• Published 31st Jul 2015
  • 5,584 Views, 27 Comments

Bloody Trails - Pathos14489



Pinkie and Fluttershy find out that Sunset Shimmer has been cutting and asks her to stop.

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 27
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Chapter 1

“I mean, this is me we're talking about, of course I'm right.” Rainbow states as though it were the absolute truth.

“Rainbow darling, I simply must disagree with what you are saying.” Rarity drones with a slight laugh, “That shade of red goes simply horrid with the rest of your ensemble, not to mention your hair.”

“Yeah right. AJ? What do you think?” Rainbow cracks an eye at Applejack, arrogance just dripping off her tone.

“Leave me outta this girls, this is between the two of you.” Applejack tilts her hat over her eyes.

Sunset smiles at the two as they continue arguing over Rainbow's choice in a hat. Something about the shade of red not matching the shade of her red streak. “We gotta go guys. Pinkie, Fluttershy and I have a Teenage Mutant Power Ponies marathon to catch at my place tonight.”

“It's gonna be the most awesome, amazing, super fun-tabulistic sleepover for a T.M.P.P. marathon EVER!” Pinkie screeches happily.

Fluttershy grabs at her hair, “Yes, I simply cannot contain my excitement.” She says with a light smile.

“Later guys.” Rainbow says offhandedly, offering only a wave before returning to her argument with Rarity.

“I'll see you gals tomorrow too, I got a lot of farm work in the morning if I'm gonna have the time to meet up with Rainbow with enough time to show her who's boss at horseshoes.” Applejack says with a grin towards the rainbow themed girl, who responds with a scoff.

“Yes, I must depart as well. A true lady requires her beauty rest of course.” Rarity flips her hair. ...There might have been sparkles.

Sunset chuckles, “See you three tomorrow!” She waves as her, Pinkie and Fluttershy start towards her apartment. As they leave the line of sight, she pulls out her phone, “I didn't realize it was this late… We might miss the start of the marathon girls.”

Pinkie gasps, “BUT! That's when they give the first hint for the T.M.P.P. sweepstakes! We simply can't miss that!” She starts forward faster, grabbing Sunset and Fluttershy's wrists as she none so gently starts dragging them faster down the sidewalk.

Fluttershy yelps out of surprise before trying to catch up, whereas Sunset hisses and yanks her wrist away rather forcefully, stopping the group of friends. Holding it to her chest protectively, she mutters, “Pinkie, that hurt...”

Pinkie frowns, looking back at her friend, “Sorry Shimmy… I didn't think I grabbed you that hard.” She looks down at her hand, confus-”...Sunset? Are you bleeding...?”

Sunset's eyes widen just slightly, “W-What?”

“Pinkie?” Fluttershy says, walking over and looking at her friends hand before gasping.

“Your arm bleeding.” Pinkie looks up from her hand at her friend in concern. It isn't a question this time.

Sunset's eyes darted between her two friends, “You know.. Maybe it's a little late for the marathon. I think I'm just gonna go home and hit the hay.” She feigns a yawn, walking past her friends. Decisively hiding her right hand and arm from their direct line of view, she glances back, “You girls have a safe walk home al-” Pinkie wasn't behind her.

A pink hand grabs a tad further up Sunset's right arm pulling it from her hiding place. Sunset yelps, trying to pull her arm back, but it won't budge an inch. Pinkie narrows her eyes as she pulls the sleeve up. “...” She stares for a moment.

Sunset stops struggling, instead gasping for breathe. A desperate glance around proves her attempts were useless anyway, Fluttershy was directly behind her and if she tried to bolt left or right, she would never escape-fences on either side. “We need to talk.” Pinkie says after her long pause, her hair slightly deflated. She tugs the sleeve back down before letting go of Sunset.

Fluttershy gasps lightly as she realizes what's happening, then frowns before nodding when Sunset glances back at her again, trying to find escape. “...Okay...”

The walk to her apartment was absolute torture after that. Dreading what came next, Sunset tries to run twice. Though they prove to be fruitless attempts as Pinkie grabs her each time without even looking back however. Not to mention the looks she gets from Fluttershy each time.

When they arrived, she has long since given up any hope of escape. Instead, she unlocks the door without even being asked, takes off her shoes and hangs her jacket on the coat rack near the door. Pinkie and Fluttershy soon follow her actions and hang their jackets as well. They all deposit their purses on the table near the door before Sunset looks back at them dejectedly, “...Go ahead.”

Fluttershy looks between Pinkie and Sunset, “...Go ahead?” Her voice trembles, she looks back at Sunset, “Go ahead??” A tear streams down her cheek, “What are you expecting us to say…?”

“...” Sunset stares at them, tears welling in her eyes. “...I don't know what I expected...” Her grip around her wrist tightens, a red stain showing through her pink shirt, one which had her Cutie mark printed on her chest.

Pinkie steps past Fluttershy, “Maybe we should sit down...” Her eyes have an uncharacteristically calm gaze; her lips a gentle, reassuring smile. Sunset just looks at Pinkie, lost in her calm for a moment before nodding and taking a seat. She doesn't dare look in their direction as Fluttershy takes her seat on the opposite end of the couch and Pinkie in between the two.

Glancing to the left, Sunset sees Pinkie. Her hair is slightly deflated, ...never a good sign… but she was being… scarily calm. To her left, she sees Fluttershy, who glances back while sniffing. Sunset chooses rather to look at her lap. “Take all the time you need..” She hears Pinkie say calmly and rather quiet, especially for Pinkie.

Sunset wipes her face, “It… I started right after the Fall Formal...” She sniffs mid-sentence, “I… regretted everything I ever did to you guys and…” Tears fall from her eyes, “Just everyone… I thought I needed to be punished…”

“Sunset...” Fluttershy looks at her friend, “What do you… You don't deserve this… Why would you ever think this was a suitable thing to do? I mean-”

“Fluttershy,” Pinkie stops her, “Let her talk.” She wraps her arms around Sunset, pulling her into a hug.

“N-No… I'm… That's all...” Sunset murmurs, pushing her head into a crevice between Pinkie's cheek and her shoulder, seemingly perfectly sized, perhaps on purpose.

“If it is, why are you still doing it…?” Pinkie asks softly, patting Sunset's back.

Sunset remains quiet a long time, Fluttershy began to doubt she would answer, “It became-” She sniffs, “-Became a habit I guess...” She returns her friend's hug, pushing her arms around her while sniffing, “Every time I mess something up or hurt someone without… without meaning to… I just...” She trails off.

Fluttershy scoots closer, hugging her two friends. “You shouldn't think like that Sunset… That's not healthy...”

“Fluttershy's right...” Pinkie agrees, patting her friend's back.

“...” Sunset doesn't say anything for a while, “...I know...” She says after a sniff.

“I know it's hard,” Pinkie says quietly, holding her friend closer, “But please try not to for me...I mean us… Promise me you'll try?”

Sunset pulls back, studying her friend's face for a moment with sad eyes, “...Okay...” She smiles softly, “I promise.”

“Good girl.” Pinkie smiles back widely, “Now, we're missing the bestest marathon ever! Turn that TV on, QUICK!”

Author's Note:

Wow… Been a while since I wrote anything – Scratch that. Been a while since I finished anything. But I figured I'd write this.. Came to mind after reading Scar Tissue by RadiantBeam for some reason. I kinda want this to be a one-shot, I can see where it might be expanded on, but I really don't feel like starting another multi-chapter fic until I finish my current one unless people really beg for it. Though another one-shot r perhaps a two-shot based on Pinkie might be a thing that could happen.
~S

Comments ( 27 )

Good job conveying what those who cut can go through. One suggestion that you can take or leave if you want would be to go through again and maybe change tenses to past tense. The beginning was a little slow and it kind of drifted along. If you had done this in past tense; 3rd person rather than present tense 3rd person, you might attract a wider audience. Along with the tense issue (but YMMV on that) there were a couple spelling errors but nothing that detracted from the overall experience. Great job for fic #1! :pinkiehappy:

Good story overall. I liked the concept, and execution was pretty solid. Pretty good one-shot, in my opinion. But, I do have to gripe about the formatting for sentences.

In most cases, when you have a dialogue followed by the tag (i.e., "I said this," she said), you have a comma after the last word of the dialogue. Periods aren't allowed unless the dialogue does not require a tag.

I.e., "I've gotta get out of here!" With that shout she ran down the hall.
Or, "We need to go. Now." The others nodded at the order, and followed after her.

This is done when there is another action following the dialogue.

When you end a dialogue tag or dialogue tag sentence/phrase, you usually end with a period unless dialogue follows afterwards. By this, I mean that the dialogue tag exists as a break between two parts of the same dialogue sentence.

Ex: "She said to go that way," I said, "but, I believe it would be better to follow her."
"We don't do that," he said, shaking his head. "We never do."

Hope my explanation made sense. Still a good fic, nonetheless!

hey maybe you can help. I want to fav this but that option isnt avialable. Also, I can't add a new chapter to my own work. Do you know why by chance ?

6265839 I am not really sure. The not faving thing is really throwing me, and I'm new to posting anything on Fimfiction. So you might wanna ask someone else.
6265570 Okay. o-o
6265472 It does make sense. I usually do that, I didn't really preread this much. It's mostly a draft. Also more of an experiement than anything, just to see if I could actually get something on Fimfiction. If I ever write something more seriously, rather than just something I thought up and wrote in one sitting without any planning, I'll probably read over it and have someone else read over it before I post it.
6265390 I usually write in first person past tense, but I was trying something new for once. :/ I'm more comfortable in first person, past tense, but I wasn't comfortable writing this in first person due to the content and my past with it. It would've... been rather awkward for me I think.

Okay. I feel stupid, but for some small reason, I can feel my ego boosting at having a blue/purple name. :pinkiecrazy:

This was very good start. That being said though I do feel that you missed a few points with this. What Sunset Shimmer has described to her friends is what is called "additive cutting". Where she cuts not only because she feels guilty over what she did at the Fall Formal. But, also because she feels she needs to be punished for her actions that night. In order for her friends to actually help her and help her stop the cutting they are going to have to provide her with both mental and psychical means of letting her feelings out. The part where pinkie ask Sunset to stop the cutting that alone should have set her off on a spiral of cutting. I say this because she would have felt even worse for simply having to tell her friends about what she does to herself. If and when you do a follow up for this I would recommend you do one where she craves the cutting not only because she is addicted to it but, because she feels that she needs it in order to feel anything at all. The part at the end where Pinkie turns her attention away from Sunset and ask for the TV to be turned on that also could have set her off as well.

6888613 I see your points and, while it's not likely I'll write anymore of this story in the near future, I will definitely consider those in any other stories I might write. My main issue when writing this was trying to push out that many words, but I've gotten better at keeping on task with stories. ...Somewhat. So I feel like if I tried to rewrite this entirely, it would likely turn out better.

Yeah the story kinda fell off in the middle and jumped ship at the end.

Practice makes perfect though.

6960041 Yeah this thing is ancient... I don't know why so many people like it, I hate this story. Though I have half a new chapter already written for it for anyone who likes it. :applejackunsure: I dunno when I'll finish that though.

6960141 It's a Sunset Shimmer cutting/suicide fic those are always popular.

6960337 I've only read one that was vaguely similar. :rainbowlaugh: Could you suggest any that are written any better? I'd love to veer readers there instead of mine.

6960368 Yeah there's a few but there hasn't been a super well written one that I've found yet.
Most liked Sunset cutting story I've read
I've noticed while making this list alot of my favorites have the emotional aspect being their strongest point
Most liked Suicidal Sunset story I've read
It's also got a reading on YouTube
My Guilty pleasure suicidal Sunset story
It's one of those fics I know isn't written all that well but I love how the emotions are written.

6960625 Ooooo. Thank you! Oy, everyone who wants to read my thing, go read these instead. :rainbowlaugh:

I liked this. It had a slightly more rushed pacing but I liked how your characters worked. Good stuff once again.
~SoDF

7271257 It was like... One of the first things I wrote for pony fanfiction, so it's obviously utterly horrible. XD But thank you.

7271322
Naw, it was jus' a wee bit fast-paced, the content was brilliant.

Water cuts paths though the land over time deeper and deeper. Things we do to our minds are similar. Got to change to flow early or it becomes harder to do.

7280029 Only one truth of many. Pardon me, I'll try to not speak in really short sentences because it's bit of a bad habit I fall into at times. In this case type on keyboards...

...never-mind. Need to stop writing awful a bit and just enjoy the day.

Good story. I will agree with what others have said about the pacing. I think it would make for an awesome story if you ever decide to rewrite it.

“We need to talk.”

I don't think those exact words have ever been spoken in a context that's not dripping with dread. ;] It's a universal "you're about to be screwed" signal, I think.


The pacing in this thing is absolutely dreadful. There's a story there, but the climax is fumbled terribly... It needs a lot of work, and I mean - a lot of work.

I mean, you just had your friend tell you she's been cutting herself for the past few months - possibly years - and you just take an "okay" and turn back to the TV? What the hell, Pinkie?

Things don't end just because you want them to end. This needs a hefty follow-up about how Sunset struggles with this down the line. This is a habit that isn't easy to break away from - it's a go-to reaction for failure and guilt, and you know there's always a fuckload of that floating around...

9708569
I full heartedly agree with all the points you made there. And I apologize for the lackluster quality of the fic. I quite honestly wasn't up to snuff when I wrote this back in 2015. Didn't put enough effort or thought into it, because quite honestly, I didn't have the skillset. There are a few stories I'd like to write here lately, and I feel like my skills as an author are a lot better, but I can't find the rhythm anymore. But anyway, thank you for reading my old fics! It's nice to know they're moderately entertaining. Though I imagine this one wasn't as much so as the others.

9709236
Okay, I'll tackle this one from the top.

I apologize for the lackluster quality of the fic.

Please don't. You wrote it, it's out there. Own it, but don't apologize for it. You didn't hurt me with it - as much as I'd like to say my brain was hurt by reading them words, it's physically impossible. ;D You didn't wrong me with your writing, so don't apologize.

I wrote what I wrote because that's how I felt and what I thought - I didn't do it to make you feel bad, and I don't think you should feel bad about it. What you should - is improve. ;)

There are a few stories I'd like to write here lately, and I feel like my skills as an author are a lot better, but I can't find the rhythm anymore.

Ugh... That's the same demon I dread, I think. I have yet to publish a story, though I have a few ideas in my head... I honestly fear that the ideas I have are not my best ideas, but rather my only ideas, as I'm quite new to the site and the show in general - so I'm holding off.

But the thing is... some things only improve by doing, sadly. I may wish to cross that bridge when I come to it, but I think I'm deluding myself that I haven't reached it yet. ;D

What I'm trying to say is - write. That may be the worst part of it - getting back on the pony, so to speak. ;) Your workshop is a lot better, you know much more - and maybe part of it is that it's not so enjoyable any more, because many things that used to be enjoyable you now understand either need a lot of work (character development, buildup - you can't just jump in and write what you want to, without putting in the work that makes it seem plausible and workable...) or just don't work in fiction like you'd like to (closing off the potential for sequels, follow-ups, or which are just plain hard to pull off believably).

But don't lose heart. Keep writing, and you may find you'll get there through the sheer number of hours and perseverence. ;]

But anyway, thank you for reading my old fics! It's nice to know they're moderately entertaining.

This site is very much like Google - you'll end up finding stuff from waaaay back when, regularly. It's no suprise, my interests being what they are, that I stumbled upon it. As a general rule I tend to finish what I started, even if I really don't like it - if only to leave a (more or less scalding ;P) summary of my thoughts. Believe me - this wasn't the worst work I've ever read, not even close.

The point is - people will end up here. It might be a good idea to look into possibly rewriting it... or, better yet, writing a follow-up? You say you're better now, and part (often dreaded ;P) of being a writer is writing for your audience... ;]


As an aside... Here's a fic that really puts you in the mood - have a read. It's short, but oh so sweet.

A pink hand grabs a tad further up Sunset's right arm pulling it from her hiding place. Sunset yelps, trying to pull her arm back, but it won't budge an inch. Pinkie narrows her eyes as she pulls the sleeve up. “...” She stares for a moment.

Your busted now shimmer.

Sunset pulls back, studying her friend's face for a moment with sad eyes, “...Okay...” She smiles softly, “I promise.”

You better.

“Good girl.” Pinkie smiles back widely, “Now, we're missing the bestest marathon ever! Turn that TV on, QUICK!”

Oh pinkie :trixieshiftleft:

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