Follow the Rogue Steel Ranger as she fights to find out what happened to her Stable
Page generated in 0.047 seconds
Total duration
980 users online
338,940 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
hahhahah thats got to hurt lol good story bro surprised no 1 has commented its good stuff some problems with missing letters but minor stuff.
I noticed you have a problem with sticking to one tense, and run on sentences. This quote shows both of them at once.
You should stick to past tense, it's normally the best for these types of stories, you should also pay attention to how many 'and's you have in a single sentence. They're a give away to run ons.
Your most common misspelling seems to be missing the last letter of the word, you do that quite a bit as well.
okay so pony turned into rainbow dash fighting over mind and now with the characters so far so good
Hmmm.........why was she at the stable in first place and what was her enclave squad doing at the time. I hope this gets revealed later.
As for the cloning............what possessed Scootaloo to think this was a good idea? And what well intended purpose would it have served. The other ones so far would have made sense as far as making a better Equestria, including the CMC computer mainframe, intergrating Zebras and Ponies together, etc, but THIS?................OY
I feel bad when I make complaints about things in the story because it makes it look like I hate it, and that is not my intention at all. I know there is plenty to love and there is plenty of awesome incoming and plenty of meat to this tale. It's just that some of the problems I feel have to be addressed. Like this one here, where we have a total POV switch. Nowin FOE it works, because we had reached the end of the story and were at an epilouge. Little Pip was not in the story anymore so we needed the others to fill in the blanks. Not the case here.
Here, it is sadly jarring and very confusing as it takes me out of the story. I feel like we are being given info that could've been easily said and/or done from the pov of Longshot. Instead we are given the motiivations from the outset.
That being said, Motor Runner is awesome and there is enough meat here to get me engrossed into him as a character.
I'm guessing she's basically rainbow dash but with medical training?
and a bit of sky fire?
if so I FUCKING LOVE IT!!!
yeah, in one of the fallout games there was a Vault inhabited entirely by crazy clones...
and in Project Horizons, someone got turned into Rainbow Dash by "killing joke"...
So I’m guessing this stable was meant to be full of dna samples to grow a whole new generation of ponies to repopulate the world after it blew up, but the computer in charge malfunctioned or something causing the clones to freak out and for things to start breaking.
9345013
Think of it as Vault 108 with all the Garys
Typo
This was an odd chapter to say the least