Violet Lace, while growing up in Canterlot with her stuck-up parents and living the life of an elite, has always been a bit of an oddball. Quiet, aloof, and rather bland in the eyes of other socialites, her life takes an unexpected turn when she meets the cheerful, happy-go-lucky Cloudy Sun, who forever changes her life and feelings of friendship.
Now her life is anything but boring. With a destiny that nopony would've expected nor has the ability to predict, she must face challenges that range from heart-breaking decisions to horrific, blood-curdling nightmares. Friendship, family, and love can do many things, but it's up to Violet to make the right choice to save her life, and the life of the one pony she loves most in the world.
All of it while trying to figure out why it all happened to her in the first place.
Again, not usually a big fan of OC-centric fics, but this one got more than a few laugh out of me. Looking forward to where it goes from here!
That was quite the important chapter for such an innocent title. Not in the same way as the last, but impactful nonetheless.
The start tackles some rather deep realisations. Quite smoothly handled, a bit of a breather since the emotional high of last chapter.
I like the way the Mr. Patch gently eases her into now living with them. One of the thing I am continually impressed with is how well you deal with the emotions of how realistically the ponies react to these things.
Oh, for the love of Celestia! Stop building suspense, Cloudy! And turn down the drama queen tendency XD
Wait... does this mean that that was them getting their Marks back when I made that guess? ... Well, partly it seems.
Damn, that is quite some tension to see the mark, then again, that is rather appropriate for something as important to them as this.
Hmm, wonder if the crescent moon has anything to do with the side-story we have begun exploring, seeing as the mare there has a relation to Luna.
"Ah, but she couldn't be an overpowered protagonist, could she?" - The very first part of your story showed you were well aware of this danger. I am always nervous about stories which gives their main character unique abilities. But your have certainly earned my trust up to this point. And to be fair, that is an ability I have to admit I have wished for myself when writing characters for my own stories ^^. So, let's see this play out :)
Cloudy's mark makes so perfect sense with what we saw. Lovely work, suits her too.
That start was good, I liked it, Red Star seems like a fascinating character, and the time seems to be set just after Discord's reign (whenever the Tartarus that takes place, the timeline really doesn't make sense). Another of Violet's stories I take it?
*reads long list of food Ms. Sugar is making, starts salivating.*
'white teeth and black fortune' - and apt comparison.
Hmm, so it causes not only personality changes and gaining new abilities, but also physical traits? Well, at least it is only in minute changes. Otherwise here would to hoping she doesn't write pegasus stories and suddenly sprout wings, or worse, about an alicorn princess XD.
- No. Okay, you know what? I am tired of being critical of main character special abilities. Fluttershy can speak fluently with animals - Rainbow can fly faster than anypony alive and destroy buildings with rainbow-nukes - Sunset, Twilight, and Starlight are the most gifted unicorns since starswirl - Maud Pie can pulverise rock with her hooves and throw boulders hundreds of metres. With such abilities in the setting, Violet has every right to the gift her Cutie Mark brings. I just needed to put it into perspective.
*chuckles* - Oh, the hilarious irony, Ms. Sugar freaks out at Violet getting sick but barely raising an eyebrow at her turning into a vampire. Also, I am with Cloudy on this one, fangs are cool.
Now that is the right way to console a shocked daughter, adopted or otherwise, point to Ms. Sugar :)
*Claps* Bravo, Crystal's mother first coming off like Violet's but shows herself to be exactly to type of person a noble should be, good to see there is more of Fancy Pants' ilk amongst the Equestrian upper crust. Even if they disagree, and that I support Crystal, it is nice to see her mother is good at heart.
I am a little confused about where this takes place, from the sound of it I would almost have guessed near start of Equestrian time due to talk about colonies and a plague, and frozen solid, which sounds more like ancient Equestria than modern times.
Wait.... is Crystal/Ms. Sugar a crystal pony? Her family surviving since Sombra's time? Wow... now that was plot element I had not expected. I like this story element, a lot.
Huh, that is a really interesting view, I have always been of the 'Purity shmurity' idea myself. But I had never considered her mother's notion of being a signal of hope for her kind in that way, and they do it for other's sake rather than their own power and status. - I am still with Crystal, but it is an interesting perspective.
- Also, that was very nicely done plot exposition, I always love when such a thing is handled with this kind of tact.
Aww, from the little story of last chapter, I liked Red Star. Hmm, wonder if this is not one of Violet's stories, but connected to the story of Scribbles and Luna... the 'wrong choice' could be supporting Luna's faction, or even Luna herself, towards the point when she went Nightmare Moon. Theorycrafting for future chapters :D
Ahem, Shimmering, allow me to comment here... HA! In your face! Ah, that felt good.
Yes! Satin Scarf is introduced. Glad to see more of the other children as well. Satin is interesting, quite the perceptive filly. Hmm, never seen a Mark actually change before. Well, except for Fluttershy's turning into bats, I guess bats don't make for very stable Cutie Marks.
That was an foreboding scene with Shimmering, something is definitely afoot.
Fancy Pant's house is very lovely. I like that description. And the Dynamic between the two friends and Satin is intriguing, wonder what she wants.
Yeah, Fleur de Lis. I like her.
Oh, a clever filly Satin certainly is, that is for sure. "Smarter than she looks" might be a bit of an understatement.
I do like how well Cloudy is developing her talents.
What? No! That is a way too good place to just end. Dammit... I will just have wait for next time.
Those were two very good chapters. Lots of excellent characterisations. And we seem to be moving into the next phase of the story, so to speak.
And time to pick up after the Cliffhanger :D
Awww, there's something particularly heartwarming about Violet referring to the two of them as sisters.
Oh, interesting, a nice facet of her ability that Earth Ponies and Pegasi feels less natural to her and causes problems.
Poor Satin, living under, for want of a better term, Shimmering's reign of terror.
The irony being that Violet's new family would probably rather move away with her and for her sake than ever resenting her for it. But it's an very understandable fear on her part.
Also, very fluid and flowing 'flashback' worked into the text, always a pleasure to see that done like this :)
But even despite Violet's fears it's nice to see the two of them actually being on talking terms with Satin.
I am still not entirely sure why Violet gets so angry at Satin wearing that scarf, why was what? Simply because she had gotten it from Shimmering?
That... was an unexpected display on Satin's part. She surely haven't learned that from Fancy Pants. I suspect Shimmering's influence. Or perhaps they were simply just for Shimmering's benefit.
Apropos Shimmering - +growls at her+
Heh, you can even tell from her writing how eloquent she is. Also: "Hopefully, your new friend." - Heartwarming words :)
"her now ex-special some pony, and her ex-friend, Phoenix Heart." - I said it before, and I will say it again, I really hope we get to know them closer, especially Phoenix :)
Heh, I do like that Violet rationalise the entire Lesson that Discord had to learn this season, that it is okay to have more than one friend, and that that doesn't diminish the value of the other one has.
"It seemed as though every new cutie mark she had encountered within the past few days had a type of shine to them." - *Sniff, sniff* I smell a plot point!
Aww, Satin is so adorable... which is weird for me, I am not normally that much of a fan of shy characters, but I like her :)
I could have told you that, Violet. I presumed that Satin hid her strengths herself. Also, anypony who uses 'Touché' gets an automatic point in my book.
+Listens to Satin, jaw drops slightly, starts clapping slowly+ You go girl! And the three join forces, what a glorious day!
"Hurray for blowing off classes and ignoring the trials and hardships of reality!"
Hip-Hip-Hurray!
Nice, another look into one of her Scarlet Enigma story, if I remember her character's correctly, appropriate to read this soon after watching Van Helsing. I do like this story-within-a-story segments. Especially how they are mixed into the pony world, it's a really enjoyable dynamic.
Just having to write when the sun goes down, I know that feeling, I am by the most active and inspired between sunset and a few hours past midnight.
Easy, Violet, take a deep breath, girl. You aren't a slave to your creation, you are a partner, each helping the other(s) bloom.
Cloudy really is impatient, I do love who you develop the characters so naturally, reading this seemed completely within character.
'Scientific Phenomenon?' on a mark that spring into being literally by magic? - Interesting. I am more inclined toward it being a magical ability, but then again it could well be a 'scientific ability' powered by magic. I am not even sure ponies even know the word 'genetics', but who cares. Hmm, a phoenix might be a more literal immortal creature, but that ability is clearly magical, rather than scientific.
Heh, while I agree with Violet over how to interpret her gift, it is amazing to hear Satin talk about with such clear passion in her own interests.
Phoenix Heart! :D - Okay, in my mind her voice sounds amazing after reading that description, as does her design. Alongside dragons, phoenixes are my favourite creature, living or mythological. While I like all the main characters so far, I do think I am taking a special adoration for her. She just needs to some self-confidence.... oh dear, I am gushing XD.
Ruby... plucks... phoenix feathers? ... I am not sure whether I want to go and hug Phoenix in comfort or rage at Shimmering. That was a personal really low blow.
I said she needed some self-confidence, i'll amend that to self-confidence and happiness, poor girl, Shimmering is treating both her and Satin terribly.
And here comes the bi- .... responsible pony herself...
You go, Satin! And Violet and Cloudy too! Whoo! Those are our girls :D
*Listens to Satin... jaw drops.*
That was great!
"Twinkle Glitter" XD - Well, we have Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer, Starlight Glimmer, all three being experts at magic, I am not surprised her name got confused like that. Which helps narrow down the time of the story. It has to be after Twilight position as Celestia's student, but before her ascension to an Alicorn. I can't recall if the story ever mentioned one or two princesses, which would narrow it down further... hmm... must keep searching for clues.
It's... almost weird to see Satin with them, after it has only been the two of them for over twenty chapters, weird, but in a good way.
"I think I'm going to try out for Ismene." .... is it bad that I know exactly which character, in which play, by which playwright that is?
Ugh, I have a test coming up, I feel for them.
'Nopony could be that powerful and talented and amazing and not be from Canterlot.' - *Hiss*, I have nothing against Canterlot, but some of the ponies there could use some humility, to say the least.
Hah! Ask, and be answered. Dark spots on the moon, so Nightmare Moon has yet to escape her prison. I wonder if this story will intersect with the event of the show. Hmm...
"Maybe Celestia would hear her, and offer her aid." - uh oh. Careful, Violet, if you ask upon the moon, before Luna is turned back to herself, I doubt it will be Celestia who answers, but an Alicorn with a coat as black as midnight, and a heart just as dark.
"even the Mare in the Moon could hear her cries, and sing her lullabies to give her strength." - Please don't tempt fate, Violet. I think lullabies are the last thing on her mind. - Damn, this chapter took a dark turn in my mind.
Well, well, well, since the story snippets with Luna, this is the first time supernatural magic starts to take effect in the story.
That seems like hard measure for a school. But certainly interesting, I'll give you point for creativity :)
"We'll have to see what mom and dad say." - Awww :)
A trip to the ocean with with the family and Satin and hers, sounds sweet!'
... Crimson Eye? Okay... now we go from petty squabbles to something that is actually legitimately dangerous. For all that I dislike her, I wouldn't call Shimmering evil by any means, but she is treading a very fine line indeed. But I get the feeling she has no idea what she is actually dealing with. This chapter is taking a dark turn, good to know it wasn't just my thoughts.
But Crimson is clearly up to no good at all. Also, allow me to commemorate you on that character, she seem like a really vile, disgusting thing. Revulsion without it seeming exaggerated can be a hard balance to find. Nice work.
Let's just say that this chapter took a turn for the dramatic.
First
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Congratulations! Here! You get a cookie!
And we start of with an excellent atmosphere, this should be good :)
Well, this is intriguing, Crimson's work I take it... but who is this? Luna perhaps. Lunar pony, clairvoyance, and passed down? so maybe not Crimson afteral. Well, the plot thickens. My, my, that was quite the experience. Nicely done, revealing little enough to hook the reader for potential answers.
And Cloudy is her usual beaming exuberance XD
Heh, I am still not used to them mentioning Satin so casually. It'll come.
Oh I love that I can practically read all of Fancy Pant's lines in his voice, really make this part of the story come alive.
*sees the fillies group hug* Awww
'Pranch braid' - Nice, when I catch them I do love puns.
That is one awesome airship... I want one.
Hmm, cloning doesn't exactly seem like an Equestrian field of science. But then again with ponies like Dr. Hooves it might just be isolated ideas rather than broad field of science.
Nice chapter, quiet (save from the dream) and a nice way to transition between Canterlot and the beach where I presume the next little part of the story will take place.
Okay, Shimmering seems like a spoiled brat who might be petty and vindictive but no more than spoiled child. But what she is involved with here is quite a bit more sinister. Shimmering being mentioned as being 'the heir' sounds more ominous than mere social class prestige.
Ugh, not a fan of Jinx, seem like an sleezy decadent creep. But he seem like a suitable leader of this Black Diamond 'establishment' which would appear to be quite a bit on the unsavoury if not outright sinister side of morality. What have been done to the servants can't be good.
Well, at least now we know where Shimmering's rotten personality comes from: neglect and hedonistic cultism... not a good combination in a child.
Black Diamond, well, now we have the name of a far darker villain in this story. 'He was a master of spells, incantations, and potions' - why do I get the feeling that 'dark magic' should be on that list too...
An unlikely story, I suspect the truth is quite a bit different, but it would be an excellent story to enthrall a child's dreams and imagination.
I wonder ... Could Black Diamond be Sombra, or another dark unicorn using a similar dark magic, just on a smaller scale. What is it they say? At the heart of every myth is a core of truth, even if shrouded in allegory.
Ah! And here we have it the dark drive of the story! Excellent! Now things are really taking a turn for the exciting. And that explains the 'heir' comment about Shimmering. Shimmering might be little more than petty, spoiled, and spiteful, but Jinx is clearly scheming and manipulating. And Black Diamond himself sounds like an actually evil character.
*Claps* bravo, Demon that was an excellently told story. And a great way of weaving the background, plot, and foreshadow into the story.
... and here we have the answer to whether Shimmering and Jinx are actually cruel or just wishful dreamers, definitely cruel.
And they even have the black diamond, yeah, dark cultists, no doubt. Probably not Sombra himself then as his spirit would be banished to the icy north at this time.
And Shimmering has no idea what is truly at stake here. Jinx has her dancing on strings. Exactly how her Cutie Mark relates to all this I am not sure, we have never seen a pony destined to do something evil in this manner. But I guess we'll find out.
And mood whiplash! Our girls having fun at the beach XD.
Hmm, maybe Violet hasn't quite shaken the aftereffect of the dream.
'Lulu' with wings and horn, finishing a castle with a moon and sun. (Demon's voice) Hi, Luna!
'Royal Clairvoyant'... Judging by the previous chapter, I think we may have fund Violet's ancestor.
Hmm, I would take Luna's best friend(s) to be either Celestia or Pansy, Hurricane, Puddinghead, Smart Cookie, Platinum, and Clover the Clever. But a pony can clearly have several close friends afterall, it stands to reason that not all of them were as well known by history.
Seems rubies are a reoccurring theme here. Now I am getting paranoid, and thinking that the ruby in that flower could maybe hold the spirit of the mare that was Black Diamond's queen, like his black diamond holds his spirit.
"An empire falling to the ground and freezing under the snow" - Presuming you are talking about the Crystal Empire, that happens before Luna turns into Nightmare Moon, as Luna and Celestia were together when they destroyed Sombra.
If she knew everything that was going to happen with Luna, I hope she had a good reason to not stopping it, by going to Celestia for help for instance.
Well, that a bracing chapter. An excellent read. Clearly a milestone chapter for the story. And now we have two parallel stories going on, Violet and her friends on one hoof, and this dark entity and his cult on the other. In addition to whatever is going on which is connecting Violet, Luna, and the various characters from Luna's past.
The test, the demise and end of Violet's fate indeed. A bit dramatic, but probably wholly justified from the view of a school filly.
Damn, she is terrified. That is a very living scene, eerily reminiscent of personal experiences back in elementary school.
That was a great display of magic, and a very inventive way to pass a magic test, nicely done :)
Now who is this? ... and suddenly everything gets very confusing. And who is this now, Scarlet Ruby, the name alone draws associations to both Crimson Eye and Shimmering Ruby, but it seems more likely connected to the other dream Violet had recently.
That was very strange, well, I am sure we will get to know more in time.
Wait, did we just take a four year-jump forward in time? That was really unexpected. I have to admit, I am generally not a fan of time-skips, I find they tend to leave everything a mess, the various relationships and interactions between characters especially, they suddenly have relations and attitudes to one another we never saw them developing. On the bright side, your character is no longer a filly and thus matches her picture on your profile ;)
Well, I have to give you points for adaptation, Violet and Cloudy suddenly feels like teenagers, or young adults rather than children, that is going to take some getting used to.
That was a very well written chapter, but I am going to have to get used to them being young mares rather than fillies now. I will just have to await the next chapter to see how the world have evolved around them :)
Chapter - Faint Light in a Large Room - Comment
That description of Violet is hardly flattering, hope she gets back to normal.
Good to see some things never change, Cloudy is much the same as always, well more snarky, but still.
Hmm, can't recall if we have met Iron Wing before. So Phoenix Heart is getting counseling before Violet, poor girl.
While it does seem like Pool is a good therapist, I can see why Violet don't think it is helping, though what the cause is....
That conversation with Cloudy really makes it hit home that it has been several years. While I might not be too fond of time jumps, you are handling the transition really fluently.
Oh! This episode takes place during episode one of season one! Damn... this should prove very interesting indeed.
Well that was certainly cold of Satin.
Can't say I approve of Violet and Satin's developments and the last few years, but Cloudy seems to be doing okay, I hope she can help Violet like she did when they first met. Those nightmares can't be good for Violet, well, obviously, but beyond that usual.
That little glimpse of Violet we see in Cloudy's mind as she reminisces of how Violet is behaving through the last four years is one of the saddest things in the story so far.
Ugh, someone special living entirely normal, mundane, plainly, routine, boring, non-extraordinary, sigh, it hurts to see.
... That's scary, what in Tartarus has Crimson Eye done to her? At least I am presuming she is the one behind those nightmares.
Well, that was a depressing chapter. Well-written, certainly, but sad. While I liked cloudy from the beginning, I don't think I have ever had as much sympathy for her situation as here. I hope to be cheered up in the next one :)
Well, with a title like that we certainly aren't up for a cheery start. But then again, this being the day that Nightmare Moon is released it seems appropriate.
Heh, great to see Fancy Pant with the look from the show. It is a good to see that Violet and Cloudy's parents have become such good friends with Fancy Pants.
Love the description of the gardens, I would love to spend some time there.
I do like how you portray Fleur, she has the grace, class, and natural vanity of a super-model but seems genuinely friendly regardless (and clearly has her friends' and family's best interest at heart as we see her helping Violet alongside the other later).
Ah, the irony of Sugar finding Ponyville dull makes me smile. As this is apparently the day that turns around.
And the tension is building, when I hear the filly asks when the sunrise is supposed to begin, but we know that it won't. Congratulations, Demon, this slow trickling of anticipation and mounting unease at the sun not rising is wonderfully done, love it :D. And, damn, yeah, blue and black aura, that is definitely related to Nightmare Moon.
Hmmm, my overly suspicious mind can't help but feel the Sombra-resemblance in the stallion at the end, and wonder if he perhaps might be Black Diamond, trying to manipulate her... hmm....
I have one critique to the direction the story is heading. We got a little hint that Crimson Eye may be, or perhaps once was, mare named Lily Blossom. But I am getting more and more confused about all these dreams and nightmares, and mysterious characters. It is getting rather disorientating keeping it all straight, especially since we only see glimpses and half-remembered moments. We now have at least two flash-back characters, one character named Scarlet Ruby tormenting Violet's dreams, who may or may not be the same pony as Crimson Eye, one unknown stallion character who apparently helps Violet in her dreams, and the mysterious character Violet met just before the timeskip.
I hope we get some answers to what at least some of it all mean soon. I presume all of them are important otherwise you wouldn't have introduced them in these intriguing manners, but it is getting increasingly hard to keep tabs on all the unresolved dream-clues.
That aside, this chapter was very impressive. I loved the tenseness in the middle, and for the second half of the dream scene (from the white room onwards) was much more clearly laid out than the previous, something I appreciate.
In all a great read. And though I doubt Nightmare will make a personal entrance due to her focus on the events in Ponyville, I am looking forward to see the event in the next one. Especially as Luna's return after a thousand years can't help but be felt strongly in all of Equestria, Canterlot especially :)
Finally got time to read.
'Hot bright light streaming through the curtains' - Ah come on! she slept through the entirety of Nightmare Moon's dark scheme? Damn, that is one heavy sleeper XD.
+Whistles+, damn, that is one long name that Violet has, that how you know she is nobility descended XD.
Oh, I am sure I don't know any pony whose name starts with an 'L' and might be associated with the moon, and speak in plural... ;)
This all has a slightly surrealistic edge to it, everyone gone, yet we know this is the point just following the Summer Sun Celebration, wonder what comes of it all.
I like the way that you make Violet think that maybe this is her 'moment of fate' that seems just like such a feeling one might get in such a strange situation.
And here we have Luna herself, and the strange time-pony. Hmm, apparently she is important enough to boss Luna around...
So we went from Violet is a relatively ordinary pony to Equestria itself is doomed if something happens to her? That's a little sudden change.
I am sorry, Demon, but I actually can't comment on the whole plot point. You will know why when you get there. Also, I might not be the best person to evaluate those particular points... I am not a fan of time-travel, so I might be a bit testy in that area ^^;
On the other hand, thank you very much for giving some clarity into what is happening the story. Much appreciated. And it was good to get to read one of your chapters again after a hard week of school-work :)
Glad to see that Violet is behaving like any reasonable pony would under these circumstances, being really confused and wanted to take it all one thing at a time.
Seems that Violet and I are in a accord of finding Clock Mage's chipper nonchalant attitude quite a bit annoying.
Damn, her talent went into overdrive, and what an outburst.
That was a nice moment, seems fitting for Luna's personality at this point when her patience is tested, to silence and restrain the two of them to get the situation under control before things escalate.
"Sounds like a horror not even we can comprehend" - oh I don't know, after almost causing the same thing herself barely hours before, and being trapped as Nightmare Moon for a thousand years, I think she might more than an inkling of what horror is.
Heh, great to see Luna take charge like that :)
A little thing I find odd, Luna mentions that she is a Princess of Equestria, and makes references to her sister, but Violet doesn't even reaction to this, no realisation, or shock or anything. She even mentions that Luna is an alicorn in the second-last line with no reaction to that fact.
Clock Mage mentions that the Black Diamonds 'centuries old' but Luna talk about them as existing 'in our (Luna's) time', which would mean that they are over a thousand years old, there seems to be some discrepancy there.
That was a sad note to end on, but at least Violet is back to normal again :)
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... No. Bad pony. Bad. No cookie.
Aww, this is cute. Not the most riveting of tails, but thus far a sweet little slice of life.
Your description of Violet's 'secret place' is a touch confusing. Does it face out to Equestria at large and the gate leads through a cave or opening, or is it set into the mountain with the waterfall thundering nearby? Or does it somehow overlook the city from above? You spend more time telling us about how she found it and what she wanted than what she actually found.
A curtain of hanging ivy stretched over a yawning hole that lay locked behind rusted bars. The rotted remains of a sign hung still, though moss and time had rendered any letters illegible. The cave beyond roared in the quiet mountain air. Birdsong was the only other sound so far from the lifeblood of the capital.
Though Cloudy hesitated in trepidation and uncertainty, Violet just held a self-assured smile, already drifting in thought as she pressed between the gaps of two rusted bars and stepped into the gloom hidden beyond.
The roar grew louder, from the echoing call of some unknown beast to the endless siren call of flowing water. After a turn and half a twist the gloom of the cave gave way to a vista of greens and blues hazed with the mists of the torrent just to the right of the maw of the cave that, to Cloudy's surprise and awe, opened up to look upon the glowing emerald of Equestria beyond the mountain.
The mist and dew from the deluge of the waterfall fed a carpet of soft moss, while a curtain of hanging vines crept over the opening, touched with leaves and small but vibrant flowers. The fragrant scent of spring seemed to cling to the vines even through the fall, overlaying the rich, earthy scent mixed in from the soft moss that stretched across the floor. Few places were bare, where water pooled into mirrored ponds, or the circular pit where fires had been lit in the dark of the evening.
... Just read this whole story from the beginning...
...The heck is going on?!
Either way, you have some crazy good writing skills! Good job!
7239492 *Evil Chuckle*
7239055 Wow... Impressive. Beyond Impressive. I have clearly been out-worded beyond any ruling can allow. (In all fairness, and for the sake of my dignity, I would like to point out that I wrote this a while ago, and that my style has improved)
Now, here's the thing. Since you've brought this up, I can't leave it alone anymore. I have to fix it. And I can't fix it without feeling as though I'm stealing your words. So... can I use them? I'll give you credit, of course, that goes without saying.
7239036 *Continues to laugh while petting cat maliciously*
7240060 Of course! I didn't mean to belittle, just provide an example! Consider it a source of inspiration <3
A small reminder: The seat of power for Equestria in Luna's time was the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, located in what's now the Everfree Forest. That means that the Everfree used to be the capital of Equestria, not Canterlot.
A lustrum is 5 years.
A decade is 10 years.
A century is 100 years.
A millennium is 1,000 years.
The time scale for Luna's banishment 1,000 years, thus a millennium.
7240066 this story is good and fun to read even if i get lost sometimes. it is like if you decided to explain it backwards for the fun of confusing people.
awwwwww that was so cute!
Is Cloudy Sun based off of Pinkie Pie?
7712436 She was at first... but now I feel as though she's developed into a character all her own. She's not as random, and is sort of her own version of a happy, comfortable in her own skin type of girl.
Right off the bat you set a very nice atmosphere. The semi-awkward small talk between Violet and Luna is a very interesting touch, which gives a nice sense of the internal tumult that both must be experiencing, with Luna's recent return and transformation and Violet's life taking an abrupt turn towards the strange.
The confrontation between Luna and Violet's parent were tense, in quite the interesting way. I would perhaps have liked some confusion on the part of the parents, since it is unlikely that they have any idea who Luna is and at this point, Celestia and Cadence are the only alicorns in existence. It would be like meeting a myth in real life. It would have been interesting to see a small, not outburst, but perhaps steel in Luna's behaviour as she has only just returned and must be immensely stressed.
... Midnight Gust is adorable, enough said.
Interesting fact, in the show itself, it seems that pegasi that serves Luna actually gets turned into bat ponies, if judging by the fact that Rainbow Dash had acquired bat-wings when she served as one of Nightmare Moon's elite guards in the alternative future.
Midnight is a wonderful new character. I do hope that we get the little group of friends collected again, Midnight would make a great addition.
... aaand there is Cloudy :D. Great to see her again.
Oh dear. I have no problem with dark, but this is taking a twist towards tragic... I hope things returns to a more positive tone. I understand that things are significantly more dangerous and tense now, but they need not be gloomy for that to be the case. That said, the emotion was very well handled throughout this chapter, kudos there.
While it's good to see you writing again I... completely forgot what happened in this story.
*Cringe* ouch, Cloudy is not taking this well. I am not really one for that kind of accusatory scenes, but Violet's return outburst was excellent. Wonderfully handled.
Thank you! That was the kind of respect for the authority of a Princess I had hoped for in the last chapter.
"Why couldn't it be one of the guards, or *Celestia's Student*"
- Well, Cloudy, she has/will have her own problems to deal with, quite a few of them.
Now THAT is the Cloudy I like to see, so full of joy :D
"What is your condition?" She pronounced the word carefully, as though testing it for anything odd."
- Hah! That is amazing XD, I need to use that at some point.
Huh, I am a bit confused, why would Cloudy only want to stay a single week?
"It should straighten out in a few more nights or so."
- Yeeeeeah, probably not. The nocturnal princess sets the schedule like wants it.
Discuss the things with Violet at a particular moment in time? That seems needlessly specific.
That was a nice re-introduction for Midnight. Violet chose nicely.
That was a great chapter, i thoroughly enjoyed it :)
Aw, its nice to see Violet just get some time with her father after all the stress.
Watching Violet going through her new wardrobe I get the sense that she doesn't really enjoy luxury XD.
Oh dear, every time I hear Midnight Gust being addressed only by her first name an image of Twilight's dark alter ego, Midnight Sparkle, flash into my mind. Midnight is such a cool name :D
... I think I have said it before, but Midnight is amazing, but humorous and personable. And it seems that Violet agrees, though being a guard I am sure that she is more than ready to fight should the need arise.
*whistling* that is one pretty dress.
Ah, good to see you princess, we were just talking about you.
Meditation, running, counseling, etc, you don't need all that stuff, Violet, just writing what you enjoy should be more than enough, all ponies' Cutie Marks trigger when doing what they enjoy, not a whole host of unrelated activities.
Well, if anyone could handle nightmares, it would obviously be the princess of night, sleep, and dreams.
Alright, it's officially proven: Cloudy has no respect for royalty XD
"Inside you, we see a strength that can only ever be matched by one pony. A pony who will forever be engraved in our heart."
- I would advise you to be careful, Demon. I really like your story but not only having your character alone share a special mystical connection with Princess Luna, but now also have the Princess compare her favorably in strength of will with whom I assume is Twilight or Celestia, is getting close to the sort of wish-fulfillment fan-fics that might not sit well with readers who appreciate the main characters of the show first and foremost.
Oh, now this is something that we have not seen before, an entirely white dreamless sleep; I wonder what caused that.
Aaaaaaah, so the pony tormenting Violet's dreams, Scarlet Ruby, is in fact Shimmering Ruby. Very interesting. Still the 'red' theme is evident, I am still not sure how Crimson Eye fits into this, if she was actually ever a part of the whole nightmare-ordeal, but one mystery solved, or rather beginning to be uncovered, we still don't know what is going on.
But damn, whatever that cult has done (or perhaps will do, since time-travel is involved) has clearly been beyond horrible, that's what you get for immersing yourself with that kind of corruption.
Now who is this new voice? Certainly someone evil... could it be Black Diamond? Things are certainly taking a turn for the dramatic.
Wait wait wait! Watching a stallion whom she seemed to know hmmm... Could that actually be whom Black Diamond was before he became corrupted, and if that is the case, then maybe, just maybe Violet is connected to, or even *is* the mare that he fell in love with. Jinx mentioning a legend that Black Diamond's true love would be reborn at some point, the cult clearly thinks that it is Shimmering Ruby, but Violet's dreams could point another way...
"You see, nightmares can become very powerful in not dealt with properly."
... said the pony who created the Tantabus and was recently the queen of nightmares herself...
Thank you! Not only do the chapter shows us some of the mysterious nightmare things Violet have been dealing but, but Luna and the others actually address them instead of just brushing it off. I love when writers actually take the time to investigate and converse about such things instead of just shrugging it off as yet another unsolved mystery. So, much appreciated :)
Well, that was a very good chapter, nicely informative, intriguing, and very well-written. Luna in particular was portrayed with great care. It was good to read.
Awww, that is a really lovely description in the start.
And Midnight and Cloudy are back to being utterly adorable :D
Ah Violet, letting your imagination run wild. That is a thing you are really good at, Demon, letting your character's thoughts play out realistically like that, it's quite entertaining and interesting to see.
You are on fire with all the nice little details in this chapter, it's really showing off your 'good side' artistically.
Oh no... the moment where the fillies realise that they get money XD
"White Teeth and Black Fortune" - Yeah, that's not ominous at all...
Huh, I hadn't even remembered that Scarlet Enigma was yet another character with theme-naming of the colour red.
Oh my, suddenly having her special talent go crazy and having her embody all her characters at one must be really disconcerting, if not downright scary.
Oh nice, I really like this internal conversation. You are really stepping up your game here.
Opalescent, with a subtle hue of blue, pink and green, that sounds like princess hair. And she has changed too.
Ah, she grew to accommodate the lost time. That felt like a whole butterfly-out-of-her-chrysalis moment for Violet, even the eye intensity and soft rainbow hair seems quite a bit more extreme a transformation that four years of growth. I suppose that
Much as Clock Mage might annoy me, that was a really thoughtful gesture, good on her.
Well, that was a really good chapter, one of your best in a while. There didn't happen a lot perhaps, but the atmosphere and all the small things really raised the quality. It's definitely one of your finer pieces :)
- Writing with space between the paragraphs makes it slightly easier to read, but the text generally seems more coherent without them. I doubt the change will hurt the story :)
If Violet Lace and Cloudy Sun were voiced, what would they sound like?
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Violet would have... Marceline the vampire queen's voice, from adventure time.
Cloudy would have... Jenny's voice from My Life as a Teenage Robot.
Well, yeah, that has got to be awkward, introducing a whole new look to your sister and friend.
Oh yes, the Canterlot stylists have been know to cause fillies to grow into beautiful young mares, they really are quite skilled. Now all she needs is a Rarity-made dress and we are in business. Too bad Rarity won't open her Canterlot shop for another couple of seasons.
Thank you, Midnight, for pointing that out, that Violet is more likely a trigger than the actual 'problem'.
And thank you, Cloudy, for bringing up Satin, I feel like we haven't heard from her in what? Ten chapters, or something like that.
... and we run into Phoenix Heart, reunion chapter?! :D ... (please let her feel better than last couple of times we saw her).
... aaaaand thank you, Demon, for making Phoenix more joyous. She feels so much more alive now, a little sassy even ;)
Huh, Shimmering appears to have disappeared, pretty much as if by magic.
And Violet took the words out of my mouth.
"We have decided not to tell her." - Oh, yes, that'll go over well, let's not tell the most powerful alicorn and good-hearted, millennium-experienced ruler about the artifact connected to a plot to destroy or dominate Equestria. Come on, Luna, you should know better than this.
- sorry for the sarcasm, I presume that this is for meta-story reasons of keeping the plot centered on Violet and Luna, instead of having Celestia involved. It is just the exact kind of thing that so often leads to problems that could have so easily been avoided.
Huh, seems like Celestia would have gone to some lengths to keep a tribute to her beloved and dearly missed sister in better condition.
And a cliff-hanger, we haven't had one of those in a while. Now wonder what waits beyond :D
Very nice chapter. The characterization in this one especially was very well handled. Kudos to you for the excellent work, Demon :)
Y'know, this story is severely under-appreciated.
Maybe because of the tags? People see many of them and shy away, for some reason? Then again, they [the tags] aren't incorrect. Though, another factor could be that one can witness the... transition of this story. From many points of view: mechanical, character development, plot-wise. Maybe they don't stick around for the later chapters?
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In all fairness, I didn't really expect the story to go in the direction it has until later on, so it doesn't shock me that people would read it and expect it to be one thing and not the other. I started it thinking it could be very casual and comfortable, a story about two girls growing up and figuring out who they are.
But I got really bored, and I wanted there to be something more interesting going on.
Mind if I ask how you stumbled across it? Is it easy to find, all things considered? Do you feel as though there needs to be a change in the tags?
7815196 I, whilst lazily checking FiMFic, saw "A Story Written in Scarlet" and, upon seeing the tags of those, I immediately rolled my eyes. But then I read its first chapter and I thought to my self "This isn't bad, actually!". And then I jumped to this one and binge-read most of it today.
I like the direction it's heading into; though I'm also down for a good, simple, show-like and "boring" slice of life.
For this one, I think the Comedy tag has to go and... hmmm...maybe the Drama and Thriller? Even though the story contains elements from all the aforementioned 'groups' (tags? styles?), the story as a whole is more about their Adventure together (and the Romance intertwined).
As for ASWiS: Gore can go away if there is only light descriptions of it (such as an offhand mention of "a pile of bodies somewhere"). Though, if you make more *ahem* vivid descriptions, then it can stay. Other than that, I think all the tags fit.
I still think that the reason your stories are under-appreciated is due to how OC-heavy they are. Nothing wrong with it, mind; but unless you do some sort of "hoof-biting action overload
" 1st-chapter-hooker or already have a substantial number of followers, then the story will probably garner little attention.
(Take my words with a grain of salt).
Good to see this story is still up and running! I have to admit I almost rolled off of my bed when I realized this story had so many updates! Geez, I'm a bit behind, eh?
Anyways, good work! You really have a talent for writing, and I'm very excited to see how everything comes into play.
Well, we are starting out strong with such a title.
'Uncle' Fancy? I don't seem to recall that Cloudy was related to Fancy Pant, just that she and Violet were friends with his daughter.
It's great to see Fancy Pants again though, I always did enjoy your portrayal of him. And it's good to see him take care of Cloudy and help her sort out her feelings.
Satin, sharp and direct, she certainly hasn't changed much. She might just be the only one.
And now we get to see what lies inside that cave, interesting.
'The pathway in front of them broke every single rule of reality' - Well, that seems a bit of an overstatement, but I'll chuck it up to Violet being scared.
Futuristic technology with glowing buttons, dials, and keyboards? That certainly seems out of place in Equestria.
And mentioning of aliens even. Well, this certainly is creative.
I am not crazy about all this time-travel stuff and Clock Mage basically running the show behind the scenes now, but that's probably just a matter of taste.
Damn, I take it back, Satin has changed, she's gotten a lot colder.
Wow, I loved that description of Midnight going into her predatory stance, excellent work!
Well, now that is just rude, poking and prodding.
Now Midnight's getting sassy, and Satin just fainted from lack of a scientific explanation... it must have been some day for everyone involved. So now we get to Clock Mage's explanation I hope, this should certainly be interesting.
'Time can never be changed' - Well, we know that's untrue in Equestria, Twilight and Starlight practically did nothing but change time over and over again during the Season 5 finale. I am not sure if you are changing that for the purpose of your story, or Clock Mage simply doesn't know the kind of magic that can change the time.
Now that message from future/past Violet to her present self is intriguing. Not sure why but it sets a great tone.
Cloudy=That person in the comments who always asks for a sequel.
Like me.
Rubber Ducky, you're the one.
Who makes bath time lots of fun!