Everyone wears a mask. A sweet, charming lady can hide a verbally abusive gold digger behind the smile. The foulest looking hobo can have a heart of gold, and for Diamond Tiara this is a lesson she knows all too well. There will be consequences for her little outburst. Consequences that are far larger than she can imagine
Takes place immediately after Crusaders of the lost Mark. So, ya know, spoiler alert
Contains: Some darn near deadly Daaawwww's and some horrific depictions of child abuse. (really, which depiction of child abuse isn't horrific?
Chapters (8)
...Woah.
This was amazing...
Now I want another chapter of Diamond and Silver trying to stop her.
DAMN.
6521238 Don't worry... I think you're going to get it. (Hopefully, the CMC won't though)
Superb story so far. MOAR.
(Although, how a pretentious pony like that can do anything to three of the heroines of Equestria, I don't know)
I hope that Spoiled has bit off more then she can chew and has overestimated her influence. She is messing with some powerful ponies. Scootaloo is an honorary sister with national heroine Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Applebloom are siblings of national heroines and they are all friends with Princess Twilight. The Apples were one of the founding families of Ponyville and are an important business partner for Diamond Tiara's father. I hope that Filthy Rich sets his wife straight on why they shouldn't pick a fight with the Apples.
That's true. The CMC are right there with the Knights of Harmony, and since they already have their cutie marks, Spoiled doesn't have the "blank flank" edge anymore.
6521527 Yeah, okay, go pick a fight with 'em, there goes all that lovely Zap Apple Jam (and such), and ergo, there go his profits.
Grease some hooves and get rid of them? The three youngest siblings of three national heroes and their families?! Hah! Are you ready for a one-way trip to the moon, you stupid bitch?!
Oops. I take that back. I rather doubt that Princess Luna would allow her moon to be polluted by trash like Spoiled Rich.
This gets a follow, a favorite and an upvote! I really hope that L'il Mrs. Spoiled gets her bonny comeuppance at the end of this.
She understands the CMC older sisters are the elements of harmony? And very close friends with Twilight & Luna.
I hope Diamond stops her in time.
6521527
6521632
Never mind influential they are also key members of Equestria's defense given how they've dealt with so many of its National Security issues messing with them or their families, could in the hands of a clever and harsh enough attorney be used to argue that Spoiled is committing *titters like Lord Varys* oh its so foul a thing to say but it could be argued to be treason. One does know what the penalty almost always is for treason? It'd be such a shame to have to bloody a sword with Spoiled blood but alas it may have to be answered in such a manner. Though I suppose eternal imprisonment could suffice if no one was willing to dirty their blades.
I do believe Spoiled is about to discover just how bad that idea is.
Let's count the ways she's about get wrecked, shall we?
1. Twilight Sparkle is, for all intents and purposes, the ruler of Ponyville in everything but name alongside her five friends. Ponyville is her Kingdom, and everyone there respects her greatly. If Spoiled tries to have the Cutie Mark Crusaders removed, she'll first have to go through Twilight's not inconsiderable political power. And then there's her magical power. Really, why would you butt heads with the mare who regularly saves the town you live in, and who has a dragon as an assistant/son/little brother?
2. Ponyville is a small town, and not really a large dot on the map like Canterlot and Manehatten regardless of the fact that it's home to a Princess. However, it's this smallness that makes Ponyville a tight knit family. The moment Spoiled tries to grease any hooves over this, she'll find herself on a one way ticket out of town, pitch forks and torches raining down around her.
3. Apple Bloom is a member of one of Ponyville's founding families, and a hard worker on the farm that brings Ponyville most of its trade economy. Because of Applejack's status as a co-ruler of Ponyville's Court, Applebloom also stands to inherit the title of Matriarch of the Apple Clan when Granny Smith passes on. above all else, however, is the fact that Filthy Rich and Spoiled Rich get the majority of their income from Zap Apple's, which are provided by the Apple family. Spoiled simply can not provide enough money to make Apple Bloom vanish, not without bringing herself and her family down with her.
4. Sweetie Belle is the younger sister of Rarity, who is three things. She is a heroine of the town, and Equestria itself. She was the Bearer of the Element of Generosity. And she is a co-ruler of Ponyville's Court. Furthermore, Rarity is intimately familiar with the machinations of the rich and how to navigate her way around them. She will not make it a simple matter for Spoiled to just make her sister and her friends leave Ponyville.
5. Scootaloo is Rainbow Dash's sister in everything but blood. Rainbow Dash will brawl with anyone who threatens her friends and loved ones, without caring about titles and money. I highly doubt Spoiled will even be able to bring Rainbow Dash up on charges of assault in this scenario. Not a Jury in Equestria would side with her. Furthermore, she's a co-ruler of Ponyville's Court, and therefore only a step or two below Celestia in terms of authority, at least in Ponyville matters, and several steps above Filthy Rich and Spoiled Rich in terms of nobility.
6. And finally, the Crusaders have been watched by all of Ponyville since they first formed, and no one would be willing to even entertain Spoiled's desires so quickly after seeing the three fillies getting their much desired Cutie Marks. Hence, again, pitchforks and torches.
Really, it's sad how badly this is about to go for Spoiled.
6521809 Goodness you put a lot of thought into that! Well done! <3
I can already see Spoiled Rich as the first statue in Twilight's new garden. Very engaging first chapter, but I don't see how this pony won't find herself in for a rude awakening by the time she finishes her opening rant to everypony. I mean, I can buy that her ego would blind her to the consequences of her actions, but I'm not sure I could buy her getting anywhere with what she's planning. Hopefully Filthy Rich will step in before she goes completely off the deep end and hits DT again though. Fav'd, cause I need to find out how this ends!
The premise does seem interesting, especially given how Spoiled Rich could be interpreted in different ways. However, with the dark tag, I do worry if she's going to act a little too over the top here, but I guess I'll find out soon enough. Either way, what she has planned doesn't sound good for the Cutie Mark Crusaders, which does do a good job at hooking the reader in wanting to learn more. Applying tension just right isn't always the easiest thing to do, so great work in that department.
Also, I noticed a few grammar mistakes here and there, such as capitalizing pronouns in what look like dialogue tags, alternating "Spoil" and "Spoiled" for Spoiled Rich's name, and a few minor mistakes, though I was able to get the main purpose of the story. I'd recommend working out some of those minor kinks as you go along, as fixing some of the more noticeable errors can make the story much more presentable.
Lastly, it's always nice to see more Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon stories, especially with the newest episode at the time of this post. I've always liked stories which explore their characters, even before their redemption in "Crusaders of the Lost Mark."
Anyway, those are my thoughts on the first chapter, and I wish you the best of luck in your writing endeavors.
6521929 I'm glad you liked it, darling. Yes, my grammar is atrocious. I'm a writer, not an editor, sadly. That being said, Spoil and Spoiled was made as a personal choice. I tried to find alternative ways to say the name. I guess it didn't work out to well. Like 'Jen to Jenny." or "Alex and Alexandra."
6521965
Ah. Now I see where you're going with that. In terms of pony names, I tend to reserve shortened versions of their name/nicknames to dialogue as opposed to prose. And as for grammar, it's something which can be improved on with practice and reading other works. You seem to have written a lot since you first joined, so you're off to a good start on the practice bit.
Anyway, keep on doing the best you can, and I wish you well on this and other projects of yours.
Or, she could sit back and watch her mother get her cutie marks handed to her.
Apple Bloom? Part of the largest family in Equestria, and seemingly holds a monopoly over the apple industry. They seem to value family above anything else, so they'd definitely answer a call for help, and some more distant relatives, such as the Oranges, have been shown to be high class and likely rich as well. Let's see her pull enough money out of her behind to fight that. Apple Bloom's grandmother's a founder of the town. Her sister gets trophies from the mayor for being a good samaritan. Spoiled and Filthy's family earns their money from their Zap Apples. You think the Apples are above cutting them out of their deal for revenge? They grow the apples, they hold the power in that contract.
Sweetie Belle? Rarity knows everything about being a high class pony. She might as well be a Canterlot pony, the only reason she's not would be that she doesn't like it there. We know for certain Rarity's rich, if not for her gems, then for how well she's shown to sell in Canterlot Boutique. And I'm pretty sure Spoiled and Filthy are in Ponyville not by choice, but because of the Zap apples. Canterlot has repeatedly been depicted as the height of social power and being rich, followed by Manehattan. Let's see her fuck with that. Not to mention Rarity's connections. She has good ties with... What, almost double digit amount of celebrities or otherwise rich ponies? Hoity Toity, Fancy Pants, Photo Finish, Sapphire Shores, Prim Hemline, Fashion Plate, Sassy Saddles... Who, by the way, confirmed Rarity's a celebrity in fashion by the episode's middle, if she wasn't already a celebrity for a whole list of reasons.
Rainbow Dash? She's the fastest mare in Equestria. It's self proclaimed, but brought Ponyville from last place to second place in a race against the Wonderbolts, who won, when her teammates were Fluttershy and Bulk Biceps. Her Sonic Rainboom literally cannot be performed by any other being, she's in the Wonderbolts Reserves, and took the place of a legendary Wonderbolt in a show at Canterlot. She's fucking famous. She leads the weather team of Ponyville, so she's definitely not poor, and definitely highly respected in the town.
Hm, what am I forgetting?
Oh yea, fucking Princess Twilight fucking Sparkle and her other friends.
And oh, look, Rarity got a commission from Princess Celestia to make a dress for Princess Cadance! Add that to her fucking fame!
Pinkie Pie is literally friends with every person in town. I guess that includes Filthy and Spoiled, but do you think she's going to side with them or everyone they would upset by doing this? How much sway do you think she has over town decisions?
Discord's fucking desperate out his ass to do favours for Fluttershy and friends. Let's see what happens when Twilight sends a letter to the other Princesses if Spoiled somehow beat Twilight's princess status because she was so newly crowned. Even considering her status being new, she made more town decisions than the mayor before she was a fucking princess.
Fuck.
6522027 You kind of have a point there...Though i wouldn't have worded it that way.
Still however... one has to consider that from an abuse/character standpoint, Diamond Tiara thinks her mother can do anything, which yeah she can. That easily explains her fear of her mother and for the crusaders.
In addition, from a more authorial/story standpoint, there's a valid degree of fear on the ability that Spoilt Rich CAN hurt the CMC. Sure she'd get flak for it and probably get trounced in return, but it really just takes one bullet to hit someone where it hurts most...
6522124 That does make sense, but all it would take to prevent the bullet from firing is DT getting out of the room, rushing to the crusaders to warn them, though she might go to SS first, and then the CMC tell their sisters or Twilight, who's also really close to them, and she's screwed.
6522124 Some people are blinded by revenge. Driven to do unspeakable things. If Spoiled really believes that she's protecting Diamond Tiara, She could channel that into something quite frightening.
Good luck Spoiled Rich. Just remember whose sisters you're dealing with:
Interesting. Quite intersting.
Though Spoiled Rich kinda has a metaphorical brick wall in her way considering the ponies the cmc are connected to. though a lot of people have also pointed that out XD.
Know spoil is an earth pony and they likely are capable of knocking down walls, but she is not going to convince anyone in town to harm the Cmc.
Spoiled is a real cunt.
6521794 Well put. Couldn't have put it any better myself.
I hadn't thought about the treason thing, though.
Oooooo, she's gonna be in so much trouble.........!
*rubs hooves together gleefully*
This was and Is a really good Start to a great story, but I have certain Issues with your "Discipline" Rant. While I can tell that you are prejudiced against Corporal Punishment, I would like state that there is fine Line between getting a few licks with a belt or switch, and Beating someone black and blue. I was punished when i did wrong, I was never slapped or bruised and bleeding. That's what alot of today's kids needs, a good Whipping! None of this grounding or sent to their rooms business, that don't work. Iv seen it first hand.
Let me put it another. Every kid, when they were little are told to not touch the red eye on the stove, but we don't listen and we get burned. That Burn, that pain we feel after we have jerked our hand away from the hot eye is our Punishment for not listening, so that next we see that eye, we know not to touch or we will hurt. The same holds true for switches and belts across ones rear. We do something wrong, we get punished.
now grounding and such may work when the teen years roll around, heaven knows it was effective on me.
Over all though though, I am lookin forward to more chapters friend.
6523062
I respectfully disagree.
Time to unleash the fucking fury.
Spoiled Rich, like most anyone of her dispossition, seems unaware of her actual size in the world. She's not even the real source of power, just a leach growing fat on her husbands money. And Filthy's money comes from the Apples, and he knows it (Familly Apreciation Day). Not to mention, all the CMC's families outrank her self-percieved sense of importance. The CMC have been mentored by no less half of equestria's ruling royalty. Their sister's are national heroes. Like most abusive parents, her power over DT is maintained only by Tiara's silence. Her (questionable) power over the CMC directly is purely the power of a school beaurocrat (I'm guessing an easily replaced school beaurocrat if a certin Princess of Friendship learned her personal students were being abused by the system). Any power she thinks she has to run the Main Six out of town is laughable. I'm guessing Spoiled simply hasn't bothered looking into who she's talking about moving against at all.... which seems in character. I'm guessing it's not gonna come to that, and that Tiara herself will handle things with her abusive mother. Looking forward to seeing where this is going.
I can't wait to see how this blows up in Spoiled's face.
6521809 Eeeeeeeeeeeeh........
This is NOT going to end well for her....
You know I just realized the whole problem Spoiled is about to run into can be summarized in five words...
I cast SUMMON BIGGER FISH!!!
6521809
Exactly all the problems I spotted with Spoiled's attitude. But there is one more factor.
All three Crusaders have formed at least inklings of a friendship with Princess Luna.
I imagine she would be an avid defender of foals overall.
SR is bocked seven ways to Sunday.
6523438
I know its never going to happen, but I'm envisioning Rainbow Dash giving Spoil the good 'ol "Navy SEAL Copypasta" treatment.
6523991 I'm thinking more along the lines of:
Step 1: Rainbow finds out Spoiled is going to try to get Scootaloo kicked out of Ponyville.
Step 2: Rainbow picks Spoiled up and drags her to some far off place where no one can scream.
Step 3: Rainbow does a Sonic Rainboom-powered kick right into her face before demanding that she give it up.
Step 4: Rainbow demands that Spoiled give up on trying to get the CMC kicked out of Ponyville or she'll hurt her in more ways than just that.
First off, spelling error. It's 'brought'
Second of all.... IT'S HUNTING SEASON BOYS!
6523922
I can't believe I missed that. Yes, point seven is that Scootaloo has a friendship with Princess Luna, and by proxy so do the other two Crusaders. I don't know Luna's exact beliefs in regards to children, remember that she does come from an era where children may not have been quite as priceless as they are today, but she still formed a bond with at least Scootaloo. No matter how you look at it, the Crusaders have the power of the Moon at their backs.
6523236 That's cool, just wanted sate my take on your, er thoughts and too say that I am looking froward to more from ya bro!
That was very, very good.....very frightening, too, but very excellent! I'm definitely looking forward to Spoiled getting her comeuppance (I hope)!
. ( Been there; done that, and yeah, it hurts even now) But you should know this, darling, and it is so very true of you: you are a stronger and better pony than any of those who hurt you. You are showing them everyday how beautiful and fabulous you are! Keep on being the Rarity you truly are, dear!
I can tell, also , that there is a passion in this from you. You wrote this this as if you know it almost too well.....and for that I am sorry
And thank you!
6523062
I mostly agree. I believe that there is time where spanking is necessary. I was spanked and guess what, I stopped doing the things that I was being punished for. There is definitely a time when a grounding or other non-spanking punishment was a better choice then a spanking and there is a big difference between a spanking and a beating. Corporal punishment should never be used in anger and it shouldn't do anything more than make a child's rear sore of a few minutes, any long lasting effects (other than a change in disobedient habits.) and it is most definitely abuse. Each child is different and different personalities will require different combinations of punishments, I got spanked a lot less than my brother but that was because I got the message a lot easier. Spare the rod spoil the child, but the punishment needs to be proportional to the crime and nothing should earn you anything beyond a smarting bum or a sore ear.
Spoil is most certainly abusing Diamond in this story, don't get me wrong, and I have absolutely no idea what the author has been through so I have no right to judge, I am simply saying that those who think you should never spank a child under any circumstances are taking a very extreme position that can lead to.. well spoiledness and entitlement which will just bite the child later in life. Consequences are necessary and while some children might learn their lesson from getting sent to your room most wont. This is all said from the perspective of someone who is still held under these standards and punishments, I still am able to be spanked if I do something to deserve it(Though it would be a lot harder then when I was younger), I understand the value of being punished,even if I would be very happy to never be spanked or grounded again.
6525178 Thank you, I'm just glad that there is still somepony out there who still believes in some old world Values. I too was spanked, but never to any extremes. As I grew older My my folks still hung the treat of spanking over me, "Your never too old for me to put over my Knee" was said more than once, instead that's when they started resorting to grounding as I had discovered Video games at the time. Kids these days dont know jack squat about respecting their elders. Thanks to soccer and softball moms that is. If more parent were to use teh belt and Switch again, maybe there would be less crack pots runnin around shooting everybody and blamin their actions on Video games and Guns, as well less druggies around!
6525323
6525178
I appreciate your views, truly I do darlings, but perchance there is a better venue for continued discussion? <3
Damn, got me misting a bit over here. DT's mom is a menace.
6526056...Yes... Yes. She's really rather horrible isn't she? Hmm.
Poor DT
I HOPE Silver Spoon decides to also call the police or Family Services.
If it's your goal to make Spoiled seem like a hated character, then you are clearly doing something right.
Beacuse I'm plotting murder.
Spoiled? Run.
6526572 Now now no need to go that far, it would be more prudent to send her a conciliatory wine basket to make up for her coming losses.
In fact I had the finest recommendation of brews from Lady Olenna Tyrell, she knew of wines fit for a king that were absolutely to die for. In fact it is so breath taking a wine she'll be all choked up if she ever had any other.
6526804
Same thing, really.
6526833 I have no idea what part of my statement would imply such a thing, offering one a gift is so different than inserting steel into them. Though I suppose if the worst were to happen with the gift it would be a tad more ironic for one so in their cups to drown it. Self control is so lacking these days I'm afraid
6525622 Continued venue for what discussion? Iv pretty much stated mt Opinion, though I am open to other Topics for the most part, though due to net problems I'm not able to respond to Messages right away, might take awhile.
P.S: I dont wont Seem rude, but are you a Girl? Or are you Guy that likes to Rp as Rarity? I want to know so I dont make any wrong assumptions or accidentally insult you.
I'm crying now, dammit.
no but seriously, I hope everything works out for DT and the CMC.
6526853
Inserting steel? How uncouth! That is simply not the Changeling way.
A Changeling wouldn't ever leave a trace.
Well, a good Changeling at any rate.