For the past month, Twilight and Pinkie have been holding nightly study sessions, where they have the chance to sit around, eat lemon cake, and ponder the mysteries of the universe. Never before has Twilight had such an attentive student—and never before has she felt this warmth in her chest whenever she looks at Pinkie.
One night while studying, Pinkie lets slip that she's not just studying for herself, but to impress another mare. When Twilight starts to press her on who that mare is, however... things take a turn for the intimate.
Originally written for the Writeoff Association's October contest, Illusion of Choice, in which it made finals. Thanks to MuffinName for the cover art. Thanks to Titanium Dragon, Trick Question, and PaulAsaran for providing criticism on the original version.
Time-telling via campfire?
Anyway, this was worth a smile in the Writeoff, and you've taken an interesting turn with the edits. It's not just a one-note joke any more, and actually it seems like it takes a sharp turn into the serious after what used to be the stinger line. I don't know immediately if I like it better or not, but it's certainly a cool case study in how the same story can become something very different just with another scene or two.
I quite like:
The rewrite here. It takes it to a really nice place.
Mike
6535112
According to my research, dendropyrochronology is historical research through reading the burns on trees after wildfires... or something like that.
As I said in my roundup/autopsy/whatever, I really didn't like the original version of this. It was just something stupid I wrote in an hour because I wanted a third piece to submit. I'm generally not a fan of 1000-word joke pieces, and especially not that one, which was just a predictable joke leading to a simple punchline. Sorry you couldn't get into it as quickly as the last.
Okay, I did not see that plot twist coming. Good work, have an upvote.
Woohoohuu!
You certainly should construct some attractions for amusement parks, because this was a fucking Twister, haha!
6536900
I'm glad to hear that, because the main criticism for the original version of this was that it was entirely too predictable. Thanks for reading!
6537250
I'm disappointed
good plot twist...
6537859
Probably. I honestly don't remember. I just googled "Weird science words".
F-fug
It was fluffy and I was happy and could finish right there, then Moondancer hit! It was leading up so obvious, but then it was too obvious, I thought it'd be a flop and she meant Twilight all along but she didn't! Hnnnngg.
I have the strangest feels and even though both parties are happy and content I feel emotionally robbed, even though I shouldn't! Dammit Dubs. Making me feel feels that shouldn't be felt!
WADDATWIST!
Wow... This story just made me feel at least 3 different emotions at the very least. And it was only 1,000 words. That sounds like a very objective sign to measure how compelling it was so good job
What a twist!
Well that was wierd. I forgot I was reading a story! For a minute there, I was Twilight Sparkle. It got really... vivid. Huh. I think I just went through a mini existential crisis when it ended there.
6538812
Uh... I hate to say it, my friend, but this was actually about 3000 words.
Glad you liked it, though!
6539024
While I apologize for putting you through an existential crisis, I love that you had such a strong reaction! Thank you for reading!
6539129
Well crap— no wait, what if I meant that I felt those 3 emotions in an unspecified range of 1,000 words. I totally didn't forget to check the word count before commenting— that'd be what a silly pony would do
I reviewed this story!
My review can be found here.
You amazing bastard. Go give M. Night Shyamalan some lessons.
So there's Friendzoned Sparkle here. Interesting.
On the other hoof, if Pinkie wants to know about E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G, does that mean no secret in Equestria will ever be safe now?
I came for the TwiPie and got, something better? Something disappointing? I don't know how I feel about this. It was well written, and I didn't see Moondancer coming until to late. So I'm happy and mad at the same time.
Anyway, congrats on an excellent fic.
How can this be complete when Twilight Sparkle hasn't met her One True Love yet?! T________T
6540653
Who says she hasn't?
One possible interpretation (though far from the only one) is that Pinkie Pie is going to end up breaking up with Moondancer as an indirect result of this conversation and end up with Twilight.
Friends help friends...no matter how much it hurts
My feels feel like they went through 10 games of Twister, because holy shit THAT WAS A FUCKING PLOT TWIST
YOU BASTARD
In all seriousness, really cute and really well done.
Goddamn, that was a punch to the sternum when I got to it. Like seriously, I read that one bit and it felt like I got punched in the heart. Lol.
I was actually starting to get a little unimpressed with what I thought the direction of the story was, as it seemed like it was a bit of a rush… but then, man, did you ever pull one over me. Great story!
Was the ending supposed to be ambiguous or am I just reading this too late at night? I wasn't sure if she was planning on teaching Pinkie to help her or if she was scheming to get her for herself, I think I would have preferred the latter but then one of my favourite stories on this sight is 'and then tomorrow came'. I also don't think the comedy tag was appropriate, not because it was sad or anything, it just didn't have anything funny in it. And perhaps it was too short... still gave it a like though
Ow... ow ow ow... My chest hurts now...
I want to both upvote (because this story is WONDERFUL) and downvote (because OW THE FEELS. I was not expecting M. Night Shyamalan to bust in driving the Feel Train!). But seriously: this was great. Well-written and basically wonderful, I really FELT it, and these or not tears they are... um... MY ROOMMATE IS CUTTING ONIONS!
Great job!
Decent Fic, decent twist.
Though, I've gotta ask, is the ending supposed to imply the whole Twilight & Moondancer are the same pony joke, or is Twilight gonna knock Moondancer out and take her place? Imma confuzzled
7064245
It was meant to imply that Twilight has accepted that Pinkie likes Moondancer and not her, and thus will do everything she can to help Pinkie and make sure her friend has a good date.
7064362 Aww, that's not nearly as interesting, also, kinda bipolar, I would at least take a couple days to get over a heartbreak, great friend or not.
6537859 Correct, specifically based on their tree rings.
Well... that was disappointing. Not the writing, you actually did a really good job of getting me into the moment and feeling what Twilight was feeling. But real people wouldn't be able to bounce back like that.
I'm well aware from experience. I mean, going all into it would probably take this away from being a one shot, but Twilight probably wouldn't be able to talk to Pinkie for at least a few minutes, much less go right into the "friendship epiphany."
Whirlwind fluffy shipfics barely work okay in small bite size pieces, trying to do a philosophical piece on friendship, support and love feels even more rushed.
Few things I love more than TwilightxPinkie shipping. You know what's one of those things? Bittersweet romance. There's probably a larger conclusion about myself to be drawn from that, but that's besides the point.
I really enjoyed the story, they way you slowly built up Twilight's budding feelings for Pinkie had me trembling with anticipation, and the subversion came like a bucket of cold water. It's funny, halfway through Pinkie's description I thought it would be fun if she was actually talking about Moondancer, so the reveal caused me both grief and smug satisfaction.
I agree with some people here that the fallout could have been handled differently. Twilight seems to get over the heartbreak just as quickly, if not quicker, than when she started to crush on Pinkie. Sure, the whole getting over someone aspect is a theme that can be explored on a story of its own, but I still feel it wasn't as powerful as the first half.
Anyway, enough rambling. Story was great, loved it.
6540077
That's what I found. Twinkie Pie is my OTP.
Do not read this (or any comment here) before reading the story... seriously, like many one shots this one has a plot that can't be commented on without spoiling. I'm spoiler tagging the first line but not the whole comment. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Me: "Hah, she's talking about Moondancer." *a minute later* "Holy crap she WAS talking about Moondancer."
Well, that was poignant. I've been where Twilight is, several times, even getting that whole 'you'll meet The One one day' brush off. Luckily for Twilight Pinkie Sense is a bit more reliable than the usual bland platitudes. Further, I will say, having been where Twilight is, you CAN get over it that fast and be happy for the other person. It might require a bit of mental discipline, but I've done it a few times. You can drink later when the other person has happily skipped away to be with whoever their heart is set on (and how convenient, Twi is 21 here...). And Twilight, the Princess of Friendship, would surely be far better at being happy for her friend's happiness than I would... so I have no trouble believing her capable of this. It was sweet of her, and bespoke an admirable mental fortitude. Really though... it was a crush that was a few minutes old... it's not THAT hard to set aside.
Pinkie was on point, too. It fits right in with her innocent insensitivity that she would accidentally build Twi up like that. It's how I got that she wasn't talking about Twilight. That's not on me; that's the author writing the character well enough that I could predict Pinkie Pie. ...That alone would be worth an upvote. Further, the amount of work Pinkie is putting in to impress her special somepony... yep, that's her to a T once again.
Welp... that was depressing for various reasons that aren't the author's fault. It's going to be a long night at work now. May Twi get a sequel, written or otherwise, where she actually finds whomever is hurting Pinkie's tooth.
Oh... Ow... That was poignant...
YOU TROLL!!!
You motherfucker.
8637482
I second this statement.
The you'll meet the right one someday platitude is so unintentionally cruel. Like, I get it, you're trying to be nice, but it's basically telling them that they're not good enough for you and never will be. I hate stories like this, not because it's badly written, you did an excellent job, but because I've been the one in Twilights position so many times I don't even know where to start, and that crushing moment never really goes away. Sure it'll dull, but deep down it always hurts, and stories like this just bring it all rushing back.
seriously! why didn't they make Moondancer Twilight's BIOLOGICAL twin? the story possibilities are endless!
also, YOUCH. That's cold man
Why’d I find this in a TwiPie group when this isn’t really TwiPie.
I think this is a good story but I can't help but feel aggravated at being tricked so I'm very torn which I guess is the point..