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  • T All the Stars in the Sky

    Octavia has a secret, and Luna has a crush. What happens when the two collide?
    15,697 words · 6,024 views  ·  493  ·  6
  • E Taste the Rainbow

    Rainbow Dash loses her rainbow mane thanks to Twilight's experiment.
    7,747 words · 9,059 views  ·  799  ·  15
  • T Melodia Apparatus

    Vinyl's a cyborg. Octy didn't see that one coming, did she? Nope. Shenanigans ensue.
    23,756 words · 5,474 views  ·  753  ·  15
  • E Nightmare's Eve

    Nightmare Moon's back, but under a very, very different guise.
    4,690 words · 1,735 views  ·  99  ·  0
  • T Slender

    Be wary of the things that lurk in the dark...
    3,900 words · 3,128 views  ·  177  ·  3
  • T When You're a Stranger

    Trixie and Rainbow Dash find themselves in a strange land that is all but the Equestria they know.
    3,428 words · 1,145 views  ·  73  ·  0
  • T The Diary of Morning and Dusk

    Twilight is ill, and her friends try to find out what's happening to her.
    7,059 words · 6,732 views  ·  336  ·  10
  • T Moonlight Sonata

    Though Vinyl and Octavia are together, the two have never been farther apart.
    65,883 words · 2,160 views  ·  205  ·  5

Blog Posts55

  • 87w, 2d
    Lynked is pretty princess.

    30 comments · 502 views
  • 87w, 6d
    New Lynked Republic

    9 comments · 231 views
  • 88w, 4d
    An Actually Important Blog!

    14 comments · 381 views
  • 90w, 4d
    Weast?

    Arrr, lads and lasses, we be goin' to find th' treasure! I brought us th' map, here, leads us straight to th' Melodia App'ratus EqD submission, arr! Have a look, ladies;

    Good morning, afternoon, evening, or what have you! I am the pre-reader who is also a bear. Unfortunately, I cannot recommend your story for posting at this moment. Here are some of the reasons why:

    > It was a cool day, though the day wasn’t there for long, as Twilight began to eat away at it, turning it a vibrant purple and orange.

    Purple indeed, though this is not the purple unicorn you know and love. Also, Twilight should be twilight.

    > A blue bird had flown by my window, on the breeze, with a nut.

    Bluebird? One word?

    > Anyway, I went and fetched them from my cabinet, and was

    No comma.

    > ... suddenly, through my mailslot, slipped a little piece of paper folded tightly into an envelope.

    Your independent clause seems to be missing its subject.

    > ... but I made due.

    ... but I made do.

    > ... headache-in-music-form.

    This wraps around in a rather aesthetically displeasing way in your Google Doc. I imagine you had trouble figuring out how to fix that, and if you have, you can fix this by putting zero-width spaces after the hyphens in this word.

    > But instead, she went right to Vinyl and whispered something in her ear, who in turn whispered her reply.

    If it's as loud as you make it out to be, would they have heard anything whispering?

    - You seem to use a lot of:

    -- Directly addressing the reader.

    -- Parentheticals, with actual parentheses.

    Neither are bad, and at times, you use them to good effect. However, you seem to do so a bit too often, as at points the narrative becomes less Octavia telling a story and more Octavia just talking.

    - Could use more focused description of setting. Octavia's current way of telling the reader about places quickly pushes them aside for what happens next, which would be great if she were telling the reader a much shorter story by mouth.

    - Octavia doesn't seem to show much affect with respect to her terminal illness. "By the way, I'm dying."

    - Sound effects in prose, taking up entire paragraphs. While I'm not a fan of them, they seem really out of place in your story since your story's supposed to be Octavia logging her experiences or something.

    - Out of place Portal reference. (Really, if you were going to try to shoehorn in a Portal reference, why not the turrets?)

    Mostly minor grammar things and the description thing, which should be fairly simple fixes. If you need help with grammar, you can go to MLPChan's or Ponychan's /fic/ boards for one-on-one help. Send this back with fixes and it should be good to post.

    Not bad, eh? I have a few gripes, some being that a) Octavia isn't much affected by the fact that she's dying, 'cause she's known it for a long while now, an just wants to live her life with, and b) I wasn't trying t'a "shoehorn" a portal reference--I felt it might be cute to add it--but rather, it fit. Shoehorning refers to forcing for appeal to the audience, and as much of you might know by now, I had sworn up, down, left, right, east, and weast (yes, weast; it's where the treasure is) that I wasn't going to post it, and I also don't think it was forced. Logic core, emotion's processor, companion cube--seems logical. (I also have no clue where he suggested placing the portal turrets, because as far as I know I haven't added any cute bullet-hoses to the story...).

    Anyways, he's made some valid points, and I'm aware of the grammar mistakes that litter the story. We'll talk and hammer some things out, I just figured I'd see what you all thought. Also, I won't be here this week; I'm leaving tonight at 12:30, to go to a huge debate, so wish me luck ^.^

    10 comments · 283 views
  • 91w, 3d
    Lynked is bored.

    35 comments · 349 views
  • ...
 58
 3,043

Rainbow Dash has finally been accepted into the Wonderbolts. But something's amiss... perhaps it is the fact that the Wonderbolts are falling from fame, or perhaps it's something deeper that is causing them to act so strange.

What isn't Spitfire telling her?

And how is Fluttershy taking this?

A DashFire fic, with a bit of FlutterDash. Art (with permission) By: JENIAC

First Published
26th May 2012
Last Modified
22nd Jun 2012
#1 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Cloud 1 ·

>>649126 No worries :pinkiehappy: Only 'cuz we're friends :trixieshiftright:

Thanks for the words :twilightsmile:

#2 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Cloud 1 ·
#3 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Cloud 1 ·

3rd motha fuckers

#4 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Cloud 1 ·

well, I'm intrigued as to what the story line will lead to. So far well write, following the character profiles well. I've got it on my watch list to follow the progress. Good luck, can't wait for more.

#5 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Cloud 1 ·

[Looking for an editor for this piece. I need someone who's good with grammar and spelling. I just need one. Of course, I almost always listen to the comments, so your thoughts are highly welcomed. Thanks.]

I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!:pinkiehappy:

#6 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Cloud 1 ·

Well, I think you have a fairly unique and interesting start here, and I look forward to seeing where it goes.  Even if the following phrase never leaves my head when reading this story:  "What could possibly go wrong?" :moustache:

#7 · 125w, 4d ago · · · Cloud 1 ·

Dashie saves the Wonderbolts... this is what I expected to happen, really. :rainbowlaugh:

I'm afraid to read it until you finish it, though. :fluttercry:

#8 · 125w, 3d ago · · · Cloud 1 ·

>>650456 You are just so hardcore :trollestia:

>>650618 Thanks! :pinkiehappy:

>>650648 Actually someone already volunteered. Thank you though, I appreciate it :twilightsmile:

>>650703 I was aiming for unique. :yay: Thanks!

>>652115 So you haven't read it? :trixieshiftright: Hah, if you did I think you'd notice that your comment's a bit off course :derpytongue2:

#9 · 125w, 21h ago · · · Cloud 1 ·

I feel as if this can only end in tears.

'Course I was reading the latest of "Tales of Harmony" and the mood wasn't able to switch (probably because the seem to share the ominous feeling)

Can't wait to see where this goes.

#10 · 124w, 5d ago · · · Cloud 1 ·

>>650456 Do I ever escape you?

And I shall message feedback as requested!

#11 · 124w, 5d ago · · · Cloud 1 ·

>mentions that Rainbow saved their lives

>decides to crush her dreams to save their own

:rainbowderp:

This is where I'd put the "scumbag hat" if I had one handy.

#12 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 1 ·

>>683015 Flash poll!

What are you feelings on the Wonderbolts?

#13 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 1 ·

Spitfire doesn't give a buck who she steps on to accomplish her dreams. I hope she changes by the end of this story. Excellent start keep them coming. :twilightsmile:

#14 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 1 ·

Awesome, just awesome. Can't wait for more!:pinkiehappy:

#15 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

Can someone explain to me what's going on with the rating on EqD :unsuresweetie:

#16 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

permission to squee in your prescence, your royal awesomeness? :rainbowkiss:

#17 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

What day is it? Noon.   Wait what? Other than you confused me to hell with that, nice chapter :pinkiehappy:

#18 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

I think I got the joke with the chapter names 7 chapters early.

Very clever! :twilightsmile:

#19 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

Gonna read this solely for the FlutterDash tag

#20 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

So cloud 9 will either be the happy ending, or the thing that happens right before Dash hears the words "Your fired.". Either way it should be fun.

#21 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

More than likely haters on the dashabuse setup. people do as they do. other than that probably star bombing trolls.  sure its a little dark and set up for disaster but its different and i love different. although you may want to reread through this chapter again towards the end i saw a few

spail fells

#22 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

I think my heart skipped a beat when I saw there was a new chapter. :rainbowlaugh: *bro hoof*

#23 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

i feel so bad for Dashie right now :raritydespair: but can't wait to read more :rainbowwild:

#24 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

This looks promising. I am going to put this in my favorites (as opposed to read-it-later), becuase this looks really good

#25 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

cant wait for more  seriously ... this is one of the best fics ive read mainly because the wonderbolts are being mean which is totally not them

#27 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

YOU ! YOUR THE ONE WHO WROTE DIARY OF MORNING AND DUSK!!!!!!!!!!  i really like your stories... your what i hope to be when i write fic... thank you kind sir or madam for being one of my heros

#28 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

I can't say that I like seeing the Wonderbolts, or Spitfire for that matter, do something like this to Rainbow Dash.  However, it sounds like they hate what they are forced to do.  And if this story is going where I think it is, things are going to get interesting when Spitfire has to destroy the dreams of the mare she loves.  I eagerly await more.

#29 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

>>731073

When you said something was up with the rating I thought that you were getting trolled like Mindblower, but then I went and looked at your comments on EqD, and you're getting star-bombed? Maybe you're getting some overflow from this, or maybe it is just because it's shipping like the other comments said. I understand that mindlessly rating stuff without giving it due process is bad, but I guess getting up-voted is better than getting down-voted, and so far your fic is completely deserving of it anyway :pinkiesmile:

#30 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

>>733791

Shipping always, ALWAYS gets star-bombed.  No one cares.  All that matters is that rating up top here and if people say they enjoyed it.

And speaking for myself, so far I do.  Looking forward to seeing how awful this can get, and then how good it can resolve.  If it resolves...

God, let it resolve...

#31 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

>>734078

Yeah, but it's still annoying, especially since there hasn't even been any shipping yet :ajbemused:

But I get what your saying, and I agree.

Random anonymous ratings don't change my opinion of the story, and my opinion is that it's good :ajsmug:

#32 · 123w, 2d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

>>731073

Haters gonna hate. You laugh cuz they fake. They mad cuz you do somethin' that they cain't.

Seriously though. Like half the fandom has a stick up its collective plothole for Dash, so since the plan is to treat her poorly and use her to get what they want, they immediately downvote. Then throw in shipping, more downvotes.

Childish, really. Ignore it, keep writing. Your target audience is eating this up. Dashfire OTP, woot.

#33 · 123w, 1d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

>>731695 Yeah! *Bro Hoof*

>>731952 Same here :raritydespair: Thanks!

>>733589 Thank. You. That is exactly the feeling I've been trying to get across to people, and I can't describe how good it feels to know that I've accomplished it. :pinkiehappy:

#34 · 123w, 1d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

>>733791 I quite possibly am. I despise people that do this :pinkiecrazy: Thanks though! :pinkiehappy:

#35 · 123w, 1d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

>>733224 Best. Comment. I've ever received. Thank you so much for that! :pinkiehappy:

#36 · 123w, 1d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

Excellent writing. I feel like I'll either really like this story or eventually want to destroy you =D hopefully dash will show the wonderbolts that she is exactly what they need by the end. Honestly, why would they immediately assume that she wouldn't work out on the team? I feel like there must be some reason, as they know that she's an excellent flyer. Also, rather shortsighted to come up with a plan that hinges on betraying the ELEMENT of LOYALTY. Visions of psychodash sonic rainnuking their headquarters soar through my mind :rainbowlaugh:

Anyway, although I've been lurking on FiM for quite a while here, I actually felt compelled to make an account so I could comment on your work. You have unleashed a terrible force on the unsuspecting citizens of FiM :scootangel:

Now I just need to figure out all these fancy doohickeys like watch lists and ratings. I feel I need to do my part to help you recover from these pesky starbombers :ajbemused:

#37 · 123w, 1d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

I like the slow story development, you take a lot of time in making the characters seem real. You're dialog flows smoothly and seems realistic. :twilightsmile: Anyhow.... Oh noes! Spitfire don't admit you like her, you'll get attached and then how will you "put her down?" :twilightoops:

#38 · 123w, 1d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

Hmmmmm I like it, a lot. Can't wait for the next chapter 5/5 :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

#39 · 123w, 1d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

>>735699

Old Yeller says hi

#40 · 123w, 1d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

Okay, some good stuff so far, but I'm still confused. Why does Spitfire not want to keep Dash on the team? They've given several reasons why recruiting her would be good for them, but no reasons why it would be bad. Why exactly do they not want her?

#42 · 122w, 1d ago · · · Cloud 2 ·

>>738188 I'll explain later down the line :pinkiesmile:

#43 · 121w, 5d ago · · · Cloud 3 ·

Some people don't come down this far, so I wanted to add that snippet in the story itself. Sorry for any detraction.

For those of you who have come down this far and intend to leave a nice savory comment for my eyes to feast upon (Please?) I just want to say that there may be minor rewrites, but the story will ultimately stay the same. Just narration fixes and the like.

Thanks for reading! :rainbowwild:

#44 · 121w, 5d ago · · · Cloud 3 ·

Hey you shouldnt doubt yourself so much. it flowed really well and there were not any blatant glareing erroes. i am really enjoying this story and for one glad to see an update. keep up the good work! also if your other story is anything like this il enjoy the hay out of it

#45 · 121w, 5d ago · · · Cloud 3 ·

Hey don't be an quick to doubt your writing skills, that was still a great chapter!  Same as cory486 I thought the story flowed nicely and there weren't any major errors.  All I can say is that this chapter was great, and I can't wait for the next one to be released.  You have earned another track and like.

Cheers,

jangledorf

#46 · 121w, 5d ago · · · Cloud 3 ·

I noticed "chronically" when I think you meant "chronology".  Other than that, though, yeah, pretty tight.

Also, LunaTavia? :rainbowhuh: Not sure if want.

#47 · 121w, 5d ago · · · Cloud 3 ·

I'm really happy to see another Firedash story.  There aren't too many of them, and I find them to be one of the better Rainbow Dash pairings.  This one in particular is good because it goes a lot more into how the Wonderbolts function.  It's something that usually isn't gone into detail.  keep up the good work!

#48 · 121w, 5d ago · · · Cloud 3 ·

Well, here I am, having read all three chapters.

I'm severely interested in where this is going to go, especially with the 'Bolts obvious reluctance.

#49 · 121w, 5d ago · · · Cloud 3 ·

Looking to Fluttershy,she took in a deep breath and smiled. "You still have this thing?"

The mare turned around to see the object in question. As soon as her pink eyes…

Fluttershy has teal eyes, only real mistake i saw. I dont like the wonderbolts anymore

#50 · 121w, 5d ago · · · Cloud 3 ·

Loved the chapter, even though its tough to see the bolts self-destructing. Keep em coming please. :twilightsmile:

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