How does one start a revolution?
For Evenstar Boral, the question was always an academic one, suitable for late night conversations and maybe an article in the university newspaper.
Now she's getting a little more field experience than she'd like.
With strange ponies recognizing her on the street and her best friend plagued by nightmares, Evenstar finds herself thrust into events seven thousand years in the making. What is the strange symbol that keeps cropping up in her life? How can someone she's never met know so much about her? And who was Twilight Sparkle?
But there is still hope, for even in a world of shadow and fear, true friendships never fade.
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Thanks to Rain-Gear for the awesome photo, and to pre-Readers Starswirl the Goateed, Granit, and Silver Flare.
So far so Great
Cheers
Twilight, Rainbow, Rarity, and Sunset will be badass in this story, right? If so, then when do they start?
Aaaaah, no, is that all there is so far? I'm not a huge fan of fanfiction but this is fantastic, I can't wait to see more. I really like how you're able to introduce us to this world and characters without using a huge exposition dump, which is something that's often an issue even with professional writers, and I'm having no trouble getting familiar with and liking the universe and characters you've created. The differentiation between different coloured ponies is really well done, too- you can see how it must have shaped pony society without it being hamfisted or being all anyone ever thinks about. All too often fics that include racism or any sort of discrimination focus the entire story and characters on it and everything else suffers as a result. It's great to see that that doesn't happen here, and instead manages to play a fairly major role without defining the characters or the story. It reminds me a little bit of the hemospectrum from Homestuck, but that's probably just a coincidence. Love it so far, keep up the good work :)
Another story where Equestria has fallen into racism and inequality because reasons and the Mane 6 are reincarnated, rather than allowing the story to develop new and interesting original characters...
*sighs*
Another interesting story that Alondro disparages for unknown reasons. No surprises there.
I, for one, am pretty well hooked. Please, do go on.
I absolutely love what you've got going on here Phoney. I don't know if this is a crossover or what, but the worldbuilding feels rich and textured. I mean, starting with a random lavender unicorn who happens to be super-nerdy and studious made me roll my eyes, but the worldbuilding alone pulled me forward (pulled me right into your justifications for the above lavender shade, of course).
And yes, you had Spec run to meet her employer, but I didn't get the significance until Eden's father mentioned that bit about her thesis focusing on helping pegasi fly. Only then did I really notice that unicorns weren't unicorning, either.
The way you introduced these elements into the story was spot-on.
The story's not perfect, of course. There are remarkably few typos, but the segment where Eden is in her old bedroom is oddly sprinkled with errors. And there are some clunky bits of narrative here and there.
Just sort of clunky. Oh, I was also sad that your two bartenders were completely interchangeable, despite being separated by a thousand miles and ethnic barriers. Also, how did Spec get her wingblades back after leaving them in that warg's neck? She didn't recover them from the one she and Amber downed, but she used them again in the fight at the camp.
All my nitpicks are small, however, and they're meant with love. For every bit of clunky narrative I spotted, you've got two or three moments of narrative brilliance. The way you took a snapshot of the camp fight during Spec's moment of flipping through the air? That gave me some serious chills. That's how you write action! You're a much better writer than I was when I started, and you're weaving together a fascinating story here.
I intend to become quite cross with you should you fail to continue writing.
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Thanks so much for the kind words! Something I'm really going for in this story is to have inequality and stuff play a role without making it some kind of parable. This stuff shapes ponies lives, but it's far from all they think about, and they're soon going to have a lot more problems to deal with as well.
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I'm really glad you like it; it's not a crossover but I've worked hard on worldbuilding and it's really gratifying to see that it's been noticed. Something I'm trying really hard to do is to build the world without expo dumps/making the story about the world instead of the characters, and I'm really glad it's succeeded so far. Your concerns are also valid; especially about the bartenders and the wingblades. I might go in and correct that hole/tidy up some grammar and make sure everything is ship shape. Also I hear you about the opening; "lavender" is kinda a cringe-worthy word around these parts, after all. I'm thinking about putting in a prologue that eases the reader into the story and hooks them better than what I've got so far. A good opening is vital to keeping interest, after all.
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Thanks for the input, and I hear you. This isn't exactly a completely new concept. I'm hoping, however, to inject some new life into it, and that the story will grow based on the strength of its characters and plot, regardless of how the opening might look similar to other stories. I've spent so much time worrying about the story I ought to write, I never could start on the story I wanted to write. Anyway, I hope you'll stick around and keep reading, but if it's not your cup of tea I understand.
Saw this fic on Equestria Daily and came to check it out (I'll admit that I came for the cover, but ended up getting stuck with the plot).
I was not disappointed.
Honestly, the plot is beyond awesome, and the thing that really impressed me were the different names for canon characters. ( Eden, Spec, Sage, etc. ) and the location names too. Seriously, I would have (and already have in a fix of mine) strayed away from trying to create new concepts and names for stuff present in the current canonical universe. But what really made me really happy is that you really seem to have poured you heart and soul into your characters and story, with near flawless exposition, suspense, fancy plot stuffs and all.
I know this is not the best of reviews, but I just want to express my admiration for 'Faultlines' and its concepts.
Please continue writing!
Spectrum = Rainbow Dash
Axel = Spitfire?
Capricorn = Soarin'?
Amber = Rarity
Ivy = Sweetie Belle
Holy crap, this story has me hook line and sinker. There's so much mystery and I'm a huge sucker for world building, mythos, legends and civilizations long past. Throw in reincarnation and I just salivate as you slowly have each character rediscover themselves (even if it is maddening half the time. Argh you just had to have Lightning Dust get in a fight and prevent Eden from going with her!) Really liked seeing Lightning Dust too. While I'll hope she will be a reoccurring character(one of my favorite characters), I won't be surprised that you'll shuffling through notable background ponies to drive home the point that many have regained their memories. And Sunset! Sunset, what did you do? (BTW I really hope this story works out well for her; I've got a soft spot for Sunset and many times it seems only tragedy awaits her) What happened to Equestria?
The only sad thing I can foresee is that by the end there will not be a return to the Equestria of old. The damage has been done. Though I am curious as to the regaining of memories. Do ponies simply remember who they were as a different individual, or do they actually become their past selves as the memories return? That can lead to some tragic realizations. Will the new pony that is Eden, be lost from existence once the identity of Twilight returns? Will she become Twilight Sparkle, or will she only inherit memories that have been planted into her mind? Both seem sad to an extent. The former for the destruction of seemingly different individual and the latter for only allowing Eden and others to glimpse through a window at who they once were, their past selves still gone. I'm inclined to think that they become who they once were, since Lyra and Lightning act full like their past selves.
I already mentioned world building, I really like how you've handled it so far; just dropping terms without explaining them(keeps dialogue natural, and of course the characters aren't going to explain something that they already know as normal), but alluding to what they mean, like with the cycle referring to a method of time keeping. Though it would be nice to get a little more codified info on the state of what nations exist, where they exist etc. I am a little lost there. And the mention of refugees, I'm hoping we'll get more context with that as well, I don't think that was a throwaway piece of info.
I could ramble more about how awesome this story this is. Seriously, this is shaping up to be on the scale of Sunset of Time (don't know if you've read it or not, great Sunset story), Harmony Theory and the sadly defunct Powers of Harmony.
So, if I didn't already make myself clear, this story is awesome. I await your next chapter (and hopefully you're better than me at updating ha!)
6844021 Expanding on this a bit there should be more proper descriptions of characters I think! I get confused, especially with the long long bouts of dialog, just who's saying what. sunset was described as red constantly but she's really an orange colored pelt with a fire mane and just 'red' that threw me off hardcore. with a story like this, I think it's important to show the audience who these characters are to start with, then build up on how different they are. It would ease people into reading it a bit better, certainly. (this seems to be amended in the introduction of rarity but is lacking from everyone else)
something to break up the dialog would be good too since you have a lot of it, especially in the rainbow sections there. movements and what they are doing would be good things to add to flesh out the scene more, as these are all animated characters and personalities!
while some of the plot points are given a bit heavy handed for my taste the structure you have built is pretty solid, even if the color classing is hard to get your head around. if you had something explaining it properly at the start it might be understood better, rather than bits and pieces strewn throughout.
all that said I do like this story! I think it needs a bit more fleshing out in the descriptions and overall story, but it's got some excellent foundation and intrigue.
Does this place run on a 20 hour clock? because 8 hours resting and 12 on the move only equates to 20 hours.
Looks interesting so far, but I am seriously hoping it doesn't drop into grimderp territory. I have seen enough of that already. Will be looking forward to more for now.
Really hope there's more to it then " oh, everything was Sunset's fault".
So, that's your prologue, is it?
...
...
...well I like it!
Great way to set up the over-arching conflict without giving anything away.
slight remix of the Matrix, should be an interesting ride.
And then the ponies find 'Trump 2016' scrawled in chalk all over their sidewalks...
Even with the candidate calling out derogatory terms such as 'horn-heads' and 'feather-brains', none can stop his ascent in the polls!
Before the ponies realize what happens, the revolution is over... and Alondro sits as Emperor, the true mastermind of it all!
Oh god this again, someone keeps saying that X thing is bad, but never say WHY. In this case Sunset (Sage I think) did something, but everyone refuses to say what it is. This will inevitably result in said bad thing happening.
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7/11 was a part time job
7264529 The real plan was a 6-12 Food Mart in Mount Holly, NJ...
https://www.facebook.com/pages/6-12-Food-Mart/228205050720422
(Alondro knows EVERYTHING!!)
(Well, everything in New Jersey... which doesn't really matter since, you know, it's Joisey and ain't nobody care!) 
I'm really hoping there is more to this then "sunset was a bad pony and did a bad thing in the past". But that's what it's looking like so far.
Ah darn, and here I thought Spitfire was going to be one of the Pegasi with Rainbow. Glad to see her, but it looks like she won't be a reoccurring character. Come to think of it, I wonder if any of our main characters outside of Sunset and the Mane 6 will be awoken ponies? Still awesome so far. Looking forward to more.
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Glad you're liking it, and I wouldn't be so sure! Everypony we've met so far is going to show up again at least once (I think), and seeing as Twilight is getting pretty near the opening of the rabbit hole, they're gonna start showing up a little more. As for the rest of the main characters, some of them are familiar faces, some are not, but I can't say more than that without some spoilers. The next chapter should be out within a week though, so you shouldn't have to wait long.
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You're right about this, especially being clearer about who's who and the world in general. The next chapter will clear some of that up, and I've also been working on some little primary source document add-ons that will go at the end of some chapters, just to flesh out the world and clear up stuff like breeds, colors, history, ect. Juggling it all together has been a bit of a balancing act (and given me more headaches than I care to admit), but I'm glad your enjoying the story and I hope that some of those questions will be cleared up soon.
More memory recalls, and some answers (albeit covered in flowery rhetoric). Still more questions though, glad to see you working on this again.
There seems to be either an unfinished sentence or additional he there.
Also, dayum this chapter had a looot of things and lot of new questions. With every single chapter you seem to add something new that manages to shake up the stage heavily, and I must say I like it.
More recollections and stories from the past. How delightful.
That's a shame. That rug really tied the room together, y'know?
Keeps drawing me in! Good work!
Despite getting lost a bit with the characters identity I must say this might be one of the most interesting stories I've read. The "real stuff" is yet to come and I can't wait! I really like you writing style and hope to see new chapters soon. My first time to read an unfinished story but after seeing this on EQD decided to give it a shot.
People already said that it's hard to make out who is who but everything besides that is really awesome and I feel gripped. Love the way you show the scenes and build up everything and how the two plots move on.
Good luck with your writing and keep up the amazing job!
7159769 no axel = Daring Do
7160004 Where can I read those stories?
You forgot to link to Starswirl the Goateed's profile.
Oi vey. Things are certainly taking a turn for the worse...
Finally, the subject of a conspiracy doesn't put up with the 'trust us, we know what is best' bullcrap that is oh so prevalent in fiction, Bravo
(am being completely serious here). Hope Twilight can help her friend here.
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Actually, he just doesn't have an account on here (that I know of). Starswirl's an irl friend; he's the first guy I got to read it. I asked him how he wanted to be credited and that's the name he came up with.
7476770 I'd count myself firmly in the "save Sunset" camp, then. Not just because I like her (having seen the more recent EqG movies has helped with that), but because so far she's the only real point of view we've had for the Carmargue. And while she's obviously being manipulated by something nasty, it's playing on a lot of pretty justified anger she already had inside herself.
Point being, from a larger perspective than just liking a character, having her just get offed after turning irredeemably evil kiiiinda also brings the larger implication that the Carmargue are just bad ponies who need to stop rocking the boat. Thankfully so far everything the story's been doing indicates the author is fully capable of a little more nuance than that.
This is about to get interesting, if you look at it from the perspective of a society divided racially by color... and both Sunset and Applejack share the same coat color.
Sunset's outburst, and the riot in general, was the best depiction of any sort of racial tension amongst the ponies I've read on this site, and it wasn't even along the super obvious species divide.
Wait if AJ and Fluttershy are Reds,Twi and RD are blues,Rarity is an Andulusion, what would Pinkie be considered as??!
You've got my attention.
Ahurrida.
Things seem to be heating up in a damn hurry in the Red areas.
Rejoice, Another chapter! I do so look forward to reading this story.
*looks for the "next" button*
... Crap, this is it? AAAH Noo! Why, you cruel world?
Inb4 Cardamon is in the know. Or at least the Equestria Conspiracy has an open doorway of hijacking the Apples if they try to escape through her.
Second time reading this and I still have trouble determining who is who. The names are so generic and unpony, and the manner of speech so different that without a very clear visual description I simply can't tell who they were meant to be.
7857114
Ah yes, the eternal problem. This is something that's plagued me for, well, since the story was just a tiny spark in my mind. The problem, as I see it, is twofold:
- not every character in here is a reincarnation, so it's distracting trying to figure out which is which,
- the ones that do don't necessarily sound like (or even act like) their counterparts, which makes the problem worse.
I've tried several things to make it work better, including more detailed descriptions in the opening Spec chapters, but they were either ineffective or hamfisted (handhooved?). Something I'm experimenting with that I may stick in, is having the characters speak key voicelines from the show at their introduction, giving them a solid link to their counterparts. If it doesn't feel crammed, it might work, but I don't know. If you have suggestions for how I might do better, I'm all ears.
Also, I read your other comment too. Glad you think the dynamics at play are realistic; I spent a lot of time trying to paint as detailed and evenhanded a picture as I could.
7857157
If there was an easy solution you'd have found it.
I found that ponies like the main six are relatively easy to pick out; their descriptions are iconic even among the ponies and their central roles get them enough attention to figure it out. It was the supporting cast that really got me... Mostly the crew alongside Spectrum, really. It's also difficult to not associate Rarity's guards with the major white ponies (Shining, Fleur), because they are noble household guards and the canon ponies were either nobles, guards, or both.