Makes me think of that part in Eternal. Love the concept though and I'll make sure to read it later tonight.

Here, take this star and green thumb, you'll need them!

I say it is good!

Well... that was f***ing awesome! I mean with the subconscious and the dreamscape and the magic! And the BIMBAMBOPPITYBAP!

Blew my mind.

Looks good.

by the description it makes me think of apotheosis. if it is  even somewhat similar I know this will be epic. going in my read later for now, once a few updates come along I'll start.

do I sense a TwiLuna? that would make me happy

I've been looking forward to your next story Mystic. Will sit down and read this when I get the chance, I know it's going to be good.

>>676837676837 Eternal is a great story, haha. I hope you enjoy this one!

>>676842676842 Haha, thanks!

>>676843676843 I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading.

>>676846676846 Thank you!

>>676854676854 Apotheosis... oh yeah, haha. Daetrin's work has always been a huge inspiration for me. I hope you like it!

>>677110677110 Well, hopefully it holds up, haha. I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts on it!

>>677737677737 so will there be TwiLuna or do they just happen to be in this epic adventure together?

>>677737677737

Yes. Eternal is simply amazing, Apotheosis too, even if much more older..

I enjoyed it a lot, and can't wait for more.

The way you describe things, no  - everything, is impressive.

I managed to imagine quite an amazing picture of what you describe in your story thanks to that.

It's beautiful. Thank you for writing this.

>>677772677772 Unfortunately, no TwiLuna in this story. But yes for the epic adventure!

>>677790677790 Awesome, I'm glad you liked it! I have some pretty cool stuff coming your way in this story, so hopefully you enjoy that as well.

>>677882677882 I can't wait for it ;)

>>677882677882 hmm...a subtle friendshipping would be in order then because if they just keep distant throguh an adventure like this it'd be unrealistic but I can respect your decision

>>677932677932 Oh definitely! Haha. There is certainly 'friendshipping'; it drives character development, after all.

>>677966677966 i'll settle for that. will start reading sometime when i'm not exhausted or pressured for updates

A solid concept, a solid start, and one disembodied upwards-facing thumb have you earned, my dear.

You haven't failed to disappoint - and like Rumble said, this reads incredibly similarly to Apotheosis, which is probably the best fic to try to compare this with. Of course, it goes without saying that, comparisons aside, this is one of the better adventure fics I've seen.

It certainly brought a smile to my face, that's for sure. I can't wait for the next chapter!

I approve of this concept wholeheartedly. Like Psychonauts played straight, basically. Of course, this'll take a lot of skill to pull off,so we'll see once I've read it.

>>679922679922

You haven't failed to disappoint

Are you sure that's what you meant to say? Because the rest of your comment praises the story and this lone statement says Mystic disappointed you. That's what you get when using too many negations in a sentence.

Unless I read that sentence completely wrong. Let me break it down...

'You haven't failed' is along 'you did/you managed' plus 'to disappoint'... Nope, still negative.

So I'm guessing you either meant 'you haven't failed to amaze' or 'you failed to disappoint'.

A little Twilight-style grammatical analysis. I'm warning you of this because I was close to making such a mistake myself once. Luckily, I failed to make it in the end.

EDIT: The more I think about it, the more it's driving me crazy!

disappoint = not meet expectations

fail to disappoint = not disappoint = meet expectations

not fail to disappoint = not not disappoint = disappoint = not meet expectations

Please, can some grammar Nazi clear this up for me? It's driving even Twilight crazy:

Image: http://t.qkme.me/36eb2e.jpg

***

Oh, and to comment on the fic... Well, I really can't right now, but when my to-read list shrinks from over 200 fics I'll be sure to give it a go. Maybe it will be marked complete by the time.

Argh. I'm in the process of making a fanfic of my own, and reading this makes my writing feel so inferior that I want to quit and wallow in self-pity, like Rarity.

Nah, I won't. But you're so far ahead in terms of quality it's staggering. I've got a lot to work on...

Looking forward to more of this.

Concept reminds me of "The Regal Dream" and therefore I'm quite interested

Damn dude, this is amazing! I love this concept and you're writing it beautifully look forward to reading more chapters!

Interesting. A realm of fire and wonder and a realm of darkness and night.  I sense there is a deeper more cosmic force at work here besides Celestia and her dreams.

Looks interesting so far.

The ending to this chapter was pretty sad, actually. At least in my opinion. I hope Luna and Twilight meet up soon, they need to fix Celestia! Great story!!

my guess is luna is the gusts of wind...

Ooooh! I like it.

>>676843676843 I believe the correct quoting of it is zimzamzobittybop

Sincerely the Doctor

>>677966677966 Hey, I'm one of the Admins of the S.A.B page. You posted the link so I decided to have a look. Awesome story, thumbs up, Favorited and watching

>>679922679922 Fantastic, I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed it! I'm not gonna lie, Apotheosis was definitely a big inspiration, as I love Daetrin's work. Here's hoping this doesn't fall down too hard! Haha

>>680522680522 I have no idea what Psychonauts is, but either way, I certainly hope you enjoy it!

>>680567680567 Hahahaha, You're doing a Twilight! This story should be done in a few weeks, so I'd say it definitely would be, haha. Hopefully you find the time to check it out!

>>680595680595 Haha, I wouldn't say staggering... Keep writing and best of luck! Thanks for the comment, and thanks for reading!

>>680668680668 I have no idea what that is, but I hope you like the story regardless!

>>680682680682 Hahah, thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it!

>>680931680931 Hehe. Isn't symbolism and metaphor fun?

>>681350681350 I'm glad you're enjoying it! Thanks for the comment!

>>681360681360 Speculation! I love it!

>>681681681681 Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it!

>>682119682119 Haha, thank you! I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the watch!

>>682264682264

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbsWQqnWS_s

>>682275682275 Hahahaha, nothing more to say, really!

Mmm, setpieces. How exciting.

>>680567680567

Sweet Apple Acres! You're right, that totally came out wrong.

Here's to the grammar nazi! May you be showered with great praise!

I meant what you said - something about amazement and stuff

(Not as much as Mystic though. She deserves all the praise.)

- MS

(All of it.)

Well hello there author. I'm pleased to see you getting a good response to your work, and I look forward to the next chapter.

Cheers mate :)

>>682369682369 My favourite!

>>682716682716 Haha, thank you for all of your help! It really means a lot, and I hope you continue to enjoy this little adventure of mine, haha.

Wow...That was awesome, you do a very good job of describing image! very beautiful and the city slowly darkening was awesome!

can't wait for more chapters

>>682766682766 I'm glad you're enjoying it! Description is my favourite part of writing, so I'm thrilled to hear that you think I'm doing alright with it, haha. Thanks for the comment!

  Dang, Rated PonyStar had it right.  There was so much of the stuff it was almost painful, but that's the deal with writing a dream fic, or even a simple dream sequence, It either has to be so full of symbolism you can taste it, or go through some buried event from the past.

  (Spoiler alert!)  I'm just going to take a guess, the city represented the early days of Celestia and Luna's rule, as do the orbs, it's fading and crumbling represented the creep of Luna's bitterness and how Celestia blames herself for not seeing it sooner, the murals depict the dawn of creation, and apparently the subsequent war that followed, the statues are her vanquished foes, and the final destruction represents Luna's final break into Nightmare Moon.  I may be wrong but if I'm not than the only thing that stumped me were the seven chairs, if there had been six than I could assume that they were the Elements of Harmony, unless of course you're counting Love, then seven would make sense.  The chairs are the only ones I'm not sure of.  I can't make any verdict on this new world as we haven't been shown much of it yet.  So, Mystic, am I right, I can has cookie?

Well now, looks like I have a new fic to follow and read. This is. . .curious, to say the least. Liking the concept and execution. I'm gonna hope it just gets better from here! I need a new epic story to read.

I see you decided to waste no time getting into Celestia's mind- first chapter, and we've already lost the Sun Goddess. Poor Celestia x.x

Good chapter, faster pacing then I expected...though you described it as a novella, not a novel, so that's understandable (and I, personally, could use a break from the digital tomes of pony words I've been subjected to ). Also, Luna's thing about calling Twilight by her full name seems a little inconsistent- It would make sense for her to break that habit over time, but if that's the case, it may be best to draw it to attention (possibly minor development), or just sticking with one. Honestly, I probably would do the same thing for one reason- I go to great lengths just to avoid using the same word twice in a row, so I'm being a bit of a hypocrite >_>

P.S: I just have to ask: A story where Celestia passes out, so Luna and Twilight go into her mind to help her, and the first two chapters are called "Eternal"? You didn't get inspiration from DH, did you? People that do things similar to him around him get their kneecaps broken with a wrench. Specifically this wrench Or he writes a blog about you, which is probably worse lol

>>682969682969 Haha, I hate to say this, but I'm not gonna say anything for fear of spoilers! Some stuff I'm not going to say simply because it's stronger left up to the reader's imagination. You're on the right track with a heap of stuff though, if that's any consolation!

Thanks for reading, and I hope you like what's to come! And yes, you can have a cookie

>>683676683676 Thanking you for reading! I hope you enjoy what's to come

>>683700683700 You got that right; there is no time wasted with this story! The fic has 3 chapters broken up into 6 parts, and it's currently sitting around 30k words, and it moves like a freight train for most of it. Also, unless I have been slack and missed parts, Luna names Twilight in certain ways depending on her emotional state at the time, so if she says Twilight Sparkle opposed to Twilight, it's for a reason.

And no, haha. I love Eternal, but Apotheosis is a much bigger influence for this story than Eternal is! As for why the chapter is called eternal... everything means something! Haha. Thanks for reading, Lunar!

>>683727683727  Yay cookie!

When this appeared on EqD the Picture literaly drew me right in.

Reading the first 2 Chapters I say you have a very solid start and I am definitely interested where this goes. Featuring my favorite Characters I wonder will you switch PoV between Chapters?

also even though I am a DieHard TwiLuna  

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png

I am ok with just Friendshipping or no shipping at all if the Adventure is done right whitch it seems very much so far.

>>684763684763 Haha, yeah, the artwork is epic! If this story were longer, then I probably would take the time to switch between pov's, but as it stands, Luna shouldn't be too far away... What situation she is in however... well, all I'll say is that it should be good fun! Thanks for the comment!

Veeery nice fantasy-scape you're painting here for the dream world. Can't wait to see what you've got in store for what seems to be Luna's equivalent scape. :D

>>686312686312 Haha, thanks! I hope you enjoy what's to come!

Love it so far. Interested in what's to come!   :)

>>687939687939 Haha, Thanks! I'm glad to hear you're enjoying it!

You need to finish this as soon as possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can stop thinking about whats gonna happen its freaking me out really good story!!! like seriously!!!!!!! i need to know whats wrong with

>>689353689353 Haha, don't worry; the rest shouldn't be too long in coming out! I'm glad you're enjoying it, and thanks for the comment!

I sure hope so Mystic on account of ive got nothing to do till e3 other than read my little pony fan fictions lol

While well-written, an entire chapter of no character interation isn't really for me. I'll keep reading because I am curious where it's going, and I think it's a cool concept--I do hope that Luna will show up soon, tho. This is what I liked about APLH, there was the occasional conversation between the characters to break things up a bit.

Also, for what it's worth, the general plot makes me think a little of Silent Ponyville (just an observation, not a criticism or anything) ... minus the blood and monsters  =P

>>711352711352 Hey, hey! Thanks for reading and for the feedback! Rest assured, however, you will get your conversations in the next few chapters. As to who they will be with... well, that's another question entirely. :D

>>712946712946

Works for me! ^.^

And I have to say, thanks for being someone who takes criticism well--kind of refreshing on the internet  XD

Right, so presumably that was Celestia's deep despair at all those who have died while she's remained eternally the same.

Wow. Two chapters in one day.

Thank you!!

>coma Celestia

>Luna sends Twilight into dreamscape

>First chapter IS NAMED "ETERNAL"

This all seems very familiar to me for some reason

Image: http://scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1178_kyyla.jpg

What is this?

This is terrible.

Pff, you are a disgrace to authors everywhere.

There are too many HIE's, shipping's, crossovers, and troll fics.

There is NEVER enough epics.

YOU, my good sir earned my favorite.

Well, quite intriguing thus far.

Clearly we're dealing with facets of Celestia's mind made semi-sentient due to her emotion, power and age. The first one might have been pride, this one despair...I wonder what's next?

Anyway, keep it coming! We demand more!

Cheers

GM

>>725734725734

>>725766725766 Hehe, you're welcome! I hope you like them!

>>725773725773 The events in this story are original. Any resemblance to existing stories, epics or piece of shit HiE's are purely coincidental.

Haha, but seriously, while I do love Eternal, Apotheosis is probably the largest source of inspiration for this fic. A lot of the earliest conceptualisation for this fic was done before I read Eternal, but this project was put on the backburner while I worked on other stuff.

>>725791725791

Image: http://pl.memgenerator.pl/mem-image/you-re-dead-to-me-pl-ffffff-1

>>725795725795 Thank you! Epics are my favourite type of stories, and one day I wanna write a good one! Haha.

>>725812725812 Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!

Awesomeness as always.

>>725833725833 Thank you!

>>725847725847

You are very welcome, but seriously... I was captivated throughout the story! The description, the characterisation... God, it's amazing!

I think we've just met one of the chairs.  So, Death, that's an interesting card, if played quite a lot.

>>725814725814  I thought this reminded me of Apotheosis!

God, the images this story paints in my head It's so descriptive and, no other word suffices, epic; I can't wait to see where it goes next.

Great story! Cant wait for more!

Right. So lemme get this straight, Celestia controlling the sun has taken it's toll on Her and now she's either trapped in this "dreamscape" AKA in a coma. Then Twi and Luna go into the dreamscape and go through two different worlds, kinda like a video game. I like!

>>725766725766 I think it's always going to be 2 chapters  every time he posts

Sincerely the Doctor

>>725791725791 and you sir are an ignorant ass

Sincerely the Doctor

New Chapters!

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4410-happy_pinkie2.gif

>>725878725878 Indeed, I like death, as it's the ultimate fairness. Young, old. Rich, poor. Good, evil. Mortal, and Immortal. Death comes to them all.

>>725734725734 Close. There is only 1 other Alicorn, and only 1 that was touched by the shadows. I think that army was meant to be Nightmare Moon's that Celestia fought, with the Alicorn being Nightmare Moon. So her deep despair over that fight with Luna 1000 years ago.

Awesome story, tho from what we have seen of the history, and what has happened to Celestia knowing it would happen soon... I think the darkness has touch Celestia now, and corrupting her like it did Luna. Luna is closer to the night, and darkness, and 'younger' as well, so easier to influence. Celestia tho, would take longer, much more longer to corrupt. 1000 years longer even, maybe.

>>727723727723 My thinking was to why they were all skeletons. Celestia's portrayed as a caring monarch (now diarch - a fun word), and one of the kinds of "loss" that's been related to immortality as a concept since the Epic of Gilgamesh is the loss of the ones you care for, as they expire and you do not. Possibly there's the addition of the Nightmare Moon memories to that (since she lost her sister, the one pony she thought she'd never have to) but it's all very metaphorical since it's inside her mind.

How they keep coming back would be how loss never goes away, and each new generation adds a layer to the hurt.

If you're thinking in terms of what made Celestia go catatonic in the first place, then possibly it's the result of whatever did it stirring up all these memories from where they're kept (normally not thought about).

The stream of moonlight ended in a river that cut across Twilight’s path like a cut.

Um, what?

When she found that river of silvery liquid, my first thought was unicorn blood.

OoO *Dies*

To... Awesome... *Dies from pure epicness*

Here, have a thumb up, and a gold star. I have no need for them. What would I do with a gold star anyways?

Very good. Interesting with the Alicorn skeleton. Very creepy.

Damn! Another great addition to the story. Once again the way you describe Imagery is amazing! Loved this world you created. Liquid moonlight. Very cool

Get ready for another chapter of a great amazing story... Clear dialog, amazing descriptions, staying true to the shows already explained past but still making it more epic.... Brilliant.... Just brilliant..

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cloudchaser_dealwithit.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png

>>725878725878 But the real question is whether it is actually death, or is just a representation of death constructed by the dreamworld?

>>726242726242 Haha, thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it!

>>726349726349 Thanks!

>>726593726593 Yup! That's pretty much it! And then crazy adventures ensue.

>>727489727489

>>728265728265 Haha, thanks for catching that! It's a shame Twilight wasn't game to taste the moonlight. She may have found her life extended!

>>728463728463 Haha, no idea, but I know I could certainly use one! Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you're enjoying it!

>>728616728616 Heh. Creepy was definitely what I was going for. I'm glad you're enjoying the story!

>>728789728789 Yeah, once the idea was in my head it seemed too awesome to not include it, haha. Cool fact for you -- liquid moonlight repels the dead. That's why there is the river with all the skeletons on the other side! Thanks for reading!

>>728933728933 I'm thrilled to hear you're liking it so far! My version of Equestria's history is rather large in scope and probably a little different from what people might have seen before, so I'm glad people seem to be enjoying it. Don't worry, there is certainly more coming! Thanks for reading!

Amazing! I think i'm beginning to notice a bit of pattern. Luna being epic was awesome! the imagery you used (as usual) was awesome. first two chapters Pride, and now remorse/despair?

Brilliantly done can't wait for more :D

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned not to buck with Princess Luna.

Twilight Sparkle

Lifting Shadows Off A Dream - Dream Theater

Old Wizard - Dawnbringer

> In there, everything will have meaning, everything will have a purpose.

Just gonna make everything symbolic, aren't ya?

>>729361729361 Hehe. You think that's badass? Just you wait!

>>729683729683 Yup! Haha. Absolutely everything. Thanks for reading!

2 Chapters yes yes YES YES YES

anyway noticed one little Error

"This place looked the exactly the same!" -the

Absolutely fascinated by the Story.

>>730350730350 Oops! Thanks for catching that! Rest assured, it's fixed. I'm glad you're liking the story!

Luna is best gunship. Twilight is best turret.

General, I believe that the field test is a success.

I had Dragon Age's undead battle themes take over my head once the skeletons appeared: this one  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bo3wXtt81vI  and this one  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CinfnwJJWhg  . Rather epic indeed, and the themes made it even more so.

From the very first sighting of them I felt that the skeletons are not going to be fought off and are there to 'corrupt' Luna and Twilight into doing something desperate to deal with them (uncontrolled destruction, abandoning peaceful solutions and wishing to exterminate them), and were going to disappear once it's done. Those skeletons would've been grinning on purpose when they disappeared, had they not been doing that by default.

Looking forward to more chapters!

>>729014729014  So is that a yes on the chairs?

>>730366730366 Hehe, I am a sucker for those kinds of tracks. Two Steps From Hell is an old favourite that I listened to a lot while writing this story!

Also, it's always nice to see a reader 'get' something -- you're pretty much spot on with the skeletons and the role they're playing. Mean little bastards, aren't they? But it begs the question, if they have been created like that within the dreamworld... then why?

Thanks for reading, and thanks for the comment!

>>731538731538 Death has no place on those chairs. They're for something else entirely!

Sorry it took so long, I've been busy the last few days. Anyway, I'm not sure that chapter could have any more action. Awesome imagery there. Explosions, too. Lots of explosions. Liking it so far, can't wait to find out what's going on and where Luna is during all of this.

>>733947733947

So, if my suspicions are correct, there's a malevolent presence controlling the happenings in the dreamworld, manifesting through the wolves, the skeletons etcetera, and using rubberband difficulty (upping the difficulty level when Luna and Twi deal with the previous one). Does that mean that 'Shadow' rules, Celestia drools?

Can't wait to find out (or find more clues) in the next chapters!

>> Mystic oh shit!

>>734865734865 Explosions are my favourite! Haha. But seriously, I'm glad you're liking it! And I just realised you're on chapter 2. Oh Lunar. Full of action, you say? Heheh. You'll see.

>>735563735563 I think you might be surprised at just how soon those answers are coming, haha. This fic isn't terribly long. It is a novella, after all. I hope you like it!

>>733947733947  Gahh!  The failure, it burns!

I have to say, I really like there there seems to be no doubt in Twilight's mind about Luna. I'm sure the nobles and even some of the guard have their "opinions" on what happened, but it looks as though it didn't even occur to Twilight, and that's really awesome. I hope she keeps that up in future chapters.

>>739157739157 Twilight knows who she trusts, and she trusts them completely. What kind of a friend would she be if she didn't? And in this dreamworld, she needs all the friends she's got.

Okay, I take back what I said a couple chapters back about it feeling tedius--I guess it wasn't the lack of dialog, so much as the lack of action and changes in scenery. Either way, the pace has picked up, and it's awesome  ^.^