Unbroken

by neonpalette93

Another Day, Another Broken Clock

"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!

A brown earth pony stallion screams himself awake. Once his heart rate goes down and he realizes it was just a dream, he rolls over and glances at his hourglass shaped alarm clock.

"6:43. Almost time to open up the shop." He stands up, revealing an hourglass cutie mark resembling the alarm clock, and rushes through his morning routine, including; making his bed, brushing his teeth, combing his mane, and tying his green tie. Once he finishes, he opens his bedroom door to enter the main shop of Time Turner's Clocks and Repairs.

Before he can even leave his room, Time Turner spies two mares outside the front door, who appeared to be locked in a heated argument. He walks out the door and changes his closed sign to open, and turns toward the mares, who were completely oblivious to his presence. He simply leans up against the shop, and listens in on their argument.

"I told you Bon Bon, I didn't do it on purpose!" the mint green unicorn pleads. "It was an accident!"

" I don't want to hear your excuses!" The yellow earth pony mare shoots back. "You ALWAYS say it was an accident! You broke my clock, and it was very special!"

After Bon Bon mentions the broken clock, Time Turner's eyes shoot towards the saddlebags that lay on the ground nearby .The two mares are too busy arguing to notice as he casually walks over and pulls out the clock, gently turning it around in his hooves, examining it for any exterior damage. After finding none, he checks to see if the mares are paying any attention. When he sees they aren't, he turns away from them and pulls a strange metal rod out of a hidden pocket in his collar. He points it at the clock and presses a button on it. It begins to make noise as readings for the clock appear on the screen of a wrist mounted minicomputer that he had also pulled out of his collar. The device reads that there is a rusted spring that had snapped. He puts both devices in his collar pocket and tuns toward the mares.

He clears his throat in an attempt to gain their attention. When that fails, he rings the bell hanging over the door. When they still remain oblivious, he walks over and taps Bon Bon on the shoulder, and swiftly ducks when a hoof swings back toward him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!! I mean you no harm!" He yells as the mint green unicorn uses her magic to hold Bon Bon's hoof in place to prevent a second swing. The yellow mare immediately becomes flustered as the reality of what just happened kicks in.

"Sorry Time Turner. I guess my anger isn't as in check as I thought." She apologizes.

"No need to apologize. I snuck up on you, and you reacted like how many would. Combined with your belief that your friend here broke your clock, I'd say that action was perfectly justified. Speaking of this clock, I know for a fact that your friend did not break the clock. It stopped on its own." He begins to walk into the shop. "Well? Are you coming in?"

"Wait. You looked at the clock without asking?" Bon Bon says as she and her friend follow the stallion into the shop.

He shrugs. "You were arguing, so I took it upon myself to look at the clock. Plus, you saw what happened when I interrupted your argument."

As they enter the shop, the unicorn mare immediately becomes enamored with the many clocks sitting on shelves across the room. "Bon Bon, look at this one!" she says, using her magic to hold up a harp shaped clock.

Bon Bon glances over her shoulder. " Put it down Lyra." She says to her unicorn friend, who frowns and puts the clock back on the shelf, before darting across the room to another clock. Bon Bon continues her conversation with Time Turner. " If Lyra didn't break it, then what's wrong with it?"

"Rusted spring. Easy fix. Shouldn't take more than a few minutes." He says. When they get to his workbench at the back of the shop, he picks up a screwdriver with his mouth, and begins to unscrew the back.

Bon Bon looks puzzled. "How did you even know that it was just a rusty spring?"

Time Turner hesitates, before putting the screwdriver down. "I have my ways."

Bon Bon counters. "And what ways are those?"

"Secret ways. Ways your simple mind wouldn't be able to comprehend. No offense." He picks up his screwdriver and continues working, while Bon Bon wanders off to find Lyra.

A few minutes later, a bell rings throughout the shop. Bon Bon goes back to Time Turner's workbench and is greeted by a working, ticking clock, and a smiling Time Turner.

"See? I told you it wouldn't take long." He demonstrates this by picking it up and violently shaking it. When he sets it down, it is still ticking.

Bon Bon puts the clock in her saddlebags, and sets a small sack of bits on the counter. She waves goodbye, and walks back to the front door, with Lyra in tow.

Time Turner waits untill the front door bell rings, signifying that they have left, before he pulls the metal rod out again. He points it at the floor safe and hits the button. The rod buzzes, and the safe opens, revealing not a bunch of bits, but a button. He steps on it, and the wall next to him opens, revealing a large room filled with bits. He tosses the sack into the vault, and lifts his hoof off the button, closing the wall. He uses the rod on the safe, and it seals shut. " Oh Sonic Screwdriver, what would I do without you?"

Time Turner spends the next several hours doing business with many of the the unique ponies in Ponyville; Berry Punch, who was too drunk to remember why she was there, and instead had her daughter Berry Pinch do the talking; The Rich's, Filthy and Spoiled, who wanted custom clocks shaped like their cutie marks, a bag of money and a diamond ring, respectively; Octavia Melody and Vinyl Scratch, who also wanted a custom clock that was a combination of both of their cutie marks, a treble clef and backward eighth note; and Trouble Shoes, who was visiting from Appleloosa and had to wait outside after accidentally knocking over a clock.

About ten minutes from closing time, the front bell rings. A grey pegasus with wall eyes lands next to the workbench.

"Hello Ditzy. How may I help you?" Time Turner asks without glancing up. He was working on the clock that Trouble Shoes had broken earlier.

"How did you know it was me?" Ditzy looks at him in confusion.

"I have a good memory, and you come here every day. I've memorized your pattern."

"What pattern?"

"The time between when the bell rings and when you land here, how fast your wings beat, how heavy you thud on the ground. The biggest factor is probably the fact that you always come here at closing time."

Ditzy smiles sheepishly. "Oh. Right."

Time Turner looks up and smiles, then returns to work on the clock. "How was your day Ditzy?"

"It was good, and I told you you dont have to call me Ditzy. Call me Derpy. Everypony else does."

"Derpy is not your name. Ditzy is, although I must admit that Derpy is a much better nickname than what they used to call you. Muffins is such a dreadful nickname."

Derpy examines the busted clock on the counter. "That clock looks like it took a beating. What happened to it?"

Time Turner puts down the screwdriver and sits back to relax. "Trouble Shoes was here earlier, and accidentally knocked it over. He felt so bad that he wanted to buy it. I told him that the 'You Break It You Buy It' policy doesn't apply here, but he insisted, so I told him I'd fix it first."

He looks over at the wall clock. It's 8:00. Closing time. I'm sorry Ditzy, but you have to go. Please flip the open sign to closed on your way out." Ditzy nods, and fly's towards the door. He heads to the back of the shop once he hears the bell ring.

After five minutes of getting ready for bed, Time Turner climbs into bed. Before falling asleep, he takes a pill from a bottle labeled 'Sleep Consciousness'.

"Time to get to the bottom of these recurring nightmares."

Comments

[MidnightDancer]

You both asked for critique and wrote about the other fandom I adore, so here I am :) I hope you don't mind!

This has promise. Your technical skills are mostly good (I encountered only a few technical errors, such as "echo's" instead of echoes, etc), and your grammar is fairly good.

The story itself is written in an extremely simple fashion, with the narrative moving from point A to point B very quickly and, again, simply. I do believe this could benefit from some fleshing-out. Usually, editing should leave you with a smaller final product, but in this instance, that is not the case. I realize that it's your first fanfic, so I'm not trying to be hard on you, but given the complexity of both established universes you're writing about (Dr. Who has over fifty years of history, and My Little Pony over thirty, counting the older gens [and in a fanfic featuring a time-travelling pony, I daresay it should count ]), it could do with more wording and more complex movement from scene to scene.

That's basically all I've got for you. If you ever want an editor or pre-reader, there's a ton of great groups on the site for it like Looking for Editors and Authors Helping Authors. I'm also available, should you want to enlist me to help, but I tend to not be around too much as of late.

Overall, you have my interest and attention, and I'll be watching this to see where it goes!

Allons-y!

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[The Fetish Unicorn]

Please note that the spaces are not fixed. Just fixing and misspellings or grammar errors I may find

*Corrections may or may not be complete at this current time.* <<< This will be removed upon completion

"AAAAAAAH!!"
A brown stallion with a cutiemark of an hourglass awaken with a scream. "What a peculiar nightmare. Never had one of those before. I wonder what caused it?" His thoughts are interrupted by the ring of the bell over his door, signaling that a customer had arrived. "Wait. What time is it?" The stallion looks at his the clock positioned on the wall across his bedroom. Upon seeing it was 9:00, he realised realized he had slept in on a work day, and day and immediately and literally jumped out off his bed. He quickly brushed his mane, which was no easy task using hooves, and put on his favorite green bowtie. Entering the front room, AKA his clock store, he prepared to greet whoever had entered the building, before realising it was not a customer at all; instead, it was his closest friend, Derpy Hooves.
"Hello, Miss Hooves. What brings you by at this time? I thought you were on your delivery route at this time every day." The stallion asks ed.
"I decided to take a break and talk to my really good friend The Doctor," she says back responded., "Is that okay Doc? I'll come back later if you're busy." She turns to leave, but The Doctor quickly grabs her and turns her back around.
"No need for that. I have nothing to do. Nopony but you has come in yet, so that means business is slow today." As soon as he says that, the bell rings. "Me and my big mouth." He mutters as his customers, a pair of mares, approach the counter.
Derpy steps out of the way to allow the mares to come to the counter. "Welcome to Time Turn-. Wait a second. You two were here yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that. What brings you back? Again." The mares look at each other nervously, before the yellow one steps forward.
"Lyra knocked the clock off a shelf." The mint green unicorn steps forward and counters that accusation with one of her own.
"It wasn't my fault! That dog you bought is reckless! It ran into me and i bumped into the wall!"
The Doctor stands and watches the argument with amusement, before he decides to interfere. "Now ladies. There's no reason to fight, and I don't care about the specifics."
The yellow mare turns to The Doctor and asks, "Is there anything you can do Time Turner?"
The Doctor smiles and responds, "Of course Bon Bon. There isn't any clock that I can't fix! You can pick it up tomorrow. Should be done by then." Lyra and Bon Bon nod, and leave a pouch of bits on the counter. The Doctor counts through the money, and smiles at how theyve brought the exact amount he charges. "With how often they come here, it's no surprise they know the exact price. Wouldn't you say Miss Hooves?" He looks over to where he last remembered she was standing. During his conversation with Lyra and Bon Bon, she had left. "Such a shame she left. I wanted to discuss my odd dream. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow." He gets right to work on the clock, taking care to reinforce the parts, to ensure it doesn't break again.
Later that night, after outing the finishing touchs on Lyra and Bon Bon's clock, The Doctor prepare to go to sleep. As he drifts off, he begins to wonder what horrible nightmare he will have tonight.
The Doctor awakens on the floor of his TARDIS. "How did I get here?" He thought. "Of course! A dream! It's all a dream!" Suddenly the console screen clicks on, and a grey stallion with a grey striped beard and a pocket watch cutie mark appears on it. The Doctor is dumbfounded. "No. It can't be."
"Hello Doctor."
"NOOOOOOO!!!!