.
AJ was kinda of an ass, but at the same time I think her canon self would also deeply distrust a sentient machine.
Nice work.
Yeah considering the point in the timeline Ponyvile has probably already grown used to weird things happening.
Really? Wow learn something new everyday!
Loved the chapter and her interaction with Lyra and BonBon, good work.
Very good work, keep it up.
Also:
Yeah that would be unnerving...
Talk about the ultimate sacrifice...
Nice chapter, good work.
6697819
Thanks for the comments. I'm always feeling worried when I write one of the Mane 6. I was hoping that it would seem kind of understandable that AJ might have difficulties dealing with a machine she can't get a read on and that she wouldn't seem like a jerk for no reason.
That is one point that I really didn't enjoy in the show, most Ponies are Xenophobic to extreme measures. Let's all live in peace and harmony, as long as you are a Pony of course...