After an accident in his Grandmother's attic, Silver found himself stranded in a world unlike anything he had ever imagined. Finding himself trapped in this new place, he has no choice but to learn to adapt and grow. Wings, magic, and cities that float high among the clouds are only some of the adventures he'll be faced with on his journey. But wondrous sights and new friends will not replace his old ones. Will he find a way home, or will he be forced to live out the rest of his days with home as nothing but a fading memory.
Chapters (24)
Not a bad first attempt. I feel that the wording and/or paragraphing could use work, a lot of bits just seemed tacked on the end. I would suggest an internal voice for Silver, so he's not explaining his feelings all the time.
Other than that, this is a good, solid and well thought out start. I feel Silver has established himself as a thoughtful, somewhat intelligent character. While the general plot at this point seems fairly cliche, this doesn't detract from what is clearly a well planned introduction to Equestria.
Overall, it's fairly average. But it has potential.
Have Silver and Dawn considered checking to see if they are from the same world? If they are, Silver might be able to use her mirror as a way home.
Looking at magic from the outside really is a complicated thing. But so is looking at flight and earth pony traits. Silver's getting his pacing nicely though.
I like it, it's one of those stories that I get hooked immediately on.
Tiny errors here and there. but barely noticeable. Like that uncapitalized "i" and Dawn's name in one of Celestia's lines isn't capitalized. It's supposed to be Dawn not dawn lol anyway it's good so far. I just noticed there was a Meadow dawn side of the story XD
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I'll keep reading this. Seems nice. Grammar's better than 90% of everything else.
While the plot itself might seem fairly cliche right now, you've gotta agree that the usage of the mirror isn't a very common method.
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While that's a good idea, I think it's safe to assume that there's only one mirror per world.
I ship Silver & Dawn
Fan-made Facts compiled on Magic of Pegasi and Earth Ponies
Interestingly enough, Unicorns aren't the only ones that can actively use magic, those it's far easier for them and they are more versatile in their uses. Based off of multiple fics, Pegasi use their magic to fly as well as manipulate weather. The more powerful a Pegasus's magic the faster and more weather resistant they are. In-fact some Pegasi have been recorded to be able to shoot lightning or ice from their wings. Most of these Pegasi are found in the armed forces or the Wonderbolts. Earth Pony magic deals with their connection to nature. As such a magically powerful Earth Pony is known to be able to have argumented strength, endurance, create magically infused objects or alter things in nature (though not enchant items, an example is the Tree House Twilight Used to live in), and though extremely difficult be able to control the earth to a more volatile degree. In the military Earth Ponies that can use their magic in such a way are called Earth Movers, and any Earth Pony shown to have such a talent under goes special training to utilize.
Yeah...trying to play rough like tyhat mare is illresponsible and dangerous...
The shipping is strong! Nice to see Silver supports my ship too. And that other ponies where shipping him and Dawn... (I sounds unprofessional to use shipping... relationship support?)
The fight scene was pretty good. I'm surprised it took him so long to consider using his martial arts rather than trying to watch swordsmanship with swordsmanship. Swordsmareship? Either way, Black Mane needed that.
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It is misleading to say facts, when that is all headcanon/fanon stuff.
6417274 I will correct this ERROR
I like the story so far.
The only real thing I think needed/still needs improvement is their excuses for why they could not fly or use magic. Being from some small town outside of Equestria where they were the only one of their kind, does not cut it, and the princesses would have helped them with better reasons that could stand up to some scrutiny. Black Mane, or who ever it was, was correct about even being the only one, not ever trying to fly was fishy (and the one that said it to Meadow Dawn).
Also, since it seems like each mirror goes to its own world, you would have thought the Princesses would have asked if they were ponies before showing up in Equestria, or something else. Unless they know for a fact that ever one of those mirrors goes to a world that is always humans, which would be mighty strange.
Lol Black Mane got rekt!
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While I agree that Silver saying he hasn't tried flying until just recently may sound a hair fishy to some, Celestia had entrusted him to Breezy, one of the best flight teachers at hand. And as Breezy said, she had asked him not to pry into the matter. Had Breezy not tried betting on Silver, and testing his limits as he did leading up to the encounter with Black mane, no one would have ever known of Silver's lack of flight experience. He would have simply been able to pass it off by saying that he was a bad flier, and was at the academy to improve.
Dawn too is in a similar state. Having been entrusted to Breezy's wife, Lemon Bloom. For the most part, they were both decently well isolated during their initial learning days. Breezy was just overly proud, and Dawn wanted to share with Stalwart.
You did bring up a very key point I missed though, in that how did Luna know Silver wasn't a pony to begin with. I have since tweaked my first chapter to explain that. I hope it flows a bit better to you all now^^
Well...Finally got the detail of the race in his point of view...Dawn's POV barely mentioned it...due to the...situation, I guess.
6432539 Well, when you're doing your best not to get dizzy or faint because you can't handle the heights, you kinda don't remember much!
Nice chapter. Go Rainbow Dash.
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Until you posted, and I checked your user page due to the name and profile picture, I never knew there was a side of the story with Meadow's perspective. There is nothing I've read here that even points to its existence. I highly recommend that you both add that little feature into the actual description for each story about the opposing viewpoint, under the stuff you already have. Similar to how many people do it for when their stories are part of some verse, or based on x story.
And, I don't mean a blog post like you have. It is good for a blog post, but not everyone will go to your page and see it. Or it may get buried under other posts in the future. That's why I recommend putting it under the story description.
Stalwart's starting to seem a bit... iffy.
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That is an very good idea. I'll be sure to do that. Thank you^^
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My curiosity drives me to ask... How so?
6433089 I concur with Silver, this is an excellent idea, and we will implement it as soon as possible
6433482 I dunno. Just a feeling. I might lose it if I can ever get time to read the fic about Dawn, but... You get the idea
6433651 Even reading his side again, I fail to see how stalwart is 'iffy'. Then again, it doesn't help that explaining it with such a vague term leaves us both wondering what exactly you mean by that in the first place.
6433963 ...I never claim to be good at expressing my meanings.
...
In fact, I'd say I barely rate mediocre.
I see Silver being shipped with Sky Flare ;3 I think that's hawt
"racers"
either change it to "Sky Flare would have been in less trouble in here than I was," or "Sky Flare would have had less trouble in here than I had,"
"to the"
I fully support the SilverFlare ship. SkyWing? Either way works. Totally didn't expect him to have any chance of beating RD, and Sky's pretty ambitious to be trying it considering speed isn't her thing. Maybe out stunt fly, but not outrace is a better goal. Flying really must be Silver's talent for him to be coming in second with the training he's gotten. The wall run is genius though.
6442823 So aside from the few slipups that spellcheck and our proofreading missed, what did you think of the actual story?
6443676 The story? Love it! Better than some of the other HIE stories out there, also, not having the element bearers involved from the get go makes far more sense than it would if they were simply informed from the get go.
6433479 You need to include an actual link to the story, rather than merely informing us that it exists.
6453893 Every time I look in the "Also liked" column on the right, I see my story listed, even if it's not immediately at the top, and when I click on the Similar tab, our stories are at the top of the list every time. I understand why you'd want it in the description itself, and I was unsure whether a link would be kept, so we went the safer route and reminded people it existed, so that they could look.
Took a little longer to write this chapter than I would have liked (Yay for "Life" lol) But still, hope you all enjoy it ^_^
One word...
Beautiful!
You know, I never considered that aspect of Dawn's character. I wondered briefly about it, but never put more thought into it. It's pretty obvious now though. Nicely done.
You are really working on getting me to pull out the shipping manifest, aren't you? Silver and Sky are adorable together. And they get along so nicely too. The family dinner was just too sweet, particularly Lemon and Breezy subtly encouraging but not pushing the developing bond between the two.
Shame that this hasn't gained much popularity. It truly is a good story so far.
6501478 I'm sure silver appreciates this as much as i do. We put a lot of thought into how the story will progress and that we coordinate timing and so on. May you continue to enjoy our stories!
I enjoyed this new chapter fairly well. With most stories like these, the authors and therefore the main characters don't seem to really care about being stuck in Equestria. Stories like yours are a gem because they go into a character's motivation, what they've lost and what they can achieve. It's also done rather well plot wise and fits in the story without feeling forced.
6501670 I liked a great deal in this chapter of his, even as he wrote it (you have no idea how much it killed me to not reference or hint at it till now), but the biggest thing that I liked was just the family moments. The learning how they (the breezeys) operate as a family, from the parental relationship to the insights of Sky Flare being adopted the chapter before. I'm a sucker for good relationship/character building (which is probably why my story has so much of it, especially in the now finished ch7) and these things do exactly what you said, help develop the story by helping us know what he misses or what is missing from home to equestria, and the things being made that will make equestria be missed if we return home.
You should be asking Sky Flare that :3
Whoooo, I refreshed the page in time to see Silver hit 666 views! Surely this is something ominous and related to my superstitions instead of it simply being another number closer on his way to one thousand views!
You people and your long chapters
An earth pony might not have flight, but they might be harder to take down... Maybe. Either way, you are giving more air for the shipping sails, you are. SilverSky over Canterlot!
Sky doesn't seem to think highly of unicorn. Not in the sense of scorn or disdain, I think. More... professional rivalry. Actually, I wonder how easy/hard it would be to disarm a unicorn...
That fight was more impressive than I expected, considering Dawn's lack of experience. Goes to show what assumptions lead to.
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Yeah... This one would have been a tad long if I hadn't split it, lol. But I 'think' I'm getting better at breaking them up >.<
As for shipping sails.... I have No Idea what you mean. *Looks around innocently*
Why is it always that people will assume that they will not believe you when you are going to tell them the truth? They are good friends and Silver would not throw that away to just spin a yarn. It is past the point where I would ask permission from Celestia to tell Dawn about being a former human.
Stawart seems to be the jealous type that does not want his marefriend to have ANY male friends. Well at least from this chapter it seems that way as I have not read the companion fic.
Dawn is a total neophyte when it come to what a unicorn can do. She is thinking like normal swinging of a sword. If it is blocked, have the sword pivot around whatever it is blocking. Do not try to match force with force. Flow around obstacles and strike. Plus this leaves out everthing a magic can do but levitation or magic missles.
I would love to have the unicorn knock down the smug Silver down more than a peg. The guy could give Rainbow's ego during the events of Mare do Well a run for her money. Plus this fic is written as Silver being OP. It would be good to have a setback for the protagonist. As it is, the story is edging towards the lame o meter as how he breezes through everything.
6655740 So to answer your two comments in one:
1) assuming they won't believe you when you say the truth? It's something called insecurity. People are prone to hiding information if they don't know how others will react until they test the waters further. Silver and Dawn take it for granted that they are from the same world, but they don't want to tell others about there being other worlds as Celestia has asked.
2) Stalwart being jealous? Won't deny, that's a new one for me. You can interpret his behavior however you want, though I can't guarantee I'll either agree or see every point that's brought up from any given person/pony.
3) Dawn is neophyte: Well duh. She/I have only used magic for about two months, and aside from mundane things, have only managed to fix a relic at the detriment of being severely drained for a few days in a row. Giving combat advice afterward is kinda moot, as we are trying to relay dawn learning and trying to grow accustomed to her power (whether it's growing or she's just growing attuned, doesn't matter for this point). I will also say that with her/I having had swordfighting experience with human forms, it only makes sense to initially wield it based on familiarity. As far as leaving out everything magic can do? That's kinda the point. Dawn has to study or duplicate something she's seen so far to make something happen, so suggesting levitation or magic missiles is a red herring topic.
4) Silver doesn't have the psyche of someone who is egotistical, I don't see where you got that idea. Silver is not OP, merely using a fighting style that is unfamiliar. Remember Black Mane? He got 43 hits in on silver before Silver finally knocked him out. The race? Training by the best stunt flier around. This most recent practice run with me? Something he's had time to practice with Sky. Nothing we're introducing is outside the realm of plausibility.
If you feel it leans toward your 'lame-o-meter', fine. More power to you for having your own standards on where you think things should be. We will continue to attempt reflecting things as close to how that world presents everything and how we would interact with it as we can. That is all we will ever promise on that subject.
Wait.....Dawn talked of speaking with Star Swirl the bearded, and then Celestia mentioning food made from a Sweet Apple Acres. Did they exist at the same time? Because I don't think so.
That "shadow of her magic" for Dawn is kinda giving me a soul reaper vibe from Bleach. How her magic manifest into a pony, and how their true potential begins to be realized when they are able to hear the name of their power. If this keeps up, she may start to materialize objects with her magic