Wrabbit
Joined 18th Apr, 2012 ·
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Your premise intrigues me
To the track list with you!
Will read when it's not 4:44 am
Interesting start.
Cheerilee or Trixie? I can't decide. I vote for Polyamory
Any readers of mine know I love unusual ships. I look forward to seeing where this will potentially develop.
I do not like Trixie or Spitfire all the much, I usually despise the TwiXie pairing, and I'm neutral on all the matters concerning Cheerilee in this fanfic however I love this premise so much that I just feel like I have to read, review, and track. Also, Twilight Sparkle is my favourite character and she'll be getting a lot of attention in this fanfic.
Like I said before, I care not for many of these characters or pairings on their own, but combined together with a unique premise is what lead me to read this first chapter and gosh was it worth it. Everything is introduced wonderfully, the ideas, the characters, and the back-story, oh gosh, there were so many ways the shipping could have felt wrong or forced and yet you have managed to make all three of the characters love for Twilight feel genuine, realistic, and developed...and this is the first chapter. Certainly this story is well written, the characters have neat twists while still feeling like themselves, every moment that features Twilight Sparkle is a moment I love because of how adorable she is
, and the writing is smooth and polished but the greatest part of this first chapter is how it has exceeded any expectations I had for it.
I don't really have much to say for criticism, the back-story could probably have been conveyed better (not criticising the actual story to them, but the way in which the readers learn of them), made more distinct from the current setting through scene breaks or italics (actually seeing the back-story rather than being told can be a great improvement if done right, though it is more difficult). Twilight encountering Cheerlee at the start could have a little bit of improvement, like explaining why she was right outside Cheerilee's house (probably just passing by but it would have been a small but neat detail to have added) but other than that I have nothing to say, when this chapter is not being awesome it is being at least very solid.
Before I conclude I just have one quick question, will there be any other, non-Twilight ships in this fanfic? To conclude, I despite TwiXie, in part because I dislike Trixie and in part because the two had very little interaction in the show, but here there has been further development and I honestly like how it's presented in this fanfic. Same with the other ships, CheeriLight is the easiest of them to present and you've done a marvellous job with it, while the SpitLight/TwiFire is just impressive, I can actually picture such small events leading Spitfire to fall in love with Twilight. This brilliant plot is helped most of all by a stupendous introduction, a really impressive first chapter that makes me want to read more. Fantastic job, keep up the superb work!
I was leaning towards twilight until i read spitfires part. and now i'm rooting for spitfire.
spitlight seems the most interesting for this fic since i think there's more cheerlight and twixie seems a bit overdone but so far seems interesting
Well then, MR. AUTHOR!
Let's see where this is going
Wow, I've never had so many positive responses this quickly before! Thank you all for your support, and I will do my best to not let you down.
668630
I hadn't thought of putting the... I guess you could call them flashbacks into italics. I didn't want to use italics though, since I use those mostly for emphasis or private thoughts from the characters. I'll try something to differentiate them in future though.
I had meant to put something in about why Twilight was wandering around town before encountering Cheerilee, but you know how it is; sometimes, you just forget a minor detail in the excitement of the writing. I'll fix that as well.
I was thinking of showing the other mane 6 in the shippings I have in my own headcanon, but wasn't sure if that would be too much. You may see some of it in the background now, though.
It's my hope that if anyone hates Trixie, they will at least see her in a new light by the end of my story, if not like her as much as I do. She may be a little (okay, a lot) full of herself, but I see a lot of room for growth for her. Thank you for your honest critiques, they are always welcome.
669159 You receive so many positive responses but I'm the only one who gets a reply. I feel special
.
I always use italics for defining what is thought so it is not confused with what is spoken, but different authors use italics and bolding in different ways so fair enough. By private thoughts do you mean when a character thinks a sentence instead of speaking it?
Minor details can be forgettable but hey, you had thought of it once before so that's good. Also I'm sort of glad you forgot to put it in this time round, it gave me something to add to the very small criticism section (when writers pull out decent work with few faults it becomes very difficult to give out a balanced review and I always feel like I haven't done enough if I haven't suggested some way of improving a story).
Including other Mane 6 ships will be interesting all though one thing I would advise against is having all of the couples get together in this one story. It always feel weird and unnatural when stories have the Mane 6 all find their special someponies/dragon/other at around the same time so if you are going to feature other Mane 6 ships, try to only feature only one or two more, and not all of them (or have it so one of the couples got together before the events of the story). As for the ships, it will be interesting to see who your headcanon dictates the characters with and how it compares it to mine, and now, even though it will only be a background ship, I shall begin hoping for FlutterDash to be featured.
I originally considered Trixie neutral territory but upon entering the fandom I've found the obsession with her and constant sympathy to be annoying, particularly when it made her featured way more than other one-shot characters (the diamond dog trio, Prince Blueblood, the entire buffalo race) and how many a story or artwork force her into them as a form of fan service. The little that I liked of her stemmed from her being an antagonist, and I pretty much never like her being placed on the 'good' side but how you've presented it here, with her having consistently been in contact with Twilight via letter and still retaining most of her personality, I quite like it. I remain eager for the next chapter but until then, cheerio!
669364
You are correct. Private thoughts are the sentences a person (or pony) thinks to themselves, rather than the images that come to mind when one thinks, or the sentences one speaks aloud.
The other five will only be mentioned in passing, as the focus of this story will be Twilight and the affection she inspires in the others. They won't really get a feature or a chapter dedicated to them, though I may write something about them in later stories. Don't feel too bad or surprised if one or more of them are left out of the shipping fun.
I can understand the consternation towards Trixie. I actually felt the same way about the whole FiM meme thing until I actually sat down and watched the show. But rest assured, Trixie will be her old "lovable" self from the show, and will give you plenty of opportunity to facehoof.
wheeee.... Let the competition commence! and Trixie takes the lead with Spitfire a close second, with Cheerilee only with a presumable hour a day with the ever so loveable Twilight
, but the competition has just started, so now we must wait and see where it goes! 
I vote for TwiFireTrixLee.
I smell a foursome in the future. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
I like where this is going, (insert RP prinny saying here)
Twilight might aswell save some time and start a harem, it's alrdy a proven fact that twilight is best pony.
Sexy, Cute, Skilled, Powerful, Smart, The right amount of Social Retardation that makes everyone love her.
Nope, can't find anything wrong with her.
Here, have some moustaches, my good... author?
Yes. Yes. This is what I like.
okay
premise: Interesting, even though i'm not really a fan of love-triangles(or is this a Square?dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png )
i especially like that you've chosen an earth-pony, a unicorn and a pegasus
first chapter: first chapter: good introduction to the rivals dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cheerilee.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_dayum.png
the stage is set, the challengers meet, now LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE
PS: Spitfire is called in the summary Spitlight. You should probably change that
EDIT:
669728
you are wrong Cheerilee is in front shes the only one who got a kiss so far.
Oh yesss Finnaly some Firelight well rare pairings seem to be the thing this summer
Not that i complain i got my eyes on some other authors that are currently doing Rare pairings with Twilight 
Keep it up good author 
--------------------------
Lunar Justice
Aaah The joys of a Bisection Love Triangle. I cannot wait to see how this is all sorted out. Great Job.
672208
There's a reason why Twilight is best pony.
679203
I guess you'd call it a quadrangle? A trefoil with Twilight at the center, perhaps? I thought I'd go for a little equal opportunity pony lovin' here, hence the three races representing. I have to say though, finding a good pegasus that wasn't in the mane6 was difficult. I finally settled on one that has almost no presence in canon so I could essentially build her from the cloud up. I didn't want to use Fluttershy or Rainbow Dash, because they'd have too big a lead on the others in terms of familiarity. It would be too big an inside advantage. Also, Spitlight is a portmanteau for Spitfire and Twilight. Though Lunar Justice's Firelight sounds more natural.
Thanks for the encouragement everyone. When I started this story, I was at a loss as to how to resolve the competition, but just a few hours ago, it came to me. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Chapter 2 has been started, and I'm already on the second page, so expect results soonish.
While I'd like it if she was with all three (whatwasitcalled, poly-something?), if I had to choose for her to be with only one, my choice would be Spitfire. I've never seen her with Spitfire and if I wanted some Twixie, I could go ahead and reread tons of Twixie stories I've already read and search for it if there are new ones that I haven't read yet.
Just sayin'. Definitely not to convince you to lean in a specific direction.
683238
i would like to see her with Cheerilee, because I haven't seen that before.
But i have seen her with Spitfire before.
682644
oh k, i just now noticed that the other two are the shipping-names too.
OK! You have my interest! Why do I smell that our three competitors are going to have night meetings where they are going to have lot arguments about why either of them deserves Twilight. Or something like that
Let it be known that any can fall for the adorkability.
Interesting idea, interesting beginning. I await more to read.
Twixie is in my head canon, but I don't know who I want to win! All three potential pairs are so freakin' cute! Wait. If it is Twixie, then another part of my head canon with Cheerilee x Spitfire could come true! Gah! So many feels!
Yes, yes, this is a very interesting idea.
There are, however, a few grammar errors that don't distract from the story unless you actually really care about those things. One more read-through, it should be fine.
holy crap! can't wait for more! MORE!!!!!
687111
If you could point these grammatical errors out to me, I'd be happy to correct them. Keep in mind the errors within dialogue is entirely intentional, and if you think this is bad, just wait 'till Applejack shows up!
This interest me...to the trackmobile!
The Ka-Mare Sutra is always sticky... Remind me to never touch that book if I'm ever in Equestria.
Ah, the plot thickens deliciously! XD The interaction between these three armorous mares, both verbal and otherwise, was absolutely hysterical to read!
You sir/madam, are a comedic genius. 
And I salute you for your efforts! ^^
On another note, seeing as Twilight/Trixie's been done to 'complete' and utter death, I find myself leaning towards Twilight/Cheerilee or Twilight/Spitfire. The only issue is, you've portrayed both those characters so very well that I just can't choose between them at this point!
Ah well, more to look forward to in the next chapter. 
Fantastic as always, Wrabbit. Keep 'em coming!
My apologies to those who read this chapter before this comment. I had forgotten that I needed to add in the bbcodes for italics in the story when I copy/pasted from my computer. All fixed now. Enjoy!
697602 Glad you liked it. I had that doughnut scene in my head for weeks now, just begging to be written. And I'm glad you can't choose between them. It means I'm doing it right!
Oh you silly silly reviewers. I laugh at how you limit yourself to a two sort of relationship. Clearly the only way this bisected love triangle can be resolved is with a THREESOME.... er I mean a FOURSOME.
Why? Cause the more the merrier :D.
images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1126_my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-im-with-twilight-on-this-one.gif
Faved, liked, and looking forward to more!
Twilight, you have TWO pegasus friends and you've NEVER seen their wings up close before?
697148
"left her home to continued her rounds" little things like that.
"The familiar dulcet tones bringing a smile to Trixie's face." Fragment. I think you probably meant that period before this sentence to be a comma.
"almost a decade ago, has anypony shown" I'd change it to had since this is past tense.
697825 This is -very- relevant to my interests.
Rooting for TwiFire, personally.
This is so ful of win
Im Rooting for TwiFire cause there are zero fics about them. Twixie is sweet but has happened to many times
Cherilee x Twilight is alredy existing to a small decree soo! TwiFire may you win!!
Or you could make three different endings where each one of them wins.
699410 oh there is a TwiFire fic. "The Seduction of Twilight Sparkle" Is the name but its on hiatus at the moment.
699163
Thank you kindly. I'll give those a once over again.
And there's a few reasons why Twilight never really looked before. One: she has seen diagrams in books, and thought that was all there was to them. Two: It's never been an area she thought to really study. Three: Those are her friends. It would be like asking your friends if you could really inspect their hair, or their foot. It could get kinda creepy. But when Spitfire was showing off her wing, she saw the perfect opportunity, one that may never happen again.
699410
Hmmm... two or three different endings and one true ending? Kinda like the movie Clue? I may just do that. But I do plan on continuing the story after she chooses, so they'll have to happen after I finish the story. Like the bonus material on a DVD.
And yes, there are a few TwiFire fics out there. You just have to use the search options near the top of the page.
I was kinda hoping Spike would do some sort of threat thing if they cause too much trouble for Twilight or him.
Also, Cheerilee may be enjoying sleeping on Twilight's flank, but it's not gonna be good if she isn't the first to wake.
699730 i already gave a twifire story in my last comment(683978), but i like to see a good one with Cheerilight
EDIT: the only Cheerilight i can find is the The F-Grade Drinking Game, and that doesn't really sounds interesting for me
706062
Have you tried the Romance Reports? Starts out kinda odd, but once the Cheerilight starts, it comes into its own.
706062 You could try "Romance Reports" by SleeplessBrony.
706124
romance reports? didn't sound so intersting for me, and isn't that twiluna? well i can try it out
706129
It's complicated, and I wouldn't want to spoil anything for you. Just... keep an open mind with it.
i see this story is now marked "mature". dude, you're not gonna make this a clopfic are you?
708458
Eventually, there will be some cloppy bits. I have this fantastic scene in my head that will just . Not. LEAVE!
This story was always intended to be marked mature, I just clicked the wrong button by mistake initially. Sorry if this inconveniences anyone.
697825
Tenchi Solution? I like the way you think.
Personally I'm partial to Twixie, but that's common enough already...
Great story so far, I'm really enjoying all the little posturing and one-upsmanship (one-upsponyship?) from the three. I've never been a fan of Twixie (
I know Pinkie, it's such a surprise) but Romance Reports made me a Cheerilight fan, and I have yet to see a good Firelight fic (although I haven't gone looking at all) so either of those endings would be nice to see. Although if I were to decide it'd be a threesome while Trixie is outside watching 