Seven Degrees of Kevin Buckin'
Rainbow Dash's hooves crunched through a frosted snowbank as she trudged her way up yet another hilltop. Her breaths came and went in dull vapors. Eyes squinting, she rounded the top of the hill, then stood for a few silent seconds, surveying a sprawling plateau full of wind-blasted mounds between there and the next mountain.
"This is growing terribly monotonous," Rarity moaned.
"Let's not rub it in, Rarity," Twilight said. She turned towards Rainbow Dash. "If you need a break, Rainbow, just say the word." She forced a smile. "There's plenty of sunlight left."
Rainbow gulped. "No." She pressed onward, marching over the soft snow. "No time for resting. Gotta make it to Wyvern Point before my supplies run out or..." She gulped. "Or worse."
"And you're making good speed, Rainbow," Twilight said. "We've covered a lot of distance."
"Yes, well, it won't be that easy once we reach those mountains," Rarity said, pointing at the looming peaks that consumed the northwest horizon. "I'm still feeling for a suitable face for climbing."
"Uhm... does anypony else feel that?" Fluttershy murmured.
"Feel what?" Twilight asked.
"I... I don't know..." Fluttershy's brow furrowed. "For some reason, I'm feeling very... uneasy."
"What for, Flutters?" Rainbow asked.
"Lemme guess!" Pinkie phased into view, her voice cracking as she flung her hooves at the pale expanse. "Is it all the endless snow laughing at us every hour of every day with its... snowy snowiness?!"
"Honestly, Pinkie..." Rarity face-hoofed.
"No, I mean it! This is beyond cruel!" Pinkie pouted. "So much of a winter wonderland and not being able to toss snowballs?!" She dipped her forelimb through the cold earth below. "No making snow ponies or horse angels?" The sound of a dog whimper escaped her muzzle.
"Let's just focus on the journey ahead of us," Twilight said. "Ahead of Rainbow." Her eyes narrowed. "Once we get her to the Midnight Armory, then we can talk about a future where we're able to play in the snow again!"
"This... is very strange..." Fluttershy murmured. "I feel... I-I feel like someone is watching us."
"Where?" Twilight Sparkle spun about. "Is it the Talon?"
"No. Not the Talon. It's..." Fluttershy bit her lip. "...it's not in the air. I... I-I just can't describe it."
"Maybe it's Remna?" Rainbow Dash wheezed as she marched over another snowbank. "It's friggin' about time I ran into her."
"It's not a pony either. Or, if it is, it's a bunch of ponies." Fluttershy gulped. "I've never sensed anything like this before."
"Well, now you're starting to alarm us, darling," Rarity said, turning to blink at Fluttershy. "I don't suppose experiencing the absence of other ponies for so long has made you aware of other more subtle living things?"
"Like grass... lichen... or even large colonies of bacteria?" Twilight remarked.
"No. I don't think it's that." Fluttershy's ears twitched. "I just started sensing this within the hour, and—" Her eyes widened all of the sudden.
Rainbow scuffled to a stop. "What is it?"
"Wowie-zowie!" Pinkie Pie suddenly reeled. Her eyelashes batted in alternate patterns against her control. "Now that's a Pinkie sense and a half!"
"Pinkie too, now?!" Rarity gaped.
"What's the eyelash thing mean, Pinks?" Rainbow asked.
"I... I-I dunno, Dashie!" Pinkie rubbed her fuzzy forehead and winced. "Doesn't feel good, that's for sure!"
Rarity sighed. "Next thing we know, Twilight's horn is going to wild with magic sensitivity—"
"Uhhhhh..." Twilight bit her lip, touching her glowing forehead. "...girls?"
Rarity barked, "Oh you've got to be kidding me!"
"What is it, Twi?" Rainbow asked.
"I... I don't know." Twilight gulped. "It's faint, but very... very large."
"Huh?"
"It's hard to put into words. But... b-but I haven't felt this since..." Twilight's ears folded back. She swiveled her head to face Rainbow. "...Ultimo."
Rainbow Dash paled. She glanced at her left to see Pinkie Pie—overwhelmed with spasms—falling through the snow. She looked to her right. "Fluttershy?"
"It..." Fluttershy sputtered in a dry voice. "...it's getting closer."
"But what is 'it'?"
"Uhm..." Rarity lifted her ghostly hooves off the snow. "The ground is shaking..."
Sure enough, the snow and frost beneath Rainbow was cascading downhill in separate directions. The air rumbled from a dull vibration, increasing in intensity by the second.
Rainbow fidgeted, glancing all around. At last, she shared a glance with Fluttershy.
Fluttershy gulped and pointed southeast.
Rainbow followed the path of her forelimb.
In the distance, a suspicious mound rose from beneath the snow. The lump was surging towards Rainbow... and fast. The closer it came, Rainbow could make out the rear of the shape lashing from side to side like a gigantic serpent's.
"Uhhhhh..." Twilight floated nearby, shivering. "...Rainbow?!"
At last, the snow burst.
Rainbow's eyes twitched.
A supple mass of stone blue scales emerged from the snow. The front of it crested into a pink head with lifeless, slitted eyes, marked with red streaks. A red neck frill flared out, and the creature's front split in three, exposing a spongy pink maw lined with barbed teeth and flaring black tendrils.
"Shriiiiiiiii-iiiiiii-iiiiiii!"
"Aaaackies!" Pinkie pointed. "Big thing! Big ugly thing!"
"Actually, it's a giant frost wyrm of the tatzl variant—!" Twilight began.
"I like Pinkie's description better!" Rainbow turned and galloped down the snowbank. "Time to dodge the big ugly thing—!"
POWWW! The creature's muscular momentum sent it plowing through the snowy hilltop. Its body surged through the mountain air, tri-partate jaws snapping at Rainbow Dash's flesh.
"Grnngh!" Rainbow threw herself forward and landed on her belly. The giant wyrm flew overhead, missing her skull and spine by mere inches. When it slammed back into the earth, it burrowed instantly, filling the immediate vicinity with massive tremors. Rainbow looked up, panting.
"Is... is it g-gone?" Pinkie squeaked.
"No! No!" Rarity stammered. "The ground beneath us is forming sudden tunnels. Rainbow Dash, it's coming back!"
"Beneath us!" Fluttershy yelped. "Rainbow, move—"
"Httt!" Rainbow rolled to the side.
A burst of snow and rock exploded right where she was. The air filled with debris as the wyrm's head lifted high, flaring wild and bright like a large flower.
Shivering, Rainbow Dash threw herself back on her forelimbs and galloped due north.
"Shriiii-iiii!!" The wyrm thrashed its head towards Rainbow. Several black tendrils were flung in her direction.
"Dashie!" Pinkie shouted. "Dodge left!"
Rainbow did as commanded. TH-THAP! The snow to her right exploded from a thorned tentacle.
"Right!"
Rainbow hopped again. CRACK! An exposed boulder to her left exploded. She forced her way through the rain of pebbles, then slid swiftly down a steep snowbank on the north side. "Gaaaaah!"
The ground shook once more.
"It's burrowing again!" Rarity exclaimed.
"It must have an echanted spatial sensitivity gland at the core of its nervous system!" Twilight Sparkle exclaimed. "There are creatures similar to this in Equestria's bestiary! Rainbow, so long as you're grounded, it'll know where you are!"
"Then how can we make it unknow me?!" Rainbow grumbled, reaching the flat plateau and breaking into another gallop. "Huh?! Options, girls!"
"Uhm..." Pinkie Pie fidgeted. "Sing its song?"
"Its belly is empty!" Fluttershy exclaimed. "I don't think the poor thing has eaten in months!"
"Then adopt the dang thing—!" Rainbow shouted, only to be interrupted by a loud shriek. She looked up behind her.
The wyrm was bursting out the top of the snowbank that Rainbow Dash had slid down. Its scales glistened for the entirety of the time it was airborne. At last, it struck the snow again. This time, it remained surfaced, gliding after Rainbow Dash like a snake atop whitewater.
"What I mean is that this thing won't stop until it's had a meal!" Fluttershy gulped. "It's either it or us!"
"Not sure I c-could skin the dang thing even if I wanted to!" Rainbow hissed, struggling to outrun the beast.
"The mountains!" Rarity pointed at the nearest peak. "The foothills are pure stone! Rainbow, if you could just make it to a stone foundation—"
"That's like fifty hoofball fields away!" Pinkie cackled.
"And we don't know how powerful this thing is!" Twilight said. "It could burrow through stone just as easily as snow!"
"So far, it's the best idea I've heard!" Rainbow huffed and puffed. "Foothills it is!"
"Better go fast, Rainbow—" Fluttershy's voice was cut off by another piercing shriek.
Rainbow looked behind.
The wyrm caught up to her. Its pink crest spun like a drill.
"That forward momentum—!" Twilight gasped.
"Right!" Rainbow turned tail, suddenly galloping towards the beast.
"Aack! Dashie, what are you—?!" Pinkie's voice was muffled by Rarity hugging her and shrieking.
Rainbow didn't break her stride for a second. As the air between her and the monster vanished, she leapt hard, hooves making contact with the monster's neck.
The red frill of the wyrm flared outward.
"Ooomf!" Rainbow tripped, tumbling forward. She rolled across the scaled length of the monster, bouncing two or three times. At last, the creature passed beneath her, and Rainbow collapsed in the deep trench left behind the thing's lashing tail.
With a frustrated growl, the beast raised up, then plunged its head once more. A spray of snow flew sky high, then settled.
"It's... it's burrowing again!" Fluttershy stammered.
"Quick, Rainbow!" Twilight hovered next to Rainbow's collapsed figure. "Head for the hills! While it's turning about!"
"Mrmmmfff..." Rainbow Dash pushed herself back onto her hooves. "Dirty rotten freak. That's against the rules." She gritted her teeth, wincing. "Shoulda stuck to caves..."
"Move, Dashie! Move!"
"Moving!" With a wheeze, Rainbow sprinted north. "Moving and a half!"
"Faster! Faster, darling!" Rarity exclaimed. "So long as you're above ground, you have less friction than that thing to slow you down!"
"Uhm..." Fluttershy pointed behind the group. "It's still coming up fast!"
"The magic is intensifying!" Twilight added.
"Rrrgggh..." Rainbow panted vaporously, eyes locked on a gray swath of stone beyond the last layer of snow. "Just what I need. A shoutcast for my d-death..."
"Go, Dashie!" Pinkie pointed at the mountain's foothills. "Go go go go go go!"
The air exploded with shrieks and powdered snow.
"It's surfacing—!" Fluttershy yelped.
Rainbow felt a hot, moist breath against her flank.
"Rggght!" Rainbow launched herself forward...
...and landed on granite ground.
THUD! The beast's momentum came to a stop against the rock-solid earth.
"Yes!" Rarity pumped a hoof in the air. "Smashing, darling!"
"Ha!" Pinkie spun about, sticking her tongue out. "How do you like that, you dirty, dirty earthworm?"
"SHRIII-III-III!" The beast reared its frilled neck back, then thrusted it forward again with a gross squirting noise.
Thw-Thw-Thwppp! A mass of tendrils flew true and coiled around Rainbow's legs.
"Gah!" Rainbow fell on her belly, being dragged backwards.
"Ah jeez!" Pinkie bit onto her fetlocks. "That's even dirtier!"
"Rainbow!" Twilight gasped.
Breathless, Rainbow spun about with wide eyes.
The thorned tentacles of the beast were pulling Rainbow down the stone slope and towards its glistening pink maw. Serrated teeth dripped with moisture while poisonous veins throbbed in the direction of a rank, slimy esophagus.
"There's no coming out of that, Rainbow!" Fluttershy yelped. "I know venom when I see it!"
"Rrggh!" Rainbow kicked and kicked and kicked at the organic material coiled around her legs. "Let... go... you oversized demon t-turd!"
"Something sharp, Rainbow!" Rarity squeaked, eyes twitching at the distance dissipating between the beast and its fuzzy blue prey. "Slice it! Cut it, s-somehow!"
"Uhhh... uhhhhhhhh..." Rainbow fumbled around in her backpack. She pulled out a hatchet that the Desperadoes had given her. "How's this?!" She swung the blade with all her might.
CRACK! The thing shattered to a dozen shards.
"Shoot!" Pinkie blurted. "It's like Taffy from Tartarus!"
"Rainbow..." Twilight murmured. "...there is something else..."
"I know... I know!" Biting her bottom lip, Rainbow Dash pulled out a frost rod. She trembled, then glanced down again.
Steam rose off the exposed throat of the beast in the cold mountain air. The vapors rippled up Rainbow's flank and legs. Rancid moisture clung to her hairless tail.
"Yeah, no..." Rainbow reached her hoof into her saddlebag and pulled out all of the Frost Rods. Bundling them in a spare cloak, she breeeeeathed on the pale cylinders.
They instantly flickered to life. Brighter than the sun, the combined heat of the rods made the bundle of cloth catch fire in Rainbow's hooves.
"Aaaaugh!" Rainbow yelped. Her eyes teared from burning pain, and yet she summoned the strength to aim the cluster of rods like a javelin and—"Nnnngh!"—throw it down the beast's maw.
When the frost rods struck its esophagus, the enchanted material burned through like a hot knife through butter. The air filled with a fine red mist, and Rainbow smelled the creature's bowels burning in cold air.
"SHRIII-iii-III-iii!!!" With a pained whimper, the creature's tentacles went limp.
Panting, Rainbow scampered out of the thing's reach.
But the beast was already sinking, lashing about in untold agony. There was a puff of smoke—coated with evaporating blood—and then the thing disappeared completely beneath a bubbling puddle of melted snow.
Rainbow slumped across the stone foothills of the mountain, struggling to catch her breath. On limping muscles, she crawled to the snow's edge and thrust her burnt fetlocks into the cold frost. She clenched her jaw shut, seething through her teeth as she allowed the adrenaline of the moment to be replaced with steadfast pain.
Her heart pulsed... pulsed... pulsed...
At last, she reopened her eyes, staring sweatily across the mountains and snow.
Her friends hovered close by, slowly calming down. They exchanged nervous glances.
"Fluttershy...?" Rarity breathed.
The mare sniffled. "I know it's the only choice Rainbow had." She rubbed her eyes. "But... but it will take a while for the poor thing to die."
"Then... let's..." Twilight murmured, ears drooping. "Let's just p-put it behind us." She closed her eyes, shuddering through the next dry breath. "Have to keep moving. Just... k-keep moving." She reopened her teary gaze. "Rainbow...?"
"Are you okay, darling?" Rarity asked.
"I... I'll live." Rainbow leaned back, squinting at her reddened forelimbs. "For now." She tilted her head north. "Onwards and upwards, huh?"
"How's she going to make it to Wyvern Point now?!" Pinkie pouted. "Dashie's fire-starters just bit the dust to save her!"
Twilight bit her lip.
"Hrmmmfff..." Rainbow Dash stood up. Wincing, she straightened her saddlebags and said, "Guess we'll have to just... rely on the old-fashioned tools the Desperadoes gave us."
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Hmm...and I was expecting something closer length to a boss battle. Frost wurms are serious business.
Well shoot, now Dash's trip just got needlessly more difficult. I wouldn't doubt it if Verlax had something to do with this.
Especially if Rainbow was having that sort of feeling.
asdf
It sucks she had to lose those Frost Rods, those really were kind of useful. Lets hope her destination isn't that much farther off; or filled with more tatzlwyrm's.
Looks like Dash has been playing Bravely Default. Always nice to have a method to take a Boss out by throwing a bunch of explosives down its throat instead of having to spen almost an hour working through move and action combinations to unlock limit breaks just to do a fraction the damage youd expect from something that normally melts mountains.
Still given how hot those things are, Id have tought one of them would cause severe damage, making it avoid her if it survived. Bu this way it dies a lot cleaner and quicker.
Hopefully.
Otherwise its going to be a seriouslt big suprise for the Council when Chandler is gloating at the leadership position and it bursts out of the floor and swallows him.
Thirty-five pushups, ):(. Knock 'em out!
I thought we were in the clear from monsters considering Dashie wasn't in a cave
oh, you
Well....That was a thing. Shame she lost the frost rods, although I guess the Snow Bloods would be fine with that. After all she saved one of their lives, and now they saved hers.
Ha. It senses vibration like in Tremors... Wait a minute.
*Looks back at title*
Oh, that was on purpose then.
The physics nerd in me was curious.
Blood has a near identical boiling point to water, so I used 212 degrees F for calculations, I assumed that the wyrm was cold-blooded, but through action had warmed its blood up to 40 F already (as it had to have been below freezing before, just picked a number), and then figured out just how hot those rods would have had to have been to boil blood in the five seconds it took from slicing the tentacles to spilling it out.
6,470 degrees Fahrenheit (3576 degrees Celsius). A blowtorch for welding burns at roughly 4,000 F (2200 C). Welp. Bye bye snow!
The heat would have cauterized the wound anyways so it doesn't matter.Our long overdue cave monster has surfaced, and it's angry it didn't get its turn when it should have.
Not another one...
Austraeoh Fact Checker, how many hatchets has Rainbow burned through now?
When in doubt burn it with fire
You know, the only tool of theirs she's tried was the hatchet, and that didn't exactly inspire confidence...
You just couldn't let her keep the frost rods could you, IC?
I don't understand.
Did an action scene just happen that only lasted one chapter?
This is still the Austraeoh series, right?
6960505
6960390
I'm gonna need an explanation for that.
Damn that hatchet sucked...
I'm now compelled to go spend another 3days rereading BP.
Rarity... one of these days, you'll learn not tempt fate.
-Companions have returned, inner darkness spurned. Utaan.
6960720 The hatchet was probably brittle from the cold, which can turn even good quality steel into junk. Though you are right in that it does not inspire confidence.
*looks at the chapter title*
...
*looks at the burrowing, motion sensing worm-monster*
...
Alright, well IC, you've forced my hand. I must now meme gif you!
i.imgur.com/4Ny9TTE.gif
6960843
IC has another fic about a minty green unicorn writing songs and colored text
I'm having flashbacks to the Rancor in KOTOR.
6960890 Oh man, I completely missed that Tremors reference til I read your comment!
This reminds me of the last DnD campaign I played. When faced with a giant death worm, we manged to distract it long enough for our team to make some homemade dynamite which we threw down its throat. We had to do that thrice to kill it, because it had a massive regeneration ability. What a terrifying moment.
6960737 Just wait 'till the worm's family arrives and unleashes hell.
Honestly at the beginning I assumed the creature was Verlax.
Did she drain all the frost from Grand Choke and put it here.
"Let's just p-put it behind us." She closed her eyes, shuddering through the next dry breath. "Have to keep moving. Just... k-keep moving."
NOW they understand. Or at least, they're beginning to.
6960541 Excluding the magical maguffin-ness of the frost rods... at full heat they get hot. Assuming they could be good blackbody radiators, 3200K to 3700K would be between red-hot and yellow-hot? Yeah, that'll burn flesh.
Dang, that was intense!
And become Nothing.
6961464 I know, Dark thoughts in an instant.
6960604
As far as I can tell, this is the first one she's completely broken. Although it's a little fuzzy because Arcanista still gave her a "new" one in Val Roa. Maybe her original one just got old and worn out?
6960541
Living up to the username, I see.
6960877
I'd doubt a decent hatchet would shatter like that. They do use steel picks to climb up Everest.
If anything it was a cheap potmetal hatchet. According to the first Google hit, carbon steel will be brittle enough to shatter at around -20C so I guess it's possible. Good alloy steels should go to -300C and beyond. Bard should get a nice ass-chewin' for giving RD such a poor quality tool.
For reference, coldest temp ever recorded on Earth was -83C, and the peak of Everest is usually around -70C or so.
6960399
I think all she needs to think about are freckles to warm her up. And I'm sure there are no other tatzls in the area.
Oh no, nononononnonono. I know where that road leads to.
Don't you make me have those feels again, IC!
It's been years, but it still feels like only yesterday.
Too soon, IC. Too soon.
Wonder what a creature that size was doing so far up? Not a lot of large prey to be found, and the energy costs to keep the entire muscled body burrowing through snow and dirt would definitely require a lot food.
Looks like a very cold journey ahead of you, Rainbow. Just remember, igloos trap heat. Snow is an awesome insulator. #igloossavelives
I really want to say it deserves every painful second for choosing this path and making Dash waste resources, but I also think it's sad. Had it even gotten to eat Rainbow, Chaos Dash probably would have ripped it apart from the inside at some point. So really the poor thing never really had a choice to survive once it was in this situation with Dash. All options would have most likely killed it.
It probably would have been better off had it chosen to die of starvation, ironically the harmonious choice. Would have lived longer, definitely less painful then what it's getting, and who knows might have found something later it could actually kill and eat. But that option is NEVER chosen by hungry animals. Why wait for a chance of something later when a small blue pony is here now, wounded no less?
Never. Had. A. Choice. Basically killed itself and didn't even know it.
There are always worse things in Caves, you know this Dash.
Soo many references all packed into one neat action chapter. Slightly surprised something like this would be out and about, though Rainbow is a bit off the beaten path. Dash is going to have to make some pretty good and steady progress to make up for the loss of her only heat source. Without the axe, cutting wood for fire will probably be pretty difficult too. Was that her only cutting tool or does she still have something left?
6960390
I wouldn't think this would be a test set up by Verlax to test Rainbow, as there's nothing for her to really learn by defeating this creature. Verlax doesn't seem like the type to just send deadly enemies at Rainbow without a purpose.
6960399
Who knows, maybe the other tatzls are friendly. This one was just very hungry.
So Skirts giveth and Skirts taketh away...
I'm guessing someone realized those little portable heaters would have made an up coming challenge "too easy" as RD only got to keep them for such a short time.
Now the question is, was this a "plot correction" by IC due to 'oops gave RD an OP tool, need to correct that' or was it a carefully planned bit of 'Xanatos speed chess (tvtropes)' by Verlax?
Ah, the victor worm! Been a while since we've had one of those.
6961801 Becoming nothing.
6961665 I think I recall her losing her first one at some point.
I think, not quite sure.
6961196 I second this.
I thought "Oh hey, finally had enough of waiting Verlax?"
.....It was nice while we had them.
6962000 With IC, we can never tell.
6960541
DEAR SWEET CELESTIA WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THIS IN METRIC YOU TERRIBLE HORRIBLE PERSON
Ha, Kevin Bacon. Tremors.
6962055 I was more like "Here's Axan!"