There comes a time in everyone's life when light must be adandoned and the dark forest braved.
One fateful day, Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Equestria, vanished without trace, leaving behind an empty throne. Her subjects mourned her passing and prayed for her return.
One fateful day, a stranger appeared in the dark land of Pohjola. She was in self-imposed exile and sought to speak with the only being who could help her friend.
This is the tale of what happened after that day, the tale of her journey in a land with a cold heart.
Inspired by various mythologies (mostly Finnish, Norse and Slavic) as well as Austraeoh and its sequels.
This is a work in progress, and feedback will be appreciated. Please point out any continuity errors, plot holes, grammar mistakes etc. that I might've missed.
Well, for a non-native speaker you're putting a lot of people to shame, you're a good writer. IC's saga has inspired a few in a similar vein, this looks to be one of the better examples.
You seem to be using a mixed third person / first person point of view. It can be done, but it's very hard to do well. I'd decide which lets you tell the story the best and stick with it, or at least pick one and stick with it for a particular scene if you use both. Even IC has some jarring point of view shifts in Appledashery when Scootaloo gets involved.
You're a little unclear about Twilight's condition, but a concussed alicorn might not recognize a wound through the exhaustion of whatever happened to her.
These are little things, the quality is here and I'm looking forward to next weeks update.
Perkele.
Nuff said
Hmm, Kelpies maybe, doesn't bode well for Twi.
You have a couple odd turns of phrase, but they're more purple prose than anything actually wrong. I can picture a pool of plants in a very lush forest or jungle, don't hear it described that way often but it adds to the slight unreality of Twilight's trek. Still liking this and looking forward to where it leads.
This is a very interesting beginning! I look forward to reading more.
Ai....
Mieli on säröillä ja sen korjaus vie aikaa...
Ei ole mikään ihme jos näkyy painajaisia
My familiarity with The Kalevala is limited to somewhat shortened russian translation of it, but daaaaamn, you got me intrigued here. Will totally read this one.
6624296 I should probably mention that while the story is inspired by it, it'll draw a lot more stuff from finnish mythology in general.
Hmm interesting story so far, will be nice to see how this all meshes with the folklore.
6624552
Would be an interesting read. I'm barely familiar with the source, though, so I won't be able to pick on the details...
By the way, Kallervo... was he that Kallervo? The orphan who was pushed too far by his cruel captors\owners and went on rampage of revenge against them? I don't remember what happened to him in the end.
Also, after reading Chapter V... Is Twi seeking help of death itself in becoming mortal again?
6626328 'Kallervo' is based on the finnish name Kalervo. The character you're thinking about is called Kullervo. His tragic saga will appear in this. That's all I'm willing to tell.
Maybe. Surely you noticed that her friends aren't alright and that the story is based on Austraeoh...
So we get to hear from Ilmarinen next?
Seems kinda low of him to hunt for magic like that, but on the other hand, we only have the bird's word for it...
Wow, Twilight's mental narrative is pretty bleak sounding. Thinking about herself as a little bug, small and unimportant, wonder what happened to send her on this trip.
So it's the long way for Book Princess.
I'm wondering why she feels the need to talk to the Despoiler, sounds like the kind of being you don't go meeting lightly.
Also, I'm imagining Taapio as a Gandalf looking creature saying, "Don't fly you fool!" before storming off.
6639879 Don't forget that Taapio is short and has a high-pitched voice
heheh
Ok, so it sonds like something happened to Dash, but not the rest. And her friends are angry with her, but not cutting her off. Hmmmm, peices of a puzzle. Still more peices to go before we start to get the shape of it.
Also, Cordy?
...did you ship Flutters?
derpicdn.net/img/2015/7/6/931567/medium.jpg
Cutest little hybrid.
6649225 Mmmmmaybe.
...how does one acquire a phobia of quesadillas?
6649334
"Hey girls! Thanks for coming to my sleepover. I thought we would start by sitting down and chatting about our week while enjoying this new recipe I found for quesadillas-" ::trips:: "OH CELESTIA THE CHEESE! IT'S IN MY FUR AND IT KEEPS BURNING ME! THE SPICE IS IN MY EYES AND NOSE! QUESADILLAS ARE SUFFERING! EVERYTHING IS SUFFERING! THE WATER IS JUST MAKING THE SPICY CHEESE SOLIDIFY! I'M BLIND" ::runs into a wall and gives herself a concussion::
I think that's how.
6639965
Spent a while remembering where did I hear the name 'Tapio' before... ^^
Suomi mainittu, torilla tavataan.
Minä tuon hillon ja Turun sinapin.
*cough* reading the fic now.
6664849 Minä tuon siman ja makkarat.
6664856
Oi perkele, keegi mainis, et säänsetes kommuunides on somme. Kalevipoeg sissekannet tegemas.
Really liking your story thus far. I'll certainly follow it.
Sinun kirjoitustyylisi kyllä upposi minuun hyvin. Ei voi muuta sanoo ku hattua nostaa.
6664899
Kahjuks keegi räägib saksa siin.
Und ich weiß nicht, entweder, Google Translate ist genial. Aber ich habe noch wollen Deutsch lernen.
Oisko torille sitte?
I don't like the fact you're spamming short chapters just to stay in the feature box and "recently updated" fics.
6665078 Staying in the feature box? What are you talking about? Today was the first time I even got to the feature box, and I have no idea why it happened. It was a miracle!
And sorry that I'm making myself motivated to write by setting a goal to write a new chapter every 3-5 days :D
You're far from Equestria Twilight.
This really captures how far from her civilization she is, this is alien to Twilight and I think she's going to leave disappointed.
Also, animated umbrella. Looks like Discord didn't leave her completely alone.
If I really had to find a problem....
This is awkwardly phrased for English, feels gruff, like it's missing words. Unlike a lot of languages you can't leave out words in 'proper' english, like Twilight would probably be speaking. "You tell me what happened first." Or " First, you tell me what happened." "You. Explain what's going on." Might fit her mood as well.
6678564 Thanks for the feedback! That sentence is a bit weird. I'll fix it.
I love it, the writing is impeccable. The tale shocking, but strong. I cannot wait to read more.
6783851 Thanks! I'm currently working on another story, but I'll write a new chapter for this at some point.