My Little Fonzie

by No One and Nobody

Chapter 1

Chapter 1: A birthday, a Jukebox and another Plothole Porthole

“Happy Birthday Richie!” Potsie said as he handed Richie a box with wrapping paper hanging off the side in a jumbled manner. It looked like it had been wrapped in a hurry.

Richie unwrapped the small box to find Potsie’s favorite knife.

“Potsie, why did you give me this?” he asked as he examined the gift, “You’ve prized this since your dad gave it to you.”

“It’s broken,” Potsie said, smiling.

“Oh you really went all-out Pots,” Richie said as he threw the knife into a small pile of gifts from his friends at Arnolds.

“Richie, I got you something very special,” Fonzie said as he placed another package on the table.

Richie unwrapped it to find a leather jacket.

“Oh Fonz, I don’t know what to say. Thanks.”

“I figured you were old enough for one of your own,” Fonzie said as he leaned against the wall.

“You know what I really want for my birthday Fonz? To be as cool as you.”

“Eyy, hold it! You are definitely NOT ready for that level of cool,” Fonzie said.

“Oh come on Fonz, I’m tired of being called a nerd,” Richie begged.

“I can understand that. Ok, I’ll show you a few things. What would you like to learn?”

“Could you teach me the, uh… you know?” Richie said as he snapped his fingers.

“Woah, I know you ain’t ready for that. How about starting off with something easier. Like the jukebox?”

Fonz sauntered over to the jukebox then, looked to see Richie staring at his shoes.

“Cunningham, what’s the problem? Will you get over here? I don’t got all day,” Fonzie said in an impatient tone.

“Fonz, I can’t learn in front of all these people.”

“Don’t worry Cunningham,” Fonzie said.

The Fonz turned to the crowds of teens at Arnold’s and said, “Hey everybody! Now hear this, Richie would like to learn how to be cool so get out so I can teach him! I’ll tell you when to come back in.”

After he said this, the throngs of teens stampeded towards the door in obedience. Just as Potsie and Ralph got up to leave, Fonzie grabbed them by the arms.

“Eyy, you two are gonna stay for moral support. I would have asked Cindy, but she ran outta here too fast.”

“Sure thing Fonz,” Ralph said, shaking in Fonzie’s grasp, “Anything you say.”

“Better Cunningham? So get over here.”

Richie stood up and walked over to the jukebox.

“Ok so just I hit it like this?” Richie said as he swung his fist at the box.

“NO!” yelled Fonzie as he grabbed Richie’s hand, “You can’t just swing a fist at it. I wouldn’t throw a wrench at my bike. You need to be delicate and precise. Now watch.”

With that Fonzie rapped the jukebox on the side causing Splish Splash to start playing.

“How did I do it different?” asked a very confused Richie.

“And that,” said Fonzie, pointing at Richie, “Is why I’m the Fonz, and you aren’t.”

“Let me try?” said Richie as he mimicked the Fonz and swung at the jukebox.

“NO NOT THERE!” Fonzie hollered as he tried to stop Richie’s fist.

He was too late though. As Richie hit the jukebox the record in the box started to spin out of control. As it spun, it somehow opened up a gigantic hole in Arnold’s, drawing in Fonzie, Richie, Potsie and Ralph. After the boys had been sucked into the jukebox Arnold came out of the kitchen to see what was the matter. His store was never this quiet.

“Where did everybody go?” He asked, looking around, “It couldn’t be my food, could it?”

---

Fonzie, Richie, Potsie and Ralph swirled through nothingness towards nowhere. As they looked to the sides of them the saw windows to other worlds. Potsie, Ralph and Richie looked into them but the Fonz just stared ahead in a cool silence.

Potsie saw to his left a blue fish next to a clownfish. They were in front of a HUGE, grinning, great white shark.

To Ralph’s left he saw a brownish, uh, thing reaching out what appeared to be a glowing finger. Ralph could swear he saw the thing say, “E.T. phone home.”

Richie looked up, or at least what he thought was up, and saw a kindly looking man with a white mustache behind a soda fountain serving ice cream to a happy child.

Potsie looked to his left to see an island, with seven people on it and a… thing coming out of that world towards them.

“Uh guys,” he said, “You should look over there.”

“Not now Pots,” said Richie who was studying a gigantic grey ball floating out in space. With one gigantic laser blast it destroyed an entire planet! Then there was some sort of man with a black mask that made scuba diver noises.

“You should really look,” Potsie said again, “It’s coming towards us-“

“HI! How are you doing? Wow, you guys remind me of my friends Gilligan and Grumpy. I actually just visited them.”

Everyone but Fonz turned to see a pink horse floating upside down next to Potsie. She was wearing a grass skirt and lei.

Her excited chatter was interrupted when a man in a dark suit pinwheeled past them, saying as he went, “Consider if you will the cases of Arthur Fonzerelli, Richard Cunningham, Warren 'Potsie' Weber and Ralph Malph. Innocent teenagers trying to discover who they were in a growing world. Little did they know that one day, a simple jukebox would bridge the gap between the worlds, introducing them to-”

“Oh they know already!” The horse said, “You really need a new catchphrase. ‘Consider if you will’ who says that anymore?”

“There is no need to be rude Ms. Pie,” said the man.

With that he zoomed away, flipping end over end and muttering about a world of sound, sight, and mind opened with an imaginary key.

“DUN-DUN-DUUUUUN!” yelled the horse, randomly, “Welcome to the Pinkie Zone. That’s got a nice ring to it. Ohh, or maybe the Discord Zone. Hmmm, definitely sounds better than Twilight. I mean seriously Twilight would hate it here, way too much nonsense for her. Right cat?”

A passing striped cat with a huge grin on its face said, “Of course my dear Pinkie. However you fit in perfectly. After all we’re all a bit mad here, ha-ha-ha-ha…”

As the cat laughed it began to slowly vanish until nothing remained but its eyes and wide grin.

By this point Ralph had a death-grip on Potsie who was staring glassy-eyed at the pink horse.

“Fonz, did you see that?” asked a frightened Richie.

“Yeh yeh, not right now Cunningham. Look here, Pie or whatever yeh name is, how long is this here trip gonna last?” Fonz asked, with his arms and legs crossed as he leaned on nothingness.

“Oh it depends,” Pinkie said, “But judging by how much the authors are laughing, I’d say this chapter’s portal scene is going to be a bit longer then last time.”

They turned to see where Pinkie was pointing and saw a brother and a sister hunched over a strange typewriter-like device laughing themselves silly.

“Hope the internet is working better than last time,” hollered Pinkie at the two people, who waved back and smiled.

A blue police call box whirled past the travelers.

“Looks like the Doctor will be home for some of Derpy’s muffins,” Pinkie said.

She then waved at the box and screamed, “HI DOCTOR!”

“It doesn’t look very comfortable and roomy,” Richie observed.

“It’s bigger on the inside,” Pinkie said, waving her hooves in a mysterious manner, “He even has a pool in it.”

“How do you know that?” Richie asked.

“Cause I fell in it,” Pinkie said in a totally nonchalant manner.

“O.K.” said the Fonz, shrugging, “But rough estimate wise, how much longer till we touch down in crazytown?”

“Actually, it’s Ponyville,” said Pinkie with a raised eyebrow, “And I’d say one more reference should do it.”

BEEP BEEP! HONK HONK! SEATBELTS EVERYONE!!!

They all turned to see a small school bus driven by a crazy-haired lady with a chameleon on her shoulder.

Richie heard a boy in one of the seats say to himself, “I knew I should have stayed home today.”

Ralph heard a girl in the back seat say, “At my old school we never drove between universes.”

“So where do we get off-” began Fonzie.

“Whoops, one second, we seem to be off target,” said the pink mare, as they headed for a brightly colored hole in space, “Feet up and when you touch down don’t stop running.”

They sailed through the portal and found themselves running through a grassy camp. Brightly colored tents surrounding them.

“Welcome Peter, son of Adam. Welcome Susan and Lucy, daughters of Eve… Welcome Pinkie, Potsie, Ralph, Richie and Fonzie,” said a large lion, smiling as they ran by.

“HELLO AGAIN, MR. LION,” yelled Pinkie, still running, “SEE YOU LATER, WHEEE!” With that she back-flipped through another portal and out into nothingness.

As they floated along, Pinkie turned to them and pulled a microphone from her mane; the frayed wire floated in front of her as if in zero gravity. She spoke into the microphone, her voice reverberating like it actually worked.

“Please keep your hands, arms, and hooves inside the universe at all time until you have come to a full and complete crash.”

With that said, she threw away the microphone and, her hooves gleefully in the air, plummeted through another portal, while the rest of the group followed behind her.

Pinkie landed first and every one of the following teenagers bounced off her like a trampoline and landed in the grass.

Richie got up first and shot over to the pink mare, “Are you alright?”

“Yeppie-deppie,” said Pinkie, smiling, “Gosh I sure do love cartoon physics. Wanna come meet my friends?”

Before any of the teenagers could say anything the sun began flashing on and off as a low siren sound began to emanate from the very ground itself.

---

With four bright flashes of light, four alicorns appeared in front of them, with less than happy faces.

“Pinkie, what set off the alarm- More of them! Oh no, Not again,” said the smallest lavender alicorn.

“Twilight! These are my new best friends,” Pinkie said in reply, “This is- Sorry what are your names again?”

“No need Pinkie,” said the white alicorn, “They cannot stay. Or have you forgotten what happened the last time?”

“Nopy-dopey. Cause that would be like breaking a Pinkie Promise. And NOPONY breaks a Pinkie promise, EVEEEERRRR!” Pinkie said.

“So you remember what awful things happened right?” Twilight said, eyes wide.

“Nope,” Pinkie said, “All I remember is new friends. I think you are overreacting Twilight.”

“I’M NOT OVERREACTING!!!!!!” Twilight screamed, “I JUST KNOW THAT-“

“Twilight,” the pink alicorn said, “It wasn’t that bad. We just had to wipe their minds. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna set up the alarm so we would know if anything else ever came here again.”

“Quite right,” the white alicorn said, “I’m afraid that they must return home though, with no memory of this occurrence.”

“You can’t do that!” Pinkie yelled, “I just went to visit Gilligan and Grumpy and they promised, not just any promise but PINKIE PROMISED, that they would never tell a soul. Or a person. Or anyone watching them, about me. Or you. OR-”

“Well then-“ the white alicorn started, but was cut off by Pinkie.

“Plus the authors got a comment that said that ending the story with amnesia last time was a bit of a cop-out. I like that word. Cop-out. Cop-out. It’s almost as fun to say as rubbish. Rubbish, rubbish, rubbish-“

“That’s enough Pinkie,” said Twilight, putting a hoof in Pinkie’s mouth.

“Mmmppff,” Pinkie mumbled.

“Very well,” the white alicorn said, “As long as they shall not reveal our existence to others upon their return, their memories shall remain intact.”

“You guys won’t tell anyone, right?” Pinkie asked.

“Who would believe us?” Richie asked.

“They would just think I’m joking anyway.” Ralph said.

“What about you Pots?” Richie asked.

“Huh?” said Potsie with a glazed look.

“Will you tell anyone?”

“About what?”

“He won’t tell anyone.”

“Sister,” the navy blue alicorn said, “They cannot tread the streets of Ponyville in the forms they currently hold.”

“But of course,” the white alicorn said to the navy blue one with a curious grin.

The alicorn lowered he head and shot a bolt of magic at the four teens. Their hands became hooves, their hair became manes and they grew tails. They sank back to the ground lacking all clothes accept Fonz who was still a human.

“Hey cool,” said Potsie, “I have wings.”

“That’s cause you always have your head in the clouds Pots,” Richie said rolling his eyes.

“Well you and Ralph can’t fly. You are a Unicorn and Ralph’s just a regular pony.”

“But how did you?” the white alicorn asked.

“Eyy, this whole pony thing. Not Cool. You can’t ruin perfection.”

“But I know someone who can,” said Twilight with a grin.

With that, a draconoquus, wearing an inside-out leather jacket and a pair of mismatched sunglasses with red and blue tinted lenses rode up on a tricycle that was making motorcycle noises and vibrating.

“I sensed an alarming amount of ‘Cool’ in the area,” he said as he dismounted and pulled the plug out of his tricycle, which deflated, “And decided to pop by to see if I could help cure it.”

“For once,” said Twilight, “You are on top of things.”

Discord walked through the group of humans-turned-ponies and, looking at each one, rattled off, “Nerd, prankster, Pinkie, dope, ahhh, here we go.”

With the sound of glass breaking, Discord cracked his knuckles and said, “One perfectly ordinary Ponivillian citizen coming right up.”

Discord snapped his fingers and with a bright flash of light the human Fonzie was replaced with a pony Fonzie.

“WOAH!” said Fonzie spreading his wings in surprise, “This is NOT COOL!”

“Hey guys,” said Potsie, looking at is flank, “Check this out, we have pictures on our butts.”

“Those are cutie marks,” explained Twilight, “They show what a pony has decided to be when they grow up.”

“Well, then what does this one mean?” asked Potsie, nodding to his flank.

Twilight examined it and said, “I don’t know. I’ve never seen a question mark on a pony’s flank before.”

“How about mine?” Ralph asked.

“Well, it seems you are a joker,” said Twilight, “That’s why you have a pair of glasses with the big nose on them.”

“I’m guessing that the pencil means I’m a nerd, right?” Richie asked.

Yeppie-deppie,” put in Pinkie, smiling.

Everypony turned to see Fonzie’s cutie mark.

“Golly,” said a shocked Richie.

“Wow,” Potsie said with his mouth open in shock.

“Oh man Fonz,” Ralph said.

“I didn’t think there was a cutie mark for ‘cool’,” said a dazed Twilight.

“Sister,” said the Navy-blue alicorn in shock, “He. Has. Wings.”

“I see that,” said the white alicorn, surprised.

“And. A. Horn.”

“Yes, Luna.”

“But that would make him…”

By this point alicorn Fonzie was hopping mad.

“I don’t know how yeh did it, but ya ruined perfection. I can’t even snap my fingers anymore. You know what that means?”

“Yes Luna,” said the white alicorn, “He is a Prince.”

Fonzie did a double take, sighed and said, “O.K. Princes are cool. I’m okay with dat. At least the jacket still fits.”

“CHANGE HIM BACK!” yelled Luna in her Royal Canterlot Voice.

“Can’t do. Won’t do.” said Discord, holding up what looked like a parking meter, “My Discord meter is rather low.”

Looking closer Luna could see a picture of smiling Discord in the meter with a ‘thumbs-up’ for an arrow. Right now the ‘thumbs-up’ was pointing down towards ‘empty’.

“Why didst thou turn him into an alicorn in the first place?” demanded Luna.

“Well I was aiming for ‘Griffon’ but his cool factor threw off my aim. After all I am the Lord of Chaos, you can’t expect me to have perfect aim all the time.”

“So you cannot send them back?” asked the white alicorn, upset.

“Not until I recharge my batteries,” said Discord opening a panel in his chest and letting a bunch of AA batteries spill out onto the grass.

“And how do you do that?” asked Twilight, frowning.

“I go somewhere where nothing makes sense,” said Discord.

“I’VE GOT JUST THE PLACE!” yelled Pinkie, bouncing up and down.

“You would,” said Twilight, rolling her eyes.

“Follow me,” said Pinkie, bouncing off towards Sugarcube Corner.

“Why is she wearing a grass skirt?” asked Twilight to Richie as they walked along. 

Comments

[Zap Transfer]

Freakin beautiful, man. Freakin beautiful. Definitely keepin' track of this funfest. Can't ruin Fonz's cool factor, no matta what ya do.

[Slslslfkfjgnngjf]

Week done. Haven't watched the show but I'll keep reading

[Lunar Pitch]

I CANT BREATHE TOO FUNNY HELP PLZ