That description alone makes me think this will be a superior HiE story. Marked to read for later, will return tonight.

>>653618653618 Ditto. After I've read it, I will edit this comment with my thoughts.

[strike]I'll just ask you one thing: did you ask DannyJ permission to make this? I won't rage with this point, but I just think it would be the polite thing to do.[/strike]

Disregard that. I just saw his update about it.

Yup, it is definitely well written and I'm kind of eager to see what happens next... curious, because I usually hate HiE stories (this and Human being one of the few exceptions)

>>653631653631

I'm the editor.

>>653649653649 Just edited the comment, DannyBoy.

>>653653653653

OMG HUMAN.

I'm liking this. Can't wait for more!

This is a bit different than usual..

Proceed.

-EDIT-

Just read Human.. Am now officially psyched to hear about this prequel/prologue.

I think he took it in stride, all in all.

Heya Dannyboy, how's it feel to have other people writing side-stories for your work?

Here's a question; do you consider this canon to the story of Human?

About the fic; looking pretty good so far. Not quite as zany or fast-paced as the beginning to Human was, but I suppose that's to be expected. Consider yourself tracked.

>>653796653796

Completely. There are already a few subtle references to this story in recent chapters of Human if you know what you're looking for.

>>653814653814

In that case, I shall give your story's latest chapters yet another read-through. You magnificent bastard you.

Wow! Now I know how to write a good story! Use drugs! Thanks DannyJ! :D

...just kidding :3.

Good story so far also.

I had this idea a few monthes ago. Never got around to trying it out.  Oh well, good on ya for getting it out here!

oh yeah a Human sequel/prequel brace yourself epicness incoming

dafuq

I wouldn't have pegged Human as being a story someone would start writing sidefics to, but I'm pleasantly surprised. Continue to surprise me pleasantly.

I enjoyed this chapter thoroughly.  Added to favourites.

The reaction to your wonderful story

Image: http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/137/0/2/lyra_and_bon_bon_gusta_pizza_by_mallinda-d502fd8.png

You sir have earned a spot in my top ten well done!

Image: http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/wtf-photos-videos-like-a-sir.jpg

She approached the river edge and took a deep breath. She had to make it quite clear from the beginning that she was a friend. Unlike those stupid ponies that had attacked the last humans who visited on sight.

I lol'd, that's how a lot of HiE fics i read went!

>>653618653618

Ditto.

I'm to tired to read this right now, i'll read it later. Send this to Poultron!

Hmmm.... When I read the title I thought this would have something to do with "50 Shades of Grey"...

Image: http://chzmemebase.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/internet-memes-dethroned-by-its-own-fan-fiction.jpg

Great story! I lol'd at the editors notes and the allusion to Pokèmon. Keep up the great writing!

P.s. the only bad thing is that this may spark a chain of 'Human' stories leading to us meeting the Nine-hundred Twenty-sixth

>>654325654325

Haha than

>>654527654527

*braces* Oh man I am so excited. Any idea when it will be here?

>>654663654663

Why thank you, more to come :3

>>654834654834

Does that make me Berry Punch? Awesome!

>>654896654896

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwN0gcfrSxs

>>655419655419

I have never read that book before. But who is up for a romance subplot?!

A sidestory of the first fanfiction I gave a chance. (Started chapter one minutes after the damned thing was posted.) AND its good. AND being edited by the author of the first story. AND that editor promised bat-shit insanity even through evil editor power means.

...

Go on...

>>655461655461

"Fifty Shades of Grey" originated as a Twilight fanfiction. I haven't read it either, but personally, I don't expect this mix to end well.

>>655552655552

Which mix?

>>655461655461

You haven't read "50 Shades of Grey?"

It's an erotic fiction. You don't want to.

At least I don't think you want to . . .

cool

cool is good

>>655556655556

That would be the 'Twilight + Fanfiction' mix. And I mean the Stephenie Meyer Twilight, not our Twilight

well first off i would like to thank you for your addition to FIM.com. it is one of the better ones that i have seen and only one chapter in and you have me hooked! keep up the great work!

I sware if I had a dollar for every time I see a Human In Equestria fic where the OC rans his/hers hand through his/her hair... I'd be a billionaire...

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I love human, but I was really missing the mane 6. Hopefully they will have major roles in this fic, since they are actually alive in this time period. And thank you you not making third a brony, HIE fics with bronies are so awkward.

OH NO ANOTHER HUMAN IN EQUESTRIA STORY!

*looks at description*

SCREW MY BIAS, I'M READING THIS!

Someone correct me because I am very confused, if this takes place 5 years after Lord seconds reign, and his reign was 1000 years after the original elements died. How come the Mane Six and alive and Lyra. Someone help a confused person out, before my brain fucks itself.

>>656130656130

This takes place five years after First and Second first appeared in Equestria. The events in Human take place 1000 years after First and Second appeared.

Ohhhhhhhh, Thank you for clearing that up, my brain was reading everything wrong

Fancypants is part of the Brotherhood of Man. Why am I not surprised?

Interesting... continue.

I'm confused, the original Brotherhood of Man wasn't so much evil as just curious about the new species, and then slowly evolved into the evil, princess-hating cult they are today, right?

Correct me if I'm wrong

35 views and 123 likes? Because screw logic. Real comment will come in a few hours time when I read the fic this is based off of...Wow I really need to think things through more.

>>656898656898

Disregard logic, acquire ponies.

Interesting. I use to leave comments in your Human story about me being the third after I read second killing what his face I think Broadsword because that part of the story came out of no where. I didn't know there was going to be a third. Well anyway keep up the awesome work. I can't wait for the chapter.

well if my eye sight wasent blurry from all the reading i would read this but till later i will have to put this on for read later.

I... may go back and read Human.

I haven't bothered to read the comments yet, so I have no idea if this has been answered already; will Hayato (the Third) have powers like First and Second? The Authors Notes said it would stay true to the Human universe, but I wasn't completely sure.

>>655461655461 yep you are this

Image: http://www5.picturepush.com/photo/a/6756118/480/Picture-Box/41814---Ask-Berry-Punch-Sober-berry-punch.jpg?v0

hmmm... not bad... i will have to read more before giving an actual opinion.

Fantastic. It will be interesting to see what comes of this.

I assume the plot revolves around Tirac, the dragon extinction, and this Eclipse thing? It also brings up other questions, such as where the Third is during the events of the other story. The First controls the afterlife now, and it was said that he was the only human there, and the Second is doing stuff as well.

So then if the Third did not die then what happened? Did his spirit leave with the other elements when he passed on? Did he go back home?

All questions I look forward to getting the answers to.

There were many grammar issues.

And the writing was... adequate.

The plot didn't make sense to me, oh well.

>>657545657545

...just use a text-to-speech software, problem solved.

Also, that'd allow you to perform other tasks simultanously, such as, say, playing videogames or draw silly pictures and whatnot.

>Celestia was more than happy to let them stay, and got a good laugh at the little dragons addition, that she was quite sure that Twilight knew nothing about.

Fix this

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png

>Stargate

Image: http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/t/stargateplz.jpg

>I for one welcomed our new human overlords.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png

>we will be stronger together

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_YouDontSay2.png

>I do not wish to put them in more harms way

>What of the Reapers Horn?

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png

Damn, I need to finish reading the other one first

Soooo yeah. This is amazing. Really... Nuff said. Just amazing and I look forward to more.

Just plain amazing. Kudos.

Hahahahaha! I hope this human makes the ponies run and cry in fear hahahaha!

Human overlords? Oh hell yes... makes me feel proud to be a human being.

>>655461655461It all depends of how fast you update

Is this story going to follow the events of 'Human', or deviate away from them?

>>659346659346

It's a prequel set a thousand years before, so they'll be largely separate stories with some recurring elements and references to each other.

only good HiE fic ive ever seen. well done.

Edit: because normally I don't like HiE fics, and usually don't read them, but this one looks good.

seems like a good HiE fanfic looking forward to the rest

also is the Reapers Horn a gun? or something japanesy? or is it just some odd weapon? i'm interested must know!

>>660001660001

The answers an be found in Human, to which this is a prequel.

So...I'm going to assume this is an alternate universe from the original 'Human', or they don't learn much about this 'Third'?  As in that story, the princesses were still just as clueless about humans as they were when they defeated First and Second.

>>660046660046

ok thanks i'l go look for that fic

>>656640656640

This question and more will be answered in future chapters.

>>660001660001

You should read up to chapter 8 of Human before reading this.

>>660050660050

No this is in the same world as Human. They don't get much from him. All I am going to say on it for now. You will have to wait until future chapters for more on this.

>>660076660076

ok

also why only to chapter 8?

>>660084660084

You don't need to stop at chapter 8. It is just recommended that you read up to that point to get an understanding of the Human universe. Otherwise you might miss some references in the story or it may leave you a bit confused. Such as with the Reaper Horn. You can find the link to Human in the story description.

>>660070660070

There's a link to it in the description of this story.

Just a heads up; Human is random and zany as hell. You have been warned.

I was so ready for Fifty Shades of Gray: Pony Style

>>660285660285

Oh sweet my first hater. Can....can I hug you?

Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes I love this already and to quote a movie who's name I have forgotten. Please sir may I have some more

Sincerely the Doctor

“I for one welcomed our new human overlords.”

epic

>>658545658545

is that what happend to your avatar picture

Human, a fanfiction so good it has it's own fanfiction...

This turned out better than I thought, fantastic look forward to the next chapter

should i read all of human first? only up to 8? read this first? what do I do?!

>>661235661235

It is recommended that you read at least to chapter 8 before reading this story.

>>658561658561 ">I for one welcomed our new human overlords.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png

Human overlords eh? Hmmm, sounds interesting to me... You mean this guy here in armor?

Image: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/7c/Overlord_pc_uk.jpg

^_^

Good strong writing, can't wait to see where this goes. I can kinda piece togeather parts, but that only adds to the fun!! It took me a moment to try and fill in the continuity, but I'm glad that DannyJ is going to make sure everything fits.

Honestly, that was the only thing I was really worried about. If it messed up the other story for me, continutity-wise, I'd have to put it down.

On one hand, I'm really excited to see how these could potentially work into each other, and on the other, I feel really bad for the both of you if you'll try and reference back in forth in the two stories.

So.... Good luck! And I'll be watching for more!

>>660285660285

Holy crap, you're that guy from the comments on Equestria Daily!

Welcome home, dear brother! *offers handshake*

>>660297660297

The funny thing is, this guy's name will sound familiar if you've looked through the comments in Human's post on EqD. I believe that Danny also referenced him in the author's notes at the end of one of the chapters.

Apparently, he thinks that not giving characters who are destined to die early on a ridiculously detailed backstory, in a story which was receiving complaints about pacing, no less, makes Human a 'trollfic'.

Much like Danny, he just fascinates me.

Nice start my friend I have high expectations for this story, but I Believe in you!!!!

ed the Stargate reference!!! I really miss those series' and I'm glad to see someone else who enjoyed them.

Also pleased that Danny is  your editor, that way i don't have to worry about things conflicting each other

Reminds me though how things coudlv'e gone much diffrent for Howard and Anthony . Imagine how much help they could've been later if things didn't turn out so sour.

Cant wait for MOAR!!!!!!

P.S. Who came up with the idea for this story?

I didn't like the first one due to how weird the set up was and how corny and crazy it was. This one on the other hand shows promise.

>>662376662376

The great DannyJ would like it to be noted that he has never named names in his author's notes, except to give credit where credit is due to people who have done things he approves of.

>>661860661860

>>663721663721

Image: http://thumbhost.eu/thumb-5699_areyoufuckingkiddingme.jpg

Oh, kappa! Ha ha ha! When I first read it, my mind translated it as 'koopa'. I was very confused. Great story!

So it is.. So it is a story with a help of the editor.... mhmmm... interesting.... keep writing... i likey very much...

>>663721663721

And your complaints are just as asinine here as they were on EqD.

Yup, you're the same person alright.

Image: http://monicarodgers.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/willy-wonka-wilder1.jpg?w=640

>>663721663721

I knew about Human before but never read it until last night. I wanted to go up to chapter 8 at least to read this one. I couldn't do it. I got pissed at the storm of plot points that made absolutely no sense and were generally bad. I threw my hands in the air and went "NOPE!" when some mares came and claimed they were from the United States of America.

>>664888664888

Hm, most of everything made sense to me. What about it, exactly, were you unable to understand?

I threw my hands up at that line as well, but from laughter rather than disgust. That seems to be the case a lot of the time; most of what the more vocal critics called 'pointless', I saw as humorous, and as having the point of establishing what kind of looney, raised-on-the-internet goofballs Second and First were. Personally, I thought it was a huge improvement over the angsty, 'every-human-is-evil-except-me' Mary Sue that many characters in HiE tend to be, and to be honest, Second is actually a very complex character, especially for a work of fanfiction. How complex? I basically wrote two essays about his character alone, that's how much, not to mention everything I've written about the rest of the story.

The only thing that I don't think was explained very well was how Second escaped from his cell around chapter 5, and I trust that it will be explained later on, as Danny has kept a decent track record when it comes to that sort of thing. Aside from that, I don't have many complaints with the plot.

Though I can understand how someone wouldn't be able to get into it if they weren't a big fan of randomness and lunacy. Ah well, to each their own.

>>665069665069

I will put my hands up and admit that a lot of things are very nonsensical and silly, but I'm not going to apologise for it, because it's meant to be that way. Human is not a serious, dramatic work. It's an absurd-ist parody making use of lots of different types of comedy, with serious elements spliced between to provide juxtaposition. I can understand why Beezel wouldn't like it, but I feel that's largely down to mindset, which is also my fault because the story description treats it seriously. I think too many people are going into it under the impression that I'm writing a serious literary work with lots of comedic asides, when really it's the comedy that comes first. They're expecting EastEnders and I'm giving them Monty Python's parrot sketch. I can't blame them for that, but it does kind of depress me when people walk out because it's too over the top for them, when it was always written to be over the top in the first place.

Hmmm.... what do ponies dream about?

Well.... this is a bit akward....

Wow this reminds me of Naruto the First, the Second and the Third Hokage hahahaha but this is very interesting keep it up

>>665540665540

ehhhhh, meh

>>665264665264>>665069665069

I'm actually glad you showed up to talk about it! You're right though in that I didn't like it that much because it was over the top. If your intended purpose was comedy, then I felt the tone of the story was too serious. In fact, to me, everything seemed to genuinely tell a story! And, to me, it failed on that part. I saw the synopsis and said "hey! this could be interesting". But then Second turned out to be an all powerful trickster who finds pleasure in shooting ponies with his shotgun, First is revealing pseudo-existentialist bullshit about how they're animated characters and blergh. That fourth wall crap doesn't turn me on, at all.

I didn't read everything, but I'm guessing the elements renew themselves in the descendants of the mane 6, yeah? (And a few other characters, I may have gotten them wrong)  If so, I was largely disappointed in their characters. Kindness is showed to mind control people left and right, Honesty lied for the better part of his life, Magic's big spell is a lightning shock in the flank, and I still can't figure out Explodey and that one goofy guard.

But, now that you say that it was MEANT to be silly, I can understand a bit. And I won't chastise you for it. If I had known earlier, I may have had a different opinion. Now, I read all of that with the idea in mind that you were trying to tell a sad/dark/adventure/HiE with hints of comedy.

@Jet : I don't like those Mary Sue humans either. However, I despise even more humans who have knowledge of the MLP universe; that shit pisses me off to no end. I don't hate silly things, but they need to be branded as such beforehand. If you don't, you need to be able to properly convey it in your writing. That's where it failed for me.*

*I keep saying "for me", because I realise at this point that it's an opinion thing. Not trying to convince anyone here, just saying why I didn't like it.

>>665264665264

Hey, don't worry about it too much, Danny. True, now that you bring it up I've noticed how the description may be a bit... misleading, if the comedy tag (and newly added random tag, if I'm not mistaken) isn't a good enough indication. But an author should only settle for the best when it comes to his work, and that, my friend, is one damn good intro. I can't think of any changes I would make, personally.

Don't beat yourself up too bad over it. If the ratings are to be believed, most people like this story, despite the bad rep that HiE gets, and despite whatever shortcomings it may have; so much so, that people are even writing their own stories to add to the world you've created. And, as you've said, that is a pretty notable accomplishment in and of itself.

For what it's worth, Second's reduction of one of the most influential documents in my nation's history to a 'Dear Equestria, Fuck you, trolololololol' had me burying my face in the pillow from laughter. :3

>>665630665630

I will watch this...

So Third is not a fan of My Little Pony, eh?  

>>665683665683

Well, that's all fair enough, though I hope you won't mind me dropping some minor spoilers by saying that most of your complaints about characters being ill fitting of their element is probably because they're not the elements you think they are, though you do have some sort of right. Making the descendants of the original Elements into the new Elements though, would be too easy and obvious, so I didn't do that. The guy who spent most of his life lying isn't honesty for obvious reasons, though being a descendent of Applejack I'm hardly going to blame you for thinking he is, or for any of your other assumptions for that matter since you only have so much context to base your guesses on.

Like I said, I don't blame you for dropping out and skipping the rest of the story. That is my fault, and while I won't apologise for making the story the way I did, I am sorry that the introduction was so misleading, and I have updated the description with a disclaimer and added a random tag so that we hopefully don't suffer such confusion again. Since you've already read it through the first time with this mindset, I can't imagine the fic made a good impression on you, and I don't expect you'll want to try re-reading again, and for that I am wholeheartedly sorry.

But I know that even if you did go into it with the right mindset, my style of comedy still isn't suited to everyone, as your reaction to Second demonstrated; He is meant to be mainly played for comedy, in the same way that the Joker from Batman or the John Simm Master from Doctor Who is, and the fourth wall aspect is an integral element to the "story" as it is. So there's no guarantee you would have liked it even if you did experience it the way I intended. Really, it all comes down to personal taste, and I accepted the fact that I can't please everybody quite a while ago. I'm not going to hold this against you, I will only apologise for a third time for introducing you to Human the way I did, and hope that I don't have this issue with anyone else in future, and that you never have to experience it with any other fics.

I thank you for being so polite with me, and I wish you the best.

>>665731665731

I hope you know that my aforementioned onsets of depression are only held at bay by your kind words, and I appreciate how much you seem to genuinely enjoy my work. It's having fans, actual fans, like you, that reminds me that works can be flawed without being bad.