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  • E Worlds Apart

    A lonely young man takes in Shining Armor and Cadance after he finds them on their doorstep, stranded from their own world. After becoming friends, the two ponies help the man open up to a woman he's attracted to.
    32,953 words · 8,148 views  ·  475  ·  30
  • T Sparké

    A human chef looking to open a restaurant in New York gets more than he bargained for when he winds up in Equestria. While there, he reacquaints with somepony from his past...
    77,413 words · 3,176 views  ·  362  ·  24 · sex
  • T Rehabilitation

    After managing to survive the rise and fall of Heisenberg, Jesse Pinkman, his mind and body shattered seemingly beyond repair, winds up in a place where he may finally be able to rest...
    5,849 words · 652 views  ·  112  ·  13 · gore
  • E Yu-Gi-Oh! P†H

    In an alternate reality in which dueling is Earth's greatest pastime, one duelist receives a mysterious card that unlocks his destiny that will lead him to becoming the savior of two worlds...
    247,599 words · 944 views  ·  54  ·  18
  • E Yu-Gi-Oh! Equus X Zexal

    A crossover of the anime Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal and my fanfic Yu-Gi-Oh! Equus.
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  • E Yu-Gi-Oh! Equus

    An aspiring duelist's life changes forever when the world of Equestria appears near Earth.
    221,490 words · 2,516 views  ·  81  ·  49
  • T A Dramatic Turn of Events

    A famous real-life rock band from Earth winds up in Equestria.
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Blog Posts98

  • Thursday
    One of the Greatest Stories Ever Written

    My dad found this one back when I was in 6th grade, and it still makes me howl with laughter.

    Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted.

    Here are the scorecards from the event:

    CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIC MONSTER CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A little to heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

    JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

    FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. Those Texans are crazy.

    CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

    JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

    FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave of two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to walkie-talkie in three extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

    CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

    JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili. A bit salty. Good use of red peppers.

    FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced.

    CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

    JUDGE ONE: Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

    JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili.

    FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

    CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

    JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

    JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

    FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Fuckin' Rednecks! ! !

    CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

    JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.

    FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

    CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge # 3.

    FRANK: You could put a fucking Grenade in my mouth, pull the fucking pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my fucking mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit, to match my fucking shirt. At least the during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach.

    CHILI # 8: HELEN'S MOUNT SAINT CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

    JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good balanced chili, neither mild now hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.

    3 comments · 47 views
  • Monday
    Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks Review

    13 comments · 77 views
  • 1w, 1d
    Are You Motherfucking Serious?


    You know, I'm now actually compelled to watch it in its entirety.

    2 comments · 62 views
  • 1w, 2d
    There, I Finally Fucking Saw It!

    8 comments · 104 views
  • 2w, 2d
    That Was Trippy

    1 comments · 49 views
  • ...
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#1 · 125w, 4d ago · 1 · · Rarity ·

The title made me lose the game. :raritydespair:

So, before reading, some kind of Jumanji-esque thing you got here? I'll be sure to take a look at it.

#2 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Rarity ·

>>658357

about the game [youtube=CEgh8TUlpQc&feature=related]

And this fic seems good. I like

#3 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Rarity ·

>>658366

lol...

I treat it as more of a joke than anything else. But... lol...

#4 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Rarity ·

After reading. SexJumangi......

[youtube=m5RtlpXsl8k&feature=related]

#5 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Rarity ·

>>658368

[youtube=paw_2EJBzFs&feature=related]

#6 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Rarity ·

Yeah, gotta agree with Sorren. I liked the concept at first, but sex Jumanji... er, no thanks. Not my cup of tea.

#7 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Rarity ·

Jumanji, but sexual...

Well, at least it's original.

#8 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Rarity ·

I can dig it.

Gets better everytime Discord shows up. :rainbowlaugh:

Though "I'm Bi" felt like a cop out to avoid a struggle with Big Mac.

But all was good when Granny Smith was next.:ajsmug:

#9 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Rarity ·

>>658390 In all honesty, it was supposed to be a way to have as many sex-capades with as many characters as possible while still trying to have something resembling a story.

#10 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Rarity ·

An interesting premise, and I look forward to more. Let's see, there's only Applejack and Rainbow Dash left out of the Mane 6. I look forward to those.

#11 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Rarity ·

Wow... Should I feel ashamed of myself for reading this???:rainbowderp:

Oh well... This is good keep it up:trollestia: that's what she said:facehoof:

#12 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Rarity ·

dude

what

#14 · 125w, 4d ago · 1 · 1 · Big Macintosh ·

well, this IS gay :X

#15 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Rarity ·

>>660538 :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU'RE SO FUNNY!!!! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

#16 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Pinkie Pie ·

“Okay, said Pinkie

Should be “Okay," said Pinkie

#17 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Rarity ·

>>660845 Microsoft Word can be an asshole sometimes.

#19 · 125w, 3d ago · · · Rarity ·

>>658371 You know something? YOU suck!

#20 · 125w, 3d ago · · · Rarity ·

>>662448 Hey now, I hit the like button. Just becasue I don't like the prospect does not mean I can't upvote it for the writing style. Don't be too quick to hate me.

#21 · 125w, 3d ago · · · Rarity ·

>>662526 You reference Billy Madison, I reference Billy Madison. You see how that works?

#22 · 125w, 3d ago · · · Rarity ·

>>662539 Oh bleh, now I do. As a matter of fact. I have that very clip. here.

[youtube=22YWYAtcyEA&feature=related]

#23 · 125w, 3d ago · · · Delivery/Fluttershy ·

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: that is the best portal ever

#24 · 125w, 3d ago · · · Big Macintosh ·

"OH FU-":rainbowlaugh:

#25 · 125w, 3d ago · · · Rarity ·

next chapter is going to be epic

#26 · 125w, 3d ago · 2 · · Big Macintosh ·

If that happened to me:

*See's Big mac*

0_0

#27 · 125w, 3d ago · · · Rarity ·

>>667113 You lost the game. Literally.:pinkiesad2:

But seriously, that was one of one of the funniest responses I've seen on my story.

#28 · 125w, 2d ago · · · Queen Chrysalis ·

Dayum. That was intense.

And d'awww. Crying Chrysalis just sounds cute. Odds are she won't be hungry anytime soon.

So, who's next? Celestia? Luna? Both at once? :twilightblush: Maybe even... Discord himself? :twilightoops:

#29 · 125w, 2d ago · · · Queen Chrysalis ·

>>658378 BTW, how do you get to make YouTube videos as comments like that? I MUST know.

#30 · 125w, 2d ago · · · Queen Chrysalis ·

>>668352 "Odds are she won't be hungry anytime soon."

And frankly, neither will he. :ajsmug:

Comment posted by The sad mare deleted at 3:18am on the 17th of June, 2013

those portals just make me rethink the universe  

#33 · 125w, 2d ago · 1 · · Big Macintosh ·

“I’m bisexual.” “I’m bisexual.”........“I’m bisexual.”  

MIND FUCK!

#34 · 125w, 2d ago · · · Rarity ·

My reaction from start to finish:

Oh cool, Jumangi! :pinkiehappy:

*reads a little bit*:rainbowhuh:

HUH!?

Then I skipped to 'Rarity' for... reasons:moustache:

"Granny Smith's pussy" :rainbowderp:

I immediately regret coming here.:derpytongue2:

Take care of yourself, goodbye!

#35 · 125w, 2d ago · · · Queen Chrysalis ·

>>669267 Me and my 22 likes and 47 favorites will do just that. :ajsmug:

#36 · 125w, 2d ago · · · Queen Chrysalis ·

mmm... Kinky...

damnit discord

#38 · 125w, 1d ago · 1 · · Pinkie Pie ·

how long is this fine gentleman's penis exactly?

#39 · 125w, 1d ago · · · Queen Chrysalis ·

>>677288 You might want to re-read Chapter 1.

#40 · 124w, 6d ago · · · Queen Chrysalis ·

Upthumbed JUST because of the tumblr that featured the boxer-unbuttoning scene :rainbowlaugh:

#41 · 124w, 6d ago · · · Queen Chrysalis ·

>>686174 Where is this? I must see it.

#42 · 124w, 6d ago · · · Queen Chrysalis ·

>>686180

WTFponyfanfiction

I got featured in this tumblr too, for "But... the gaaaaay, Dashie! The gay!" :rainbowlaugh:

#44 · 124w, 6d ago · · · Queen Chrysalis ·

>>686241

Actually I've been featured TWICE, both for audacious moments that were meant to be how they were- but neither have links anymore. I'm glad I got to follow the link on yours :ajsmug:

#45 · 124w, 5d ago · · · The Princesses ·

Fuck yeah, I love the Princest.  This fic has been awesome so far.  Are you by any chance going to put the CMC in this fic?

#46 · 124w, 5d ago · · · The Princesses ·

awesome side effects, yo

#47 · 124w, 5d ago · 2 · · The Princesses ·

*ahem* This may have been brought up before, but you suffer from 'Wall of Text' Syndrome. You don't seem to know how to break paragraphs up.

EVERY time a different person speaks (like switching between the protagonist, Discord, Celestia, or Luna), you need to make a new paragraph. It's a fundamental rule of writing. If you ignore such basic rules, you trade quality for speed in putting the chapters out. Though, really, how hard is it to hit the 'Enter' key every time you switch speakers?

Also, I noticed that your tenses slipped up a couple of times between past and present tense.

I know you're probably enjoying writing this, but for the love of Celestia, get somepony to proofread these chapters before you post them! This is a good story, and I hate to see it degraded by poor writing skills!

#48 · 124w, 5d ago · · · The Princesses ·

This guy is right^

But I prefer the wall of text as he/she puts it so do what ever you want :scootangel:

Cos this is good:trollestia:

#49 · 124w, 5d ago · · · The Princesses ·

“It was just a group of horny bronies in some town in a place called Louisiana who casted some kind of black magic spell on a Jumanji board game and some of these My Little Pony figurines.  And voila, you now see the finished product.”

:pinkiecrazy:....

:pinkiecrazy: I wonder how many human sacrifices will be needed to build this game.... Hopefully none...

:pinkiehappy: Challenge accepted!

:pinkiecrazy: If you guys need me I will be busy with my dark magics, after all there is no rest for a Necromancer.

#50 · 124w, 5d ago · · · The Princesses ·

yummy thats all i can say

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