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Featured In11

More Stories8

  • T As the Sun Sets

    A trip to see the dragons sets in motion a chain of events that leaves Twilight and Celestia in a desperate struggle against ancient evils long thought defeated. Something dark is stirring in the east...
    40,819 words · 2,321 views  ·  298  ·  3
  • T Dancing on Silver Strings

    Celestia and Discord struggle in a psychological battle.
    11,757 words · 4,042 views  ·  286  ·  6
  • E Perfect the Way You Are

    I will always love you, Derpy. You are perfect the way you are.
    5,453 words · 6,317 views  ·  185  ·  4
  • T All Paths Lead Home

    A mother and her daughter attempt to find harmony in a post-apocalyptic Equestria.
    109,814 words · 2,160 views  ·  127  ·  2
  • T Only a Choice

    In the Wasteland, there is no such thing as right and wrong. There is only a choice.
    9,430 words · 550 views  ·  54  ·  1
  • T Hell's Traitor

    Does a pony ever really change? Even those damned for eternity?
    32,046 words · 891 views  ·  58  ·  2
  • E Evicted

    Ponyville Library's previous owner has a bad time.
    4,482 words · 1,200 views  ·  120  ·  8
  • T Epic Ponies Doing Epic Things

    A collection of short stories all about the epic.
    9,615 words · 927 views  ·  37  ·  2

Blog Posts45

  • 81w, 2d
    The State of Affairs

    Yikes. It's been a while, hasn't it? I hate these blogs, but I kinda feel guilty when I don't say anything, so please bear with me.

    First of all, let me apologise for the lack of activity in the last month or so. No, really, I'm sorry. :( I could go on a long list of specifics, but honestly, I think it's best summed up with: uni. Doing a law degree sucks, especially when it's a double degree. And when I combine this with the fact I am going to one of the best law schools in the country, the competition is intense (scholarship money is great), the workload is crazy (seriously, I am doing single subjects that are worth a degree's entire semesters' worth of units D:), and the fact that this degree will still take me over half a decade... Ew. Just the other week myself and a friend looked at our reading list for one subject that week and were like, 'Oh sweet! It's only 120 pages!' (and while I'm at it, why do academics/case reports feel the need to cram articles and shit on A4 paper in like size ten font? D: How is that meant to be readable?!). But this is one of those things where I know that hard work now will pay off hugely later, so I am just sticking it out. Oh yeah, not to mention working three or four days a week and my attempts to keep some degree of a social life intact. So there you go. Busy doesn't really cover it, haha. I'm also having a problem where whenever I sit down to write, whatever I do write is just... missing something. But that's my problem to work through.

    Anyway, the point of all this is to say that while I'm sorry for the lack of updates and activity in general, I just want to say that I'm not gone (just trapped), and I have no plans of leaving As the Sun Sets unfinished. It just might take a little longer than expected as I wait for holidays, haha.

    And to anyone willing to bear with me, thank you sincerely. You guys are the best. <3

    Have a good one and stay crazy! I will be around. I promise.

    8 comments · 361 views
  • 89w, 6d
    Rant time! Show vs. Tell: Why You Know People who are Doing it Terribly Wrong

    It’s always depressing to see people give bad advice. It’s even more depressing to see people eat that bad advice up and say things like, 'This is really good and totally right!' Now, I don’t like starting arguments on the Internet, so I normally just shake my head and look the other way. But this is something I have seen more than a couple of times from people who have a greater audience than next to none, and this is not a good thing.

    So! Time for another essay, I think. Show vs. tell.

    As a general rule, showing the audience something is infinitely better than telling them. Why? Because it’s more engaging and interesting. Why? Because it allows the reader to draw implications and connect the dots, and this gets them to immerse themselves in whatever the author is trying to say. This is a simple but absolutely critical point to make because it underpins everything I am about to say. Telling the reader information, generally emotions, etc, is boring because it’s unengaging. Simple. This is something that anyone wanting to write well needs to understand.

    Now, this is the rule. It gets thrown around a lot, and for good reasons. However, people hate criticism. And when people get hit with this particular piece of criticism: ‘You need to show more’, they love to rush to their own defence. The amount of times I have seen people go ‘EqD just doesn’t understand that there are times it’s perfectly okay to tell the reader SOME things!’...

    It’s an interesting point because those people are, technically, correct. There are times when telling is acceptable, though they tend to be few and far between. Of course, this little caveat gives people a ridiculous amount of room to run around spewing rubbish about show vs. tell and how justified they are in their mediocrity. Normally that’s fine. I can live with people not really understanding what they’re talking about, and it’s an ocean of mediocre writers out there, many of whom don’t realise that they are part of that ocean. It’s not so fine, however, when they try passing off incorrect or poorly explained information as fact.

    And this is where all the problems and the misinformation start. So, I will briefly run down the times when telling is generally more acceptable:

    Summarisation: Telling is okay is where showing the reader something would be gratuitous or slow the plot down too much. For example, you don’t need to show the reader what the building looks like in the middle of a shootout. As far as character emotion is concerned, telling is only recommended if it's telling the audience a detail that isn’t important to their character. For example, a character is described in a passing detail as watching t.v and they look upset watching it, rather than giving painstaking and ultimately unnecessary detail about the tears streaming down their face in order to try and show they are sad. Of course, if it’s an important detail that the character is sad watching whatever is on t.v, then you should show instead.

    Implication outside the initial scope: Now this is complicated. So I am going to use someone else’s explanation when they were teaching it to me:

    There is a technique where you baldly state how a character feels or what a character thinks about something, and that statement can imply things far beyond the scope of what you wrote. If you've ever read Bubbles you might remember how the style is very simplistic, with Derpy telling the reader all sorts of things that other writers might try to show instead, like the things that makes her happy, or her favourite foods, or what might make her sad. The thing is, telling here is not an error, because what the writer was trying to portray subtly is not Derpy's emotions or her interests. The thing the writer was trying to infer here was Derpy's simplemindedness, and the relationship she has with her mother. It's the same sort of thing in The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, where Christopher does not understand his father's love and ambivalence towards him, but it comes through very clearly in their dialogue and interactions.

    There is an interesting, slightly tweaked version of this where the author tells the reader something, and then goes on to show the reader how to reach that same conclusion. So, for example, in our story the narration tells us ‘He loved her.’ or ‘He hated her.’. But then what we do is we go on to show the reader the personality traits or the physical attributions/whatever that lead to that emotion. That way, you are still engaging the reader by helping them reach the same conclusion.

    (This is also the easiest to get horribly wrong.)

    Two substantive points.* Not a whole lot. Makes it easier to remember and attempt to apply.

    But there is an important point to be found in the examples above, and one that people often forget. You will notice that the second example is only kind of telling. This is because it touches at the heart of showing: letting the reader connect the dots by themselves. That’s what showing is about, a point that often gets confused and forgotten in the constant ‘show don’t tell’ mantra that gets thrown around. People forget WHY you show things and WHY you don’t tell them. You show things to let the readers understand on their own what is going on. In this line of thought, you can tell the reader something to show them something else, the real point that you are trying to get across.

    For example, if something is making a character feel uncomfortable or out of place, don’t tell the reader that. You can show their physical reactions to imply that emotion (which is a great and efficient way of doing things and definitely the route you should take frequently), or you tell them how the character doesn’t like the way people stand in groups and always look around him. Or tell them how the character doesn’t like their clothes, or sense of fashion, or the way they talk. All of the above is telling the reader something to actually let them understand that the character feels like he doesn’t fit in well. And how much more interesting and entertaining is that?

    Don’t hold the reader’s hand and point out things like you would with a three-year-old. It’s so dull. Or, to use another person’s point again:

    […] but it's not so much that you need to make your readers spend time working things out. You just need to let them connect the dots on their own.

    If you see people going on about ‘I can tell! EqD don’t know anything!’ beware. I often chase up the stories of people who write those things, and oh boy, they don’t get it right. Show vs. tell is a difficult concept to nail because it’s often layered and nuanced, and a lot writers (myself definitely included. Oh god, this stuff still gives me a headache trying to put it into practice and do it well), struggle with it. But at the end of the day, unless you’re summarising material or touching on the second point, for the love of everything that is holy, don’t tell. Show. The more you let the readers engage with your writing, the better your writing will become.

    Also, if you see people talking about this issue and all of their examples are from the best novels from before 1900… Yeah. I love the classics, I really do, but beware of changed standards and styles. For example, there’s a reason we no longer write ridiculously long, over-punctuated sentences. There isn’t really anyone in the fandom who can tell stories anywhere near as well as Austen, Dickens, Dumas or Doyle anyway, so until you are confident you have the whole show don’t tell thing down, stick with it before you start trying to break rules and copy the 19th century greats.

    I have yet to see someone be correct when they attack any ‘you need to show more’ criticism levelled at them. Mainly because those people forget/don’t understand why you ‘show’ in the first place, or have only a limited understanding of the matter to begin with.

    So, what do you do if someone brings up show vs. tell with your work? Ask them very politely for an example, then you can see what the real problem is. A lot of times people say you’re using tell-y language, but if you never have the problem areas highlighted specifically, you won’t learn what you could be doing wrong, and, more importantly, how to go about fixing it. It also means you aren’t left to guess what’s actually tell-y and what’s not. Too often people get told they are being tell-y and just try to add more description, thinking that description is showing, therefore they must be doing something right. It’s misunderstanding the issue like this that leads to all kinds of terrible places.

    So in conclusion, watch out! I have seen people write essays on this topic who clearly don’t even understand what is showing and what is telling, and I have seen people go ‘That was immensely helpful!’ on those same posts. There is lots of material out there that will lead you down bad places and teach bad habits.

    And be safe, don’t be sorry. Show, don’t tell.

    Questions? Comments? Let me hear 'em, and I'll do my darndest to answer them as best I can.

    *You might find specific examples where using a more telling style of narration may fit better, but believe me when I say that if you think your telling is an exception to the rules and working, it’s almost certainly not, and your work would be far stronger if you utilised showing.

    (Special thanks to Sessalisk for letting me steal her far better worded examples, lol)

    28 comments · 672 views
  • 93w, 4d
    New Chapter and Related Apologies

    2 comments · 230 views
  • 94w, 2d
    Honest Words

    She holds my hand with all the strength she has left, a bony grasp that shakes like a frightened child. I can hear her breathing, wet and rasping as if her lungs are filled with fluid—until I realise that they probably are. The oxygen machine next to me hisses, and I can hear shrill beeps from the other side of the bed. One and a half every second, a laughable imitation of a heartbeat. To me it sounds like a countdown.

    “You’re such a good boy,” she whispers. I have to lean in to hear her properly. “You remember to study hard.”

    “Of course, Nan,” I reply easily, putting on my best fake smile. At this point, it’s pretty damn good. “You know me. I always work hard.”

    “And don’t go” —she coughs, wiping away the dribble with a shaking napkin—“getting a big head, either.” There it is, just a hint of the sternness I remember, the bluntness that always put pins in my metaphorical balloons. Humility was a big thing with Nan.

    “I won’t,” I say. We’ve had this conversation before. By now it almost feels wooden, like a bad movie script. I wonder if she even remembers the other times, or if she knows that this time it’s different. “Don’t you worry.”

    She gives me a shaky smile before her body starts to convulse during another coughing fit. I cringe, hoping she doesn’t see the movement, and it takes her a few wheezing breaths before she can speak again. She grips my hand tighter, almost desperately, like holding onto me is the most important thing in the world. “You’re… such a good boy. Very special. You make me so proud.”

    Instinctively I am about to say that she just told me not to get a big head, but I stop, the smile faltering for just a second. Then it’s back in place, and I give her hand a gentle squeeze. “Thanks, Nan. That… means a lot to me.”

    Because right now, honest words are all we have left to give each other.

    I never have liked goodbyes.





    Remember how I said I might post scraps of stuff here? Well this was a little something I threw together not that long ago. It's not pony, so forgive me for that, but it was a scene that I wanted to get out of my head. And plus, anything to try and practice writing different styles and genres! Like last time, it's not really edited or anything, just kind of thrown together, lol.

    Anyway, new chapter of As the Sun Sets is coming along nicely. The problem with having written the first drafts months ago for a lot of this stuff is that looking at it now, it really, really sucks, and it requires me rewriting huge chunks. Unfortunately, this takes more time than I would like. Still, it's coming along nicely now, so hopefully it's not too far away!

    Stay awesome!

    6 comments · 255 views
  • ...
 257
 7,525

Princess Celestia lies unconscious without explanation… And the sun refuses to rise. Desperate, Luna calls upon her Sister’s faithful student for help in an effort to enter the Princess of the Sun’s mind through a dreamscape to find the cause of her mysterious coma.

But once they enter, finding themselves in a place of magic itself, a place where a pony’s fears, dreams and histories manifest themselves as worlds of epic proportions, are the two mares ready for what they find inside?

An action fantasy novella.

Featured on EqD!

First Published
31st May 2012
Last Modified
19th Jun 2012

Makes me think of that part in Eternal. Love the concept though and I'll make sure to read it later tonight.

Here, take this star and green thumb, you'll need them!

I say it is good!

Well... that was f***ing awesome! I mean with the subconscious and the dreamscape and the magic! And the BIMBAMBOPPITYBAP!:derpyderp2:

Blew my mind.

by the description it makes me think of apotheosis. if it is  even somewhat similar I know this will be epic. going in my read later for now, once a few updates come along I'll start.

do I sense a TwiLuna? that would make me happy

I've been looking forward to your next story Mystic. Will sit down and read this when I get the chance, I know it's going to be good.

>>676837 Eternal is a great story, haha. I hope you enjoy this one!

>>676842 Haha, thanks!

>>676843 I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading. :pinkiehappy:

>>676846 Thank you!

>>676854 Apotheosis... oh yeah, haha. Daetrin's work has always been a huge inspiration for me. I hope you like it!

>>677110 Well, hopefully it holds up, haha. I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts on it!

>>677737 so will there be TwiLuna or do they just happen to be in this epic adventure together?

>>677737

Yes. Eternal is simply amazing, Apotheosis too, even if much more older.. :twilightsheepish:

I enjoyed it a lot, and can't wait for more.

The way you describe things, no  - everything, is impressive.

I managed to imagine quite an amazing picture of what you describe in your story thanks to that.

It's beautiful. Thank you for writing this.

>>677772 Unfortunately, no TwiLuna in this story. :unsuresweetie: But yes for the epic adventure!

>>677790 Awesome, I'm glad you liked it! I have some pretty cool stuff coming your way in this story, so hopefully you enjoy that as well.

>>677882 hmm...a subtle friendshipping would be in order then because if they just keep distant throguh an adventure like this it'd be unrealistic but I can respect your decision

>>677932 Oh definitely! Haha. There is certainly 'friendshipping'; it drives character development, after all.

>>677966 i'll settle for that. will start reading sometime when i'm not exhausted or pressured for updates

A solid concept, a solid start, and one disembodied upwards-facing thumb have you earned, my dear.

You haven't failed to disappoint - and like Rumble said, this reads incredibly similarly to Apotheosis, which is probably the best fic to try to compare this with. Of course, it goes without saying that, comparisons aside, this is one of the better adventure fics I've seen.

It certainly brought a smile to my face, that's for sure. I can't wait for the next chapter!

I approve of this concept wholeheartedly. Like Psychonauts played straight, basically. Of course, this'll take a lot of skill to pull off,so we'll see once I've read it.

>>679922

You haven't failed to disappoint

Are you sure that's what you meant to say? :pinkiesad2: Because the rest of your comment praises the story and this lone statement says Mystic disappointed you. That's what you get when using too many negations in a sentence. :rainbowlaugh:

Unless I read that sentence completely wrong. Let me break it down...

'You haven't failed' is along 'you did/you managed' plus 'to disappoint'... Nope, still negative. :twilightblush:

So I'm guessing you either meant 'you haven't failed to amaze' or 'you failed to disappoint'.

A little Twilight-style grammatical analysis. :moustache: I'm warning you of this because I was close to making such a mistake myself once. Luckily, I failed to make it in the end. :yay:

EDIT: The more I think about it, the more it's driving me crazy! :pinkiecrazy:

disappoint = not meet expectations

fail to disappoint = not disappoint = meet expectations

not fail to disappoint = not not disappoint = disappoint = not meet expectations

Please, can some grammar Nazi clear this up for me? It's driving even Twilight crazy:

***

Oh, and to comment on the fic... Well, I really can't right now, but when my to-read list shrinks from over 200 fics :facehoof: I'll be sure to give it a go. Maybe it will be marked complete by the time. :pinkiehappy:

Argh. I'm in the process of making a fanfic of my own, and reading this makes my writing feel so inferior that I want to quit and wallow in self-pity, like Rarity. :raritycry::raritydespair:

Nah, I won't. But you're so far ahead in terms of quality it's staggering. I've got a lot to work on...

Looking forward to more of this.

Concept reminds me of "The Regal Dream" and therefore I'm quite interested :pinkiehappy:

Damn dude, this is amazing! I love this concept and you're writing it beautifully look forward to reading more chapters! :pinkiehappy:

Interesting. A realm of fire and wonder and a realm of darkness and night.  I sense there is a deeper more cosmic force at work here besides Celestia and her dreams.

Looks interesting so far. :pinkiesmile:

The ending to this chapter was pretty sad, actually. At least in my opinion. I hope Luna and Twilight meet up soon, they need to fix Celestia! Great story!! :pinkiehappy:

my guess is luna is the gusts of wind...

>>676843 I believe the correct quoting of it is zimzamzobittybop

Sincerely the Doctor

>>677966 Hey, I'm one of the Admins of the S.A.B page. You posted the link so I decided to have a look. Awesome story, thumbs up, Favorited and watching:twilightsmile:

>>679922 Fantastic, I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed it! I'm not gonna lie, Apotheosis was definitely a big inspiration, as I love Daetrin's work. Here's hoping this doesn't fall down too hard! Haha :trollestia:

>>680522 I have no idea what Psychonauts is, but either way, I certainly hope you enjoy it!

>>680567 Hahahaha, You're doing a Twilight! :twilightsmile: This story should be done in a few weeks, so I'd say it definitely would be, haha. Hopefully you find the time to check it out! :pinkiehappy:

>>680595 Haha, I wouldn't say staggering... Keep writing and best of luck! Thanks for the comment, and thanks for reading!

>>680668 I have no idea what that is, but I hope you like the story regardless! :twilightsmile:

>>680682 Hahah, thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it!

>>680931 Hehe. Isn't symbolism and metaphor fun?

>>681350 I'm glad you're enjoying it! Thanks for the comment!

>>681360 Speculation! I love it!

>>681681 Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it!

>>682119 Haha, thank you! I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the watch! :twilightsmile:

>>682275 Hahahaha, nothing more to say, really!

Mmm, setpieces. How exciting.

>>680567

Sweet Apple Acres! You're right, that totally came out wrong.

Here's to the grammar nazi! May you be showered with great praise!

I meant what you said - something about amazement and stuff :rainbowlaugh:

(Not as much as Mystic though. She deserves all the praise.)

- MS

(All of it.)

Well hello there author. I'm pleased to see you getting a good response to your work, and I look forward to the next chapter.

Cheers mate :)

>>682369 My favourite!

>>682716 Haha, thank you for all of your help! It really means a lot, and I hope you continue to enjoy this little adventure of mine, haha.

Wow...That was awesome, you do a very good job of describing image! very beautiful and the city slowly darkening was awesome!

can't wait for more chapters :pinkiehappy:

>>682766 I'm glad you're enjoying it! Description is my favourite part of writing, so I'm thrilled to hear that you think I'm doing alright with it, haha. Thanks for the comment!

  Dang, Rated PonyStar had it right.  There was so much of the stuff it was almost painful, but that's the deal with writing a dream fic, or even a simple dream sequence, It either has to be so full of symbolism you can taste it, or go through some buried event from the past.

  (Spoiler alert!)  I'm just going to take a guess, the city represented the early days of Celestia and Luna's rule, as do the orbs, it's fading and crumbling represented the creep of Luna's bitterness and how Celestia blames herself for not seeing it sooner, the murals depict the dawn of creation, and apparently the subsequent war that followed, the statues are her vanquished foes, and the final destruction represents Luna's final break into Nightmare Moon.  I may be wrong but if I'm not than the only thing that stumped me were the seven chairs, if there had been six than I could assume that they were the Elements of Harmony, unless of course you're counting Love, then seven would make sense.  The chairs are the only ones I'm not sure of.  I can't make any verdict on this new world as we haven't been shown much of it yet.  So, Mystic, am I right, I can has cookie?:derpytongue2:

Well now, looks like I have a new fic to follow and read. This is. . .curious, to say the least. Liking the concept and execution. I'm gonna hope it just gets better from here! I need a new epic story to read.

I see you decided to waste no time getting into Celestia's mind- first chapter, and we've already lost the Sun Goddess. Poor Celestia x.x

Good chapter, faster pacing then I expected...though you described it as a novella, not a novel, so that's understandable (and I, personally, could use a break from the digital tomes of pony words I've been subjected to :raritydespair: ). Also, Luna's thing about calling Twilight by her full name seems a little inconsistent- It would make sense for her to break that habit over time, but if that's the case, it may be best to draw it to attention (possibly minor development), or just sticking with one. Honestly, I probably would do the same thing for one reason- I go to great lengths just to avoid using the same word twice in a row, so I'm being a bit of a hypocrite >_>

P.S: I just have to ask: A story where Celestia passes out, so Luna and Twilight go into her mind to help her, and the first two chapters are called "Eternal"? You didn't get inspiration from DH, did you? People that do things similar to him around him get their kneecaps broken with a wrench. Specifically this wrench :flutterrage: Or he writes a blog about you, which is probably worse lol

>>682969 Haha, I hate to say this, but I'm not gonna say anything for fear of spoilers! Some stuff I'm not going to say simply because it's stronger left up to the reader's imagination. You're on the right track with a heap of stuff though, if that's any consolation!

Thanks for reading, and I hope you like what's to come! And yes, you can have a cookie :pinkiehappy:

>>683676 Thanking you for reading! I hope you enjoy what's to come :twilightsmile:

>>683700 You got that right; there is no time wasted with this story! The fic has 3 chapters broken up into 6 parts, and it's currently sitting around 30k words, and it moves like a freight train for most of it. Also, unless I have been slack and missed parts, Luna names Twilight in certain ways depending on her emotional state at the time, so if she says Twilight Sparkle opposed to Twilight, it's for a reason.

And no, haha. I love Eternal, but Apotheosis is a much bigger influence for this story than Eternal is! As for why the chapter is called eternal... everything means something! Haha. Thanks for reading, Lunar! :heart:

When this appeared on EqD the Picture literaly drew me right in.

Reading the first 2 Chapters I say you have a very solid start and I am definitely interested where this goes. Featuring my favorite Characters I wonder will you switch PoV between Chapters?

also even though I am a DieHard TwiLuna  :twilightsmile::heart:

  Fan

I am ok with just Friendshipping or no shipping at all :pinkiegasp: if the Adventure is done right whitch it seems very much so far.


>>684763 Haha, yeah, the artwork is epic! :pinkiehappy: If this story were longer, then I probably would take the time to switch between pov's, but as it stands, Luna shouldn't be too far away... What situation she is in however... well, all I'll say is that it should be good fun! Thanks for the comment!

Veeery nice fantasy-scape you're painting here for the dream world. Can't wait to see what you've got in store for what seems to be Luna's equivalent scape. :D

>>686312 Haha, thanks! I hope you enjoy what's to come!

Love it so far. Interested in what's to come!   :)

>>687939 Haha, Thanks! I'm glad to hear you're enjoying it!

You need to finish this as soon as possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can stop thinking about whats gonna happen its freaking me out really good story!!!:pinkiehappy: like seriously!!!!!!! i need to know whats wrong with :trollestia:

>>689353 Haha, don't worry; the rest shouldn't be too long in coming out! I'm glad you're enjoying it, and thanks for the comment! :twilightsmile:

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