Dumb Things
A particularly riveting Kraftwhinny track plays in my ears. Between the colorful ripples of Ponyville and the fickle breeze of the waning afternoon, I'm pondering the tenuous balance between classic works of electronica and modern house music.
Around the time my mind tickles with the idea of taking samples from Kraftwhinny to jazz up my latest remix of a Daft Pony track, my peace of mind is shattered by a wave of crimson noise soaring down from the apartment building immediately to my right.
A box rattles, rolls, and careens wildly down a steep set of stairs.
"Ah jeez!" A young voice rasps from above, followed by the flutter of wings. "Look out below!"
There's no risk of this thing hitting me—or anypony. So who's concerned and why? Nevertheless, I glance right. I see the package tumbling my way. On agile hooves, I dash over, aim my horn, and catch the cardboard container in a safe cushion of magic. The thing floats up to my face level—and it's around this moment that the lid-flaps open.
My eyes twitch beneath my shades. I reach a hoof up and pause my music player while I take a moment to gaze into the contents of the box.
Now I understand why the pony was so concerned. The box is full of fragile records—and really good ones, too. I spot vinyls labeled with Pink Filly, Radiohay, The Trotting Heads, Depeche Mane, Basement Joxxy—just to name a few. I'm actually quite impressed. Then, in the dusty corner of the box, I see one of Coltplay's latest albums and... ehhh... that's forgivable, I suppose. Nopony's perfect.
"Hey... is that...?" A stallion's voice echoes from above. "Oh my gosh! You caught them! Oh wow! Thanks! Thanks a ton! Heheheh! You're a life saver!"
I can't help but flip a few more vinyls, smiling as I see Nine Inch Neighs and Oats City among the list as well. They're eclectic. Gotta give 'em that.
I'm so engrossed in my observation that I don't notice the color of the speaker's voice until he scampers excitedly down the flight of stairs from the second-story apartment. "I really don't know what I'd do if that stuff bit the dust! They're the only things I could bring with me from the base and—" He gasps, freezing on the last few stairs. His lungs wind up, then deliver a cloud of brown haze straight at me. "Vinyl? Vinyl Scratch?"
I wince. Hard. It takes all of my concentration to not drop the box altogether.
I swivel towards him, wearing as plastic a smile as I can.
"It is you!" Flash Sentry smiles. "The Royal Minstrel! Hah! Imagine seeing you here! Well..." He glances aside, his mane blowing in the breeze. I realize that this is the first time I've seen him out of armor, and his hair is... is... just what kind of style is that? 'Grease Utopia?' "Of course you'd be here," he says with a chuckle. "The Princess has been hiring every 'royal servant' from Ponyville. With a few exceptions, of course."
My brow furrows in utter confusion.
He sees it. "When the Palace here sprouted up out of the ground, it didn't come with a barracks," he explained. "So, since the Mayor had just recently expanded the town to include these new cheap apartments here, Princess Twilight thought she might buy them out and lend them as room and board to her Royal Guard." He winks. "Purchased through the funds provided by her brother—the Prince of the Crystal Empire—of course." A brown chuckle.
My smile is a crooked one.
Of course...
"So, since I'm off duty for the first time since arriving here, I thought I'd move in proper." He grasps the box from me, examining each vinyl to make sure the records are undamaged. "Whew! Wow... I thought I had lost these for good! Thanks a ton, Miss Scratch! You're a life-saver!"
I nod, then swivel to face the street—
"Do you live by this side of town?"
"... ... ..." I swivel back towards him. With a genuine grin, I shake my head.
I don't want you knowing where I live.
"Ah, going for a walk, then?" Flash Sentry smirks. "Can't blame you. It really is very nice around here. Even if it's... well... a super tiny country town." He clears his throat. "Princess Twilight says you go on walks a lot. I guess that's just the mantra of a concentrating artist, huh?"
I blink beneath my shades.
Princess Twilight talks about me?
My jaws clench.
Princess Twilight talks about me to you?
"I... uh... hope you're not too ashamed of my musical collection... eheh..." He places the box full of alternative rock atop a nearby stack of similar looking boxes. "A bunch of recruits I used to hang with always gave me a hard time for the stuff that I once thought was... y'know... 'cool.'"
I shrug. It couldn't have been too bad...
He scratches his neck nervously. "...stuff like Nickelbuck... Smashmuzzle..."
I almost vomit into my mouth. Oh fudge.
"But hey... high school's gonna get high... ha! Get it?"
No, I don't.
"Eh... I'm sorry for keeping you. It's just that I always see you and the other servants when I'm on duty, and I don't get the chance to say... y'know..." Flash shrugs. "That the Princess is super happy to have you and your cellist friend livening things up in the Castle. We could definitely use more talented ponies like you mares, and I wish you the best in the future Friendship Assemblies."
I cock my head to the side.
That's... that's pretty swell of him, actually...
"Flash? Flaaaash?" Twilight Sparkle pokes her head out of the second story entrance to the apartment. "Why didn't you tell me we were running out of soap? Nnngh! Y'know, just 'cuz Shining bought out the apartment, doesn't mean I gotta keep making trips to the store for—" She freezes in place, her wings reaching for the sky at the sight of me. "Gaaaaah—I-I-I mean... AHEM..." She stands up straight, eyes thin and... princessy. "Ms. Scratch. How nice of you to... drop by while the royal guard is settling in."
I arch an eyebrow.
"Vinyl was just going for a walk, Your Highness," Flash said, his brown voice considerably less shaky than the alicorn's. "Doesn't that sound like a good idea? Going for a walk on such a beautiful, cool afternoon as this?"
"Flassssssh! Can it!—Erm... Yes! That... sounds like a truly wonderful... sp-splendid thing!" Twilight Sparkle flicks her tail, sweating, gazing off towards the horizon. "For... ponies who... are not encumbered with several royal tasks to do, of course!"
"But I thought you said you reviewed all of the official decrees of the day—"
"I-I just remembered some more! Gottagobye!" FWOOOSH! She soared skyward, arching towards a black splotch in the air.
"What about the soap?!" Flash called after her. "Could you at least tell me where the market is?!" He leaned back, muzzle scrunched. A charcoal sigh. "I did something dumb again, didn't I?" He shrugs, then smiles my way. "She's... uh... so thoughtful. Eheh..."
I bet.
I salute.
I turn around.
And I trot towards home... leaving his presence before I explode with giggles. The laughter would surely send me sprawling across the dirt, and I can think of a million ponies I'd much rather be rescuscitated by.
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"There is no you, there is only me."
Yeah, sounds like a song for Vinyl wanting to ignore the hell out of Flash.
I think I see what you did there.
Vinyl's conflicted about Flash, and for a good reason.
I mean, Nickelbuck? Dammit Flash.
You're gonna give poor Twilight a panic attack one of these chapters I swear.
Srsly tho, why all the hate for nickleback? They actually have some pretty decent songs.
It looks like Flash and Twilight are pretty far along in their relationship.
Also, 'dat title.
Oats City?
Owl City!
6489218
Kinda started as a cultural meme in the early 2000's iirc. Followed by accusations of recycling materials, lack of a distinctive sound while simultaneously failing to innovate, contrived lyrics, and they come across as the dollar store version of Staind and Puddle of Mudd to some people. Nowadays, hating Nickelback is just the "cool" thing to do for the aforementioned reasons.
Personally there is "music I listen to," "music I choose not to listen to," "that shitty EDM band I slept through at a concert" (the other acts were good but EDM isn't really my thing,) and "those fuckers that replaced the only good rock station in my area with spanish pop music, leaving me with the 'I hate daddy type of rock' and 'nothing but the top 40 of classic rock' stations."
Damn, Twi. Nothing better to do than tear one off with one of your employees in the middle of the afternoon?
Don't you fucking say shit about Smashmouth.
What is up with hating Flash Sentry? Just wondering.
Box.
Eclectic.
Winks.
I hope I'm not coming off as critical, or as a Grammar Nazi; it's a great chapter.
6489420
As for me, personally, I feel like he was an unnecessary character shoehorned in so that Twilight could have someone to blush and act nervous around. The romance didn't go anywhere, and Flash is just kinda... There. A vestigial personality hanging off of the main story like a bit of expositionary flab.
As for other people, I don't know. Maybe for the above reasons, maybe because he fits that 'rocker' archetype that just kind of rubs them the wrong way; take your pick. He's been the target of the fandom's ire ever since EQG 1.
Personally, I like hating Blueblood more. Stuck-up, entitled, good-for-nothing...
grumble gripe mumble mumble complain
6489439 I don't know. Blueblood could have been trying to get rid of what he percieved to be a social climber at the Grand Galloping Gala. He really only appeared in one episode.
I like Blueblood more than Flash though. One episode compared to three movies and he still has more character.
Yet I don't understand this irrational hatred.
Why can't we just flesh out his personality?
We did it for so many background ponies. Why not him?
6489450 Because, just like with so many background ponies, it's become kind of a staple to bash on them. He's joined the ranks of Diamond Tiara and Blueblood in that most people will conform to that trope and only a few will stray from it.
In other news I would much rather question the hate directed towards Nickelback. I like NB and I bash on it with others because its funny, but some people bash on it genuinely and, though I'm sure ShortSkirts is the former, I'm curious as to why.
6489339 EDIT: NVM this guy explained it.
6489218
Because they only have One Song. They've developed a formula that sells albums, and I can't begrudge them that, but it is at the cost of ever doing anything different. Same rhythm, same 4 chords, same key.
They're not terrible, just really, really boring.
6489527 Nickelback?
I've tried starting a conversation with he/she.
He/She doesn't reply coherently.
6489450
The hate for me is and Dash put it best a few chapters back. Twilight can do better. I think most of the hatred stems from a combination of overprotective parent syndrome and the shoehorning of the character into the movies.
Also all the other names.
6489356 maybe Snashmuzzle is code for something else in Equestria. Maybe Smashmout is called something completely different there! I'm totally not in denial! Great story though, but why is Flash still walking around and not hospitalized from an attack on the princess's life?
6489527
We hate Diamond Tiara and Blueblood because they're rich assholes collectively, what they represent, and individually because Diamond Tiara keeps getting away with this - essentially providing what works out to be light trauma for her victims at that stage in the development process for children. And Blueblood because he expects everything to be done for him while being a jerk about it, when we have much better examples of royalty sporting their wings and horn. Their sort of attitude stands out even more when we're mainly seeing the warm and friendly ponies and then suddenly those jackasses get thrust into our faces doing all the things we hate.
Flash is, as I've said many times before, an unwanted failure and one-dimensional caricature rather than an actual character, and for varying reasons also which I've explained earlier on in this story and many others, a large portion of the fandom doesn't even WANT to see him developed. We just want to forget he existed and never have to deal with the idjit again. But then there's people who like him for his design even though has no personality aside from 'guard likes Twilight', and then there's the slightly greater number of people who hipster all over hated characters in general because apparently deluding yourself into thinking these sorts of characters and/or villains are actually likable good ponies/creatures without major changes is cool and not "manestream". Cringe.
Nickleback's pretty good, so's Smashmouth, but I only know of that one song by theirs... and I don't even know its name :P
Nice chapter dude, nice chapter :D
6489218
I never got it either. I mean, I would never consider myself a fan or anything, but I actually like a number of their songs. I think Nickelback-hate is just an in-vogue thing, just like hate for Justin Bieber... except the hate for him (it, maybe?) is justified due to his douchey drama-queen nature.
A few of their albums are kind of repetitive, but they also know who their fans are. And, at least unlike once-greats like Don Henley, Jackson Browne and John Mellencamp, they don't intend to change their formula. They know what their people like, and they give it to them. They haven't "grown beyond" what made them famous and popular to begin with.
So yeah, I agree. It's kind of unjustified, but I also think it's just a "love to hate them" kind of thing, and not a real, genuine dislike for any reason other than it's the popular thing to do.
6490187 All of what you said is true but I was talking in a more general sense that Flash has joined the ranks of fandom hate. It's just that Blueblood and DT are more likely to be fleshed out and redeemed in stories than Flash. I've read stories about how DTs mom is Screwloose and how DT is just a sad girl who feeds off popularity. Stories about Blueblood being forcibly taught his errors before learning his mistakes to just being painted as the redeemable villain archetype.
I think what I'm saying is that since Flash is such a canon failure the fandom should work harder to flesh him out like the others instead of denying his existence. I'm not saying he should become the next Derpy, its just we should at least try to give him a character. Perhaps he could be the shy nerd who is just putting on a "cool guy" facade. You know "guitar around his back in public, a full set of millennium items sitting on a pedestal next to his collectible Magic deck in his room at home" type deal. But then again, maybe I'm just being hopeful.
Maybe I'll try something.
Of course worst pony has Nickelbuck.
*groans upon seeing Flash Sentry again*
6489785 Then help build his character up.
I can't hate him.
No, really. I can't hate Flash in this one. If only because he isn't written as a cardboard-character wannabe waifu-stealer. For all the things Twilight does, she's college-age at best, he doesn't have it in him to be bad for her, even if he -wasn't- good for her. Although I think it's positively witty to be using the reader's predispositions to flavor the story here.
6490516 i have a deal – you try something, and I read it. Capiche?
What in the heck is her issue with Flash Sentry?
So wait, why does Vinyl hate Flash? Last I checked they didn't have any negative interactions, and it's not like he's leading Octavia on or anything.
6493668 vinyl likes Octavia. Octavia i guess has the hots for flash. vinyl sees flash as competition.
6492785
6496260
^^ see this comment.
Someone has to tell Twilight that she's literally not fooling anypony. Not anypony at all. She and Flash have been about as subtle as Tirek with a hangover so I would be surprised if there is any sapient being this side of the Apponylachian Mountains who doesn't know that they're dating...
Or whatever it is that they're doing!
dun hate the band hate the song!
*baps the writer* and or *baps vinyl for being too generalizing*