Sweetie Belle leaves school early to let her sister know a few important things.
But she'll have to do it quick, because she can't stay for long.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 11th Jul, 2014
- offline last seen Nov 19th, 2020
naturalbornderpy
Just a nice, polite Canadian.
naturalbornderpy
Joined 11th Jul, 2014 ·
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Ouch, you got me right in the feels with this one.
I hate you for this betrayal
Ooh, the feels I feel. Nice little sadfic.
Oh that's just sad...
The d'aww in this one, strong it is.
The sads are real
God, this makes me depressed. Some of that is from the actual content, but the rest is me realizing how terribly I get along with my sister.
... why you do this?
Just replace the two with Rares and Sweetie, and this picture is near perfect...
1.bp.blogspot.com/-FJPRdtaUOzM/T1VZ6eZpiNI/AAAAAAAAhlQ/pwhxvp6xpF0/s1600/don__t_do_this_to_me__smarty_pants__by_manateemckenzie-d4r6o86.png
I kind of saw this coming when Sweetie wouldn't let Rares touch her. But this still hit hard.
6413781
I'm wondering the same thing.
6414674 I looked this over again and... I still don't understand why he did this.
6414691
I know I'll probably re-read this again someday. But yeah T_T.
The feels are strong with this one
Um... wow. That was... huh...
Your story just took me THERE. That's all I have to say. Good job.
6414819 Thank you!
6414614 That picture works great... at destroying more feelings of mine.
6414691 Were you expecting something different from me?
I'm honestly curious now.
6413470 Thank you! And, no, I definitely would never combine this date to a pony story. That's... just not cool.
6413169 I feel sorry for you and hope one day you can fix what troubles are between you and your sister. I consider my sister to be one of my best friends and we get along very well and have nearly the same taste in TV and film. I got her into ponies a year or so ago and she, in turn, got me into fanfiction writing. A good trade.
6413119
Or... maybe I shouldn't put it so happily. 
But then again, that was the intention... So maybe I'll just say thanks for reading!
6413060
6413048
6412823 Thank you for saying so!
6412816 And here I could've shot this thing out with just four faces and two words.
6412781 I'm not sure what you were expecting to find inside a sad/slice of life fic. Or was it the subject matter that made you feel betrayed?
6412776 Then my aim was not off. Thanks for reading and for commenting!
6415127
Well, we used to be at each other's throats constantly, but now we basically just ignore eachother. We have, like, zero shared interests. I'm an engineer who writes, plays videogames, and watches anime while she's a socialite who dances, plays badminton, and watches Friends reruns.
Damn you :c
This compels me to talk to my sister... in fact; I'm off to do that right now.
You should add "Tragedy" tag too, so people like me wouldn't hurt themselves by reading this.
Use to what?
*Sees story*
*Clicks it*
*Reads name and description*
*Notices sad Sweetie picture*
*Notices tags*
NO! I'll not read this! I don't want a ticket on the feel train!
Darnit.
That gave me the feels.
darn you author
6417649 I'll take all the blame. Thanks for reading!
6417324 But there's one last seat with your name on it! Just for you! Why'd you want to miss out on this once in a life time feels-trip?
6417268 Typo. No "to". Thanks for the spot!
6415924 I have the oddest feeling I'm about to repair a lot of relationships with this story.
Just as long as I don't make them worse...
Seems to me Sweetie Belle always gets the dead child trope. I've read more than a couple of fics with her dying as the premise, now.
The main problem with this story is that you see the "surprise" coming a mile away, and before the reader is in any way invested in the story. Because of that, there's no emotional connection to the development. My only thought was "Oh wait don't tell me, another 'SB Dies' fic." This from someone who adores SB.
6418227 If I shed even a SINGLE tear because of this... I'll take the 'Nope train to Screw-that-ville' as soon as I'm done!
I'm sad.
Why?
You forgot the Tragedy tag.
Oh, and the text is good as well.
6420896 No tragedy tag because Rarity was actually crying tears of joy. Now breakfast time will be a lot more peaceful.
I am so, so sorry for that joke.
Thanks for reading!
6418887 Eh. Honestly, I thought the title gave it away, as did the noise in town and basically everything before the end. I wasn't really going for a twist--more of a "how would both of them react in this type of terrible situation". And I would agree, this type of story has been done to death.
Anywho, thanks for the comment. It's always good to know what works and what doesn't.
Well written. Sadly, the impact was lessened for me. The moment I saw the title and the tags, I knew exactly what was going to happen.
Shouldn't that be "She told me that she loved me and couldn't stay long." ?
6426659 Eh. I wasn't trying to hide the ending all that much. The title gives it away pretty well. I think I wanted the focus to be more on the conversation between the pair, knowing what's already happened.
Anywho, thanks for reading and for commenting!
I lost one parent quickly with words unsaid. Not a day goes by that I don't regret not telling them how much I loved them.
I lost the other slowly and painfully, but we had time, time to make things right between us. But I still regret all of the suffering they went through.
I think two minutes would be a great thing to have.
Good story.
6443203 Thank you. I'm very sorry for your loss. One last message would be a great thing to be able to do if we could.
Now, I've read it.
*Sniff*
One ticket please.
Plot Twist: It wasn't Scootaloo because everyone always expects if you kill a filly off it's going to be her
That said, the feels
You.
you
6532542 Sorry about that...
6535186
Not at all, not at all! This was extremely well written, and nearly perfectly executed. I cannot say that I didn't put together what was happening as soon as Sweetie showed up, but you weren't trying to hide it from us, just Rarity. A+, good stuff
Definitely worth the read, and it was well crafted. In particular, you get a star for the story description. As I apparently did with my story posted today, which did extraordinarily well, you wrote a especially good hook in addition to a worthwhile story.
One little thing, and you'll find it amusing (and certainly, don't change the story): When you wrote
I was certain that Sweetie Belle had attempted a teleport and that it hadn't ended well. This is the one thing I've feared since Twilight started teaching her magic...
However, the second part of that sentence
means that you broke POV. Rarity would only have heard the dull thud, not the metallic bang. This is the author intruding into the narrative. Writing in third person character POV is hard. The trick I learned is to think of each sentence in first person. For example: I didn't even flinch as a large metallic bang rang clear across town--a dull thud when heard from the boutique's second floor windows. The issue is now crystal clear.
Keep writing and working on your craft!
6543500 Thanks for reading!
Also, congrats on your feature! (Still wondering why that one got featured and not your other stories? I felt the same way!) 
I have a tendency of going omnipresent every little while, instead of third person. Thankfully not too often.
Glad you liked the story, regardless.
That hurt my... everything. Brilliantly written, very touching, but if you don't mind I'm gonna go read some of your lighter stuff for a bit.
6586449 What? Lighter stuff?
No! Come back here! I want to hurt you some more! 
Just kidding. Read whatever you want. Thanks for commenting!
You know, I totally called the ending, but it still gave me just a little bit of the feels, which is impressive, because I am dead inside
6587912 Umm... thanks?
6590541 I meant that as a joke
6586780
Sure, this wasn't directed towards me, but this song still applies!
Before you get started, I have somethings to say!
(God we need a Diamond Tiara Emoticon): "It's called ghostbusting! As the only member of the team to make it to this land, I have a duty to rid it of ghosts like you! I've already got rid of the Pony of Shadows! Man was that a nasty one!"
I look forwards to getting lots of hate mail from this!
A sad story, made sadder by the cover art. While Scoot's is my favorite CMC, Sweetie Belle represents innocence. This hurts. It really does. Rest in peace, little unicorn.
Admittedly, as soon as the sentence describing the loud bang came up, I kind of expected that the entire schoolhouse had exploded with total loss of life.
Somehow, having only the single death made it far more personal; a soul-blow to Rarity in particular, not a catastrophe for all of Ponyville. Particularly telling that Ghost!Sweetie immediately went to her, too, instead of to their parents, or the other Crusaders.
I'm a very cynical person, and not many stories on this site can bring a tear to my eye, but as I read this, I will admit that I got a little stuffed up. Bravo on writing this, it was really... sad...
My gosh the feels in this! This is sad but interesting, just how did you come up with this?!