Follow the Rogue Steel Ranger as she fights to find out what happened to her Stable
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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its looken good keep it up.
dude epic bro continue on :D
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319560 I am glad you are enjoying it so far
320103 yes i did
100693
I feel the same way bro, I'm not super good at writing (Considering I only started really loving writing around 5 months or so.) But I started my own fic which I'm very proud of considering it's my first real story. I might have to read this but I'm caught up with everything else right now. I wish I could write like FoE and PH and other stories but I can't. Anyway, I will have to read this when I get the chance.
325223 thank you, and thank you for your interest, i hope you enjoy it when you get around to it
328336 Lets just hope your not a bad pony in the wasteland
381997 you won't have to worry about that
I'm surprised how much of a tie-in this story is to Project Horizons. Have you considered contacting Somber and maybe asking if he'd make a mention of a few things from your story? Also great work, I enjoy this story, it's pretty engaging and interesting.
Admittedly if you did get it to tie-in, You would have to fix a few events which are not chronologically accurate. Blackjack's Stable were all killed before the Balefire Bomb that Littlepip used on the Goddess was activated, ages ago in fact, meaning they would all have been long dead before Motor Runner returned to Hoofingtoon to get his synapsis link augmentation. The bomb should have gone off around the time Blackjack was trying to save Chapel from Sanguine, meaning Sanguine wouldn't be at the Hoofington dome to give Motor Runner his augmentation.
Unless I'm missing some big time skips, you've gotten some major events from Fallout Equestria and Project Horizons all muddled up. Plus Sanguine wouldn't have time to give Motor Runner his augmentation, he would've been with Vermilion by that point and Appletart would be near the end of her pregnancy if these were time skips. I do enjoy this story, I've just spent too much time on the wiki and reading those two stories and re-reading them to notice some major plot holes.
If you'd like some assistance in rewriting the story to fit in certain events chronologically, then lemme know sometime and I'll see what I can figure out.
450764 When Motor Runner was attacked by Stable 99 ponies it was before the bomb detonation and in some areas its been days in traveling when going to new places like from the Train Station to Pondale, between there I did a chapter which only involved Motor Runner and the new cloned Sky Fire and i mentioned days towards the end of that one. I'm not trying to tie Broken Steel in with PH, just some minor aspects for Motor Runner, now that he's got the Link there won't be anything really to involve PH.
451031 Ok thanks for clearing that up a little, exactly when did Motor Runner go back to Hoofington? Was it during the time Blackjack was dealing with her Stable or sometime between then and Sanguine's monitoring under Vermilion.
451067 It could be before or after as there could still be 99 ponies out in the wastes, like a group that had been sent out to bring back fresh meat and all that. In terms of when it could be after since the Balefire bomb detonation wasn't that far from it but keep in mind this was before the chapters of PH where Sanquine had been out trying to lure BJ back to the Hoof.
459363 I hope you enjoy it as you continue :3
So, finally gotten around to reading this again after taking a break from it, and I still believe the same mistakes I recall pointing out earlier are being made.
Those being, random-and jarring-changes from past to present tense, sometimes within the same sentence, flow interrupting repetitive word choice, which is practically a constant, and more minor things. Such as lack of punctuation at the end of speech sentences, just because the quotation mark is there doesn't mean there's no punctuation, if it's the end of a complete sentence you still put a period before the quotes.
For example, this sentence:
While it should be:
And then the typically run-of-the-mill mistakes, such as lack of apostrophes, mixing up words, (Such as "your" and "you're") uncapitalised letters etc.
But those are minor things, the most flow interrupting bits are what I mentioned first, the random tense changes and the repetitive word choice.
When it comes to the Motor and Longshot romance, I will have to reread it to remind myself if I liked it or not. Right now it just feels like a strange infatuatio, especially with a guy who i s responsible for the death of her stable. Even if he is tryng to make up for it by saying "I was missinformed." it feels like an OOC moment for him as we have seen him be very excat in his methodology.
I bet he's really boastful about how he's the beast flyer. haha
I ship them
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oh shit well I think its senteint
DA FUQ U DOING HERE
GASP
GET LIL PIP