My Little Praetor: Phthisis is Magic

by FanOfMostEverything

Immune Response

Dash sighed, mentally preparing herself as best she could. "Okay, Doc, what's the damage?"

Doctor Stable, Ponyville's premiere professional physician, frowned to himself as he set down a clipboard stuffed with impossibilities. "That's actually a very good question, Miss Dash. I'm afraid your condition is simply unprecedented."

Whatever the speedster had expected, this wasn't it. "What!?" She leapt off the examination table. "But... but you gotta know! You're the doctor!"

"I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash, but I'm only equine." He smiled. "The good news is that I can conclusively rule out all of the possible diagnoses you proposed during your scans. Including the ones you made up there and then."

The mare blushed. "I... It's just that, these are my wings we're talking about, you know? I couldn't live without them. Literally. My house, my job, my talent... Without wings, I'm just..." She trailed off, insecurity and ego coming to a stalemate.

The doctor nodded solemnly. "I understand. Fortunately, while I can't give you a diagnosis, I can tell you my findings." His gaze drifted to the floor. "I should warn you, though; most ponies find this... unsettling."

Dash wingshrugged, holding back a wince at the odd weight distribution. "I don't think I can get much more unsettled today, Doc. Go ahead."

"Very well." Stable shut his eyes and focused, his horn glowing with magic. An image of the blue mare formed in front of him, surrounded by the same turquoise aura.

"You can summon awesome ponies?" asked Dash. "Wow. That's gotta come in handy."

The stallion chuckled. "Not exactly. This is a composite image formed from the scans I performed earlier." With a grunt, he brought a second illusory Rainbow into existence next to the first one. "And this," he continued, a bit out of breath, "is the composite from your last visit."

The pegasus could see the differences between her dopplegangers' wings. "Huh. Wait, why didn't you show me this back then?"

"This spell requires a considerable amount of my magic," explained Stable. A bit of desperation leaked into his voice. "If I may continue?"

"Sure."

"Just so you know, this is the unsettling part." The images spread their left wings. Dash couldn't help but wince at the more obvious differences between her wings in their prime and... well, now. Everything other than those wings faded away and the limbs arranged themselves such that the old was positioned above the current.

"This isn't tellin' me anything, Doc," grumbled the mare.

Stable opened his eyes to give her an impressed look. "You know, most ponies have a rather more averse reaction to seeing their bodies virtually vivisected."

Another wingshrug. Another suppressed shudder. "It's just some magic picture. It's not the real me."

"I guess you won't mind this part, then." The wings faded, leaving only identical networks of thin tubes visible.

Dash gulped. "Okay, um... that's actually kind of creepy. You must be a big hit on Nightmare Night, Doc."

The physician would be lying if he didn't feel a small amount of satisfaction at this. "In any case, what you see here is your pteronal hemocirculatory system. That is, the blood vessels in your wing. As you can see, they have been unaffected by your sudden molt."

The mare nodded. "Makes sense. Not like I've been bleeding or anything."

"Yes, but this is where it gets strange." On the top wing, a shimmering outline of Dash's wing was overlaid on the vessels. On the bottom, a thin line led from the base of the wing to an angry red lump where her knee would be on her leg. "I've added your thaumocirculatory system, the internal leylines that allow your personal magic to flow through your body. In pegasi, it's normally closely linked to the heart and blood vessels. In the wing, it forms an invisible field that supports the limb and provides an additional boost in flight. That's what you're seeing in the upper image."

"Right..." Dash vaguely recalled something along those lines from flight school. Not she ever really paid attention during those particular classes. Still, she didn't need to be an anatomy expert to see that that wasn't the case in the lower image. "So what's up with my thaumowhatsit now?"

"It appears to have, for lack of a better term, collapsed. The entire wing's magic is focusing itself in the metacarpals, resulting in your current state of dishevelment. In short, Miss Dash, you're molting because your wings are being starved of magic."

The pegasus was briefly speechless. Finally, she asked, "Wh...what can do that?"

"As I said," noted Stable, "I don't know. I've never seen anything like this. The entire medical community of Equestria hasn't seen anything like this. Miss Dash, you have the dubious honor of being the first to ever exhibit this condition."

Rainbow gave a humorless laugh. "So I get my name in the history books after all. Just not how I wanted." She paused, biting back sobs until she felt she could keep talking. "I guess you wouldn't know how to cure this."

"I'm terribly sorry, Rainbow Dash." His expression made it clear that he was. "I don't even know what's caused it. I couldn't begin to advise you on treatment. Anything I might prescribe could easily make things worse than they already are."

"Huh. I... I guess that's it, then." Dash hopped down from the examination table. "Thanks anyway, Doc."

Stable chewed the inside of his lip. He couldn't just see a patient leave without a trace of hope. "Could I ask you to come back in a week?"

"Why?" The mare didn't even look up from the floor as she asked.

"Observation purposes. I've only gotten a single look at your condition, Miss Dash. Seeing how it progresses over time could prove invaluable."

Now she looked at him. "Do you think it will help?"

No. "Very much so."

Their eyes met. Both could see that the other put no stock in any future appointments. Still, hope is a strange thing. "...Sure."

---

Applejack had her chores finished in record time. It only served to unsettle her further. Farm work was supposed to be hard labor and she'd breezed through it like she was watering a window box. It just wasn't natural.

Neither was her appetite. She'd kept a careful watch on herself to make sure she didn't go biting trees again, but she'd still grazed so much over the course of the morning she felt she ought to apologize to the cows. Then she still managed to pack away more than usual at lunch, and half an hour later, she was as hungry as if she'd had Canternese.

Some other pony might've decided to go by Ponyville General at that point, but not Applejack. It wasn't that she distrusted modern medicine, she just had a hunch that this was something pills and powders couldn't lick. Thankfully, that hunch did happen to say who might be of assistance. It made sense, really; when faced with an unnatural complaint, go to the least natural place she knew, the Everfree Forest. More specifically, Zecora's hut. If the zebra could diagnose everything from poison joke to draconic puberty, surely she'd have some idea of what was ailing the farmhoof.

The striped mare smiled as she saw who'd knocked on her door. "I have been expecting you, embodiment of all that's true."

Applejack blinked, impressed. "How'd y'know it was me?" She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Y' sure y'all don't have some kinda 'Zebra Sense'?"

Zecora smiled and moved back into her house, gesturing for her guest to do the same. "I do not see through ESP you ponies in the Everfree. Truth be told, I was not sure whether you were my visitor."

"So that was just a lucky guess?"

The shaman shrugged. "Informed by gait, informed by smell. Perhaps a bit of luck as well." She sat by her cauldron. "What brings you here, my orange friend? An illness or a wound to mend?"

Applejack kicked at the dirt floor. "Ah wish it were just a social call, but Ah'm afraid y' hit it on th' head."

Zecora nodded. "Describe your symptoms, tell me all. What malady has you enthralled?"

The farmer slumped to her haunches. "It's plumb crazy is what it is. Ah jus' cain't stop eatin'. Apples, grass, heck, Ah even ate the bark offa poor innocent Decidua!"

"Hmm. I can see why you'd think it crazy, given compulsive xylophagy." The zebra noted her friend's blank look and smiled sheepishly. "Oh dear, more technical than good. It means the consumption of wood."

"Figgered as such." Applejack sighed. "Fancy words ain't tellin' me what's wrong, though."

Zecora shook her head. "Hunger alone? I cannot tell. How else are you feeling unwell?"

"Well, Ah had some awful muscle cramps when Ah woke up, like Ah'd been tryin' t' harvest th' whole darn orchard by m'self again."

The shaman quirked an eyebrow. "Soreness where you're strong? I see. Everywhere or locally?"

"Everywhere an' then some. Ah felt sore in places Ah didn' even know Ah had."

Zecora stood, nodding to herself. "Rise, my friend. I now suspect what befell you. Now to detect." Once Applejack obeyed, she added, "For both our sakes, please do hold still. Remember, I mean you no ill."

It wasn't easy, and at times it was downright awkward, but the earth mare managed to keep herself motionless throughout the series of pokes, prods, and assorted manipulations. Once through the gauntlet, Applejack asked, "Well, are ya gonna tell me what's wrong, or should Ah have had ya buy me dinner first?"

The zebra frowned, briefly muttering her native language under her breath. Finally, she sighed and answered, "It makes no sense, and yet it's true. You're somehow becoming more you."

Applejack tilted her head in confusion. "Care t' run that by me again, Sugarcube?"

"I've never witnessed this before, but it explains why you are sore. Your magic's growing like a weed, and so more food your muscles need."

"Mah magic?" The orange mare took a long look at a foreleg. Sure, she knew magic wasn't limited to just unicorn horn-glowing, but she never really thought of herself as magical. "So what did y' mean when y' said Ah was becomin' more me?"

"Your body grows as though a foal to hold your quickly growing soul."

Wow. That sent matters to a whole new level of weird. "M...mah soul?"

Zecora nodded. "Your soul expands. I know not why. In such affairs, I should not pry."

Applejack scoffed at this. "Pry away, missy! Ah wanna know what's doin' it! An' fer that matter, jus' what t' expect from all o' this!"

The zebra sighed and gave the pony a sympathetic look. "I do not know the cause, alas, nor can I say what comes to pass. Your Element and your resolve could both be making you evolve, or something strange we do not know could cause your greater self to grow." A thought came to her. "Is this an isolated change, or have your friends been feeling strange?"

The earth mare paused for a moment, then cuffed herself in the head. "Of all th' empty-headed, addle-pated... You bet yer stripes they've been feelin' strange! Twi an' Pinkie've gone positively nutso! Both of 'em up an' vanished yesterday!" She groaned. "Ah cain't believe Ah was so caught up in mah own problems that Ah forgot about them..."

Zecora laid a sympathetic foreleg across her shoulders. "Your self-concern is far from queer. You can't help them if you're not here."

"Ah guess..."

The shaman nodded, satisfied. She moved among the gourds hanging from the rafters. "Now tell me what, how, when, and why with Twilight and with Pinkie Pie."

"Well, Twilight done science'd 'erself inta somethin' like whatever it was that attacked th' town yesterday—"

Zecora stopped in her tracks and whirled on the other mare. "Gentle Ponyville attacked? Why did you not mention this fact?"

Applejack backed up a few steps. "Ah... Ah guess fer th' same reason Ah fergot 'bout Twi an' Pinkie. Too darn concerned with m' own hide t' think about it." She looked down. "Sorry."

The zebra relaxed. "I'm sorry, too. I was too curt. Tell me, was anypony hurt?"

This got a shake of the head. "No, thank Celestia. 'Parently, Rarity of all ponies took down a whole darn army by 'er lonesome."

Zecora stared at her as though she'd grown wings. "The seamstress and designer mare destroyed a force without a care?"

"Oh, she felt plumb awful 'bout it afterwards. Kept insistin' there was some better way. Far as Ah'm concerned, endin' them nasty things was doin' 'em a favor."

"'Nasty things'?" Suddenly, the zebra was an inch from Applejack's muzzle. "My friend, you mean monsters like which you've never seen?"

The farmhoof gave an uneasy nod. "Well, yeah, that's a good way o' puttin' it."

Zecora bore the darkest expression Applejack had seen on her since riding Rainbow Dash through the hut. "We've no more time for pleasantries, to chitter-chat and shoot the breeze." She returned to her various botanicals, purpose in her every move. "We've graver matters to discuss, the ancient feud of Them and Us."

The orange mare was now completely lost. "Say what now?"

"I speak of conflict and of war. Of horrors I have seen before."

Applejack looked at the zebra in a new light. "Y-y've been in a war?"

"The homeland of the zebra race is not always a peaceful place, and I have found that wars will brew in lands without a god or two." Zecora caught herself and turned back to her friend with an apologetic smile. "I place no insult, Applejack, on sun or moon or on your back. I only mean you're ill-prepared, and that will not mean you'll be spared."

The farmhoof smirked. "'Tween Nightmare Moon, Appleoosa, an' Discord, Ah've seen mah share o' action."

This got a flat look. "This is not one foe to defy, nor one that will be stopped by pie. The coming fight will not be fought by only heroes and their lot. All must resist or all is lost, and all will pay the final cost."

Well, there went any confidence Applejack might have had on the matter. "Whaddaya mean?"

"Saying this brings me no pleasure. Our foes are cruel and without measure."

The orange mare flailed for hope. "Th' Elements—"

"Harmony's a potent tool, but it alone? Don't be a fool! We must strike hard, we must strike fast, or else this gentle land won't last."

Applejack gave a frustrated nicker. "Well, alright then, General. Whaddaya say we do?"

"The plan's simplicity itself," answered Zecora, filling a pestle with a selection of esoteric herbs. "We strike down the commanding elf."

The farmhoof considered this strategy for a moment, then voiced her chief concern with it. "The hay's an elf?"

---

The lagomaths of the Everfree were by and large a peaceful, contemplative race. Though the life of an individual hyper-intelligent rabbity thing was relatively brief, the race's society was a proud and ancient one, supported by countless generations of artists, philosophers, and thaumaturgists. They preferred to distribute themselves through the forest rather than form large communities, but there was one exception. The capital and only city of the lagomaths, Smadadrachir, or "Most Excellent Seat of Wisdom and Tranquility," was Angel Bunny's destination.

Smadadrachir was somewhere between an ant colony and a dwarven city in terms of complexity. It was not built but burrowed, three dimensions of twisting tunnels and expansive chambers forming its vast subterranean cityscape. Lagomaths wandered freely, demanding as little in the way of privacy or personal space as one would expect from a race of telepathic rabbits. Through this same mental faculty, almost everybunny knew one another by face and name, despite their sheer magnitude.

Angel, however, was not just anybunny. He was Archon of Virtue, Who Punches Evil in the Face. The Champion of Kindness. Liaison to the Equine Races. Master of the Sixfold Path. He was the greatest lagomath of his generation, having already accomplished more than rabbits twice his age. As he hopped through the city's tunnels, passersby stopped and stared. Mental whispers susurrated through the air.

Finally, one doe got the courage to come face to face to the great buck. "Archon?" (Technically, she said his entire name in a single elegant pulse of thought, but only the first word will be used for the sake of brevity.)

He turned his gaze to her and his expression softened. "Compassionate Steward of the Glorious Future. How have you been?"

Steward gave a small, shy smile. "W-well, thank you. What brings you to Smadadrachir? I thought you were busy with the ponies."

"It is a matter of the gravest urgency. Hop with me." The two proceeded downward, towards the deepest chamber of the burrow-city. "The leylines are in flux again, but in a way I have never before seen. Not the crazed convulsions of the Great Chaos breaking free, nor the spilling of their banks when Harmony gained physical form. The closest comparison I can draw is in the hours before the return of the Darkhearted, the darkening of the energies as though in anticipation of night eternal. But it is not the same."

Steward was but a simple caretaker of kits, but she easily recognized somebunny in need of a sounding board. "What are the differences?"

"There is a sense of intent this time. As the lunar seal broke, magic darkened, yes, but there was no feeling behind it. It was a simple reaction, no different than shadows lengthening in the setting sun. But now..." He shook his head. "It is most worrisome. There's is a will here, a malicious awareness."

"What can we do?"

Archon sighed. "I will bring it to the attention of the Council of Warrens. Hopefully, they'll be able to see past their own noses and recognize the threat for what it is."

The doe frowned in concern. The Council was wise, yes, but consistently insular when it came to interaction with the other intelligent races. "And if they don't?"

The champion smirked. "I will have said my piece for everybunny in the council chamber to hear. Even if the Councilors choose to block their ears to my warning, there will surely be those who do not."

Steward audibly gasped. "Y-you mean rebellion?"

"I mean doing what is right, no matter what some self-important grayhares think."

The pair came to a halt at the mouth of a tunnel. On its other end was the Council. Archon resolutely stared down the passage, then turned to his companion. She flinched at the intensity of his gaze. The two had been friends since they were nameless kits, barely able to form a coherent thought. In another life, perhaps they...

No. No regrets. No torturing himself with "what if"s. He would earn his name anew this day. There was evil out there, ephemeral, subtle evil. If he could not punch its face through action, then he would do so with words.

He briefly rubbed noses with Steward, stunning her with the sudden intimate gesture. "Wish me luck, my friend."

She waved as he descended to the very bottom of Smadadrachir. "Good luck... my love."

---

Twilight could see why Rainbow Dash loved flying so much. The sense of freedom, the wind in her mane, the oddly sweet smell of the exhaust firing out of Spike's pteracubital blast ports... It really was quite exhilarating.

The indigo bubble that suddenly popped into existence around the duo really killed the mood.

Despite of her new source of entertainment getting interrupted and getting dropped in the ensuing collision, Twilight couldn't help but smile. "Shining Armor. Right on schedule. Do you see him?"

"The walkway to your right," rumbled Spike, rubbing his snout after ramming the shield.

"Ah, there he is." One magical voice amplification later, the mare called out, "Hi, Shiney! Long time no see!"

The captain of the guard was too far away to see his reaction. Given how the shield bubble was moving towards him, he was apparently going to correct that.

As they drifted towards the stallion, the feeling of enclosure began to gnaw at Spike's nerves. "I could simply consume the barrier."

"Best we keep that ace in the hole for the moment, I think."

"Very well." One of the dragon's feet began to tap impatiently against the shield's surface. "I could attempt to overwhelm it with a blast of flame."

Twilight's grin grew a bit fonder. "You may be fireproof, my dear assistant, but I am not."

Spike took a deep breath, trying to settle himself. They were nearly next to Shining Armor now. It wouldn't be much longer. "You may want to work on that in the future."

"Consider it on my to-do list." By this point, they were a few feet away from Twilight's brother, so she immediately followed this with nodding in his direction and asking, "So, how was the honeymoon? I heard Luna got the wrong idea and tried to pour syrup on you guys."

The stallion scowled at her, apparently in no mood for banter. "What in Celestia's name do you think you're doing, Twilight?"

His sister paused to consider this for a moment. "Huh. That's a surprisingly deep question for you, Shiney. I thought you always told me not to get too bogged down into navel-gazing. I mean, does what we think we're doing have any bearing on the actions themselves? Or are we—"

"Don't be obtuse, Twilight." The mare wasn't sure, but she didn't think she'd ever seen her brother this angry. "This isn't you and me goofing around on a weekend afternoon. This is the captain of the Day Guard ordering a citizen and suspected traitor to the crown to explain her actions."

"Traitor to the crown? Me?" The younger unicorn snickered a bit at the sheer absurdity. "I, Celestia's personal student, one of the twice-over saviors of Equestria, the only pony who even suspected something was amiss during the changeling invasion of Canterlot, am a suspected traitor to the crown?" She stuck her tongue out at her brother. "Shiney, I think that helmet's on too tight. Are you even listening to yourself?"

"Have you looked at yourself?" countered her brother. "You send the Princess a letter warning of half-metal monsters from another world that want to assimilate us, and then you suddenly appear in Canterlot, half-metal and spouting nonsense like a madmare. What am I supposed to think?"

"Firstly," began Twilight, "I'm only seventeen percent metal. At the moment. Secondly, just because certain parallels have developed doesn't mean I'm not still committed to protecting Equestria from this threat. I'm just been made open to more... unconventional tactics."

"You can't become a monster to fight monsters, Twiley," insisted Shining.

She frowned. "Oh, don't you paraphrase Neightzsche at me."

"I'll cite whatever philosopher I want!"

"Ahem." Both siblings were dragged from the edge of a knockdown, drag-out nerd fight by a very displeased pink alicorn. "Twilight."

"Cadence," replied the infected mare, a slight grin on her muzzle. "Perhaps you'd like to help me help your husband see reason?"

The princess moved next to her beloved. "I was actually planning on doing just the opposite."

"Oh. That's a shame. Well, maybe next time. Spikecatchme."

Before either of Twilight's captors could so much as blink, her horn gave a faint glow and a decidedly non-faint hum. The bubble of energy enclosing her broke apart into motes of light almost instantaneously. At the same time, Shining Armor screamed, clutched his horn, and collapsed.

Cadence knelt by his side and directed a look of pure venomous hatred at what had once been her favorite foal to sit. "What did you do to him, you monster?"

"Monster this, monster that," sighed Twilight, safely nestled in her dragon's arms. "Honestly, can't I change my look without torches and pitchforks coming into play? Spike, set me down."

Her assistant gave the alicorn a wary look. "Are you sure, Mistress? They say Tartarus hath no fury like a mare scorned..."

"Care to test that little aphorism with me, assistant?" Twilight was immediately placed on the walkway, her confident and mildly unsettling grin unchanged from when she posed the question.

She turned to Cadence. "As for what I've done to my brother, don't worry. I'm sure it hurt quite a bit, but there won't be any lasting harm. I just emitted a pulse that resonated with his personal magical signature, resulting in a nasty feedback effect in both his spells and his thaumic cortex. He'll be fine in a few hours." She shrugged. "It's hardly the first time I've emulated his signature. Mom used to ward the cookie jar against my telekinesis." Her smile took a turn for the sinister. "Nothing stops me, then or now."

The princess glared at her, wings flared. "I will."

The younger mare raised an eyebrow. "Really? No offense, Cadence, but... really? I mean, Shiney's bad enough. Shields don't win battles, they just keep you from losing. And then they break. And then you lose. But you? Sure, your love magic is impressive. Even kind of creepy if it ever fell into the wrong hooves. But I'm doing this because I love all of you. Because this is all for the best, and you know that if you just trusted me." Twilight gave a rueful smile. "Sorry, Cadence. You may have an edge on capacity, but when it comes to what you can do with it, against me, you don't have a leg to stand on."

The alicorn took all of this with no reaction. Finally, once Twilight had presented her conclusion, the older mare shook her head and smiled. "Oh, Twilight. Always so sure of yourself. So confident that you've got all the information you need and no wrong assumptions that might distort it." She sighed. "It really is you, isn't it? Well, let me stand in for Aunt Celestia for a moment, because I'm about to teach you a very important lesson."

A tingle ran down Twilight's spine. Anxiety gripped her heart. There was something wrong here. That much was obvious. But what? She swallowed the growing lump in her throat. "Go on..."

Rosy energy began to build along Cadence's horn. "You see, Twilight, love is much more powerful than you gave it credit for. Don't feel bad, most ponies make the same mistake. They think, 'Oh, love. It's all just goo-goo eyes and sweet talk. It's harmless.'" The pink energy spread to her eyes, making them glow from within. "Except they're wrong."

Some part of the unicorn was vaguely aware that standing where she was might not be the most tactically sound action at this point, but her curiosity got the better of her. "Then what can love do?"

"Friendship is magic, Twilight Sparkle. Love is power. Pure, unbridled, untempered power. The kind of power that sends knights charging towards dragons for the hoof of a captive noblepony. The kind of power that lets a mother lift a carriage five times her weight in the desperate need to save her foal. The kind of power that drives ponies to move mountains, swim oceans, do the impossible, all in the name of somepony that, to another, would just be another face in the crowd." Cadence was no longer a cheerful, unusually tall mare who happened to have both wings and a horn. She was an incandescent, vaguely equine shape forged from solid fuschia light. Her voice echoed with sounds ranging from an infant's coo of adoration to a lover's moan of ecstasy. "Love is a battlefield. Love can bring us together and tear us apart. And as the physical embodiment of its power, love is all I need."

The blast was more felt than heard, more emotionally than tangibly. It was a heartache, a sense of deep regret and reluctant resolve. Tears moistened the eyes of every thinking creature within half a mile of Castle Canterlot, and almost none of them knew why.

---

"Well, Celestia, this is a fine mess she's gotten us into, isn't it?"

The alicorn couldn't speak. She couldn't even open her mouth without flooding it with the foul slime that imprisoned her. She could, however, think. Discord. What do you want?

"What, I can't check in on my dear niece now and again?"

Your what?

"Well, at the time, we agreed that it would be kind of creepy if we thought of me as your father, but... Oh right, the whole 'shattered sanity making you forget your formative years and recreate them whole cloth' thing. Well, at least that was good for a laugh, right?"

Celestia was certain. This was Hell. Twilight had simply killed her, and now she would spend eternity helpless, suspended in filth, and tormented by the voice of her nemesis. It was the only logical explanation.

"Oh, please. You want Hell? Spend a few millennia as a public toilet for pigeons, then talk to me about Hell. No, my dear, you are still very much alive, and a good thing, too. I haven't the slightest idea who or even what the Element of Cunning would pass to were that not the case."

Oh. Is that what this is about?

"Well, to be frank, yes. Yes it is."

Celestia gave the most derisive snort she could imagine. All this, just to have me under your thrall.

"Oh yes, obviously." She could almost hear the draconequus roll his eyes. "I orchestrated my defeat and disassembly scant hours after my unsealing, the resonance of one of my Elements specifically with your soul out of a billion, give or take, and an invasion by an entirely different universe all so I could get you to accept a power that I barely understand myself. Of course. How I thought I'd fool you with such a crude, transparent ruse, I simply don't know."

A low chuckle, and he continued. "Really, Celestia, if this paranoia of yours weren't so frustrating, I'd find it quite flattering. But no, I'm asking – not telling, asking – you to accept the Element because it's the one X factor that can get you out of this undignified cocoon with your power intact."

And why should you care whether I escape at all? demanded the princess. I thought you'd appreciate seeing me be the imprisoned one for once.

"Oh, make no mistake, I think this is hilarious. 'Such a shame,' I thought to myself, 'that Chrysalis never got the chance.' Did you know that she's the Bearer of Ambition? Lovely girl, far better listener than some royalty I could mention. But I digress.

"Why do I want to see you free after you sealed me in stone for more than five thousand years? Not that I'm bitter or anything, mind you. Well, suffice to say, it's fairly obvious where things are going at the moment.

"On a normal day, a friendly scrum between Twilight Sparkle and Luna would be a tossup. However, this is hardly a normal day, and when they clash – and they will – it will not by any stretch of the imagination be described as 'a friendly scrum.' Twilight bolstered by a draconic familiar and the physical Element of Magic, your sister hampered by high noon and the potential for oh so much collateral damage were she to cut loose? It's not even going to be close. Your so-called 'faithful student' will wipe the floor with Princess Scary Butt Fun.

"After that, with you imprisoned and your mother and me as we are, young Twilight will be, without exaggeration, the most powerful being in the universe. Worse, she will be free of the twin shackles that normally keep her in check: her own humility and the thought of your disapproval.

"From there, well, as I said, it's obvious. Twilight wins. She remakes the world in her increasingly unpleasant image. And if you think ponies had it bad when I was in charge, kiddo, you ain't seen nothin' yet. She'll take ponies apart and put them back together in the name of making them tick a bit more efficiently, and that's just for starters. I shan't impinge on your delicate sensibilities by listing what she's got planned for later."

Celestia waited a moment to make sure that the chaos spirit had had enough of the sound of his own voice, however briefly. So you're doing this out of the goodness of your heart? she asked snidely.

"Hearts," corrected Discord. "I have two. And a half. And no. I'm doing it to keep things interesting. I'm doing it because for all the horror and anguish Sparkle will sow in the name of progress, she will also do her utmost to eradicate chaos. I'm doing it because, as far as I'm concerned, this is the lesser of two evils.

"Now, I'm not asking for your service, your trust, even your respect. All I'm asking is for you to let me help you do something you want to do anyway. You already wear a lot of hats, Celestia, and most of them are crowns. I'm just offering a necklace to balance out your look. Say yes, I make this one adjustment, and then I leave you to your self-imposed duty. Say no, and you watch your surrogate daughter destroy the work of millennia in a way far worse than any I would employ, but at least you get to do it with a clear conscience. You have this one Pendant of Life and you don't even have to assemble that blasted monkey. What say you?"

Bubbles formed around the alicorn's nostrils as she gave a melancholy sigh. I'm going to regret this. I know I am. Damn you, Discord. Damn you to the foulest pits of Tartarus and back.

"Well, I could certainly use a vacation. Is that a 'no'?"

No. It isn't. I, Celestia Helia Apollonia Lumia Alicor, accept my status as Bearer of the Discordant Element of Cunning.

"Well it's about damn time."

Celestia heard a snap, then felt the weight around her neck shift. A flash of insight came to her. As Twilight noted, she couldn't not care about her people. However, she could project the cold, calculating aura of Cunning in a way that would dampen her true feelings, starving her prison to the point where she could break out. It was hardly different from the day-to-day politicking of Canterlot, just vastly more important.

As white wings burst through magical membrane, a chaos spirit watched from his vantage point in the collective unconscious. Despite himself, he smiled. "Atta girl, Tia."

He caught himself and chuckled. "Oops. Almost started to show some redeeming characteristics there. Can't have that from an antagonist, now can we?" He held the eight-pointed star that was the dormant Element of Chaos to his eyes and looked through it like a sextant. "Now, let's see how else I can inject myself into the plot..."

Discord paused for a moment, then glared in the direction of the fourth wall. "You should be ashamed of yourselves. And that's coming from me." He readjusted his sextant eightfold, muttering, "Perverts."

---

The chamber of the Council of Warrens was the largest in Smadadrachir, space excavated down to the bedrock deep beneath the loam of the Everfree. Were ponies able to navigate the narrow, winding tunnels above, they'd find the space to be a respectable rec room. For lagomaths, it was of an enormity suitable to the prestige of its main occupants.

Stadium seating ringed the chamber's perimeter, filled with those eager for their leaders' wisdom. The Council members sat behind a podium of packed earth positioned such that the one addressing them, not they themselves, stood in the center of the space. Audience seekers waited in a ring before the front row, knowing that no grievance was too small to bring before the council. Proper etiquette insisted that one enter quietly, go to one's left, and continue along the edge of the room until reaching the back of the line.

Archon just marched forward.

The chamber nearly burst with mental noise. Not only was this an unthinkable breach of protocol, it had been done by one of the most famous lagomaths in generations. Everybunny there knew of Archon of Virtue. If he waltzed up to the Council as though he were the first petitioner of the day, surely he carried a matter of gravest import.

Of course, that still didn't excuse him. The head of the Council fixed an unpleased glare on the daring rabbit. It was quite a glare, given the scar than ran across the councibunny's blind left eye. His name was Beacon of Glory, in Whose Light Lapinity Flourishes. He was the longest-serving, most honored Council member in the past ten generations. He was also Archon's father.

In a society of intelligent rabbits, this wouldn't matter much, but for the Council members, who served until ousted by death or dishonor, their children were watched almost closely as they were themselves. Greatness often ran in the blood, as did treachery.

"You stand out of turn, Archon of Virtue," chided Beacon.

"I know, Father." The murmuring redoubled. Speaking in so familiar a way to a councilbunny in the middle of deliberation was even more unheard of than demanding an immediate audience.

The older buck did not even blink. "Is the matter so urgent that you refuse all protocol?"

Fluttershy's protector stood tall. "I stake my name on it." This brought the background chatter to such volumes that he literally couldn't hear himself think. Names were somewhat fluid in lagomath society, titles and epithets growing with a rabbit's renown and withering in his ignominy. To wager a title as prestigious as Archon's, to risk going from a living legend to nameless as a newborn, was outright unthinkable.

The current petitioner, a brown buck who looked terribly uncomfortable with being in the same room as history taking shape, offered, "I'm willing to cede the floor."

Beacon flicked his ears. His son could tell he was holding back a smirk. With a sigh, he nodded to the champion. "Proceed."

Archon bounded into the center of the chamber, projecting his thoughts strong enough that none could mishear him. "Friends. Colleagues. Respected councilbunnies. I come here today to warn of a threat more grave than any I could imagine. The leylines of the greater world writhe and blacken. Even the heart of our home grows dark and ominous. A grim force is coming, one that we must face, but we cannot do it alone. We must do as our ancestors did in the time of the Darkhearted. We must ally ourselves with the ponies."

"What!" The lagomath to Beacon's right, a massive buck riddled with old scars, bolted up at this. "This is treason!"

The white hare looked at him coolly. "You speak out of turn, honored one."

Strong-in-the-Leg, Awesome Boulder-Cusher, seemed to care even less than Archon did. "Fine, then. What is this grim force?"

This managed to crack the champion's confidence. "I... cannot say for certain," he admitted.

"You cannot say for certain. You would have us sacrifice our integrity, our independence, for some hunch? Some fleeting shadow?" Strong-in-the-Leg sneered. "You've gone mad! Spent too much time amongst those hooved monsters! Did you forget how ponies are? They who bend every aspect of nature to their whim? Who cannot even conceive of life that can thrive without their constant oversight? Who would reduce us to mindless serfs in their overbearing ecology given half the chance you offer them now?"

"You speak to the Liaison," Archon reminded him. "I know the magnitude of what I suggest. Further, may I remind you that this is not without precedent? As I said, we fought with the ponies in the war against the Darkhearted. We were respected as equals, perhaps even as their betters. We rode them, commanding them as steeds. And when the threat passed, they respected our decision to withdraw, even removing all traces of us from their records so that future generations would not seek us out against our wishes."

The weathered rabbit bristled. "Yes, the future generations with whom you would join forces! How can you say that they will be so respectful now, after a millennium of unchallenged dominance over their homes?"

The lagomath to Beacon's right, a gentle old doe with the beauty born of a life of kindness, stepped in. "What can you tell us about this threat?" asked Clear-Eyed Sage, Who Sees Beyond the Horizon.

"I can tell you that it has already sundered Harmony."

After letting another round of shocked whispers pass, the scholarly councilbunny nodded encouragingly. "Go on."

"As you each know, as I am sure many here are aware, the Elements of Harmony, the magic that the Solarienne used to seal the Darkhearted in the moon, the foundation of the Sixfold Path, has been in the hooves of mortal ponies for nigh on two years. They are not divine, but because they are many united in purpose, they wield Harmony with greater proficiency than the Solarienne alone." Archon gave a pointed look to Strong-in-the-Leg. "I derive my title of Champion of Kindness from my stewardship of its Bearer, a mare truly worthy of the Element."

The surly buck harrumphed. "Yes, yes, I'm sure she's quite sweet for the antithesis of true nature. Your point?"

"I'm getting to that. Throughout Ponyville, the village on the edge of the Everfree, there is a noticeable aura of peace and order, even more so than the rest of the pony lands." Archon allowed a bit of amusement to leak into his thoughts. "Indeed, the town seems to attract chaotic events on a fairly regular basis, as though Harmony is seeking to correct its own imbalance."

His serious tone returned more intense than before. "However, that aura has twisted much as all ambient magic has."

"How so?" prompted Sage.

"For one, Harmony itself has fractured. Two of the Bearers have left the town, leaving that aspect tattered and threadbare. Furthermore, corruption is slowly leaching into what is left. The order of contentment and bliss is being tainted by the bitterness of tyranny and oppression."

The old doe digested this for a moment. "Is there no hope?"

Archon nodded. "There is. My charge rejected the corruption, both in body and in spirit. Kindness seems to act as a ward against this force, an antithesis, and that alone should give us pause. What manner of being is honest or generous without kindness? What horrors can be wrought by one who cannot be kind, yet laughs or feels loyalty? What unspeakable acts can be performed by purely unkind magic?"

"So you would have us unite with the ponies against such entities," summarized Beacon.

"Not only that. All of Ungula must unite if we are to repel such monsters. Not just lagomath and pony, but griffin and dog, minotaur and serpent, changeling and zebra."

"You speak madness!" cried Strong-in-the-Leg

"I speak the truth!" Gone was the champion's even tone. Now fiery passion infused his every thought. "Send any empath you care to name to Ponyville, anybunny with even the slightest mystic sensitivity to the depths of our home, and let him tell you this is not so. Let her tell you I am not still an archon of virtue!"

The scarred councilbunny seemed ready to pounce on the speaker, but Beacon laid a paw on his shoulder. "You have given us much to discuss, my son."

Archon looked at the head of the Council with ferocity unchanged. "I have given you a decision to make, Father. Are you frightened animals who will hide yourselves in your burrows, hoping that I am wrong? Or are you rational beings who are willing to fight for your survival?"

Sage gave him a sad look. "'You,' not 'we'?"

The white buck nodded. "Yes. Whatever you decide today, I will fight for the future of this world, just as I fought for it when Harmony threatened to overwhelm existence. While I hope you choose the correct course this day, I assure you, whatever your decision, you will deserve the fate that follows." With that, he turned and left.

The chamber was silent for a time, the shock seemingly beyond the gathered lagomaths' ability to express it. Finally, Beacon of Glory stood. "I am invoking the precedent set by my honored predecessor Stalwart Paragon, Who Literally Spat in the Darkhearted's Eye. This decision will ultimately decide the fate of our entire race. I must ask each of you who is not a member of this Council to leave the chamber until we come to a decision. Rest assured that your grievances will be heard, but not until this matter is settled."

Strong-in-the-Leg glowered at Beacon. Clear-Eyed Sage eyed him worriedly. As the assembled rabbits left the chamber, both knew this would be the defining moment of their long lives.

---

The invaders' choice of fronts was strange to the griffins. It wasn't the tallest or most prestigious mountain in the Drakenridge. They didn't even have a real name for it. They just called it "that squat one in the middle."

The Diamond Dogs knew better. To them, it was Mount Benji, one of the great Claws of the Firstpack, second only to Mount Lassie, where that sacred pantheon gave caninity the gift of digging. They knew there was a reason it was in the exact center of the range. It was old. Very old. Old as its namesake's balls, may they never be neutered. (Even at their most serious and awe-inspired, they were still Diamond Dogs.)

Another could confirm this. He was Fankraxynox, Warden of the Peaks, Drakenlord, and once, long, long ago, Luna's cute little Fang. When he was but a hatchling, she had told him of when the now blunted peak was the true Drakenhorn, first spire of the range, the current holder of that name but a foothill in the shadow of the older mountain's uneroded glory. Now, it may have diminished on the outside, but it still held the same deep power within.

Unbeknownst to any of the denizens of the mountain range, it was that very power that had drawn Urabrask's portal to it like a magnet. Few really cared since why it was happening wasn't nearly as important to them as what to do about it.

That led back to Fankraxynox. The elders of the Benji Pack had beseeched him for his aid against the strange creatures who had appeared in their home and seemed dedicated to taking it away, rock by rock. Naturally, as the Drakenlord, it was the dragon's duty to come to the aid of his subjects when they were faced with a threat beyond their capabilities. Especially once they had supplied the first installment of the appropriate tribute.

Unfortunately, there wasn't terribly much the wyrm could do. The monstrosities were keeping themselves to the tunnels honeycombing the old mountain, which simply hadn't been dug for a dragon's proportions. As such, his options were limited to blowing fire down the entrances and try to coax them out into the open. Still, not even Fankraxynox had the lung capacity needed to fill the entire peak with his flames, which meant that they were just as likely to go to ground as they were to be chased into the open. Thus, he had settled in for the waiting game, something dragons were very good at.

He wouldn't have to wait long.

---

Council of Warrens 2GWU
Legendary Creature — Rabbit Advisor
Skip your draw step.
You have no maximum hand size.
At the beginning of your upkeep, if you have fewer cards in hand than creatures you control, draw cards equal to the difference.
3/5

Neural Pulse UU
Instant
Counter target noncreature spell. Its controller loses 1 life.
"The lack of rigor in Gitaxian research is staggering. Everywhere I look, I see missed opportunities for innovation."
—Twilight Sparkle, Gnostic Augur

Comments

[That_one_guy]

Holy shit lagomorphs are boss.

Cadence demonstrates the true power of love. It probably won't work.

And Chaotic Celestia versus Phyrexian Twilight. Battle of the fucking millenium, that shit'll be crazy.

[DreadedCandiru2]

Oh, goody. The Elements of Chaos versus Compleated Twilight. This oughta good. Hey! Maybe Lauren will wake up and we can have some real fun!!

[Speven Dillberg]

I hope Zecora is indeed planning on fighting Glissa, and is not leading Applejack into some trap.

[Thespurgin]

Somepony purify Twilight already, before she suffers permanent mental damage? As is, she's already turning into another Locutus.

Also, wow that is an impressive rabbit culture there. Seriously.

[QueenMoriarty]

Best bunnies.

[TheKableGuy]

Angel bunny. You have my respect.

[Malandy]

Chrysalis ... far better listener than some royalty I could mention. But I digress.

Wait, so Discord's already had her working on things? Interesting...

There's typos, but this is on hiatus, so not gonna report them.