Chapter 6: Home, Home on the Range
The Rutherford's comment
3 Fillies running around screaming like it's the end of the world? There's only one rational thing to do.
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! We're all going to get grounded!" you yell running around and joining the madness, causing them to shout more.
At some point, you realize that you are the adult and you should take responsibility, the buck is wrong with you?
You whistle real loud and get their attention to get them to stop.
As the fillies are all running around in little circles in a panic, you just stare at them with an expression on your face that is a cross of bemused and worried as you think
So... if those fillies were supposed to be in bed now, does that mean that their parents are out looking for them? Oh buck! What if they come by this clubhouse of theirs and they find them with a changeling? I'll be executed by live burial!
Normally you'd be able to be more cool-headed about the situation, but since changelings feed on love you can (usually) sense emotions and the Cutie Mark Crusader's worry and fear get to you as well so-
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! We're all going to get grounded!" you scream as you join in on this panic party.
Kichi's comment
you read that wrong's comment
"Oh no! I'm gonna be in soooo much trouble! When mah sister finds out, she's gonna to ground me til I'm as old as Granny Smith" Apple Bloom panics.
"I'm not allowed out this late without a responsa... Responsi... Whatever-that-word-is adult" Scootaloo panics.
"Responsable" Sweetie Belle corrects.
"*cough*Dictionary*cough*" coughs Scootaloo.
"Nuh-uh."
"Yeah-ah."
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yeah-Ah!"
"Nuh-Uh... And at least I'm not a chicken!" Sweetie Belle snaps.
"What?" Scootaloo asks in indignation when Sweetie Belle cuts her off when she gets another thought by exclaiming,
"Sweet Celestia, Rarity's going to kill me!"
"You? Sweetie, have you even been grounded before?" Scootaloo replied, "I mean what, she makes you sew dresses? Yeah its boring, but not hard."
"Have you ever sown a dress with Rarity standing over your shoulder?!" Sweetie Belle harshly replies "She complains about the slightest mistake! 'Oh sweetie you're a millimeter to high! Oh no! You got the shiny glitter, not the 'shiny' shiny glitter!' The buck does that even mean?! I AM NOT DOING ANOTHER NIGHT OF THAT BULL-"
"OK, OK! I get it! Calm down! Yeesh, sorry I asked!" Scootaloo replied.
"Sakes, least tha worst that can happen ta me is a few extra chores..." Apple Bloom comments after a moment of stunned silence.
"GAH! WHAT IS IT WITH YOU FILLIES AND THE EARS?!" you shout in annoyance as Sweetie Belle's volume snaps you out of your panic, but are ignored as Apple Bloom exclaims,
"Wait, girls I got an idea!"
"What?" Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo both ask.
"Well kids are only allowed outside after dark with a trusted and responsible adult right..."
"Ohhhhh..." Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle both say in realization as all three of them turn their heads towards you.
"Uuuhh.... No." you reply bluntly.
"Pleeeaaaaseeee?" Say the fillies as they open their eyes wide and pout with trembling lips.
"Yeah, 'Puppy Dog Eyes' is one of the first things we're taught as hatchlings. Let a veteran show you how it's done."
With that you crouch low to the ground before you transform yourself into an even shorter toddler filly and look up at them with even cuter puppy dog eyes. As your transformation wears off with a tang of pain through your horn, the fillies stop their act and look each other in shock and confusion.
"Shoot... It didn't work!" Apple Bloom exclaims in disappointment.
"Yeah, he's good." Scootaloo comments.
"But it always works!" Sweetie Belle insists.
"Look... You get better thanks to our love so..." Scootaloo says, grasping at an idea, "You owe us!"
"You do remember that I saved YOUR lives, right?" you counter, "I mean I still got the broken ribs to prov- Wait, I already healed those..."
"But we gave you a fancy suit." Sweetie Belle adds.
"I could just leave, you know." you respond as you're starting to get slightly annoyed at these fillies, "You're not giving me that many reasons to stay."
"Because..." Begin to think Scootaloo.
"Because you're a changeling in a pony town where the Elements live, your disguise doesn't work, the Everfree is dangerous even in the day, we can give you love, and if we get grounded you lose your only confidants in this town." Sweetie Belle lists.
You stare at Sweetie Belle in surprise at her negotiation skills before you nod,
"Good point, I'll stay."
"No... We want a Pinkie Promise that you are not going to leave tomorrow or leave us behind." Say Scootaloo
"Uuuhhh... Okay." you say uncertainly as you still don't exactly understand why those promises are that important but you perform the ritual.
"I Pinkie Promise not to leave tomorrow or leave you three behind in exchange for your help... Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."
"Great!" Scootaloo says "And remember! Breaking a Pinkie Promise is the best way to lose a frien-"
"GAH!" you scream in fear as you whirl around in combat stance and desperately try to grab something to use as a weapon from your Saddlebag.
"Wait Mr. DeWitt, that's just Pinkie Pie!" Apple Bloom explains.
"Where the buck did she come from?!" you demand.
"Duh! When a mare and a stallion have alot to drink..." The familiar-looking Pink Earth Pony begins before she starts rambling.
"Is she like that everytime?" you nonchalantly ask.
"Yup." Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo bluntly respond.
"And then I say, Oatmeal! Are you crazy? But then..." Continued the pink pony
"Gah! Make her stop before I end up smashing her in the face with something!" you exclaim in annoyance.
"Hey Pinkie, ain't you supposed to be hosting a party next week?" Apple Bloom asks Pinkie,
Pinkie lets out a long gasp before she mysteriously disappears.
"Thank Chrysalis that's over." you sigh in relief.
"Uh, Mr. DeWitt, next time you might not want to say that you want to smash ponies in the face." Apple Bloom comments.
"Yeah, it sounds fun but will definitely blow your cover" Scootaloo adds.
After that annoyance, you decide that now's a good time to come up with a plan to avoid... ahem, that....
Immediately make up a long, convoluted plan that requires a ridiculous amount of work and time, only for something much more practical and close by to come along.
You and Applebloom argue about the practicality of building machines that can fly.
Ritz; "It's like my granny always used to say..."
You think of Granny Smith in a thought bubble, who says, "If we were meant to fly, we'd- wait, I'm not your grandma," poking you in the eye with a cane as she does so.
"OK so I got it! " you exclaim, gaining the attention of present company, "Alright so what we'll do is hide Apple Bloom in an apple cart to get close while Sweetie Belle uses a candle to burn a rope connected to the house which Scootaloo will then uses to swing onto the Roof with Apple Bloom grabbing her hoof along the way where they will meet up with me and I can drill a hole in the Roof directly above Applebloom's bedroom using the flying machine we'll build out of ballpoint pens, chewing gum, paper clips, and duct tape!" you say as you pant for breath because the author was too lazy to add any commas to that excessively long sentence.
"OK..." Apple Bloom started. "I've heard some bad plans before but... That.... Were ya even trying there?"
"Yeah.... " Sweetie Belle joined in, "I'm surprised you came up with something worse than Scootaloo."
"Hey!" Scootaloo exclaims.
"Hey, it's like my granny always used to say..." you begin as you think of Granny Smith in a thought bubble who says,
"If we were meant to fly, we'd- Wait, I ain't yer Granny!" She then proceeds to jab you in the eye with her cane popping the thought bubble.
"Ow! Fine!" you grumble as you rub your eye in pain, "We won't do things the MacGyver way, but I do have another idea that may keep you girls out of trouble.." you say as you begin to explain a more realistic plan...
ONE EXPLANATION LATER
BrownDog77 comment
Out of boredom, you check the pockets of your suit, Surprisingly you find a Golden Fountain Pen in your suit breast pocket, a Golden Lighter in your pants pocket, and a Golden Cigarette Case in your cuff shirt breast pocket.
You don't know why, but you feel that these items are somehow connected to your cufflinks...
We now find the four of you heading towards Apple Bloom's house as it's the closest seeing how the Clubhouse is on her farm/home; Sweet Apple Acres. As you follow the Cutie Mark Crusaders with Apple Bloom in the lead, you get the feeling this information should be familiar to you, but when you try to remember anything about Applejack, you just see a message in your head reading,
Error: Memory File Not Found Due to Dual Lower Limb-Related Percussive Damage (1)
Eventually you decide to look through the pockets of your suit out of boredom and to your surprise you find a Golden Fountain Pen in your suit breast pocket, a Golden Lighter in your pants pocket, and a Golden Cigarette Case in your cuff shirt breast pocket.
Huh, the guy this suit was made for must be either very rich or very clueless. And why do I get the feeling these items are connected to my cufflin-
"There's mah home." Apple Bloom points out when the farmhouse comes into view, interrupting your thoughts. With that you put the items away and think,
Here's hoping I won't come to regret this kind decision. It could be my last if I'm not careful...
"Gold Fountain Pen"
"Gold Lighter"
"Gold Cigarette Case"
Added to Suit Pockets
When you get to the farmhouse, you see a Big Red Earth Pony Stallion and an Orange Earth Pony Mare in the barn fussing about something. You quickly run in front of the fillies, look down at Applebloom, and say.
"Follow my lead, I have to make a good first impression."
"OK."
"Hello there sir and madam!" you call out and they look up at you in surprise
"Who are you and what are ya doing out here late at night?" the mare demands.
"I'm Mr. Ritz Dewitt, and I believe I found your daughter."
All three of the Apples choke at that.
"Beg pardon?" Applejack asks with a bemused look.
"Your daughter, Applebloom here, and might I say you have a lovely family." you say, not noticing the panicked "No" gestures from her and the other Crusaders.
"That's my Sister!" Applejack exclaims.
"Oh... So the Big guy isn't your hus..."
"HE'S MY BROTHER!" exclaims Applebloom.
You look back down at her, knowing your good first impression is right out the window.
"Well how was I supposed to know?" you whisper, "All you said was your family was here!" you then look back up, "Sorry about that, I just assumed..."
"Well ya'll know what they say about assuming. Land sakes, Applebloom is 8 years old! How old do you think I am?" Applejack asks with a snarl.
"IIIIIII..." you're about to answer when suddenly you get a very brief memory fragment telling you that's a loaded question that mare's do NOT really want answered, so as your mind screams Abort Abort, your mouth freezes and you just keep saying, "IIIIIIII..."
Luckily, the Big Red Stallion sees the situation as a funny accident and comes to your aid to dissolve the situation,
"I'll go tell the others the girls are safe." he says as he leaves,
"Anyway, what are ya'll doing out here so late?" Applejack asks.
You then proceed to tell your foolproof story you and the girls rehearsed...
Erised the ink-moth's comment
Applejack stands in the doorway, staring you down with an expression that flickers back and forth between shock, disbelief, and pure irritation towards her little sister and her friends.
The farmpony shakes her head and rubs an ear with her hoof, "Now... ah'm sorry. Would y'all mind runnin' all that by me again?"
You breathe a sigh of annoyance and being from the top,
You pause to take a deep breath.
"...afterwards we accidentally boarded the wrong carrige home and ended up in Rancho de Burritos Rojos, south of Castle Rock. But after hours of waiting, we finally lucked out and got a ride home with a griffin who was missing his left index feather, named Gary Bushwell, arriving home at 11:46." You finish your long-winded explanation. "And since I'd already come that far, I figured I'd walk them home too."
After your recapping, Applejack looks even more shocked and confused than before. "Right then..." she mouths slowly "But who are you? I don't recall us bein' properly introduced."
"Oh, of course. Where are my manners? My name is Ritz DeWitt, I came here from Canterlot hoping to find someplace quiet to hang out for a while. Things have been a bit rough for me, you see." You tell her, weaving in technical half-truths where you can. (2)
"Well thank you kindly for lookin' out fer Applebloom and her friends." Applejack says with a tip of her hat, before turning her attention to the Crusaders standing next to you. "Y'all come on inside. I don't think I should trouble anypony else this late, so y'all can sleep here 'till morning, and we'll get you home tomorro-"
"YAY! SLEEPOVER!" the fillies cheer as you cover your ears.
"With a very sincere apology for makin' yer folks worry about you." Applejack finishes with emphasis, to which they all visibly deflate.
"Well, if that'll be all, I'll just be going now." you say and give a nod, "Have a nice night."
But as you turn to leave, you hear Applejack call, "Hold up there Mister DeWitt. Now it ain't none of mah business, but where are ya stayin'? I'd hate to think of a fine gentlestallion such as yerself wandering the streets alone at this hour."
You're about to simply tell her not to worry, but Applelboom is too quick and tells her, "It's okay, we're letting him stay in out clubhouse since he's got nowhere else to stay."
You groan in annoyance at her outburst.
"Not to mention no job." Scootaloo adds while you facehoof.
"And he's secretly a cha-" Sweetie is about to obliviously blurt out your secret but the other two shove their hooves in her mouth.
"What was that last one?" Applejack says while raising a quizzical brow.
Thinking quickly, you put on the "poor pathetic wounded stallion" act in hopes of drawing her attention away.
"Okay yes, it's true! It's all true. I'm just a poor jobless dropout without a home or a friend in the world! WOE IS ME!" you say, falling to your knees and hamming it up as much as you can. Thankfully it worked as you see she isn't paying attention to the Cuitiemark loudmouths anymore. Now you just have to wrap this up and retreat to the clubhouse of solitude-
"But do not worry about me, dear lady." you say as you suddenly get back up with a more casual tone, "For I am of a hardy sort and shall find my way just fine. Thus I bid you all a good night."
And with that you turn around and begin to leave-
"Now hold on there pardner. It just wouldn't be right of me to turn down a pony in need, especially one who helped mah little sister and her friends. I insist ya stay here for the night." Applejack says as she drags you back inside with an iron grip of kindness. "We've got a spare guest room of two or three fer when the family comes over. And besides, I bet Granny and Big Macintosh would be glad to meet you over breakfast."
As Applejack drags you to the guest room, you think,
In retrospect, I think I overdid it...
THE NEXT MORNING
You're abruptly awoken from your slumber by the rooster's crowing causing you to groggily groan,
"Grha... Shad up before I stuff you into a fried duc-THUD!"
Before you accidentally roll out of the bed and slam face-first onto the floor.
"Well, this day's off to a great start." you mutter as you get off the floor.
With the jolt from the impact thoroughly waking you, you proceed to unwrap your scarf from your head and wrap it around the lower half of your face, put on your suit, tie, hat, and saddlebags, and leave the room. (3)
As you come downstairs, you see the Cutie Mark Crusaders in the living room along with Applejack and... Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, a yellow Pegasus with a pink mane, and some white unicorn with a purple mane?
"Alright, Mr. DeWitt." Applejack says, "I thinks it time y'all came clean, partner."
WHAT DO YOU DO?
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"Got clean? But I think I showered the last week" Comment Ritz as he begin to think.
Is then that he remember the last time.
Flashback 1 week before the invasion of Canterlot
In a big lake full of mud and other things, a big group of changelings is scrubbing each other as they sing in a chorus of voices. A little while ago the lake was one of the most clean but after the changeling begin to clean themselves it changed.
"I'm walking on Sunshiiine!! Woh oh oh! I'm walking on Sunshine!!" Sang the changelings
A song that bad that managed to make flee any animals and wildlife around that was around the lake by how bad the changelings sang.
As each one imagine their own way of how could they take care of Celestia they make turns using one brush for every hundred of changelings and using it to clean themselves in the big lake.
Flashback end
"Or maybe a couple of years" Mutter Ritz in a very low voice
"It's not that what we are talking about..." Say Applejack
"Are you a spy?" Ask Rainbow as she go in front of Ritz and their eyes meet each other
"Uuuhhh... no?" Answer Ritz
"We know that there is something dirt in you" Say Applejack
"Really? Maybe I need to take a shower... Could you give me directions to the nearest lake?" Ask Ritz
"A lake? For what?" Ask Applejack
"Uhh, for taking a bath and clean myself of course" Comment Ritz
"You can take a bath later, we have a very big one just back" Say Applejack
Just then Ritz emotion begin to burst, the idea of taking a bath by himself, alone without other changelings, was a big surprise.
"We know that there is not any Ritz Dewitz in Canterlot, tell me, who are you!" Say this time Twilight Sparkle
Ritz look at the six mares and is then that he know that they are the ones that managed to make their way in the changeling invasion, suddenly he can still feel the cry of pain from your friends and comrades.
Flashback? Invasion
Bombs dropping everywhere from the sky by pegasus, as unicorns and changelings fight each other throwing beams and fighting each other.
It's just then that one of Ritz friends tackle him taking the impact of a beam from one of the unicorns. As he begin to bleed in there, Ritz begin to cry as he support him in his hooves
"No! please, you need to survive! We are going to be back in the hive! All of us! together!" Ritz say to the changeling
"Don't worry my friend, *cough* just tell my daughter and my wife that I loved them and that I'm sorry to break the promise of taking them to Manehattan" Say Ritz friend as his eyes close
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Ritz cry
End of, Flashback?
"I will avenge you my friend! Wait, that didn't happen... That was the argument of that novel that agent #73398 was doing" Comment Ritz for himself and burped. It's then that he knew that what he was feeling was gases from all the love he feed and burn the day before.
Meanwhile the mane six are looking to each other not knowing what to do.
"What were you planing with my sister and friends yesterday night? Are you one of those fillylovers that love to cuddle with fillies?" Ask Applejack
"What?" Ask Ritz surprised of the accusation. Mainly surprised that other things, for a changeling like him there was not really much difference as long as they give love and he knew of some changelings that liked to use fillies and colt to take a lunch but he was not going to say that.
"Confess! what were you doing the third night of the month six months ago?" Ask Pinkie pie as she point a flashlight that she take from her hair to Ritz.
"Gah! I confess! I Confess! I was sleeping!" Say Ritz.
Be careful. You're in a delicate situation. Please try to hold on to some measure of sanity in your answer.
Pinkie nods, "Alright then, NOW WHAT WERE YOU REALLY DOING?!"
While you're panicking you remember that this was the mare shooting changelings with a bucking cannon. Knowing this you chose a logical course of action in order to avoid becoming a stain on the wall.
You take a deep breath, "ALRIGHT I ADMIT IT, I'M THE ONE THAT PUSHED HER DOWN THE WELL AND FLOODED THE LIVING ROOM WITH CHOCOLATE, IT WAS ALL ME-EE-EE. I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT, BUT THEY KEPT TELLING ME TO, *SOB* THEY SAID IF I DIDN'T THAT THEY'D PERSONALLY TEST HOW LONG I COULD STAY UNDERWATER BEFORE PASSING OUT!" The rest is unintelligible sobs as you bury your face in your forelegs.
During your little hysteria-confession, the rest of the Element Bearers just look at one another, partly confused and mostly worried.
Rainbow is hovering in the air, "What. The. Buck."
The yellow pegasus with the pink mane tentatively approaches, "Um, there there, we weren't accusing you of anything"
You just sniffle, "Y-you we-weren't?"
She moves forward and places a hoof on your shoulder, "Deep breathes, just calm down and relax, if that's okay with you"
=================================
Well, have fun with this one.
Assume aloud that the white mare with the purple mane is Sweetie's Mom, and earn the scorn of yet another mare.
"Hello Madame, I assure you that your daughter and her friends were in no danger thanks to me."
"Daughter?!" yells Rarity in shock.
"That's my Sister Mr. Dewitt," says Sweetie Belle as Rarity whines that she must look old and pathetic.
"Well give me some warning you three! Where the heck are your parents anyway?"
"Mine are probably at home, but I was supposed to stay with Rarity last night," says Sweetie.
"Mine are at home, but I hang spend the night with Applebloom sometimes, so they shouldn't be too worried."
"And mine are..." starts Applebloom before she stops and begins to tear up before running upstairs crying.
"Oh great going YOU, you've got her all worked up about our folks who passed on!" scolds AJ with some tears in her eyes.
"I swear I'm not doing this on purpose!" you cry aloud in indignation.
Alright, so they didn't believe your fool proof lie since apparently the Pink one saw the actress from the Breakfast club over at the Hayburger at the time you supposedly met her.
Tell them the truth, you heroically saved the three fillies from a freaking monster (which gets you back in their good graces a bit) and all your clothes were torn in the process. Since you are jobless and homeless, the girls rewarded you by giving you a place to sleep and some new clothes.
At the mention of new clothes, Rarity takes a moment from feeling pitiful and old and looks at your garb more closely.
"I thought I recognized the decor upon you. I made that! SWEETIE BELLE!!!"
"What? The other stallion cancelled the order and Mr. Dewitt needed it to hide his ugly chang..." she starts before Scootaloo starts her from saying more.
"Sweetie Belle, while I'm upset for you taking my work without permission, that doesn't give you the right to insult this stallion's looks," she says before turning to you, "Even if he must be blind to TRUE age and BEAUTY!" she says harshly.
You know she's still upset, but you still don't want them checking to see if you're actually ugly or not, so you tell them.
"No NO, it's true. I am hideous, my own mother didn't like my face. So please let me just keep wearing this get up, it makes me feel like a real pony..."
This gets you some sympathy points from the mares, but they still ask questions.
Because they were helping you, it got late and you didn't want to see them in trouble since they helped you.
If they asked why you lied so elaborately, tell them all a partial truth, you are a pathological liar that can't go a single day in civilization without lying and that you really need help.
Unfortunately, Twilight Sparkle volunteers to give you a Psychological Evaluation immediately and won't take no for an answer.
I'm eating Whataburger as I'm reading this chapter.
Ritz: Come clean? I do not know what you are talking about.
AJ: Ah know you were lying about how you met mah sister and her friends. Ah don't like being lied to so tell us the truth now, or you will land in an even bigger heap of trouble.
Ritz: Wait! I remember these six now. They are the six bearers of the Elements of Harmony. I really don't want to get on their bad side any more than I already am. But if I tell the truth about myself then I am sure they will kill me. Wait a tick, she only asked how I really met those fillies. I can tell most of the truth and not reveal my true self.
Ritz: OK. I will tell you the truth, but please understand that I lied because the girls were freaking out about getting in trouble and I could not stop myself after they used the Puppy Dog Eyes on me. From all of your faces, I can guess I'm not the only one they've used it on.
The six ponies nod their head to that.
Ritz: Ok, so the truth is I found them in the Everfree Forest.
Mane Six: *Gasp!*
Twilight: What were they doing there?
Ritz: They said something about nocturnal archaeology or something I didn't really understand the reason. And please hold all questions until the end of the truthful story. Anyway so I was walking through the Everfree Forest because I felt the need to (as if something was controlling my thoughts) and as I wandered I heard the sound of young screams. So naturally I went to investigate. After getting admittedly lost I heard the screams again and they sounded closer. I followed the sound until I found them being backed into a tree by a chimera.
Mane Six: *Gasp!*
Ritz: When I saw that I decided to help and I distracted the chimera. After giving and receiving a few hits, I managed to finally get the fillies and myself away from the chimera and they helped to lead me back to the town. We stopped at their clubhouse for a breather when I noticed that it was late and asked them about curfews. They then panicked and asked me to help them explain the situation in a way that would not get them in trouble. What I said last night was the best story we could come up with. So I apologize for blatantly lying to your face Miss Applejack. I just did not want to see the young ones get into trouble. So that is the truth. Any questions?
Pinkie starts hopping about with her hoof in the air.
Pinkie: Oooh I have a questio. Pick me!
Ritz: Um OK. What is your question?
Pinkie: Yay! I'm Pinkie Pie. What's your name?
Ritz: My name is Ritz DeWitt. Next question?
Twilight: So you said you distracted and traded blows with a chimera. How did you do that? You don't look very beaten up. Unless you were facing a baby chimera and which case should we be worried about an angry chimera mother coming after you?
Ritz: As far as I know it was an adult. But I can't say for sure. I didn't think it a good time to ask for her age. On a side note, I don't think it is ever a good thing to ask for a female's age unless you are in a bar or club with alcohol.
Rarity: That is true Darling. One should never ask for a lady's age.
Ritz At least my mother taught me that courtesy. Anyway, next question?
Let's see... you're homeless, jobless, have a nice hat and suit, some Bits, gold items, a deck of cards, and a playing card on your hat.
Quick! Claim you're a down-on-his-luck gambler!
6446380
6445138
6443784
Nice comments guys, but you are all forgetting some important details;
1. The Cutie Mark Crusaders are also in the living room too. Give them something to do!
2. Ritz DeWitt is NOT just "Diet Bugze". At the very least, Ritz is usually smarter and more cool-headed than Bugze (who's not that bright and prone to panicking).
Perhaps some revising is in order...?
6448607 Right, maybe use it as a scenario in his mind then. Anyway, good luck writing
6448607 In our defense, what is more important? See suddenly six ponies that make the plans of your queen fail and worry about that, or watching a group of fillies? Not to say they are not going to do too much if their sisters are in there watching them, maybe try to defend Ritz? but not to much. Not to say, Ritz just wake up and if he sleep around the 2 AM and wake up at the 6 AM maybe is not at his 100% but like I said, if he suddenly is in front of six mares that managed to beat in a battle a horde of changelings by themselves, and he is alone, in unknown territory, injured and with lack of love...
I think he is maintaining very good the calm, but he is not to go like in "The Silence of the lambs" full Hannibal Lecter, right?
(after explanation)
Twi: Alright I Believe you
Ritz: You do?
Twi: Yes. But That doesn't answer one thing.
Ritz: What's That?
Twi: Who are you?
You sigh "alright but you have to pinkie promise not to freak out, harm me, AND at least try to listen to what happen." you tell her seriously.
She considers it for a moment and nods"Fine. Girls?" After a hesitant moment they agree and preform the actions and chant. Nervously you take off the scarf to the shock of the Main Six RD: I knew it you are a spy!
Ritz: No I'm Not. I've been unconscious Since the Wedding.
RD: Yeah Right! Like anypon-
AJ: I believe him.
RD: ...WHAT?!?
AJ: He ain't Lyin'
Twi: You're sure?
AJ: Positive.
Twi: Alright Go Ahead.
Ritz: Thank you. I'm Specialist 815...
You Proceed With All the Events Since Your Awakening Leaving Very Little Out (Except for the Sugar High) Along with Some of your reasons behind them in order to keep them from being use against you later on if you're by some chance successful. You end your story by requesting (begging really) To be reformed like Discord and not turn into a pile of Mush, Much to the disgust of everyone and the horror of Fluttershy and the CMC who quickly agree to save you from such a state. Twilight on the other hand Looks deep in thought After Confirming your story with AJ.
"We'll have a trial Period to confirm your intentions. You'll spend one day of the next Three weeks with each of us with One Day as a group If you can prove that You deserved this chance we will agree to reforming you. If not we will send you to the royal guard. You will continue Your Charade as Ritz DeWitt in order to prevent any unnecessary panic, we will also in form Princess Celestia of the situation. Applejack, Do you mind taken him this time?"
AJ: No Problem here.
Twi: (nods) Very well do you agree with our terms and conditions?
You Mull over the contract given to you, you're not sure you want ANY of the princesses knowing where you are, but there's no way she's taking THAT out. You look up and see the hopeful faces of the yellow pegasus and fillies, cementing your decision.
Ritz: Cross my heart and hope to fly...
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Good point. I did say he's usually calmer than Bugze, but I guess this situation would be dangerous for anyling.
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Sorry Got It
well, AJ only senses lies right? tell her your story while leaving out the changeling and old castle bit, its technically true right?
oh yeah and get ready to be interrupted a lot.
what? i can only type multiple paragraphs long on phone.
don't judge me....
w8 wut is dis?
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are you saying everyone else fucked it up?
i know what i must do......
type a paragraph on a PC.
embed, y u no work?!
........ Fuck it, here's a link instead.
-------------
"alright.... what are you REALLY doing buster!?" The pink pony known as Pinkie Pie exclaimed, getting up in your face.
'your mom' you think to yourself as you try to keep from giggling at your 1st grade insult.
"I bucking heard that!"
you, along with her friends, stare at her in confusion.
"heard what?" you ask in confusion.
"what you said about my mom!" she practically screamed at you.
you would have simply muttered 'wut?' for half an hour if it weren't for twilight joining in on your one sided conversation.
"pinkie.... what are you talking about?"
" twilight, did you not just hear him rudely insult my mom like that?!"
"uh.... no? Care to explain?"
"well it all started when i got up this morning an-"
at this point you started ignoring them, with the EoH distracted by pinkie pie's..... pinkie-ness, decide to use this valuable time to think up a plan.
now you could easily slip away through the window, but that meant you'd have to find a new outfit, and aint noling got time for that, and lying was out of the question with AJ here..... but what if it was technically true?
you would have contemplated further if it wernt for the drawn out sigh comeing from twilight's mouth.
"ugh... never mind pinkie, forget it."
she said turning back to you.
"Now who are you?"
ok, im done.
and BTW i mean everything, from the point you woke up in default starting location #369 er i mean the everfree, (seriously whitetale woods exist too.) and then as you explain about the chimera bring in the CMC to validate your tall tale, maybe have them try to defend you before that point, I dunno, im to lazy to write dialogue for them, then go hang out with the CMC after the interrogation i guess.
Kiss Twilight and profess your love for her without a second thought.
From where you stand at the base of the stairs with the Mane 6 glaring you down, you can't help but feel a little helpless, and more than a little put off by it all. "Ponies..." you mentally grumble "I should have stayed in bed."
Okay, delicate situation. For all you know they could have found you out, and in the worst case scenario, they've gathered here in hopes of trapping you! But you force yourself to be calm, panicking never helped anyling out of a jam (*cough* 9001 *cough**cough*).
"Oh, hello. I didn't expect to meet you all here on this lovely morning. I don't think we've been introduced yet." you say with a bit of forced cheerfulness. You reason that if you just play along, this might turn out to be nothing, but if they really are here for your head, you can be ready to shove them out of the way and make a run for it. Play it smooth Ritz... play it smooth.
"You see!?" Rainbow shouts "I knew there was something wrong with this guy! Who just acts all calm and collected like that? He should be totally freaking out right now!" she growls and jabs an accusing hoof at you.
"Rainbow please." Twilight reigns her friend in but keeps her attention on you. "Let's skip the pleasantries Mr. DeWitt, if that even is your real name. I want you tell tell us everything."
You have to stop yourself from groaning, this is not going as well as you'd hoped. These ponies clearly don't appreciate the sophistication and patience you've just exhibited. Must tread lightly. "Hey, you know what I like? Context. Isn't context a nice thing to have?"
This only makes Twilight grin though and she begins. "Your story is full of holes!" she says and begins a slow methodical pacing "Not only would it take far longer to reach Hollow shades and each of you take a personality test than the three hours and fifteen minutes you said it did, but the only temple in Hollow Shades was closed for reconstruction due to a recent shoggoth invasion, so you couldn't have been there. Secondly there are no carriage services that would take you directly to Rancho de Burritos Rojos; you'd have to had made a transfer not once... but twice between carriages to have made that mistake! Finally, I've looked up the consensus information for all current Canterlot residents, and there is no one, pony or otherwise by the name of Ritz DeWitt!" finishing, she rounds on you with a determined look in her eyes "So I want the truth. Who are you, why are you here, and how did you really meet Sweetie Belle, Applebloom and Scootaloo?"
You just stare at her for a second before raising your hooves, and then bringing them together in a slow clap. "Well done Twilight. I have to say, I don't know what's more impressive, the fact that you pulled apart my story, or the fact that you put so much effort into checking the random places I threw together." this causes a small blush to form on Twilight's face. "But it's true, I did just make up a lot of that, but it was for a... pretty good reason I guess."
You look at the Crusaders and ask, "Can I just tell them?"
Their eyes immediately become fearful and they motion "no" with the pleading eyes that you're thankfully immune to.
"I'm still gonna."
...
So after telling everypony the truth about what happened in the forest last night, the chimera attack and the Crusaders giving you the suit, you find yourselves all sitting around the table eating pancakes. I mean, come on... there were pancakes, and Granny Smith was telling you all to sit down and eat. It's not like any of you could say no.
"And so that's the story." You finish on the part where you got dragged inside and fell asleep. It was easy enough to leave out the bits about the castle, since most of the Mane 6 were more worried about the part with the chimera.
As the story progressed, Applejack and Rarity would periodically glance over at their younger sisters, and said younger sisters would suddenly become really interested in stuffing their mouths with pancakes, lest they have to answer for running off into Everfree like they did.
Twilight nods her head and uses a pancake like a napkin to wipe the syrup off her cheeks (Who knew she was such a messy eater?). "Is all of that true girls?" she asks the Crusaders, who merely hang their heads in shame.
"Yeah." Scootaloo finally answers, prodding idly at her half-finished stack "We'd probably be chimera chow if Mister DeWitt hadn't found us when he did."
"You aren't mad at us, are you?" Applebloom asks worriedly.
"No, we're not mad at you." Applejack says with a hard sigh "But dag nabbit girl, if y'all and yer friends don't just make us worry to pieces sometimes, and rightly so."
"Indubitably," Rarity chimes in "Sometimes I think you three have no idea how much it would devastate us all if any of you were to come to harm."
"We're sorry." Sweetie Belle tells them and the others nod in agreement. "We promise we'll be more careful from now on."
"But that still leaves one thing unexplained." Twilight reminds everyone "Who are you anyway, Mr. DeWitt? What were you doing in those woods yourself that night?"
Thankfully, a good amount of time between when they'd first cornered you, and some delicious breakfast has given you time to come up with an answer that you hope they'll be able to buy. "I'm sorry about lying to you all, especially you Applejack. But believe me, the less you know about me the better." you say cryptically "Ritz isn't even my real name, but I've had to leave it behind, as well as my home and my friends. You see, I'm in a bit of trouble right now due to an organization I'm with coming under some fire. Needless to say, I'm on the run, and there are a lot of ponies out there who would gladly have my head." As in... every pony, including the royal guard... especially the royal guard.
"You're in trouble; what kind? What organization, and what did they do?" Twilight begins rapid-firing questions at you, but you hold up a hoof to silence her.
"I think that the less anypony knows, the better. I'd hate to put any of you in danger." you tell her and look to her friends, and the Apple family.
"But there must be something we can do to help you, I'm Princess Celestia's student after all." Twilight tries to reason.
"That just means you're in even more danger if you help me." you tell her, a bit surprised at how easy it is to tell the truth if you just leave out the word Changeling. "Look, this group I'm with... we... we did something bad okay, something really really bad. But they're also the only family I have. All I need to do is find some of my former associates, and hopefully get out of Equestria unnoticed."
"Ooooo-ooorrrrr..." you suddenly find yourself wrapped in a mess of pink limbs as Pinkie Pie appears out of nowhere behind you. "You could stay here in Ponyville with us! I'll even throw you a welcome party, just like you were anypony else!"
"That's a terrible idea." you deadpan. Seriously, tons of ponies + crowded space = lots of stuff that can go wrong.
This only makes Pinkie giggle. "You're silly Mr. DeWitt, or whatever you're real name is. How could a party be terrible? Of course if there was no cake and punch... then I guess it would be pretty terrible. But none of my parties are that bad. Ooh, I'm going to start giving out invitations right now!" she says before zipping out the door in a cloud of smoke, zipping back a moment later to eat the rest of her pancakes in one bite, and zipping off again.
You stare out the open door at the slowly dissipating plumes of dust and turn to her friends with a touch of concern. "I'm not going to be able to tell her no, am I?"
They all shake their heads.
"And if you try to not show up, she'll just find you no matter where you are and drag you there." Rainbow says and nudges you with her elbow "Trust me, there's nowhere in Equestria Pinkie can't go."
You just groan and faceplant into your breakfast.
Twilight suddenly zaps you with a spell. You get annoyed, but she explains it was merely a spell designed to deactivate and remove disguise spells (since your disguise spell doesn't work and you;re wearing clothes, the spell doesn't expose you)
When the ponies question why you're wearing so many clothes, you remember what the changeling hive taught you to do in situations where you're disguise spells don't work; Claim you have Dyschromatophthalm Dermatoastheniapathy or "Discolored-eyed Skin Weakness Disorder"
It's a made up disease made up and planted in Equestrian medical books by changeling operatives long ago to help aid changelings who have to use alot of clothes when their disguises aren't working.
(NOTE: Dyschromatophthalm Dermatoastheniapathy is not a real condition.)